Where's a good place to find single, smart, funny, women?
- Coffee shops (local ones are better than Starbucks). Parks (whether they be into exercising or walking their pets, etc.) Gyms. Basically, places that involve interests and hobbies.

Do women go to other places expecting to get hit on?
- If her body language is welcoming, then go for it. Just be careful not to be a creep. If you come off more humble than cool douche bag guy, then you should be okay. Random compliments are always welcome as long as you don't scare us.

Do women really go to clubs just to dance?
- Yes. We like to have fun. If a girl is not getting roaringly drunk and looks fairly classy, then they are probably there to have a good time. If you want to strike up a conversation, offer to buy her a drink and hang out with her friends (not just the girl in question). Do NOT try to grind up on us. Gross.

Is it weird for a guy to show up alone at places like clubs and bars?
- Sorry, but yes. It gives off the image that you are cruising to get laid and not much else. Also slightly creepy. Don't just be a "club guy". As I said in the first question, there are other places to meet girls that will probably be more successful if you are looking for a relationship.

When you say you like confident guys what does that exactly mean?
- Confidence means that you love yourself despite your flaws; not that you think you are perfect. Confidence means knowing that your life will go on without my existence, but that you would prefer to have me there. Be your own man, be independent, and be comfortable in your masculinity to not have to be that cool douche bag guy again (the one with the sunglasses, popped collar, hair gel, ripped jeans).

Do women look for excitement and coolness-factor before they go for substance and character?
- Have an interest in something besides women, cars, and video games and you're sold!

Do I have to ask girls out when people aren't around, or when her friends aren't around?
- It depends on the girl. If she seems shy, it is better to ask in private. If she is especially outgoing, it may be okay to ask in front of the friends. Air on the side of caution and ask privately.

@storiesandsinker@xanga - I just think that long-term relationships shouldn't be based on flashy pointless things like dressy shirts, fancy cars, and bling bling lol. I ask because I'm generally a calm person. Not to say boring but my humor and personality only really come out when I'm truly excited and passionate about something. I can never really fake it, for example in a bar or club when there's nothing really to get excited about. Other than the fact that there's hot chicks everywhere, but then you can't really be too direct and just start talking about how hot she is.

" Also, some women look for excitement first,
while others look for substance first... though, I fail to see why
those two would be mutually exclusive. Anyways, it's different for
everyone. Some women will prefer that you are, as you say "a dancing
monkey" first, and some women won't."

I probably less experience than you, even considering your short introduction, but here's what little I can help with:

1) I'm not a club-type person, but I've always sort of felt left out, because that whole scene makes me really uncomfortable. However, the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that, if I went to a bar, not only would I probably only meet club-type people (which is not like me), but I don't even like those types of people. No offense to people who go to nightclubs, but if you're looking for a smart, witty, interesting woman, it just doesn't seem like a club would be the place to look. If you like reading, go hang out at a bookstore. If you really love music, go to a record store. If you like goth people, go to Hot Topic. :P

2) As I said, I have very little experience, so maybe this is just me, but it's very offputting. This actually happened to me recently. I was so caught offguard, I said no, and I don't even really remember consciously thinking that I was going to "reject" him. It was nothing personal about him, it was me just not being prepared. He totally snuck up on me. You should definitely talk to them for a while first.

5) I don't know what confident means. I feel like it's more of that personal brand of charm than anything (sorry, that was gag-worthy). I kind of like to flirt, but I'm not to the point where I would ever make the first move, so I'm not sure if that's a sure-fire way to "get in there," but at least something would get don; there's definitely something to be said about that considering the fact that if it was me you were interested in, I'd never ask you out, and I know there are a lot of girls like me.

6) Of course I can look at any guy and decide whether or not he's attractive, but that doesn't necessarily mean I like him. I don't really like a guy for there cool-ness factor, more for the relationship we have before anything happens. Every girl has different values, interests, styles, and turn-ons.

7) You should probably get her alone, because then she's not worried about impressing her friends or getting their approval.

Don't have greasy hair/skin. :)

@gutsamillion@xanga - creepy behavior would be standing too close, not taking no for an answer, stalking, staring without talking, repetitive question asking.  Those types of things.

@socalledsophie@xanga - thanks for the honesty and detail. 

@candyhearts13@xanga - thanks, and that was funny and refreshing. I never got the body language and tonality thing. Just because I don't crush people's hands doesn't necessarily mean I'm weak, I just don't want to crush fingers. If you think about it, it's such an pretentious message that I'm proving my strength by how hard I can squeeze your hand, which is ridiculous in my opinion. And I don't talk loud because I'm honestly trying to save my energy and stay relaxed and comfy as possible. 

@sheflourishes@xanga - What's positive body language? I know negative body language but need help on the positive stuff. What do you show guys when you're interested in them?

It sounds like you hate the douchebag guy more than I do :)

@gutsamillion@xanga - no, fuck that. church whoring is super prevalent. i tell you. 95% of those people don't believe a fucking word of what is said. all they want to do is socialize afterwards

Hey!  I saw your post, and I really want to help you out.  I've been in your position where I didn't seem to know what to do when it came to dating, but I've learned quite a few things in recent years.  And it's been a bit of a hobby of mine to observe human behavior, so I think some of this could be useful.  But it is pretty lengthy because I wanted to make sure I was thorough with my advice.

1.  The thing about never meeting people in bars and clubs is not completely true.  I definitely think that clubs are a bad place to meet people, except in rare instances.  Bars have more leeway.  Clubs all tend to be basically the same environment.  The music and decor may change, but it's always loud music, lots of drinks, "dirty" dancing, you get the idea.  But one bar can be wildly different from the next one.  Some blast the music, and some are quiet.  Some are freestanding, and some are connected to a restaurant.  And the crowds can drastically change from one place to the next.  If you like sophisticated and classy women, stay away from the dives and find a more upscale place.  It doesn't have to be super fancy.  I'm thinking the kind of place where people might go for after-work drinks.  Stay away from any bars that feature strippers or "dancers".  Avoid college bars.  Don't go somewhere that's too loud because you won't be able to talk, and I have a feeling that's important to you.  And if you're really into sports, you might wanna look into a sports bar.  You probably know how sports fans like to be around "one of their own".  The point is, do your research and know what you’re getting into before you go there.

As for other places, if you want to strike up an interesting conversation, go somewhere that is interest-based, so there's an automatic talking point.  This can be anything from a poetry reading, a museum, a concert (though you can only talk before and after the show), a book store (libraries probably aren't a good idea because you're not supposed to talk there), church, the gym, a class, even an intramural league.  The point is, find something you enjoy and go somewhere where other people who enjoy it might be.  You'll already have something in common, which makes things much easier.  And even if you don't meet someone, you're still having fun.  The goal is to strike up an interesting conversation.  Most women love to talk.  If you’re a good conversationalist, you shouldn’t have too many problems.

2.  Yes, we do this.  Not all the time, but I’d bet that almost every woman has at some point, whether she wants to admit it or not.  Most don’t do it often, though.  But be careful.  Some women want to meet someone interesting that they could potentially have a relationship with.  That’s good.  You want that.  But there are also some that do it only because they want to feel hot or sexy.  You don’t want that.  Because in those cases, they’re often feeling bad about themselves for some reason.  Maybe they’re lonely and desperate.  Maybe they just got out of a relationship and they’re on the rebound.  The problem is that it can be hard to figure out which kind of girl you’re dealing with until you get to know her better.  I’m not saying these women are bad people.  I admit that I have done this stuff on occasion.  It’s just bad timing.  Oh, and this is probably a no-brainer, but if you want something meaningful, don’t sleep with the girl right after meeting her.

This could just be me, but the phrase “hit on” has a sort of bad connotation to it.  I often think of a guy with some cheesy pick-up line who’s just looking to get laid.  You don’t want to come off as that guy.  So here’s a good method.  Think back to college, or your first day at a new school.   You didn’t know anyone, but you knew that you had to make friends quickly if this new environment was going to be enjoyable.  Whatever you did then to make new friends is what you want to do here.  Because when you want to be friends with someone, you’re clearly interested in the person underneath.  And that’s what we all want in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

As far as determining whether it’s a good idea to “hit on” (we really need a better phrase for this) a woman, it’s mostly about reading body language, which can be a bit complicated to explain.  Oh, and if you’re interested in a girl that you’re meeting at an event of some kind, like a class or a concert, the best times to approach them are before, after, and during any breaks.  Because if they’re really interested in what’s going on, they could easily get annoyed by interruptions.

3.  Some do, yes.  And some are probably lying, but for the most part, if they say they’re just going to dance, they’re just going to dance.  I used to think a club might be a good place to meet a guy, but I realized that the guys that approached me wanted nothing more than to get me into bed.  Some didn’t even bother to learn my name.  And hey, sex is great, but I want more than that.  So I made a resolution not to go out with guys I meet at clubs.  I’m sure there are genuine guys there too, but they’re few and far between, and most women know this.  So the kinds of girls that you’re looking for probably won’t like you simply because of the location.  For guys just looking to hook up, clubs are fine.  But if you want something real, that’s not your venue.  Because even if you are genuine, you probably won’t be seen that way.

And actually, I should probably amend my statement that girls are usually just looking to dance when they say they are.  They do often go to get stared at and be seen as sexy, and to get free drinks.  But usually, no matter how well you think you hit it off with them, chances are, you’ll never see them again.

4.  No.  Lots of guys do it.  And, honestly, I’d rather have a guy come up to me alone than with a wingman.  We know all about that technique, and it comes off about as cheesy as your typical pick-up line.  But if you feel more comfortable going to these places with friends, do it.  Just don’t bring a friend along if you’re approaching a girl, unless it’s a group of girls and you’re both interested in some of the girls there.  And keep in mind that the friend(s) you do bring doesn’t have to be male.  A growing trend in some major cities is the idea of the “wingwoman”.  If you don’t know what that is, you should look it up.  It’s kind of like a wingman, but female.  Women are more likely to let their guard down around other women, probably because of the instinct to stick together.  There’s a reason we often do things in groups.  The only time it would be a good idea to approach a woman alone with one of your friends is if the friend is female.  It feels less threatening that way.

5.  I think this desire to have a “confident” man is a result of women being ingrained with antiquated ideas about dating and relationships.  For example, men would ask the women out because they’re the ones paying when they go out.  They’re the ones paying because they would have more money due to the fact that they had better jobs.  And they had better jobs because they were expected to be the breadwinners while the women were expected to stay home.  I could be totally wrong, but I honestly think that’s where this comes from and that most women don’t even realize that may be the reason.  We don’t usually feel comfortable asking guys out or paying for dates because we’re taught that that is the man’s role.  And some women feel like if they have to ask a guy out, there’s something wrong with them.  No, I don’t think it’s fair.  Times have changed a lot since the 1950s, and there shouldn’t be this much pressure on guys, but that’s just how it is.

As far as what “confident” actually means, that can change a bit from woman to woman, so I’ll just say what I like.  I personally have a strong personality.  I don’t want to be with someone who has a weak one.  My reasoning is that I don’t think people with weak personalities are as interesting as ones with strong personalities.  I want to be treated with respect, and I don’t like being ordered around, but I don’t want someone who will just agree with everything that I say.  I like hearing different points of view.  It makes life more interesting.  And if they have a weak personality, I could probably walk all over them without even realizing it, and I don’t want to do that.  It wouldn’t be good for either of us.

6.  Some do.  This varies considerably among women.  There are a lot of women who are looking for excitement and adventure, and they might be more concerned with the “coolness factor” as you put it.  But there are also a lot of women who just want a great companion, someone they truly connect with, and they’re more interested in getting to know you and the person underneath.  Don’t feel you have to change yourself for anybody.  There are plenty of women who will like you the way you are.  Just be confident.  People want to be around people who like themselves.  When you believe in yourself (without getting unreasonably cocky), you attract people easily.

7.  I’ve never really thought about this, but it probably is better to wait until you’re alone with her, if possible.  If people are around, she might feel pressure to say yes or no, depending on the situation.  And you want her answer to be what she truly wants.  If she’s alone, she’s less likely to be influenced either way.

I really hope everything I said helps.  I’m not guaranteeing that it will be 100% right because it’s quite likely that it isn’t.  But I am confident that most of what I said is right and will help you out a lot.  Feel free to ask me anything else about the subject.  I’ll do what I can. :)

Seriously, do you know any women at all? How about remembering all women are people, and therefore the answer to the last three questions will always be "it depends"? Some women like a dominating personality, or seem to be superficial or whatever, and some aren't.

This post honestly freaks me out. It reminds me of this article, just in the way you seem to think of women as some kind of inscrutable Other rather than people with thoughts, feelings, and so many wonderful complexities.

LOL your women questions made me laugh.  Seems like you have a negative opinion of women and thats why youve never been in a relationship.

5)  Confindent not cocky.  Of course it's ok to be nervous, just realize you don't need to be.  Women are just people.  They are not better than you.  Show her your proud to be with her.

6.)  Maybe "cool-ness" is what gets a lady's attention, but it's not what most women care about.  It's about personality.  Being a gentlemen.  Women like respect, and to be protected and taken care of.  It's those little things that women adore, not the "dancing monkey" type personality.  Take note of the little things and she will surely notice.

7.)  This one i'm not too sure about.  If she is with a group maybe you could get her to take a couple steps away.  That way u have some privacy and she can still feel safe close to her group.

1) nowhere, single women don't congregate anywhere to find men. 
SMART women, don't need to go anywhere to find men.  Men come to THEM... seriously

2) No. They usually hate it, 4/5 i would say. 

3) Yes, desperate and insecure women you don't really want to date DO go to clubs . 
this is in addition to #1, independent and smart women are too busy with their lives, career and friends to bother going to clubs and bars.  if they do go it's to meet up with their own friends.

4) I have done it and have gotten away with it and gotten numbers.  but yes it is weird if you don't blend in correctly.     

5) this would take an essay to describe. confidence is NOT asking all these questions about how to accomodate and get a girl, rather you should be asking why am I asking all these questions on getting a girl? f'it! i'm gonna be my own person and if they come great, if not i'm gonna live my life... something that you seem to be lacking from all these questions.  that's confidence.  it seems like you always wanted a girl even before you ever knew you wanted one. 

6) they look for it ALL. lesser girls look for less of it.  but they want it all. just as much as you want a cool sexy girl, but instead you settle for cool and okay.  

7) you ask when you feel like asking, NOT when it's appropriate.