Monday, 06 July 2009
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Do Girls Expect Too Much Out of Guys?
This summer isn't going as well as expected with me and my boyfriend. He is 16, he has his license, but no car. I, on the other hand, am 15. We have been dating for 7 - almost 8 - months.We don't see each other a lot. We have been out of school for about 3 weeks and I have seen him maybe 5 times. I know we can't really help that because we are so young, and there's nothing we can do because we rely on our parents so much to transport us. Both of our parents are busy people.
But the thing that bothers me the most is that we don't talk anymore. We try to talk close to every night but it's just awkward silences for about a half an hour until one of us gives up and says he/she is going to bed. He will spend all night on the computer, so he is never interested in talking then, and he sleeps all day, so we obviously don't talk then and that's another reason we don't hang out.
I feel so distant from him now, and I feel bad because this never happened while we were in school. Last night I said that I didn't think we were going to make it past summer break.
He said that I need to stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present. I need to think about what's going on and enjoy what I have now. I told him I agree and I do think about the future too much. I don't expect us to stay together forever, but I can't enjoy the present when there is nothing to enjoy. If nothing is happening now, how does he expect me NOT to think of what is going to eventually happen?
I know I am young. I am only 15. So I went to my 25-year-old sister and many of my friends for advice. My sister said that girls always want to be in touch with their significant others and that we expect too much out of guys. We expect them to want to talk to us all the time, want to hang out with us, and be the same guys they were at the beginning of the relationship when things were all "lovey-dovey".
Okay okay... I get what she is saying. But what girl doesn't want her relationship to be "lovey-dovey" all the time? I mean COME ON!
Am I wrong to think this?
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Comments (57)
it sounds like you've past the honeymoon stage.
but seriously, you are way to young to get all upset about this stuff. He's 16 and that's where guys maturity stops... you better get used to it.
my next boyfriend has to be a cuddlebug
I start dating my current boyfriend when I was 15 and it was the same for me as it is for you, and I didn't get used to this. If he really likes you, he'll talk to you and find some time to be with you. This is how I take it and it worked for me, but it gets better with time, you'll see :)
I dont think your expecting too much from him..
I mean I hardly get to see my bf too and sometimes he and I both worry about the future but we have gone through alot and have still been together even tho we are long distance and see each other only once or twice a week.
Even though you guys are young he should still find time to talk to you if he loves you..even if he is busy, you should find time to talk to each other at least sometime in the day.
Im not exactly old tho, im 18 and my bf is 19. so idk but we have been dating since I was 16/17. so anything is possible if you guys are both willing to try..
I don't like people to be lovey-dovey all the time. I find that obnoxious.
I don't know...that's showing too little interest for me.
something you need to learn is that a relationship is a two person thing. you can't put in all the effort and expect things to work out peachy. you can't put in 75% of the work and expect things to work out. you put in 50% and he puts in 50% and you might get somewhere. and i dont think he's putting in much effort at all. sure he could sleep and play on his computer, but there's 24 hours in a day. and holy shit, if thats ALL he does then he seriously needs to get a life.
communication and connection is something that is VERY important to a relationship. and expecting that isnt expecting too much. i mean, of course he's not going to spend every second with you, or want to talk all the time. but he should WANT to see you and talk to you a reasonable amount.
honestly though it all comes down to you. if you're not happy then why are you stayin in the relationship? its unfair to both you and him! when i was your age i had relationships just like that. after awhile we quit talking everyday... and when we did talk there just wasnt much to talk about. i didnt realize it then but it was a sign of growing apart. and its something you have to accept. my boyfriend (20) and i (18) now have been together for over a year. we've talked everyday since we met.. let alone since we started dating. and we always find something to talk about. and fyi, the honeymoon stages actually should last a few years.. not a few months.
ok, i'm 25, and i don't agree with your sister. i mean i do in the fact that i know girls always wanna be in touch with their bf's. but i don't think girls expect too much of guys, at least not in general. all you want is to talk to and hang out with your bf, and if he doesn't wanna do that too, then you're probably right that you wont last through summer break. you should just break up and spend the summer single and hang out with your friends and enjoy life. you're too young to be worrying about a long term relationship right now, there's plenty of time for that later. whatever you do don't try to blame it on yourself, just realize that yall aren't right for eachother right now and move on. doesn't mean you can't still be friends.
i don't think you're expecting too much. i also like to think that girls (and guys) try to be reasonable with their expectations. but this kid really doesn't seem that interested if he barely even wants to talk. enjoy your summer with your friends; you won't enjoy it stressing over him.
guys will never be the same guy he was in the beginning of the relationship. but, girls never are either. at first, we are the best thing ever, laugh at absolutely everything, dress to impress, we're perfect in the beginning....but it fades. after 3 years, i still go thru this...freaking out cause "it's just not the same." but relationships always change to some extent. but for the better, i think. everyone has doubts some time or another. but, you're only 15 so dont stress too much. and don't try so hard especially if he's not trying at all.
All I want is him to love and trust me, and I will do the same in return. That's all I ask for in a guy.
Yes
Number 1 Rule to remember above all else/...MEN ARE PIGS! Pure and simple. Get that and you get it all.
You're 15. Focus on something that matters, like your professional future. I don't think it's wise to continue this course.
he sounds like he's not really into girls yet hahaha.
I don't think it's a good sign if you're having tons of awkward silences...the way couples usually communicate when they can't see each other is by phone, email, or instant message.
If it gets really really really boring and awkward to the point where you might as well be strangers, then obviously break up with him, but I've had periods where my boyfriend and I wouldn't have much to say to each other. I've wondered if it meant that I should break up with him, but I always waited about a month to see if we got back to normal, and we always did (I've been with him...3 years?)
Just wait it out; since this is your first summer away from him, you shouldn't expect things to go as smooth as usual.
First of all, consider yourself lucky that you get to see him more than once a week. I would kill to see my bf 5 times in 3 weeks. I know that you're only 15, so you're used to seeing your bf every day in school, but now that it's summer & you depend on your parents for rides, you have to just roll with the flow & appreciate the times that you do get to see him.
Also, just because he doesn't talk to you as much as he did in the school year doesn't mean he's lost interest. You guys have been out of school for less than a month; it's natural for him to want to unwind & be lazy for the summer. Take this time to do other things that interest you; your life should not revolve around your bf. Spend time with your family. I'm sure the girlfriends that you've spent less time with since you started dating would love to catch up with you. Pick up a new hobby. Whatever. Just don't mope around; summer should be fun!
Of course, having said all that, there is still a chance that your boyfriend is just a pig. You know your relationship best. If it's not working out for you, then just break up with him. You shouldn't be the only one putting effort in the relationship. Good luck~
i dont think its so much the loveydovey thing. its the fact that you guys have nothing to discuss. and quite frankly, that gets BORING. my mama always told me - date a guy you can talk to. looks fade, money gets spent, but the mind...it'll be there. and if u cant talk to a guy, get another. i know the feeling of awkward silences, IT SUCKS. i'm not saying dump him. but perhaps you two should arrange a weekly thing where u promise to see each other no matter wat. thats what my bf and i do. even tho i drive, im only able to see him 1-2 times a week b/c i have work and we live 40 minutes away. try meeting up half way and jus hang out. hopefully that'll make things more fun && keep the summer goin. before u kno it, school will start again and u'll see him.
i'm seventeen, and i've had this problem with guys. well not this exact one. but when guys say i'm expecting too much.
that's not true, in my opinion. we expect as much as we give in, and girls are generally more mature and give more than the guys.
i'd talk to him again, and tell him that you don't want to be in a relationship where you barely see your boyfriend.
is your relationship long distance?
all i can say is try again. but especially at your age - our age - guys are really, really immature. he's probably not ready for a real relationship. maybe you need a break.
good luck!
@Brock3737@xanga - Way to overgeneralize an entire group of people.
It seems like you might not make it, but if you're thinking that it isn't going to last forever... what are you doing dating him? Just trying to get to know him better? If you don't like him anymore, or believe that things won't work out, maybe you should stop dating him.
But don't worry about not being able to talk to your boyfriend- I talk to my boyfriend 2 times a week at best on chat. And when we do get that rare moment of chat-ness, we only get to talk for about 10 minutes because his internet connection is horrible.
You're so young! Don't worry, you will learn with time.
Boys are people just like we are, and they have their own feelings, thoughts, and expectations for things. And they are usually very different from our own. They are people too, not just machines that we can force to act "perfectly" for us.This boy is also very young, and they generally mature slower than girls do, emotionally. It is obvious that he isn't ready for anything very serious. He might have been lovey-dovey at first because it was fun for him, but now it isn't. If he feels like you have expectations he can't meet, he will just shut down. Also, a boy that young doesn't want to think about the future.You are too young to be trying to make him into the perfect guy. And you are too young to be in a relationship you don't enjoy.@TruthNeverTold@xanga - Same thing for me.
I don't NEED you around me 24/7... I'll be okay if I see you three or four days out of the week. It's okay if we don't take for a whole day. For me, it's just really simple... I wont get clingy and i wont bother you to be by me all the time. I find the annoying.
If it's lovey-dovey all the time, the relationship tends to get dull at a faster rate. It's better to take it slow and build a strong relationship. It's okay if you don't see each other often because when you do see one another, it would make it that more special. I don't see my bf often either. I'm lucky if I see him once a week, and when we do, it's special. If we saw one another almost everyday, I think we would be tired of one another.
Just remember that each of you have your own life. Devoting your entire life to another person is a bit dangerous. Have special days with him so you have something to look foward to in your relationship
It's really hard to say because every guy is different. My boyfriend was a lot more "lovey-dovey" in the beginning of our relationship than I was. But I also know guys who are a lot less talkative even during a relationship.
Yes, you're still young. Maybe you both are on different levels. Take the time to build your relationship. Maybe he isn't a fan of talking on the phone. Try to give him some space. When school starts, you'll be seeing him everyday. Some people like that. Others don't. I used to see my boyfriend everyday, and now that we're both in college, I see him about once a week. So when I do see him, I really look forward to seeing him. Because you two still have so much time, you can start to see what works and what doesn't for your relationship with him.