Tuesday, 07 July 2009
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Dating: When You're at a Loss for Words
I've been seeing this guy for the past month or so, and although we aren't Facebook official, I'm hesitant to make it actually official. Why? Well, we don't have as much in common as I originally thought we did. Don't get me wrong, I like him and he likes me, we get along well, and hanging out isn't awkward. The problem is that since we're still in the beginning stage, our "relationship" relies on trying new things together, learning about each other, just talking about random things, doing things on a whim. However, you can only try everything in the world for the first time once, and sooner or later, you'll run out of random things to talk about or things to learn about each other.
Talking to him online is such a CHORE! Observe the following example:
Him (11:00 pm): heyyyyy :)
Me (11:01 pm): hey!
Him (11:07 pm): wuzzup!
Me (11:09 pm): errr not much, just tired
Him (11:09 pm): lol
Me (11:09 pm): yep, what about you?
Him (11:10 pm): not much, just homework
Me (11:13 pm): oh =\
Him (11:15 pm): sooo, wuzzup??
and it goes on...Talking to him in person:
Me: I like monkeys!
Him: Oh, me too!
Me: Once I had a shirt with monkeys on it, then I lost it :(
Him: Hahaha, I never had clothes with monkeys on them before.
Me: Heh, sooooo.... what did you do today?
Him: Blahblahblahicecream
Me: Oh, ice cream? I don't like ice cream that much...
and it continues with other random stuff...I'm afraid that if I make this relationship official, and that lack of conversation or things to do will lead to our doom. It's not awkward, it's just no t very conversational. Should I move forward with the relationship or just end things before silence is the death of us?
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- From: cluelessazn13@xanga
- Name: amanda :)
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- About Me: i'm nocturnal, asian, and soopahh cool :)
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Comments (35)
Sound cute actually, keep it up and try this for talking: http://featuredquestions.xanga.com/
Look up these random things and text the best or worst ones to him!good luckwhat... you have incredibly low standards for good conversation. talking about random things and hearing each others voices exchanged back and forth shouldn't be considered conversation. that kind of talk where you throw out something random and say one thing each about it would be incredibly awkward for me.
Whoa...you consider this a conversation? No offense, but this is like a dialogue I would have with a not-so-close acquaintance that I met in first period, last year, or something like that. I think having a good connection and talking a lot is important when you're dating someone. When I first started dating this guy, we used to talk for hours and the time would fly. Maybe you could try talking about topics of substance; you might even find commonalities through that. I know I did. Good luck!
Talk about even more random things... if he's doing homework, just be like "oh? for what class? blahblahblahblah" Keep the convo going...
I wouldn't be able to prolong a conversation like that, if you would even call it a conversation. It would bore the daylight out of me. There is no spark, no chemistry, and no connection. It seems very forced and rather awkward. Communication is important and lack of it may, perhaps, just lead to a non-nourishing relationship. I suggest you do more than just talk and actually spend time physically together and explore different avenues. Go to a group function or a carnival--anywhere that provides a good topic for a conversation.
Just talk as you would to your friends. Like really get to know them, then from the little things you start to get to know you can make conversation from that (=
It's all about building up a relationship and developing from that. of course this all takes time and effort!
It's also why going to see a movie is often suggested as a good first date idea - you don't necessarily need to constantly talk, and after the movie you'll have something ready-made to start talking about!
Don't give up just yet, it might just be that you need to spend more time together, like @Southeast_Beauty@xanga suggested.
Sounds like the people in highschool I don't 'talk' to anymore.
Sheesh that sounds exactly like my convos...
I suck at small talk...Doesn't even sound like a convo between friends let alone 2 people dating.
@aznspartan94@xanga - I dunno...once you're with someone you really love (be it an SO or a close friend), is it necessarily "small" talk?
I don't think you should write the guy off just because you're afraid that after the honeymoon stage you won't have things to talk about. And as for your IM "conversation", don't ask stupid questions, and you won't get stupid answers.
And, uhh....just because you're not "official" on facebook doesn't mean squat in the real world, assuming you have a life in the real world.
try to make conversation and ask question that aren't yes or no answers. Like "What do you think about...." and then give your opinion and hopefully that will create a conversation. He just might not know how to have conversations with out it being with his dude friends.
I've started many relationships [friend one's mostly] and not having anything to talk about and then one day I just go off on something and that sparks the other persons interest and bam it's easier to talk because we're not afraid to say the wrong thing. If that makes any sense.
Facebook official?
You disgust me.
@aiinos@xanga - lol. Love it
sadly, im in the same situation. I feeeeeeel your pain and doubt. Sigh...to let go when its Not horrible..or not?
Talking about your plans for the future is a good idea? Like if you're in high school, talk about colleges. If you're in college, talk about graduate school or future jobs, etc. And then talk about family--I mean the only reason you're interested in SEEING him/DATING him is to maybe have a future with him right? Don't talk about random pointless stuff...like ooh I like monkeys...talk about stuff that matters. Like really. Does he care if you have a shirt with monkeys on it? :P
Good luck!
Find a way to keep the conversation going but I can see how that can be a chore. I used to talk to a guy or two for that matter who's like that. I'm always the one who had to keep the conversation going when all they do is answer my question (s). Communication is key. Communication is key. I think you better wait to make it official on Facebook. Lol.
Do you ever talk about things that matter? Or is it always about dumb stuff? If you never talk about anything that matters, this relationship probably won't get too deep. If you honestly have nothing to say to each other, then maybe you are better off being just friends. It doesn't sound like there's a ton of chemistry here.
If you can't talk to him, then how do you expect to build a relationship without any communication? Just talk about anything that comes to your mind. It shouldn't be awkward.
i have to admit me and my bf arent very conversational but when i asked him about it, if we talk too less but he says we are just comfortable with each other so we don't always have to constantly rant. and i think he is totally right! :)
reply to everyone:
i agree, it IS a poor excuse for a conversation, i just have this hope that this situation can improve. we've already gone on two dates, and i'm not solely seeking official-ity of a relationship here; i just need to know what to do next if we are already encountering communication problems in this semi-long distance "relationship"
Wow... you just like... crushed the hopes and dreams of a lot of guys... do you know how much effort and how amazing it is for some guys to come up with those few sentences? It might not be that you two don't have anything in common, it's just the way you two articulate them are not the same. Besides... why does everything have to be in common, "close" probably should be just about right... otherwise everything will be the same all the time...
@cluelessazn13@xanga - send him pictures of you. a picture worths a thousand words....
Reading your 2 convos it DOES seem pretty random. It's like you guys are on a first date except it's more like first dates till infinity! Perhaps you guys should find some activity that you both like to do? Video games are generally good or you could find some mutual shows that you like to watch together. These mutual things will help generate convos more naturally.
COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. plus, ive been with this guy for a while & we probably only had at most 4 or 5 very good/decent on-going conversations.