Tuesday, 07 July 2009
-
I Told Him I Wasn't Interested; He Doesn't Care
My problem with this guy literally goes back a year but just so this won't turn into a novel, I’ll give the short version. He disrespected me by trying to hug and kiss me when I barely knew him (it was the first time we were hanging out at FRIENDS) and I told him off and left. Then a few days later, the twisted version of the story started going around our job. People were saying that *I* hurt his feelings and I wasn’t treating him right by ignoring him. I came to find out his friend was telling that and I told the guy to leave me alone. He would then repeatedly call and text me trying to "make it up" and it wasn't until I threatened to send my father after him (yes grown as I am, I still call my dad for big help...) that he backed off until I was calm enough to talk about what he did and how he offended me and we settled it...or so I thought.So after a while we’re acquaintances, like we meet up at the movies with friends or something but he’s still acting like he’s trying to date me after I repeatedly told him directly to his face AND text so he can see it in plain English I’m not interested. It’s annoying, highly intrusive and downright creepy that he won't leave me alone. Especially when he texts me and asks why I don’t answer back right away like he’s the only person I talk to.
My mother is no help. She says he’s doing good for himself and I’m not giving him a fair shot (I did once, he blew it) and if I didn’t get attention I’d be whining. First off, that’s ****ing rude of my own mother to say and secondly I never dated this guy. And even if I dated someone, there’s a difference between attentive and stalker. I don’t know what else to say except get the hell away from me or I’ll kill you but then that doesn’t make me look all that good either.
I’m not submitting this anonymously because I’m scared, it just wouldn’t surprise me if this dude Googled me. That’s why I say “this guy” or “dude” so he won't get a blip on the radar that I’m talking about him. I don’t know if it’s age or what (I’m 23, he’s 19) but he’s really starting to scare me. I’m at the point, I lie to avoid him. I don’t like to lie, but it’s THAT bad. My friend is suggesting I fake a boyfriend so he’ll back off but I don’t think that’ll work. I’m not into Jan Brady schemes.
Have you had a person pursue you after you told him/her you’re not interested? How did you get him/her to leave you alone?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 227 Views: 0 543096 Comments: 0 13046 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (43)
Hmm... sounds like a creepy little bugger. It's really hard to get rid of people like this sometimes. Just don't be alone with him because you never know what he's thinking. I'm telling you this as a warning. I would just try to avoid him completely. Don't return his texts, or any other messages. Maybe get his number blocked. Maybe someday he'll understand that you don't want him to bug you.
Some people just don't know how to take no for an answer. I think it's a mental thing.
The guy sounds obsessed. If you live alone, get some sort of house/apartment security system. Ignoring him is not going to do much good, I am afraid. Talk to him and don't beat around the bush. Don't try to be polite, don't be afraid to "hurt his feelings" - he'll survive. Tell him that you hate what he is doing, he is not helping his own cause, and if he doesn't want a restraining order to be filed against him, he better stop now. Good luck!
tell him you're lesbian
@testubebaby@xanga - HAHA yeh, I was gonna say that.
That happened to me once, I got my older brother after him hahahah. He left me alone after that.
Maybe you SHOULD fake a bf, it MAY work... or it may just get him really jealous and he'll pursue you even more. Either way, good luck.
story of my college life ... i was friends with a big band of guys though, they kind of intimidated my stalkers away.
If you're really this creeped out about it, why are you answering his texts or hanging out with him at all (even with a group of other people)?
Make it a point to COMPLETELY avoid him...that's pretty much all you can do.
Stop hanging out with him
Ex-boyfriend did that to me. First, distance yourself from him and if he doesn't get the message, threaten to file a restraining order.
I have, but not nearly to that point. I think it's to the point where you can't hang out with him at all (not that you'd mind that, anyway.)
And as to what your mother said, you don't owe it to anyone to give them a fair chance in a romantic relationship. No one is obliged to "give someone a chance" to someone they are not interested in. That could be called "leading him on."
And as for the lesbian line: don't do it. He seems like the kind of person who will tell everyone you're a lesbian and then you'll have a hard time getting a date with ANY guy. I think that lying about your sexual orientation is something you only do to someone you won't see again and they don't know anyone you could be interested in.
cut contact with him ?
I'm conflicted with this. I've been that creepy guy before but there are certain things that enable a creepy guy. In all seriousness take yourself out of your shoes for a second and place yourself in anyone elses but your own. I only say that because it seems some other parts of the world are suggesting your being a little harsh. It's very easy for people to distort their own reality without even realizing it, take a deep breathe and rethink your own actions and then tell your self that you have done NOTHING (like meeting up at the movies with him even as acquaintances) that would give this obviously sensitive-to-your-actions guy the wrong idea.
and if you find that you really are/have done nothing to provoke such actions from him. then just simply cut him off. its that easy. remove from *insert social networksite* and block from *insert messaging system* and if it still continues to be a problem. then go ahead and call your dad.
I had a friend who rented a room from me. He was being rejected by a girl at our work. He wouldn't stop trying to get her to change her mind. The harder he tried the worse the whole situation got. She was inches from applying for a restraining order. She was also my friend and she enlisted my help. I was able to steer him away but it was not easy.
So, if he has a friend that he respects and trusts, maybe you can enlist his help.
I hope things work out for you.
Maybe he thinks that you're playing hard to get or he thinks that if he tries any harder, you would finally give in and give him a try. Seriously, just cut back all contact with him, talk to him once seriously that you think what he did is really wrong and annoying, no matter what, there is no chance between you and him. If he still after you, just completely ignore everything he did, don't talk back to him or doing anything that would make him think you are giving him a light of hope.
Since you didn't do anything wrong, you don't have to worry about what others said or think of you, they don't know your full complete story.
Good luck to you!
if he bothers you at work and is a coworker you could file a sexual harrassement against him. but as it has been said several times above...you need to break all contact and dont answer calls or text etc. block him and try not to go places with friends if it includes him. you have been very clear with him, so stick with it. get your dad after him again or a very good male friend to set him straight. 19? he needs to grow up if he wants to date women and if not he can go back to dating girls.
If he's harassing you in the work place, talk to your superior. I know it's embarassing and you'd rather solve this issue discretly but considering your own methods have failed to stop him, I say why not? Talk to your HR department confidentially about what your options are. And when he approaches you in public to make a scene out of nothing, although he may annoy and aggravate you, treat him with much neutral indifference face-to-face so he doesn't get the satisfaction of getting a rile out of you.
And tell him that you don't appreciate this overwhelming interest he has for you and you're finding his behavior offensive. It's not a turn-on, you're not playing hard to get, you are simply not interested in for various reasons; such said behavior is the biggest part. Tell him you would like to be civil toward each other but if he keeps this up, then you're going to have to press charges for harassment. Even if you don't actually do it, making this sound REAL can snap him back into reality. Threatening to send your father after him doesn't work because a) he can press charges on your father for assault or harassment and he probably knows that and b) most people don't act the way you want them to with physical threats but they understand legal matters better. Even after you talk to him as civil as you can and he continues, DO talk to someone about taking legal actions.
Such "stalkerish" behavior is overlooked as "wacky" some times but really, it IS harassment no matter how you downplay it. Don't act annoyed and please don't get upset in front of him or when handling him because you're just giving him a sick and twisted reaction that he WANTS to get from you. It's really bad that he's messing with your reputation in the work place (that's slander, you CAN press charges I think for that....) so it wouldn't be a bad idea to take control of it instead of just trying to avoid him. It's not working so make it happen. Good luck
Kick him in his junk and run.
Seriously.
Unfortunately, there is no deterring the determined.
That said, I would cut all contact with him, and if he continues to pursue it, I would document it. Definitely go to a superior at your workplace, like someone mentioned, if he's been/continues to harass you at work.
insult him really hardcore, that's usually what I do when they won't get the message. Playing the nice girl will NEVER work, and I'm not saying you are. I'll usually just be like "you want the honest truth? You're fat and ugly and I can't stand being near you, you have a natural BO that makes me want to puke, and the sound of your voice makes me want to shoot babies. Stop speaking to me"
Being a bitch never fails.
@aiinos@xanga - man, that's a good one!!
Maybe introduce him some gay friends who are interested in him.
Faking a bf or a gay friend may help, I mean maybe that will work, just at least try it.
You should tell him that "I f***ing hate you and f off", then he may get it.
cocktail his car/house/bike.
he'll get the message or have a big scary guy friend tell him to lay off.
xo
Tell him you have herpes.
ohmygosh.
this is exactly what happened to me, starting about a year ago. he suddenly lost interest about three or four months ago - what a relief!
oh hun, i'm so sorry that this is happening to you; i know how uncomfortable and frustrating it is. if you ever need to rant, don't hesitate to message me.
Be a total bitch. If that doesn't work, get a decoy boyfriend for a while. Hahaha oh scheming...so fun.
Pfft. I'm there myself, only the guy is about 30. We've known each other for three years, but he keeps on bothering me.
When I was in my "teens," I had this guy who was "obsessed" with me. He would come to my house, call me, follow me, etc. I couldn't get rid of him because his cousin was a distant cousin of mines and my brother and his cousin would hang out from time to time. Thankfully it was time to ship him back home so he left and I never heard from him again. The next time I saw him was at his wedding.
All you could do is AVOID him at all cost. Stop answering his calls/texts and hanging out with him even if it's a group date.