Sunday, 05 July 2009
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Used or Confused?
Okay so for background info that could be crucial to answering my question, here ya go:-I just graduated high school two weeks ago.
-ALL, and I mean ALL of my friends are guys, who also just graduated.
-This guy and I dated for a week right when we met, but then he broke up with me because he wasn't over his ex.
-We then became really good friends, and over time he became my second closest guy friend.
Now, onto what happened.This friend of mine has always been a really good friend to me. Truthful, fun, caring, always there for me, all that stuff. For the longest time I had a crush on his best friend, who was my best guy friend, and he was the first one that made me admit it. Well, one day I was talking to my friend about how I was tired of being hurt by our best friend (he was kind of bipolar with saying he had feelings for me one day, then telling me not to talk to him the next day. not to mention a really big flirt) and over the next few days, he ended up telling me that he liked me.
Well, he was really sweet and really nice and seemed to care more then other guys I've liked before. He even paid for my movie ticket when we went out with our group of friends because I didn't have any money, and then later basically forced me to let him buy me food, even though I told him that I wasn't hungry (I really wasn't) and one day, he brought me BK for lunch at school after a rally. Well one day he came over to my house and picked me up and we went to his house. He put in Fight Club, and 5 minutes in we were holding hands. 10 minutes in we were making out, and that pretty much didn't stop for the entire movie.I could tell by the way he was acting that he wasn't using me, and that he genuinely liked me. Plus, he's not the kind of guy that would do that, anyways. Basically, a week later, he rarely talks to me, and when I ask him if we can hang out anytime soon, his only response (on Twitter, no less. he won't reply to my texts) is "I'm busy" even though earlier he said he was rollerblading around town, and then, right before he said "I'm busy" said he was playing video games with his best friend.
What's going on? Did I just get played really bad, or is it possible that he's confused about what to do since I'm moving soon?
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Comments (24)
Honestly, I can't make any sort of judgment as to what happened mainly because I don't know what his side of the story is. It might be a good idea for you to ask him what's going on, and see what he says. Either possibility might be true, but I'm sorta leaning towards the "used" one, just because I don't trust guys when it comes to things like this. However, this doesn't mean that what I'm thinking is correct; it's just my assumption based on the facts I have been given.
Best of luck with the situation, and I hope that, in the end, you don't lose this friend.
No he got what he wanted from you and he is done with u. It has nothing to do with u moving. He wanted something and he got it now its a done deal. sorry sweety u got played and real bad. I hope u guys used protection because he might be doing this to many females
It sucks because u think u know a person inside and out, but u have to remember guys do alot of sweet talking and being caring and gentle just to get what they want. pretty much u fell into his trap and it sucks that it had to be that way but forget him he is a looser. Just the next time dont give it up. make that person wait rather its a year or more and really get to know them. and be careful because mens words can be very tricky. Im not saying every man is like that jerk but just be CAREFUL thats all!!!!!
@lilsexypyrogirl@xanga - Now hold the phone there a second. Nobody as I read it, said any getting down was involved.
Do I have this right? You made out (and that's it) for two hours? And then he's "busy"? Sounds like the classic guy emotional insecurity to me. You make out and, I assume, he didn't get off? He didn't pressure you for it, didn't ask you for it? Am I right in assuming this or am I (haha) making an ass out of you and me?
Because if he didn't pressure you to get down or go down, and won't talk to you, then he's just way way insecure and that's why he's acting all confusing and contradictory. But let me know if I'm wrong on my assumptions there.
Honey, you need to watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." I don't know what his motivation is, but if he's not hanging out with you, then you don't need to be hanging out with him. Forget about him and find someone who really IS into you. Stop hanging on waiting for him. Stop wondering what he's doing. If he wants to call you, he'll call you. If he wants to see you, he'll see you. When I was in college, I once got an email from a guy because he'd met someone at a bar that had my same first name, and he was going through the campus's list of emails, sending them out to girls who might have been the one he met. My point here is that guys will make the extra effort if they feel like it. And if they don't, then your job is to move on and forget about him. Don't let it hurt you, because it has nothing to do with you. Just move on and work on finding someone who will go through a whole phonebook to find you (for example.) Don't sell yourself short by waiting for this guy to decide he wants to be with you...because, frankly, you're probably wasting your time with him.
-Katie
BULLSHIT! He's confused about what to do with you, and is reacting in the worst possible way. Last week of all things, I saw a girl I was liking, and we went on a hike. We held hands and kissed very passionately, but the whole time I was really thinking of whom I love. (we're not together right now- wasn't cheating). So there you go, it may have been like me, and he is reacting in a more immature manner than I did (I just told her honestly) or else he is not capable of opening up. Thing is, if he was trying to use you, I don't see how kissing and hand holding would do that. As simple as they are they have a certain intimacy to them and are more on the romantic side of things, contra Dome or sex.
I hope things work to you benefit!Maybe he heard something bad about you and now he's not interested anymore.
Maybe you're a bad kisser.
Maybe he sees you as too much of a dude because you like to make out while watching Fight Club.
That's all I can think of.
honestly, he got what he wanted and he didn't want no more. that's all.
I think he does like you but not enough to make an effort to be more than "casual buddy with benefits" since well... you didn't stop him from making moves on you. He now has a confirmation that he doesn't have to work that hard to get what he can get from you (physically anyways) and so far, that's all he wants from you. he might be mauling this over in his head, probably confused at some point, and for him, the best decision that he can come up with is to avoid you and run like hell like a little baby because he can't handle making a DECISION.
Move on and maybe you should be more considerate of what friendship means to you. It's one thing to have a crush on your mutual best friend, but because he's acting bipolar, you simply move on to the next best friend? Have you thought about what this would do to your friendship? Or how he views you after being physically intimate? I take it you didn't move away when he was holding your hand or tried to TALK about what's going on... instead you just acted to his pace. Why?
ALL in all, let it go. I know it's easier said than done, but it's probably the best thing until he can figure out on his own what he wants to pursue. Good luck
why do people address others as honey or sweetie?
look pal. go with your gut, you sound like you already have a good idea of whats going on. a good chunk of the time your guts right. let it guide you for now.
You made out with a good friend...happens all the time, not a big deal, curiosity or boredom, or horniness, or genuine affection and opportunity leads to this sort of thing all the time.
You know/knew he was a flirt. And many people are shy about getting involved seriously right after graduation...when college, jobs, etc may soon separate a couple, or they realize they are no longer in the artificial ecosystem of high school and there is a great big world out there.
I truly wouldn't consider kissing, or even a playful grope between good friends, who trust one another, to be a case of being "used" (and yes, I've been there myself). If you don't trust him...then maybe you shouldn't have made out with him.
Maybe you should use a Tic-Tac next time.
Honestly, just forget everything that ever happened with him. The more you think about it, the more crazy you're driving yourself trying to figure out his behavior. I know you're probably looking for an answer here, like "he's just hurt because he realized that your moving away and he thinks he shouldn't even bother asking you out, because long distance relationships don't work" or "he likes someone else now".. you know what I mean? The best advice I can give you is to forget everything that happened with him, don't bother calling him or texting or any sort of contact (iming, twitting etc.) Us girls we tend to over analyze everything. Sometimes the best thing to do is just sit back and relax. From the sounds of it, this guy sounds like a total douche and is either confused or (and I really hate to say this but this could be the truth) was bored and wanted a lil action. BUT I could be wrong lol, just dont talk to him and if he tries contacting you then you act like nothing happened. I'm sure he's going to bring it up if he did actually like you.. BUT YEAH BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR THINGS :) Don't let this little thing ruin your whole summer!
If I were you I would just let it go. (I know it's easier said than done.) Go to a club or party or something and meet someone new. If it makes him jealous, then he'll be forced to tell you how he feels. And if he doesn't care, you've found someone new :)
p.s. don't find this new guy just to make Guy#1 jealous. That's not nice
I think he just wanted to make out with you. Nothing more, nothing less.
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - agree.
I think you were just a friend, and he took advantage of the moment. And now he's on to better things :/
@akatiegirl - btw that was a great movie
You shouldn't worry so much as to understand why he's acting that way and instead enjoy the rest of your summer vacation. Focus on the positive things in your life (you have just graduated high school and going on to college, I'm assuming). But if he tries to come back to you wanting to kiss you, I think he should give you an explanation of what his intentions are before anything else happens between you two.
Could be both. In any case, it's not right to be shut out like that. It happened to me too. There's no excuse for being cold. He could at least let you know instead of lying about it, if he really is remorseful for what you guys are doing.
It always gets complicated when 2 friends get intimate.....I don't mean to sound negative, but guys can simply detach the emotions from the sex, whereas most females simply seem to equate sex to emotions and it doesen't quite work like that. I'd suggest you leave him alone, let him be, and let him come and talk to you whenever he is ready. He comes across like a typical guy, i have guy friends that i once liked but i knew if i ever gave them the opportunity they'd pounce on me and act like nothing happened! Life goes on... be grateful that his true colors got exposed at this early stage...
well, i have been acting like your friend to another girl before. Situation is similar where I brought her out to a movie, and started making out with her. So my personal opinion is, he was playing you. He was just using his lower part of his body to think at the moment. Like I meant he probably just want a girl to flirt with at the moment, or in a worser case, just a F-buddy. So if you are cool with that, then you can keep calling him out to a movie or go to his house, but I can guareente he won't be with you.
he's just not that into you.
He's manipulating you. Give a girl a lot of attention, then ignore her and she'll come running for you. Works every time. That or he's not into you anymore. I've learned that anyone who puts you on an emotional rollercoaster like that will not be worth any effort.
I think he just doesn't know what to do next so he's avoiding you. Guys are dumb like that. I had a guy tell me (whom im with now and have been for 2.5 yrs and counting) that he really cared about me so he had to stay away from me because he can't feel like that. Doesn't make sense, but I think it's just fear of the unknown. He really likes you and he's just reacting to it strangely. Stay in contact and see him when you can, but don't push him. He'll figure it out.