After my beau left my house the other morning, I followed my usual morning routine - checked my e-mail, my Gmail & my Facebook, in that order.
However, when I went to sign into my Gmail account I was met with an interesting surprise: My beau had left his account signed in the night before.
For a split second, I wasn't sure what to do. Here I was with a breadth of information at my fingertips.
He'd never know if I just took a look at a couple things, my mind tried to rationalize. Thankfully that thought didn't stick around long and my more logical side kicked in just in time. I logged out and proceeded to enter my OWN login info.
But it got me thinking - what if I HAD opened up a few of those old e-mails? And what if the tables were turned & I somehow found out HE had been snoopin' through my inbox? I don't think I'd take very kindly to it.
What about you - would you date someone who snooped through your e-mail (or other private stuff)?
Comments (54)
Yes. I have nothing to hide, so it wouldn't matter to me if he snooped out of pure accident and curiosity. Even if he did it once in a great while on purpose, I wouldn't care. If he was perpetually paranoid and never trusting, though, that would be a different issue.
sure I wouldn't mind dating someone who snooped...as long as its limited to my cellphone and email. If she starts following me around whenever I got out then we got a serious problem.
I agree with the above. I will tell you however, that sometimes you will be grateful that you snooped. I found out in a similar situation by snooping (Just finding an open e-mail) that my fiance was cheating on me.Â
I've done that twice myself, neither guy found out, but I did find out some stuff that came in handy when it came to getting over them when we broke up.
I broke up with a guy about 10 months ago who looked through my text messages, my email and my MSN which was super annoying but I stayed with him for 14 month hoping that he'd start trusting our relationship but he never did.
I overall just think couples need to keep that stuff to themselves. Don't tell passwords and make sure you sign out of everything. I'd almost rather find out something by not snooping cause then the guy just looks worse than I do!
@excitednewmommy@momaroo - oh my i'm sorry to hear that!!!! snooping does come in handy it just shouldn't get out of control! i sorta found out something like that with to ex's of mine. i still don't know if anything happened cause we ended up breaking up for other reasons.
I have nothing to hide. Yes I still date that someone.. But then again, your email is your very personal stuff.
The way I see it, I don't have anything to hide. I *do* have one thing that is private - and that is my xanga. But my xanga is only private because of some of the private entries I have written, that I don't want anyone - even him - reading.
Everything else is fair game. IM logs, e-mail, facebook, browser history, cell phone (calls and texts), whatever. Actually my bf has my facebook and e-mail passwords, so he can go check those whenever he wants.
Ideally, he wouldn't feel like he has anything to hide, either.
Frankly, I think if I was concerned about my SO seeing something in my email I didn't want him to, there would probably be bigger issues than his snooping in the relationship.
So yeah, I would. I also have the "I have nothing to hide" mindset. Also, as it's been stated, there's a difference between paranoid compulsive checking and just reading through on occasion.
I have nothing to hide but I think if they told me or asked me beforehand I would let them.
Well, I sure would find it creepy, but I wouldn't flip out about it. It's like my dad in a way - he looks at EVERYthing on my Facebook and Myspace. If it was my boyfriend I would kindly ask him to stop, unless he wanted me reading his stuff. Honestly, though, I have nothing to hide.
I personally don't have anything I would need to hide from my SO.
However, I do snoop through his online journal occasionally...this is only because one time, I wasn't even really snooping, I was just curious as to what he wrote about in his journal, and he was talking about and to his ex girlfriend in his posts.
I have nothing to hide, personally. But it still drives me insane when people snoop through my stuff. It's mine, yuh know. I mean... if my fiance wants to see something, all he has to do is ask. I wouldn't want someone going behind my back, though. Annoying and creepy. Stalkerish, almost.
That would probably piss me off.
Oh Lord I've gone through that except in my case it wasn't email, it was my boyfriends Facebook. Unfortunately I wasn't as strong as you and I didn't sign out. Probably because I had been suspecting something for a few months and found an opportunity to confirm my suspicions.
I found out that he had been messaging back and forth with his ex-girlfriend and writing her long seemingly heartfelt love letters. Reading those letters was an emotional A-Bomb and I was so completely destroyed that I couldn't even confront him about it until months later. I got a keylogger and recorded all of his passwords, torturing myself by reading those messages (and new ones) over and over. I kept hoping that he would come to his senses and call it off on his own, but that never happened.
Finally I told him what I had found and he confessed that he had been writing to her on and off throughout most of our relationship, but that it was purely an ego boost for him. He liked knowing that there was a girl thousands of miles away that still cant get over him, so he encouraged it.
I'm glad that I found out, and we are okay as far as our relationship right now but I'll never again be able to trust him completely.
I really do miss being able to look at him and not think about the words that he wrote so some girl that I've never met.
My Xanga site is the only thing that I have which he does not know about or have the password to. I've tried to keep a private diary (like an actual real book), but I'm afraid that he will get curious and snoop. There are things about myself and things that I think about that I definitely would not want him to know. I'm not flirting or cheating in any way... but some things I just need to write down, and usually those are things that I would like to remain private.
So... though I have snooped, myself, I would not want a boyfriend who snoops.
I mean, if they are that insecure then obviously there is a problem.
If i was like "hey, can you check my email for me?" because i was busy or something, then fine.
I was in a relationship for three years and we had things go down like that.
It kinda started to go downhill, when he'd check my text messages on my cellphone that was under my pillow, while i slept.
After that, I started limiting information.
It just more or less depends on the person I think and how they handle those types of situations.
@methodElevated@xanga - Personally, I think yours is the best attitude to have. I have nothing to hide, and he shouldn't either. I don't care if he looks through my history, and if he's on my computer I feel I've every right to look through it every now and then. He knows about my Xanga, and has read it a couple of times.
We generally keep our personal things to ourselves, but if either one of us *wanted* to know anything, it would be fine.
I would date them.
simple answer....no. if i want to share i will. if she wants to share, she can. i consider it much like snail mail. i dont lock away my bills or checkbook so she can see any of that if she is willing to look. i did have an ex that used a cc of mine that i rarely used and she would get the bill before me and pay it. the only way i found out was she stopped paying the bill and the cc company contacted me about non payment. needless to say...she is an ex. my email is mine and so is my xanga. i would not look at hers unless given permission.
I would prefer that he ask first, since in all likelihood, I'd simply give him the password and the go-ahead if he asked. For example, right now, I read my boyfriend's email/facebook quite often --not because I'm suspicious, just cuz I'm super curious. We're in a long distance relationship, so I feel like I'm missing out on that side of his life and never get to see him interact with people besides me. The reading email helps. He can do the same with mine, if he chooses to.
However, there was one time when he hacked into my Xanga without my knowledge and kept denying it for awhile. I found that rather hurtful, but we talked about it and got over it, and now he's subscribed to it. So to answer your question, yes. I guess I would date someone who snooped. But like methodElevated said, their intentions would play a big part in it --curiousity is fine, jealous/paranoid/distrustful snooping is not.
why not? but depends what he's looking for though?
Yes. If it was something like that, just curiosity once in awhile... I have nothing to hide. If they were paranoid all the time, that's a different story.... everyone's a little curious and its not as if I asked otherwise.
I haven't dated anyone who snooped through my e-mail. Now that I am married, I do snoop through his e-mail when I get a chance. He gave me a reason. Before that, I never did.
No way. And once you go there, it's a no turning around point. It's best to just leave that door shut.
No I wouldn't date someone who snooped. I'm big on trust and no matter what anyone says, if they're snooping its because they don't fully trust the person they're snooping on. If my gf went behind my back I'd be pissed. I don't have anything to hide, but by snooping through my stuff she's basically saying she's ''checking up on me'' and that she doesn't trust me. If she wants to know something all she has to do is ask and I'll tell her the truth, and if she has to have proof because she doesn't trust me to be honest, then why would I wanna be with her?!
yes, i have nothing to hide. my boyfriend has my passwords and login info to everything i use. he doesn't check it. and if he does check it, it's at my request. and i've his email and login info. it's no big deal.
xo