Miss Walrus
When it comes to men, I've dated from both sides of the "sexually active" spectrum - from innocent virgins to womanizers.
So, the other day I was talking to my best friend about my first little sexual excursion with my new boyfriend who is, with all kindness, a pretty inexperienced guy. He's not a virgin - but he definitely does fall closer to their end of the spectrum. Actually, that might be an overstatement - he's mostly just inexperienced compared to me. And most of the guys I've dated.
But that part isn't really the problem. Even if you're inexperienced, I think you can learn to work it.
However, when you're dating a girl who already CAN work it - things can get a little awkward. Bestie is in the same boat as me right now and dating a guy who worships her every move but can't seem to satisfy her in bed. And we both agree, it sucks.
Sometimes, when I'm with my new guy, I can't help but compare him to the ghosts of boyfriends (& one night stands) past.
It seems like most - if not all - of my amazing sexual memories are with guys who have a little more experience under their belts (Ha. Ha.). Although I know that virgins & inexperienced guys can eventually become experienced guys, I just don't know if I will ever have enough time, patience or cash to buy a vibrator to hold myself over until he can actually satisfy me.
Experienced guys - no matter what number notch I will be on their bedpost - have a proverbial leg-up when it comes to satisfying women; especially one whose one bedpost is a little um, cluttered.
So the bestie & I posed each other the same question: Are we destined to be with guys who have been with a lot of women? Are we perpetually going to be attracted to womanizers because they are the only ones who can keep up with us in bed?
Comments (69)
LOL YOUR TITLE MADE ME LAUGH, SO GAVE YOU A CM =)
From the looks of it, YES! If you dont have patients to be with an inexperience guy that means you have a wicked sex drive which means you need someone with the same sex drive and experience to satisfy it ergo "the man whore". Why do u even bother with dudes who have no experience:? Your just kicking the sh!t out of their self-esteem.
If you tell him what you like in bed, and are patient enough to help him through it, the results may come faster than you think.
Tossing someone to the wayside for something that they can't help and could probably improve seems a bit cruel, and shallow. It seems to show that you don't really care about your relationships except for the sex, in which case there are deeper, underlying issues.
- John
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - agree.
You complain about having to be with a guy who sleeps around all the time, yet by your own admission you sleep around a lot. If you don't want to date a liar, you have to be honest yourself. If you don't want to date someone who disrespects their family, you have to treat your family well. We can't sit here and demand characteristics in people we date that we're not willing to pursue ourselves. If you don't want to date a guy who's slept around (i.e. a womanizer), then don't sleep around yourself.
Maybe if you're that shallow...
If you're *that* good in bed, then you should be able to train him with relative ease.
But, having multiple partners isn't bad. Having partners in the double-digits is iffy, but if your partner doesn't care, than you shouldn't.
eh... i've never thought it had any correlation with experience. i think imagination/passion/desire/eagerness are more important.
hypocrite and shallow .
I haven't noticed that trend in my life. I've been with virgins and non and had good experiences with both. You're attracted to whoever you're attracted to and if they happen to have a lot of experience then so be it.
Just give him the book "The Guide To Getting It On" It has EVERYTHING he'll need to know about sex. From science to technique to "That's the magic button" Maybe it will give him a little more confidence to try new things and help you out. Instead of wasting money on a vibrator.
Or you could tell him how to please you?
If all else fails you are destined to be with man whores galore.
muahahahahaha
If you really need the sex part to be great in your relationship, and as well the person is someone you really like, then you have to be patience with the sex life. But if good sex is the only factor in your satisfied relationship, you may have to find someone else.
So just train him hard, perhaps have a horny night, going all the way, he may turn out to be as great as a porn star :) no kidding, I am serious.
I truly wish you wouldn't refer to experienced men as womanizing "sluts." It's terribly hypocritical, and as an experienced woman, you should understand the horrible prejudices of that label.
Like attracts like, so from the sounds of it, yes, you deserve a slut
Hahaha, I think your title is funny.
If you can work it that good and you know what and how to satisfy yourself, teach him. All it takes is a little practice and training.
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - i agree.
xo
This is why having multiple partners is not a good idea. You have a constant comparison with those in the past.
Like everyone else has said, this is a situation of your own making. You've made your bed, now you have to lie in it. If that means that you need to have a manslut to satisfy you, who will probably use and abuse you.... well, you need to take a long hard look at the choices you've made.
If physical pleasure is more important to you than a fulfilling relationship (of which sex is only a part) then why are you surprised that you are still single and are unfulfilled?
Sorry, it's hard to have sympathy for someone like you.
TELL him. Talk it out with him, let him know.
In regards to "Am I Destined to date a slut" -- Yes. Are you going to be perpetually attracted to womanizers -- Yes. Does this in fact make you a slut, yourself? -- Yes. Should any of this make you feel good? -- No.
Just hilarious. If a woman is too good in bed and it's not your doing, that says to me about how far our relationship is destined to be. If I'm the majority opinion in this matter, who's dating the slut, really?
if all you care about is sex in relationship, you'll continue dating womanizers/sluts/w.e. that is incredibly shallow. just because he's not great in bed doesn't mean he's not a great guy and that's what should be the most important thing
Oh, and here's a thought.
Think back to when you had only had sex once or twice. Would you want a new boyfriend that you really cared about dump you because you "weren't experienced enough to satisfy him"? Or would you want him to tell you what he likes, tell you what he doesn't like, and keep experimenting with you until you both found a place that you were comfortable with?
Serena needs to be all over this. ;P
- John
i agree with @atmaster@xanga and @jeezshoua@xanga. I don't think having multiple partners is what makes you good in bed, but a little practice does help. What makes you good is knowing what your partner likes and wants, and being able to do that for them (a little imagination and passion are good too). Honestly, if you expect this guy you're with to satisfy you then show him how, if he still can't do it then its not because he's inexperienced its because he's just not good in bed or you're a bad teacher.
No patience for someone who is basically Tabula Rasa? Huh... You could teach him everything you like, it's much better (and faster actually) than trying to teach an old dog some new tricks...
Actually, an inexperienced but eager to learn partners are awesome because they don't mind expanding their 'knowledge' in the field with someone they can trust AND let's face it, eagerness often means stamina!! lol
Just because most of the guys that have pleased you in the past are better at knowing how to satisfy you (since they've been around the bend a few times), it doesn't mean your new guy couldn't do the same. VOCALIZE your 'issue' if that's the problem. If he doesn't know that you're not fully satisfied in the bedroom, how is he EVER going to get better? He's not psychic; it might hurt his ego a little since you'd sound as if you're comparing (and let's face it, you are), but if he's open to challenges in getting better, you might be in a better situation than the ones before.