Okay, so I am in a dilemma. I started talking to a young lady that seems to have a lot in common with me. She hates the dating game, as do I. She's looking for something serious, as am I. She doesn't mind that I have a daughter. We like a lot of the same music, movies, and outdoor activities. We haven't met in person yet because she lives an hour away, but I am supposed to hang out with her this weekend and watch fireworks with her.
Now here is where my dilemma occurs. I have only been with a couple girls. 3 to be exact. When I say 3, I mean a total of 3 with everything, oral, and penetration. She has only been with one person (intercourse). She has been with a little less than a dozen people orally though. That is not the problem that I am having.
My problem is, the person she had sex with was her really close friend. They were not dating when they had sex. And now they are still really good friends. She and I aren't dating yet, but I can't help but be bothered by the fact that she is still good friends with him. I feel like if her friends and I hung out, and he was around, it would be awkward for me because he has seen and experienced everything with her. As far as her personality goes, I really like her. Is it weird/wrong for me to feel uncomfortable with her still being really good friends with this guy? Is that normal?
Comments (14)
No its not weird to feel that way. He's basically been there and done that and hes still hanging around. It could be bugging you because you aren't sure how she feels for him, it could be bugging you simply for the reason your worried about measuring up. Its the age old question of "should you stop contact with an ex when you've gotten a new bf/gf and should you stop if your new bf/gf asks you to" i realize they never dated but for *most* people you have to have feelings for someone to sleep with them.
if it was me, i'd be worried about measuring up to them. and i'd be jealous if i really liked the person.
I guess he's basically somewhat like an ex...so I would treat him the way I'd treat my SO's ex. With respect, of course, but I wouldn't agree to having frequent lunches with the three of us. Uncomfortable, much?
I've been the other person, who's "been there and done that" and I was honestly over it and just wanted to be friends. There was nothing there any more. The fact that she went out and found you means she doesn't have feelings for that other guy any more. Take a chance and go for her :) Who knows maybe you'll be friends with him too.
My girlfriend's best friend is her ex. He is a good person to her and I have no problems with him like I do her other ex that treated her like shit. I am totally comfortable with him and her hanging out and whatnot.
However, I am also in an extreme minority (it would seem like!) of guys. You are totally justified in feeling uncomfortable, and I hope this works out for you. : )
quit being so insecure. if you start dating you're gonna have to accept her friends, no matter the circumstances between them, or it wont ever work. the only reason you should feel that way is if she was dating someone at the time that she hooked up with her friend. but if she was single and it just happened, and it hasn't ever happened again, then you're worrying over nothing.
i don't think it's abnormal, but it's something you should try to get over if you want to be serious with the girl. as long as you are sure nothing is going on (and no lingering feelings exist), there's nothing wrong with their friendship.
it's way too territorial (especially since you haven't even met the girl) to be insecure about who "has seen and experienced everything with her." it doesn't detract from what you two can have.
It's okay to be uncomfortable, i guess. Just treat him with respect..
Don't be an ass about it, and it's fine!
I think it's fine to be a bit uncomfortable. But you may have to learn how to overcome the problem especially if you're going to be going steady with her.
Once you've established a 'relationship' status you can tell her that you see her friend as an EX BF in spite of their ambiguous labeling in the past. If she can't see where you're coming from, obviously she's not on the same wave length with you. If she respects your feelings, then you don't have to freak out. Plus you don't have to LOVE the friend, just treat him with civility as you would with any person.
Get over it, please. It's really not a big deal.
It's normal to feel that way, but it's also not a big deal. So don't ask her to choose, because that's ridiculous to do. And do your best to get over it, because that's just what needs to happen.
You're dating her, not her friend. Her past is her past. I'm sure you have skeletons of your own. If you're basing the relationship on these lil issues, you won't be able to handle bigger ones if you were in a relationship with her or any other person.
Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Just a reminder, I simply asked if it was weird/normal for me to feel that way. I never said I was going to base the relationship on that because I do have my own skeletons.
Thank you all.