Part I is here.8) I've hooked up with a girl one time who said that she had a boyfriend early in the evening, but then after we did it, I asked her about it and she said she didn't know why she said that and she doesn't really have a boyfriend. I think she knew but she didn't want to tell me.
Why do girls say they have a boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case? It just doesn't make sense.
9)
Does online dating work?Self-Esteem Stuff/Brain Games/Personal Issues
10)
What's the worst thing that has happened after you've asked someone out (to guys obviously)? What's been the worst rejection you've given a guy and what for? I find it very hard to be on the receiving end of rejection. How do you guys deal with the rejection?
11)
Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work? I mean, ok, I say "hi" and then what? It's weird to go up to somebody and just start talking about...what exactly? What if I started talking about the indie French movie I just saw? How do I even bring that up to a complete stranger?
12) I'm a fairly quiet person and I don't really like talking about things that don't really interest me. But for some reason people find silence to be really nerveracking? Do you girls find silence awkward?
Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking? 13)
If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky, so what the hell, it's like I don't have any options. It's like I get scared to ask questions which I think are going to be perceived as weird or stupid, but crap, it's either that or silence. Any tips or advice on this?
14) Guys, I'm sure I'm not alone but when I talk to a girl I'm not attracted to I can be myself and funny and not really care if she likes me or not. The girl I don't like ends up liking me but I don't like her. But as soon as I talk to a girl I'm attracted to things go 180. I get all nervous, quiet, and start sweating. Um...I just wanted to know if other dudes realize this about themselves.
This is all I can think of right now. So please help me everyone, you're my only hope.
Comments (31)
just tell them you're rich
I don't know why girls say they have boyfriends. They're dumb and probably didn't like you at first but then began to & she couldn't really retract that she didn't have a boyfriend after saying so. I'm only assuming.
Online dating is risky. It can seem like you met the best person ever but everyone is different in person. So what they type is not exactly how they are so you have to get used to that.
A guy once asked me out to a movie and I responded with "uh no thanks I'm fine." It just came out. and then I skated away.
Going up and saying I think does work if you have something to say after conversation can go like this
"Hey."
"hi.."
"That's a really pretty dress/necklace/hair piece/pair of earrings."
"thank you"
"it looks really nice on you."
"thanks."
"well my name is Bob."
"I'm sally"
"well hello Sally. How's your day/evening/morning been going?"
it's really that simple. it seems dumb but if you can bring up something of her interest then you can get her talking and then throw in your own opinions.
Silence can often times be awkward, but only if you find it awkward. If you're not a big talker go to a movie or a play and then after you will have something to talk about.
Don't be afraid of being yourself. Nerdy, geeky or whatever. Some girls like that. I know I do. As long as you show you have a passion for something and it's not something along the lines of Furries.
Hope that helped. HA!
;D
Saying "Hi" is a good start but that doesn't create a sensation for the girl to fall in love with you thereafter. Say something afterwards...you know, "how are you?" and other small talk that can help you find out what her interests are and go from there!
Nerdy or geeky, I don't know if you noticed, but there is an entry about how women find geeks attractive. If you are truly a geek and/or nerd underneath that studiuous and suave man that you are, then you're better off with a girl who LIKES nerds/geeks. lol.
during a first date or a second, i think silences can be awkward. It's okay once you've jumped the hurdles of feeling awkward... by then, you can figure out if she gets uncomfortable during long periods of silence or if she can just enjoy the moment with you. Anyways, hope this helped!!!
8) They want to seem unavailable.. probably and somehow drawing you even more to them.
9) My opinion: It depends.. sometimes yes, sometimes no. All depends on the couple.
10) I think everyone finds it hard to be on the receiving end of rejection. Worst is probably talking about him behind his balk.. he was a creep anyway.
11) If a guy did that to me.. I would probably be a bit creeped out. Try not to seem so... creepy.
12) I find silent VERY awkward... but if you do not interest me or do not say anything when I talk, I'll probably stop talking. Automatically (well for me), if you do not talk at all on a date.. its a bad date. Okay, if you're nervous... tell me. But if you're not, then whats the point of even being on this date if we're not gonna get to know each other?
13) Maybe she'll like the geeky/weird things you like talking about. Talk about a variety of things.. keep her interested. Don't talk about how you've been stuck on some Level in WoW for a whole day. We don't care.
Try wearing a T-shirt of one of your favorite bands. If she digs them too, she just might be the one coming up to start a conversation!
8) Why do girls say they have a
boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a
boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case?
I can't really help you with this one, as I haven't really done that just yet. I think it's probably because they aren't too interested but change their minds? I don't know, us girls are unpredictably complicated.
9) Does online dating work?
Eh, I'd rather do it the natural way if you ask me. Online dating is so different because people have different personalities online... you can't really tell what the person's all about from a biased, two paragraph About Me. Plus, they have all this time to edit what they want to say, and I don't know, that just doesn't seem all too good to me.
10) What's been the worst rejection you've given a guy and what for?
I used to take public transportation to school, and there were a lot of creepers on the bus. This one guy, whose stop was right next to mine, would constantly, constantly try to sit on me/hit on me/ask me for my number. I was civil about it the first time, but I gave him a fake number (why, I don't know). The next couple times he's asked I changed my name and told him I had a boyfriend so he would get off my back -- he was really creepy -- but he still insisted. So one day I just told him to get the fuck away from me or else I'd call the cops on him for hitting on an underaged girl, and he walked away. Brutal, but necessary.
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work?
It really does... it makes me feel at ease. You don't really know if the said guy is trying to hit on you or is just being friendly. You get to have a feel for his vibes. Pair it with a smile. It really, really works.
12) But for
some reason people find silence to be really nerveracking? Do you girls
find silence awkward? Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking?
Silence is good... but on the first date -- it can be disastrous. Think of the person you're on a date with as a friend -- you're comfortable with your friends and you can just talk to them about the most random things. When the talking stops, the interest levels goes down. Unless you're gazing into her eyes and looking yummy, then go ahead!
13) If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky,
so what the hell, it's like I don't have any options. It's like I get
scared to ask questions which I think are going to be perceived as
weird or stupid, but crap, it's either that or silence. Any tips or
advice on this?
Talk about your interests -- say, video games (you said nerdy!), but please, please, please don't go on about how you had an epic WoW battle last night and pwned 15 n00bs with one weapon and 0 HP (Yeah, I know, I fail, ahah). Just bring it up, and hey, maybe she'll be interested in it and then you can have in-depth convos! If not, just talk about something that pretty much everyone knows or is into, i.e. sports, current events, whatever you need really. Or you could tell funny stories. That's fun.
Goodluck :)
The only reason I've ever told and ever will tell a guy that I have a boyfriend is if I want him to either stop hitting on me and be a friend or if I wish he'd shut up and go away. >.<
The worst rejection I've given is not calling.
I usually like when a guy comments on something relevant to the situation we're in. One guy came up to me to buy a cigarette for his friend from me, and then realized I was eating candy, not smoking. It was funny, and I offered him some, and we talked a little. He said, "hey, sorry if this is a little forward, but do you want to maybe get some coffee with me later?" I agreed, and we exchanged numbers. Another guy asked me out after asking me for math lessons, because he told me since I was asian he figured I would be able to tutor him. Yeah, NOT a good tactic.
Silence to me is a HORRIBLE thing if I'm on a date or being hit on. I hate it; it makes me want to run away or sink into the ground...just any way I can get away from the guy. So awkward and uncomfortable.
I don't think a guy's a nerd or geek based on what he talks about (mostly), but the way he acts. If he's cool, confident, and sweet, then I don't care if he's a math major. Actually, guys get more points from me if they love chemistry, math, or physics. I find it impressing because I suck at those, but it's admirable when a guy loves it and is good at it. Plus, people with those majors usually make pretty good money in the future.
It's really unattractive to me when a guy starts talking a lot about video games and Japanese blowup sex dolls or something, especially if he's the skinny, creepy guy. Eck
However, just because I like guys who are into the sciences doesn't mean I like talking about science; I hate it. Just mention it if I ask you, and then talk about regular topics.
8) Why do girls say they have a boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case? I have no idea why anyone would do that - lack of morals maybe? Cheating is cheating...
EDIT: totally misread the question - but I still don't know. Are they hooking up with you or with someone else?
9) Does online dating work? I met my boyfriend on Lavalife, but we both met some creepers before we met each other. Just be aware that everyone has their reasons why that are dating online and they may be as simple as they don't have time to meet people outside of work or slightly more creepy if they're just too messed up to get someone in real life. Be picky and careful.
10) What's been the worst rejection you've given a guy and what for? I generally make it clear to a guy that I am not interested by using body language (like looking like I'm not interested and making excuses to leave) so I've never actually rejected someone. I would hope most women would be nice about it - it takes a lot of courage to go up to someone!
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work?
Compliments are always welcome! It's a great way to break the ice and get a conversation going, which you can then use to talk about your Indie movie..I wouldn't start with that as it may come off a little creepy to just walk up to someone and be like "so what did you think of ______". Remember, people love talking about themselves.
12) Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking? I think it depends on the situation and your chemistry. If you go out for ice cream and don't talk the entire time it may mean that you don't have any common interests and therefore very little to base a relationship on, but if it's a comfortable silence for short periods of time I think it's very nice.
13) If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky. The right girl for you won't think it's weird because she'll either love hearing about it anyways, or she'll be joining in the conversation. You shouldn't ever have to be someone else in a relationship.
It's really hard for me to stop smiling in front of someone I really like.
Just ask them questions. Most girls are more than happy to talk about themselves all night long.
Online dating works for certain people. It works for me; and almost three years after I met my boyfriend I still can't imagine being with anyone else but him. But that's not to say it's for everyone. I know I lucked out, because I never really met any creepers...my friends had some of those experiences though, and I did once, but that wasn't a big deal...
Anyway, girls love confidence in guys. If you want to get a girlfriend, you sometimes just have to suck it up and not be afraid of getting rejected. It's this simple: if you ask, you have a 50% chance, if you don't, you have 0%, simple enough, no?
8) Beats me... Why is that, gals?
9) Probably... never tried...
10) Really depends on tough/resilient you are, you just have to deal with it... When I'm rejected, I thank her and tell her it was a pleasure talking to her... And you just brush it off... If and when she changes her mind, you're probably at the top of your list, but yeah, normally by then, it's probably too late...
11) Depends where you are, if it's the theater, it might work... But yeah, normally you have to do a little small talk... Like if you're at a party, you can ask her how she likes the party, or something along those lines... The thing is just be yourself and keep it on the down low...
12) Silence is actually quite awkward for guys and gals... Especially on the phone and in person, but not while you're intimate... You'll have to learn to talk about anything and share your experience... If you're hanging out with her friends, her friends will find you awkward if you don't say anything over a meeting... But yeah, make sure whatever you say is hilarious or intriguingly interesting if you're around her friends.. Girls tend to rely on friend's approval rate... And yeah, silence on a date isn't good either; the whole point of a date is to get to know your date and to see whether you two have fun together... Silence is definitely not fun...
13) The trick is to never say too much; if she's interested, she'll ask you more question... Instead, ask her questions, girls normally like to talk (and make sure you're listening)... But careful with what you ask, it's still in the beginning stages; don't go too far, and don't sound too boring... And oh yeah, always make it look like you're super interested...
14) Nah but maybe it's just because I haven't found someone I like enough to go 180... LOL But yeah, I have my fair share of girls I don't like liking me..
10) In college I asked a girl out once who told me she "wasn't ready" to date-and then I found out she had a boyfriend all along. FANTASTIC.
14. Try getting to know women in mixed company first (join a book group, musical ensemble, bowling team, cooking class, whatever you like) so that you're more comfortable with them and have something to talk about. Bonus: they see you at your most interesting without you having to try too hard.
8) Why do girls say they have a
boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a
boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case?
i have no idea lol.
9) Does online dating work?
i've never done it, but i find that it's risky. people can be whoever they want on the internet.
10) What's been the worst rejection you've given a guy and what for?
i'm nice about rejection. don't take rejection too hard. i've rejected nice guys for reasons such as me not being ready for a relationship.
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work?
if you do it well, it should work unless the girl is an ice-cold bitch. smile and be genuine. bring up something that's relevant to the situation. just be friendly, and don't give the vibe that you're a creeper who just wants to get in my pants.
12) Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking?
on a first date i would find silence INCREDIBLY awkward and uncomfortable :( i really need a talkative guy who can talk about everything. after dating for a while i'm totally cool with comfortable silences. he's gotta be talkative though and a first date is nottttt good if it has awkward silences!
13) If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky,
so what the hell, it's like I don't have any options. It's like I get
scared to ask questions which I think are going to be perceived as
weird or stupid, but crap, it's either that or silence. Any tips or
advice on this?
be yourself and the right girl will be ok with it.
13) Both me and one of my good friends have always said we wanted "sexy nerds." Intelligence is hot. One of the guys I dated for 5 years was very into chemistry and physics. I loved that he knew so many things that I didn't know about. My best friend's husband studied physics. She herself is not nerd--an elementary school teacher but she loves that her husband has a lot of knowledge about a subject that she doesn't know so much about.
Why do girls say they have a boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case? - I'm not really sure on this one. Maybe at the beginning of the night she didnt wanna hook up, then she changed her mind. Or, maybe she did have one and she didn't want you to think badly about her after she cheated.
Does online dating work? - My cousin met her husband on an online dating site.
Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work? - If you say something after it like, I'm so and so, what's your name ? Or asking about something they're wearing (I really like that skirt, where did you get it?) etc.
Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking? - not really. As long as there is occasional banter, like get to know you stuff, hobbies, past experiences, etc.
If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky, - If you are with someone who finds you interesting, you won't come off as geeky. My husband talks about video games all the time, and I think it's adorable.
Good luck finding Mrs. Right, or Mrs. Right Now, which ever one you are looking for!
8) Why do girls say they have a boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case? Bc they didn't like you at first, but then later decided to give you a try.
9) Does online dating work? Eh I'm not a fan, I rather meet the right person very naturally...you can try through friends...but I know some ppl who have met online and it worked out. You have to get lucky tho.
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work? Yep, and just talk about something going on around you at the time. Anything natural, it's best to keep things light and natural. See how the conversation goes, how it flows..or you can ask where the girl is from...etc...ask questions and make convo.
12) Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking? Silence can be good, but too much silence is not good. It means you two aren't clicking.
13) Aw I love geeky guys...anyway how is a girl going to like the real you, if you can't talk about what you like.
//Why do girls say they have a boyfriend
when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a boyfriend
for the purpose of getting me off their case? It just doesn't make sense.//
You answered your own question. Re-read the above again.
//Does online dating work?//
If you wish it to, it will work as effectively as any other dating service.
//What's the worst thing that has happened after you've asked someone out (to guys obviously)?
What's been the worst rejection you've given a guy and what for? I find
it very hard to be on the receiving end of rejection. How do you guys
deal with the rejection?//
We deal with it by realizing that we have better things to do than dwell in the past.
//
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work?
I mean, ok, I say "hi" and then what? It's weird to go up to somebody
and just start talking about...what exactly? What if I started talking
about the indie French movie I just saw? How do I even bring that up to
a complete stranger?//
Yes, it works. It works if all you want to do is say "hi". If you want more, you'll have to try more than just that.
//
12) I'm a fairly quiet person and I don't really like talking about
things that don't really interest me. But for some reason people find
silence to be really nerveracking? Do you girls find silence awkward? Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking? //
Fitzwilliam Darcy did not speak much either
//13) If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky,
so what the hell, it's like I don't have any options. It's like I get
scared to ask questions which I think are going to be perceived as
weird or stupid, but crap, it's either that or silence. Any tips or
advice on this?//
Chances are, the only person who perceives this as nerdy/geeky would be you.
//
14) Guys, I'm sure I'm not alone but when I talk to a girl I'm not
attracted to I can be myself and funny and not really care if she likes
me or not. The girl I don't like ends up liking me but I don't like
her. But as soon as I talk to a girl I'm attracted to things go 180. I
get all nervous, quiet, and start sweating. Um...I just wanted to know
if other dudes realize this about themselves.//
Yes, it is commonplace. It is also a huge mistake to act like a simpering fool and expect girls to fall into our laps. However, once spotted, it can be easy to correct.
I think I am in the same boat. I'm 23 and i've never dated before. Haha maybe i should post help me find a boyfriend. ^_____^
8) I have no idea. These girls sound very strange to me.
9) Online dating can work. The way I see it, eventually the online couple will want to meet up in person, so it ends up becoming a normal relationship anyway, provided that things click together.
11) If the girl likes you/is interested in you, going up to them to say 'hi' will make them happy. It might be a bit awkward if the girl didn't really know you existed or doesn't seem interested, but this is why I prefer to get to know someone as a friend first through an uninitiated encounter, if you know what I mean.
12) Silence is awkward for me if I don't know the person well enough. If I'm trying to get to know the guy, I would like for there to be some kind of communication or activity going on. That's how I know that there's a good connection.
13) Personally I've had too much experience with geeky, shy and awkward guys. It's very cute at first but later I start to get bored/frustrated, to be honest. But if you naturally start acting a certain way from talking about the things you like, I'm sure that would make some girl's eyes light up. Just build up confidence (not too much, or it becomes arrogance) and a positive spirit, that's what girls like.
I apologize in advance for the length of my answers, but they are really detailed on purpose and I really hope you read them, and find them helpful.
8) Why do girls say they have a
boyfriend when they don't, and then hook up after saying they have a
boyfriend for the purpose of getting me off their case?
for whatever reason, some girls like to use it as a defensive mechanism so that guys they're not into, will go away.. but if she retracts it, then you might not be as bad as she initially thought, maybe even likable, (especially if you're hooking up)
9) Does online dating work?
never tried it, wouldnt know but personally I don't think it would work for me, there's too much time for people to edit things and put on a fake front, even moreso than in person, which can already be a problem, especially if you're not good at reading people.
10) What's the worst thing that has happened after you've asked someone out (to guys obviously)?
Honestly these days, I'd prefer to get rejected than to do the rejecting, and I can't really understand why its so scary for so many people. It's really not that bad. the worst thing that can happen is that she says no, and the status quo stays the same. you're still single. it's not the end of the world. whereas if you had to do the rejecting, u have to worry about all kinds of things like finding the balance between being firm enough that they get the point, and not being so mean as to shatter their world. I think the worst thing that's happened after someone asked me out, and tried to kiss me several times, is telling them that it feels like i'm kissing my brother.. >_< I didn't know how else to make it clear that I really wasn't feeling a relationship, and had already said "no" for years. =_+^
11) Does going up to a girl and saying "hi" really work?
yes. as GiantUnicorn already said, the conversation can be uber simple. although, idk if compliments so early is necessarily a good idea.. it can come off as fake if u arent careful about tone and timing. as an alternative u can ask, for example if you're at a party, who the person knows, and/or how they know them (if u discover u have mutual friends, can lead to interesting (read: humorous) anecdotes!) or if at a club or something, ask if they've been there before, how it compares to others, etc etc. but yah, say hi, introduce yourself, talk about basic things, listen to her, smile, and if u can eventually digress from topic to topic and keep the conversation going, you're doing great! :)
12) I'm a fairly quiet person and I don't
really like talking about things that don't really interest me. But for
some reason people find silence to be really nerveracking? Do you girls
find silence awkward? Does that mean it's not a good date if you're not talking?
If you're not talking because she's still talking, then it's okay. just listen to her. pay attention to what she says so that u can respond when she's done.
it kind of bothers me that so many guys dont like to talk about stuff that doesnt really interest them, and then basically just stop talking. it really does make the girl nervous if she has to work to fill the awkward silence. in a way, its almost selfish. why should conversations center only on things that YOU are interested in? I think if someone is talking about something, obviously its at least kind of important or interesting to him or her, even if you're not that interested, or dont know much about it, you should still let them talk, and maybe find someone that you can talk about, for example talk about why you agree or disagree with him/her. it's not a bad thing to disagree, or say that you dont know much about a subject as long as you're courteous about it. obviously its ideal if u talk about things that you're both interested in, but otherwise, take turns sharing about the stuff that you are individually interested in.
in my opinion, comfortable silences are those that occur for a few seconds to a couple minutes, while eating, or after long discussions about something. it's time for the conversation to soak in, for you to breathe a bit, take a drink of water. anything (that doesn't involve another activity- cuddling in silence, or driving and listening to music is okay) over a few minutes can become awkward and/or tense and therefore not good.
13) If I do start talking about the things that interest me, I come off all weird and nerdy and geeky,
so what the hell, it's like I don't have any options. It's like I get
scared to ask questions which I think are going to be perceived as
weird or stupid, but crap, it's either that or silence. Any tips or
advice on this?
i'm just going to put it out there: if a girl doesnt thinks the stuff u talk about is weird/stupid/geeky/etc she's not the girl for you. u dont need someone who's so judgemental and narrowminded anyway. there are girls that are probably just as quirky and nerdy as you are, and even if they're not, all that matters is whether she's open-minded enough or accepting enough to tolerate it. and u never know whether she is, until you talk about it. how else do u know whether u'd be a decent match?
that said, i'm a nerd/geek myself. i like all sorts of random things, including dvorak keyboarding configurations. just the other day, my friends were talking about whether or not time is quantized.. hahaha i have a bunch of gamer friends. but i'm also into things like baking, salsa dancing and rock climbing. i'm pretty sure that i'm not the only multi-dimensional girl out there so don't worry about being "different". hiding who you are is NOT the way to go. if u do so, and get a girlfriend that way. when u finally show who you are and what you like, she'll probably get mad, and/or lose interest and dump you. better to take more time in order to find someone u really mesh with.
14) Guys, I'm sure I'm not alone but when I talk
to a girl I'm not attracted to I can be myself and funny and not really
care if she likes me or not. The girl I don't like ends up liking me
but I don't like her. But as soon as I talk to a girl I'm attracted to
things go 180. I get all nervous, quiet, and start sweating. Um...I
just wanted to know if other dudes realize this about themselves.
um.. i'm pretty sure this happens to everyone, at least in the beginning. you're going to be attracted to people who dont like you, and you're going to attract all sorts of people that you have no interest in. the nervous thing u just have to work thru. practice talking to cute girls. though, i will say that the nervous, shy thing can be pretty endearing sometimes. as long as the entire relationship doesnt entail the girl trying to pry you out of your shell! that can get really old, really fast. not to mention, utterly exhausting! this goes back to the whole confidence thing in part one. as others have said, u have to like yourself, and be okay with your flaws (its annoying to have to constantly encourage you. which is not to say that u cant have off days, but keep it to a minimum). you have to have a plan/ambition etc. That is not to say, that you need to like yourself so much, and play it up to everyone else to make sure everyone notices how awesome you are. that is actually a big show in lack of self esteem. as with anything else, extremes are probably not good.
I think an important sign that someone is confident, is how they display themself. It goes beyond stance, and grooming (though they are important), but how they express themselves, and how they react to things. They are, perhaps, less judgemental and/or easily affected by things around them, (read: level-headed and open-minded). Constant boasting or being disdainful, or complaining constantly are signs of insecurity.
girls want to know that you have something to offer (whether its security, a sense of humor, intelligence, passion, etc etc) and it doesnt even necessarily have to be tangible. relationships are mutual, and u have to put equal effort into the relationship. just showing her that u sincerely care, and are interested in her can be enough. ways of showing this: actively listening to her and responding, paying attention to her for a sufficient amount of time (some girls need to at least talk to you every day, others are okay with hanging out once a week) pay attention to what she likes, remember it, and occasionally treat her and brighten up her day. extra points if it's a random day or a day where u know she'll be stressed (before tests, or interviews) or if she's sick, not anniversary or holiday.
good luck! :)
Wow. I can cut the desperation in your posts with a knife.
It's not that it's not a good date if you're not talking. Silence can be fine, if you're already comfortable with that person. I have plenty of people in my life that silence can happen with and I'm totally fine, it's not awkward, it's peaceful.
But I went out with a coworker earlier this year and whenever we weren't talking it was so awkward. Like I was going through every random topic in my head I could talk about without sounding ridiculous. But nothing would have helped, there was no chemistry, the silence made me unnerved.
And I later found myself pushing the guy away, as I worked with him he'd talk to me a lot. Come to my dorm room, etc. There were times all I could do was count the moments until he'd leave, cause I didn't know what to say or do. There are some times you just can't get past the silence. He eventually got the point, I'm not sure if I was a jerk about it or not, I teased him ruthlessly... I did that with a couple of guys this year. They'd like me, I'd like them until they somehow creeped me out, and I'd push them away by teasing them. I'm sure I was cause of frustration for them. I did all of this unconsciously, a friend had to point out my behavior to me later...
I answered your first post on this subject. So here I am for the second.
8. I know that girls say they have boyfriends to keep guys away because they're not looking at the moment or they don't like the guy. It's like a defense mechanism. If she hooked up with you afterward, it sounds like she changed her mind.
9. I guess the best way to answer this is saying that online dating has worked in the past for some people. I even know some who it's worked for. But you need to be really careful. Don't give out your phone number to someone you just met, for example. There can be some weirdos online, but I'm not necessarily sure that there aren't just as many weirdos that you would meet in person. People from all walks of life do online dating. I've tried it, but never really got anywhere with it. I don't think it's as bad as most people say it is, but I much prefer meeting people in person.
10. I'll admit that I've been pretty bitchy to some guys who hit on me when I wasn't in the mood to get hit on by anyone. But in all fairness, in the two worst examples, one guy told me right off the bat that he had a huge dick, so douche bag alert. The other one brought his wingman and had him make up a story about how he saved his life. If you don't pull any tricks and just be honest and friendly, you're much more likely to get a positive response.
11. Yes, it works. Trust me, we prefer this over any tricks that guys like to pull. Honestly, I think you're overthinking this. You want conversation to come naturally, not like you have a rehearsed script in your head. If it sounds rehearsed, it freaks people out of either gender. Just relax. If having a drink or two helps you relax, by all means, do it. Don't get drunk, though. Drunk come ons are the worst.
Here's what you should do. Don't just focus on the hottest girl in the room. You want to find a girl who looks friendly. If she looks at all bored or like she's in a bad mood, tonight is not your night with her. This is where reading body language comes in handy. Red flags include crossed arms (this one is kind of iffy, though, since that can just come naturally to some people), pouting, tapping her foot (this often indicates impatience), rolling her eyes, etc. Sit down next to her or stand near her (but don't invade her personal space), and find some common ground for a conversation starter. Finding common ground is much easier than you think. If you're at an event, say something about the event or something related to the event. If you're at a restaurant, say something about the food or the atmosphere. If you see her reading a book or newspaper article that you know something about, or if you're somewhere with a TV that she's watching, make a comment about whatever it is she's reading or watching. And if it's any other type of place, you pretty much can't go wrong with commenting on the location itself. Oh, and your opening line should be positive because you don't want to come off as a negative person right off the bat. If she responds in a friendly manner, introduce yourself and then ask her something about herself (like where's from, for example). Let the conversation go from there. And if you ask her something, also answer the question yourself.
12. This sounds like your weak spot. Silences are only comfortable with people you know well. If there's not an active conversation going on a first date, you're not likely to get a second one. I've adopted this mindset where I can make myself interested in almost anything. (I have weak spots too, but I've become pretty good at this.) This is something I really think you should try. And if you can't get yourself genuinely interested in a variety of topics, you'll probably need to fake it at some points. And if you do fake interest in something, don't ever act like you're the biggest fan of whatever it is. This will set off anyone's bullshit detector. Think of any nice thing you can say about it. Make it sound like you haven't really had a chance to get into it, but what you know of it isn't bad. And if later on, you're dating and she tries to introduce you to more of it (and please do try to enjoy it, and focus on the fact that you're with a girl you really like if you don't), and you still don't like it, just say that now that you've had more exposure, you've decided that it's not really for you (but say it in a nice manner). And you should probably add in that it was worth it just to spend more time with her, or that you really appreciate her wanting to share that with you. Admitting your dislike this way is very unlikely to offend someone, unless they're really sensitive.
One note of caution: if you're a person of limited interests, you should really work on broadening them, especially if it's hard for you to talk about things you don't like. Most people, male or female, like spending time with someone who's a well rounded person.
13. I think you're being too hard on yourself here. You see having a great love for something as being geeky. I see it as being passionate, and passion is sexy. Lots of people think so. How would you like to be around someone who didn't care about anything? Had no real interests or hobbies? Pretty damn boring and depressing, right? The excitement that people get when they talk about something they love is pretty extraordinary, and I just love seeing that fire in people. That's why I try to make myself interested in a large variety of subjects. If a girl that you're seeing doesn't like that you have these interests that you really love, then she's not the girl for you. And don't think of that as a missed opportunity. Think of it as holding out for something better.
14. I used to have this exact same problem myself (it happens to girls too), but I've gotten much better with it. Just remember, she's a regular person like you are, and talk to her like you're talking to one of your friends or an acquaintance that you enjoy talking to. I haven't completely overcome my shyness in this area. Like, I'll never let a guy know that I like him unless I am sure without any doubt that he likes me (I'm trying to work on this). But I've come a long way. And if I can overcome this problem and talk to guys I like the same way I talk to friends or acquaintances I have no sexual feelings for, you can too. Don't lose hope.
I'm glad that you made these posts. It can be scary asking for help with this kind of stuff, and I really admire the fact that you put yourself out there like that. Don't listen to assholes who call you desperate. On some level, we all want to be with someone. There's nothing wrong with admitting that. Just don't jump the gun on anything.
If you ever have any more questions, feel free to message me. I used to have so many social problems myself that I've been able to greatly improve on and overcome, and I would love to help out anyone else who feels that they need help in that area.