Miss Rhino
I've always found the 4th of July to be a pretty romantic holiday. While I'm watching the fireworks, I'm hoping to be setting of my own fireworks with a young gentleman caller. And this year was no different. I had an eye out for my own personal Uncle Sam.
At my friend's party, I spotted a guy with serious movie star looks. We started talking, and his personality sealed the deal. He had everything I was looking for and more. Handsome, funny, a basketball player -- things were looking up. I figured he was around my age, perhaps going to be a senior in college. I could deal with that. And hey, maybe he was old for his grade and we were actually the same age. So I asked. And instead of fireworks, he dropped the bomb.
He had just turned 19 years old. My heart shattered just as surely as Great Britain's heart did when the American colonies made their declaration 233 years ago. But I'm not sure which declaration was more surprising. At least the Brits saw it coming.
Granted we are only 4 years apart in age. But it's where we are in our lives that made it so jarring.
I just finished up my college years and he was just starting. Completely different chapters in our lives. It made it seem completely unacceptable to even consider dating him. (Not that I'm saying he and I were relationship bound. I'm just thinking ahead to the future and what might/could never be.)
So I just have to ask... Was he too young?
I know plenty of couples that have no problem with the age gap. And neither do I usually. My senior year of high school I took a sophomore to prom. And just last summer I went on a date with a man 16 years older than me. No joke. But to seriously consider getting into a relationship with someone who has yet to experience college and all that that entails, while I have already moved on to a different phase in my life, I just don't think it's possible.
Perhaps I should have given him my number and told him to contact me in 3 years. It's a shame to see a great guy go like that. I just don't know. What do you think?
Comments (31)
I think since he was just starting college, he is only looking for fun while at 23 you are looking for more. So it was probably best to let him go.
I'm almost 20 and currently trying to get w/ a guy who is 25. It'll be my JR yr in college, and his 2nd yr in grad school at the same school. He doesn't act 25...and so I dont see a problem with the age difference.
Age is just a number...and as you get older age differences don't matter as much. I think as long as you are in the same "phase" it's fine.
So you just kinda blew him off because you thought he was too young?
I'm 20, and my guy is almost 23. I'm just re-starting college (due to health reasons) and he's about to finish college. It's hard sometimes, but it's so worth it. If you think you have any chance with the guy, go for it! Me and my guy may be in different places and different ages, but we have enough in common that we know we can make it work =].
It's all about maturity. I had an extremely close friend who was exactly 4 years younger than I, and let me tell you, he seemed to have it all together--the brains, the brawns, and the looks. As I got to know him better, however, going on excursions with just the two of us, I discovered that for all his good qualities, he didn't know what the hell he wanted to do with his life and was content to blow off most of his time partying and smoking weed. To paraphrase what he told me, it was that he knew what he was capable of (a lot of things!) but that he would goof off for now and figure it all out later.
Needless to say, he and I grew further and further away. At one point, I had to reevaluate how I felt about being in a relationship with him. At the time, we were NOT in a relationship, but on the verge of one, and I'm glad I nipped it in the bud right there.
On the other hand, there are people who have made it work. My other friend dated his girlfriend for many many years, starting from when she was 16 and he was several years older. We thought being as young as she was, she wasn't mature enough for the kind of relationship he wanted, but even though she was still in high school and he in college, their relationship lasted.
So again, it all depends on the maturity of a particular person. And only you would be able to gauge that from him. Good luck! My last piece of advice is to really think about it. Many people might say, who cares about age? But while that may be a good BASIC piece of advice, sooner or later one needs to evaluate what kinds of lifestyle differences come into play.
Its a social construct that society forces us to feel; this age difference is simple, and if you can find it in yourself, give it a shot. I would, as being the way I am. Given, I'll only date t0 16yrs old, but I once saw, albeit briefly, a 29yr old girl =)
I agree its all about maturity there are some people who start college and they don't need to go through that crazy time, they want stability and a relationship ( I feel like these people aren't usually guys though)
But for my own sake I hope it doesn't matter.. I'm gonna start my sophmore year of college and my boyfriend just graduated.
Oh, girls and their irrational ageism. I would have no problem dating a 19 year-old girl!
Yeah I am with you. The age would still bug me. I can't date anyone under 21 and under 5' 5" just because it is something I can't get over. I am not going to change for a guy, even if it something as stupid as age or height. Good luck on the man hunt!Â
i wouldnt date anyone more than 2 years younger than me.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Lol girls are definitely programmed to want to date men older than them by evolution, same way guys are programmed to want to date younger women. It's obviously not awkward at all if a slightly older guy dates a younger girl.
If you like him, I dont see why not. However i can relate to the you being done with school and him starting. My boyfriend has been with the company he works for, for 1 year and half, while im still doing the college thing. I work as a waitress in a restaurant that is only open for dinner, so i work nights and he works well... 9-5 kinda (more like 7:30 till 5:30), he gets up at 5:30 in the morning, so he goes to bed at 9. I get frustrated but i mean it'll hopefully be only a couple of years till i graduate college and can be on the same page. He is constantly tired, as to where i like to go out late at night because I dont have to get up early.
it's hard to make an older woman-young guy relationship work. especially when you're at this stage in life, and he's not. i just got out of one, he was two years younger than me (i'm 18), and ... ugh, it just didn't work out. he was all "oh i dont know which college i'm going to" and i'm at the stage where i'm going to this college already and doing this stuff. it's good to know that the same thing happens with other women.
oh dear! Do you know his name? Maybe you can at least be friends~ :D I wouldn't think that is too much of an age difference. I know a friend of mine married a man almost 7 years younger than her. They meet in their 20's, i think. But don't base things on age- I'm thinking maturity is better than age. My boyfriend used to date girls older than himself, but now he's stuck with a 19 year-old (he's 21, so no big difference here)!
I agree its all about one's maturity too.
I only date guys the same age or older than me. I think the maturity gap would be too much to deal with otherwise.
I would rather date a guy a bit young than me than someone 16 years older. But then I prefer to date a bit younger. Maybe you should have seen how it could go, not jump into anything.
I would say that this would not work out unless he was exceedingly mature for his age. Once you've moved past college and that style of life, you start looking for something more serious, and if he's just starting, you're looking at four years of *his* exploration away from home. While you've been responsible for yourself for four years, he still hasn't started. Best to move on and try to find someone at the same point in life as you are, unless you want to reenact your college years following him around to keg parties and socials.
It's only a problem if you make it one. I dated a guy who finished college 4 years ago and I am still a high schooler. At least he's an adult. I'm still considered a "child" so it's harder to go out and do things only adults can do.
Dating a guy that's more than a year younger than me was problematic for me, nevermind FOUR. My younger brother is 4 yrs younger than me so obvious to say, I can't see guys his age as dateable potentials but boys. The moment his age is echoing in my head, all I can think is "omg he could be in the same highschool year as Sean (my brother)!" and that just about kills it for me.
But considering you two are in very different stages in your lives, that would be problematic on its own, isn't it? it's easier for women to date older than younger, it's always been this way for some odd reason, and it's going to be tough to go against the grain.
if you don't share anything common with someone, it's hard to get together.
And if you care about others judging about the age diff. between your partner, that's also a no no for a relationship.
I will go crazy if Adriana Lima takes me
I personally don't think the age gap is too much. What I do think is that you should STAY AWAY from this nineteen year old.
Not because he's *younger* but because he's 19.
I have many many stories about 19 year olds and the reason is because when you're 19, you're messed up. I really did some crazy stuff when I was 19. I won't go into detail, just trust me.
I know what you're thinking too, "ohhhh it's just a coincidence that misfortune relationships happened while involving a 19 year old..." No I think 19 is the genetic age of disaster. Just don't do it. Give him your number and tell him to call you in 3 years.
Your age divided by 2 then add 7. Looks like he would have worked.
Wowwwwwwwww. This relationship couldve worked. Whats age? you be 28, he'll be 24.. pretty awesome.
right guy wrong time, just accept it as such and move on. people need to be in the right place in their lives when a person who is also in that stage comes along. otherwise the relationship seems to seldomly work out. at least this is what I keep telling myself.
I'm married to a guy 9 years older than me, hes 32, i'm 23, the age thing doesnt bother me, I know hes had 9 more years to live, and I'm just starting out, but it works for us, he has the maturity that i need. We dated 4 months and got married almost 4 months ago, sometimes the age thing does work out.