...by answering these questions. Okay, here's the deal. I'm 25 and I've never really been in a relationship and I thought it would be cool to try it out. Now I could just go out there and try to find someone but before I do that, I thought it would be a good idea to ask everyone here for advice and lessons from their own past experiences and heart aches. I mean it would save a lot of time and pain right? I need all the advice and wisdom in this crazy dating world and to understand the intricate minds of women.
And please respond in numerical form (as in put a number next to your response so I know which question you're answering)Places
1) I want to meet single women but I'm not a big fan of clubbing, and I only like certain types of bars. Actually scratch that, I heard that meeting women at bars and clubs are not a good idea.
Where's a good place to find single, smart, funny, women? Feel free to list by category. Like where do smart women hang out? Or indie-hippie sheik-bohemian type women? Or friendly bookworm women?
2)
Do women go to other places expecting to get hit on? I don't mean that in a demeaning way but removing bars and clubs leaves a small amount of places to choose from. Like if you see a hot girl sitting at the park not doing anything and she looks bored, is hitting on her a good or bad idea? What about a yoga class? Super Market?
3)
Do women really go to clubs just to dance? WTF? Or is the "I'm just here to dance" excuse just a copout because they don't want to look like sluts in front of their friends? Some friends tell me that girls expect to get hit on in bars and clubs, but then some girls say, I don't go to a club or bar just to hang out with friends. WTH, why couldn't you just stay home and hang out and save me the trouble of getting rejected because you wanted to pay for expensively priced drinks.
4)
Is it weird for a guy to show up alone at places like clubs and bars? My close friends are either taken or just not the clubbing/barhopping type if you know what I mean. I just feel weird when I show up to these places alone. It's like I can't get into the same groove as opposed to when I'm with my friends. Or I feel like a complete lame-o.
Women Questions5) When you say you like confident guys what does that exactly mean? Like I make all the decisions and take my needs and wants over yours? I have to be a super alpha male and I have to be the dominant leader of all things? Does this mean you expect me to make the first move? Never get nervous or worried? You expect me to always have the right things to say?
6) Do women look for excitement and coolness-factor before they go for substance and character? In all honesty, do I have to be a dancing monkey first before I become boyfriend material?
7) Do I have to ask girls out when people aren't around, or when her friends aren't around? Or when people aren't around in general. It's just a theory I have, but every time I've asked a girl out she gets all nervous and looks around whenever I've asked and there's people around.
Look for Part II tomorrow!
Comments (74)
Hmm, I'm actually pretty curious on what some girls will say about that second question.
1. I'd say networking events, book signings, professional happy hours, or informational seminars
2. Yes. I've been hit on at places I go to regularly like: shopping, book stores, networking events
3. I'd say yes. Some women only go just to dance. Or in my case, I only go because my friends really want to go and they invite me. I can't stand the club. Huge waste of money. I just don't see a return on the investment of me coming. I don't buy drinks & I've spent $30+ on a night out, but have had more fun at home alone or at home hanging with a group of friends.
4. No. I get hit on most when I am alone. I'd feel more comfortable talking if he was alone. I wouldn't consider him odd/strange/weird at all.
5. A guy who doesn't talk down about himself and is confident about where he stands in life with his career & his own self image. If he doesn't like a few things about where he is....I'd say that he has a plan/action/ambition to get where he wants.
6. I'd say character, substance, excitement, coolness. Character is the biggest point.
7. I'd prefer to be asked privately, but in front of my friends isn't bad.
Where's a good place to find single, smart, funny, women? - well, you could try the park, community places (like bowling alleys, pool halls, etc.) also, grocery stores, libraries, or have your friends set you up on a couple blind dates
Do women go to other places expecting to get hit on? Sometimes. - If there is a girl sitting on a bench looking bored, she probably is. Go talk to her, feel out the scene and take it from there. Don't be creepy though.
Do women really go to clubs just to dance? - Yes, women do go just to dance. I do anyway. Every now and then I'll ask my husband to take me dancing and we end up at the local club. Women dance at clubs because it's fun and it's loud and it's just a good time all around. Again, don't be creepy.
Is it weird for a guy to show up alone at places like clubs and bars? - I think it is. Normally a club is a place you go with friends. If it's a bar, like a sit down at the bar kinda place, then it's not so bad. But if you show up at a club all by yourself, yeah, that's kinda weird.
When you say you like confident guys what does that exactly mean? - Confidence doesn't mean we want you to control us. We don't want you asking every 5 minutes if everything is okay, or asking of we're mad at you. We want you to make the first move 80% of the time, and we want you to be able to protect us. We want a man, not a boy.
Do women look for excitement and coolness-factor before they go for substance and character? - I want someone I can relate to, in a serious way as well as a fun way. You don't need to be a "dancing monkey", but you do need to show me your fun side and your serious side while getting to know me.
Do I have to ask girls out when people aren't around, or when her friends aren't around? - I would say yes. Asking someone to date you is something private. It's something that should be done on a date, or after a date (a good one of course) but not when everyone is around you. Do it alone.
Hope that helps!
You could find nice/smart single women pretty much anywhere like the park, the beach, the mall, the bookstore. I don't know if anyone goes out expecting to get hit on (though I figure that some people probably do), but if you see a girl looking bored at the park, I don't see why you shouldn't talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk to you, she'll probably let you know.
And being confident just means that you believe in yourself. It means that you don't think you're a loser. If you think you're not good enough to be someone's date, why would anyone think otherwise? That's how I see it. It doesn't mean that you have to be some super alpha male or something.
Also, some women look for excitement first, while others look for substance first... though, I fail to see why those two would be mutually exclusive. Anyways, it's different for everyone. Some women will prefer that you are, as you say "a dancing monkey" first, and some women won't.
Hi.
1) Are there any women that you work with? Generally, the workplace is a good place to meet women since majority of the time, people are working. However, it may not be the best place to start up a relationship in case it doesn't work out and you have to see the person the next day. Do you have any friends who are women? Maybe one of them could set you up?
2) I think its flattering when a man takes interest in me and I get hit on; I'm sure thats the way it is with most women. And most of the time, you don't have to even say anything, a smile does the trick.
3)Clubs are fun places to hang out and dance. Ive gone on dates with guys Ive met at the club before. It's just another place to meet people. However, in my opinion, its a hypersexual arena (the way people dance is mostly grinding on each other and its like dry-humping), so when you happen to ask someone out and go on a date, the environment is different. They may not be the same person you met at the club.
4) Yes; it is very weird for a guy to come to club by himself.
Women Questions
5) Confidence means you that you like who you are. I wouldn't want to date someone who constantly puts themselves down, because it would be too much work to encourage them all the time.
6) All women are different. I like funny people. I like laughing, so if a guy can make me laugh then he's in the door and in consideration for whether he's boyfriend worthy.
7) Ask when she's alone. That way, the moment is yours and hers only.
I hope this helps!
Confidence really cannot be defined, it is what it is. When you know you have it, than use it. I used to be shy, I changed myself by doing what I was always nervous to do. You can too =)
I don't respond well to random attention, so I'm going to leave the first set of questions up to more the more qualified.
Confidence is extremely important, but there is a difference between being confident and dominating. The examples you gave are more of being dominating.
The first part of being confident is simply how you interact with people in general. Do you seem comfortable with your appearance (and on the same page, do you actually present yourself nicely)? Do you stand up straight? Do you look people in the eyes when you talk? Do you speak up or mumble? Can you express yourself coherently?
In a relationship, part of the kind of confidence that is wanted is the ability to make a decision. It's also important to not be clingy and dependent. That does NOT show confidence at all.
For your info just because females dont want ur ass doesnt mean they going to sit home because such and such is going to be there and he doesnt want to get rejected.
For one im the type that LOVVVES to go to the clubs and dance my ass off without a damn man getting behind me trying to dance with me, or trying to spit there game at me. The club isnt a place where u go to find love at thats the worst place u can go to find love in the first place. first off u will run into alot of drunk females who will flirt with u that night and the next day will think ur a looser because like DUH she was drunk and just flirting and having a good time. dont bother calling her or trying to get to know her because it aint that type of party the next day. If anything if u was fun that night she might want to go out next friday with u so u can buy her drinks other then that dont expect much.
Normally when u look u will never find love, but if u happen to not be looking then u just might find someone. stop sounding so desprate and be a lil patient. Its not attractive and now i see why u cant find a girlfriend.
If u sound deprate over a computer then it must be worse in person.
1) you can meet women in a lot of places, i assume by your blog that school or work isn't a great option for you? even so, just random places like the store or park works, but so do places that interest you. i'm into gambling, if i were single, i'd hit on the women at the track. if you're into books, there's the library, bookstores, book clubs, ect.
2) if you see an attractive girl just go ahead and talk to her, assuming it won't make her uncomfortable
3) cant speak to this one
4) yea, it looks kinda weird to women, plus its just socially awkward. go with a guy friend you're cool with, as long as he isn't a douchebag, hopelessly annoying, or have any other characteristics that are likely to drive women away
Oh, and when you're asking her out or something like, do it when she's alone. At least, that's what I perfer. o-o
You can't just expect to go to one place and find "love", let it come to you.
Woo! Okay, I'll help you but one things for sure, all the advice and wisdom in the world won't help you understand the intricate mind of women. That's something you experience on your own. Soo!
1. You can meet a woman anywhere. Just know when it's the time.
2. This question is subjective, some women do, some women don't and some are neutral and could care less. If it happens, it happens, whatever. And I know I wouldn't want to be blatantly hit on at the supermarket but it would be nice if a guy just came up to talk to me. Just to talk. I've heard way too many obvious come on greetings from guys and though it could be flattering, it gets annoying.
3. I guess, not sure. But probably and some probably don't. I don't think girls go to clubs to find a relationship or a nice date more so a hook-up.
4.No. I'm pretty much a loner myself. I think it would give me more of a reason to talk to you...or someone could think you look like a serial killer depending on how you carry yourself when alone.
5. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that, it's not that we want someone who's confident and speak to a crowd impromptu and adress complete strangers about the most random things but we just don't want a pushover. We want you to have a stable mind, opinion, and we don't want you to let us push you over, no dor we want you to push us over.
6. Some do. What can I say, some people are shallow but remember, not everyone's like that.
7. This one depends on the girl. If you know her well enough, you'll know.
well I would suggests going to shows and concerts to find women.... I'm not exactly sure how old you are but maybe going to see one of your favorite bands and then meeting someone who likes the same band as you is a great idea. because you already have something in common.
As for seeing a girl in a park, its always easy if she has a dog with her, and the dog is friendly. You can go up to it and pet it while asking her questions about it... such as what bred is it or how old and then moving on to if you have a dog or not... its an easy way to start converstation with out being to forward.
Going to clubs and bars are kinda tricky because a lot of times girls aren't looking for anything serious. Plus, although drinking may loosen things up it may also be smarter to talk to someone when they are sober just because you know you're talking to the real person who isn't under the influence of anything.
Confidence is great but you should have a good balance between confidence and modesty. Some girls prefer to let the guy be the first ones to ask them out on a date. But if you are the one who asks her you should be the one planning the night. Don't ask her too soon... if you meet someone you're interested in ask her for her number. Then contact her a day or so later and ask her on a date a couple days after that. The suspense is great!. And if you feel like she was into you during the date such as, you were making her laugh and she was asking questions about you she is interested.... then kiss her at the end! It will make her blush and think about you the whole rest of the night.
You should try to ask her out when its just the two of you but I would try to getting to know her by talking to her and asking her questions and being funny then ask for her number then call or text her and ask her out that way.
Just be yourself because if you try to be something you're not she will catch on to it. I'm not sure if you're a funny guy but for me personally I love it when a guy is a goof ball. When a guy is funny I feel like I have more chemistry with them and it shows that they can let loose and be themselves.
Hope that helps! good luck!
1. Try taking a class, like a cooking class or a pottery class or whatever. Then you'll meet people who want to learn something new.
2. I don't really go anywhere expecting to get hit on. Well, when I do my shows, I somewhat expect it will happen, but I usually don't really want to be hit on after I sing...
3. Yes, some of us actually do. Or we're there because we got dragged there by our friends when we aren't really nightclub people...
4. It depends on the guy. If he looks creepy, it's weird. But if he looks like he's comfortable being by himself and just wants to have some fun, nothing weird about that.
5. Being confident just means he is comfortable with himself, where he is in life, and who he is. You don't have to be "strong" all the time or never have doubts or be perfect, just comfortable with who you are. We don't want to feel like making you feel good about yourself is mainly our responsibility, because that's too much work.
6. Some girls do. But the ones who've been around a bit longer don't. I don't think it's an either/or thing. I want someone fun and exciting, but if he's a fun and exciting drug addict, I might get a crush on him, but I won't actually date him. And whatever you do, don't try to pretend to be something you aren't. If you actually prefer calm settings, don't pretend you prefer loud, crazy nightclubs, for instance. It will just attract the wrong kind of person for you, and how long do you really want to go on dates to places you are only pretending to like? But no, you don't have to be a dancing monkey. Just be who you are and someone will think that's cool.
7. I don't like being asked out in front of other people. It makes me feel too self-conscious. But if you just talk to me in front of other people, no problem there. Just don't ask me out in front of other people.
Funny ^_____^.
I get hit on in random places, but I really don't mind it. Guys who ask out girls in public, during the daytime tend to be less sleazy than the ones in clubs on Saturday nights.
What's wrong with dancing at a club...? I go to a club...to dance...where else could I do it? My dorm room? In my parents' living room? I thought guys went to clubs to get a chance to grind on some semi-hot girl for an hour or two.
I do get weirded out when people show up to clubs alone. It's like showing up to a party alone, and you don't know anyone. Plus, it's also a sign that the guy doesn't have too many friends, and I like guys who have their share of friends.
When I say I like confident guys, I mean I don't like pussies. Guys who look down when they walk, who will have a question, but will be scared to ask it in a group of friends. It's unattractive when a guy says something to a group, and no one pays attention, even more so if he repeats himself and still no one responds. He has to have at least some presence. Then again, I hate alpha males. So macho, so Mr. Man-man. I need a guy who can be silly sometimes, not someone who dominates the entire room, and always feels the need to. I don't mind dating guys who are in the middle in terms of dominance; I just won't date the cocky, egotistical alphas or the pussies. I love when guys make the first move because if they don't...it's not like I ever will. I don't like smooth-talkers, the guys who are so experienced they know all the right lines in their head. The best guys are the ones who will have words stumble out of their mouth, but as clumsy and their sentences may be, their words really show that I'm special to them and that I mean very much. I hate indecisiveness, though. If you ask me where I want to eat and I say I don't know, PLEASE don't say that you don't know either, and then force us into silence. Don't command me by your decisions, just make decisions together with me, and if I don't know what I want, suggest things you like.
Coolness factor is definitely a plus if the guy is a relative stranger, but with guy friends, I obviously go for the caring, down-to-earth, funny guy. However, definitely don't be boring or bland the first few weeks I know you or else I might just forget you because it's not like we had a bond, anyways.
Yeah..I'd prefer if you didn't ask me out when I'm with friends. Awkwardness, pressure..
1) you can meet girls anywhere, at the beach, at the park, at school, at the library, at the book store, at volunteer events, at work, you can pretty much meet them anywhere...
2) this one depends, normally i would flirt with them first, if they flirt back, then that's my cue to make a move... but yeah, that's best used for good looking guys... if that's not for you, then you just have to take the gamble... usually you can tell if the girl is interested or not... if she's not, then you don't ask for a number (otherwise she'll think you're a persistent creep)... but yeah, normally the best way to get her number is to find a common ground, say you both like to play golf, then you could invite her for golf... then getting to the conversation might be the difficult part, that's where your observation skills come in handy...
3) didn't you say you didn't want to use the club/bar... it's not the best place to meet girls... most of the girls go clubbing to dance or to have fun... not to get pick up by guys (if any, it's probably a quickie)...
4) you can pick up girls on your own; you don't need to have wing-men... you just have to feel and be the atmosphere; LOL... like if it's the club, you have to look lively... but yeah, how would they know you're with your friends or not (you can text your friend and say "going for a late-snack with this girl i just pick up")... personally i find it weird, so i don't do it...
girls tend to like guys who are confident with who they are... and you don't have to make all the decisions; you just need to be able to suggest options... say if she likes sushi, then you need to have a couple of sushi places in mind... also, girls tend to like guys who know how to have fun; like not crazy fun (e.g. partying); more like has a sense of humor... girls, did i say anything wrong?
carpe diem
hey
so me and my bf met in church, and i don't go clubbing or whatnot, so kinda useless there...never been hit on at a club since i'ver never been, and my extra-curriculars for HS were MUN and swim team, and I didn't mind being hit on as long as it wasn't OBVIOUS =P
ummmm when guys come talk to me at the gym i just kinda smile...and then run away to my dad since he brings me....and honestly being hit on by middle aged men is just weird =S as for younger guys, i don't mind if they talk to me as long as they don't interrupt my workout...talk to me when im resting and i'll be fine =)
as for your other questions, here they go:
5) When you say you like confident guys what does that exactly mean?
To me, confidence is just knowing what you want and not being able to get it, in a way that lets you still maintain your integrity. I do expect my boyfriend to make all decisions (for now) but as time goes on, I'll take on the little ones and expect him to make the big ones. Honestly, the reason I want you to decide stupid little things like dinner is to see your decision process, and to train you for leadership in a marriage and later a family when you're the head of the household. Does that mean you put your wants and needs over mine? Not at all, it means you consider them, and then do whats best for US.
6 Do women look for excitement and coolness-factor before they go for substance and character?
nope. definitely not a dancing monkey =P I look for both at the saaaaaaaaame time =P show me you have both and then it's fine. Like my bf was all cool and fun and stuff, but at the same time I could see him taking the time to really connect with his friends and spend just one on one time with them too, and that he cared for them. and then later that transferred to me =) go me =)
7) Do I have to ask girls out when people aren't around, or when her friends aren't around?
Meh, I'd say her friends aren't paying attention....like don't go ASK if you can talk to her, just find a moment =)
Wow, at least you have the positive attitude in dealing with a new adventure in your 25 yrs of life.
1. This is tricky because women expect guys to hit on them and talked to (in that expected slight slurred speech) in bars and clubs but when you try to approach someone while coherent and sober in a public, non-alcohol provided locations, generally most women shrink away with their Mp3s and feigned ignorance. But if you make small talk sincerely and with genuine wit (no pick up lines), it doesn't matter where you do it. Although Starbucks or cafes are good, libraries, bookstores (since they'd like to read, eh?) or even at a bus stop.
2 & 3 When I go clubbing to just have a good time DANCING with my girl friends, I usually go in with the mind frame that the guys that end up talking to me (or shouting of the music) are not to make friends but to see if I'll be interested in them in a non-platonic way. Thus, I don't really be myself when I go... It's true, I can be quite antisocial in spite of being in a social scene. *shrug* My friends usually dress in that certain way because they EXPECT attention from guys and although they complain when a man can't take a hint of a NO, they get disappointed if a man does not approach them. It's just about common sense, if she's displaying clear distict negative body language, move on. If she's interested, I think you'd figure it out.
4. Yes, it is a little weird for a guy to be in a club/bar by himself. It looks like he's going for the sole purpose of finding someone to casually 'hook' up with and that never looks good. I know it's even worse when you go in a pair with a buddy because that's demonstrating a 'classic' wing man pattern but *shrug* go in a group to have fun in a club but not to meet women. I don't really suggest that nightlife scene to meet someone with your sought out qualities.
5. Confidence: the way you carry yourself, your ability to be coherent and articulate, direct eye contact, willingness to try something new, comfortable in your skin and your environment and furthermore, just how you roll with the way things are. If she said something unexpectedly and you choked, stammered and panicked your way through a conversation, that would be the demonstration of what is not to be confident. But if you used some quick wit or was comfortable to make an ass of yourself to direct the conversation to where you'd know how to deal with (maneuvering and managing convo topics takes practice but it's not that hard) her responses show you are adapatable and wouldn't be stuttering because of an expected action or question. That's how I define it anyways...
6. I'm with a guy who loves riding his fast bike and contemplating to get another tattoo for no apparent reason except that it's "cool." Coolness factors are completely overrated and I personally have no taste for fast moving vehicles or permanent body art so in that theory, I shouldn't be with this guy. LOL When I first met him, it was at a wine bar and the bare minimum things I knew about him that night were: he plays golf, he drinks like a fish, he works 60 hrs a week (workaholic) and is Italian. Not exactly the cool and exciting isn't it? But I like not so exciting guys... So I think generally, girls who are looking for someone of substance (ie. boyfriend and/or long term) wouldn't be looking for that 'cool' factor unless it was something they (in particular) thought was "cool" instead of following the mind of the herd.
7. It doesn't make a difference as long as you can use it to your advantage; asking her out on 1:1 or in a group setting, if you're comfortable with yourself and the people around you, it just shows that you're really confident to be BOLD. And if you do it in a personal setting or by herself, it shows that you're being sincere and intimate rather than for show, so it can either way. However it turns out, just make sure you're comfortable, confident and articulating your point clearly.
Anyways, good luck. It's good that you're taking initiative to get a better idea of what is expected than to blunder into the world of dating by visiting the nightlife scene and end up bitterly disappointed by the lack of success. OVERALL it is a trial-and-error system, just think of every encounter as a practice and don't get impatient and/or anxious. Goodluck!
1) Book signings, lectures, church events, bookstores ... the internet? Dog walks lol ... charity events, volunteer at places.
2) Er, I don't think so?
3) Yep. I, personally, have never gone clubbing, but I know a bunch of my friends who go clubbing for the sake of dancing. If they meet a guy, then hey! But their main intention is to have fun and not worry about school and whatnot.
4) I would think so. It might look a bit too desperate. Go with a buddy!
Women Questions
5) A guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to be himself.
6) I don't think so. I would rather a guy to be himself and make me laugh than a cool and mysterious guy.
7) I say ... ask her when you think the time's right. Maybe her friends are there (it might prompt her to say yes? lol) or maybe not.
Hey there!
1) For the type you're looking for, try local places such as coffee shops, markets, libraries, bookstores, etc.
2) I don't know if woman expect to be hit on, but it doesn't hurt to try. I'm sure each woman is different and some may like it and some may not. So just try!
3) I'd like to think girls go to clubs to have a good time.. whatever that may mean to them. To some, they may be looking to get hit on. For others, they really just want to have a good time.
4) If you look confident, it doesn't look weird to be alone. If you need friend support to be more like yourself, then use it!
1) Having confidence is just being comfortable with yourself. But it is a fine line between confidence and cockiness, so be careful! If you are comfortable with yourself, it shows. Confidence is also being able to make a move, so try!
2) "Excitement and coolness factor" may be what attracts a lady at first. But any sane girl would definitely fall and commit to substance and character. However, excitement and coolness, so you say, is not the only things that can get a girl's attention.
3) Personally, I don't mind being asked out if I'm alone or with my friends. But if I am with my friends, I'd like to be taken aside to save myself and the guy from embarrassment.
1-3) Women always want to be hit on. No pevertedly sexually harrassed or anything. But at all ages, all status, even some nuns, would like to be hit on. Not because they're interested, but it is just a self-esteem booster. I have a boyfriend I'm very commited to, but every time a guy asks for my number it makes me day. It's a compliment. It is, at least, complimenting my appearence. And if a guy goes out of his way for a conversation, it is a bigger compliment. Like he's even complimenting my personality, saying that I at least seem interesting.
Also, there is no place a woman would not like to be hit on. If you want indie treasure trove chicks, go to coffee shops, thrift stores, and libriaries. In fact, I imagine few well read girls do not dream of meeting someone amazing in a library isle. The trick to getting a woman, anywhere, is hooking them in with witty conversation. You can meet a girl anywhere, hook her with quick witty banter, and then ask for her number. If she says no, she's scared or just not interested. No biggie. And if she is looking, then she'll be happy to see you again.Also, girls at clubs want to be hit on. They don't want to just say "oh yes, I'm here to find someone to sleep with at the end of the night" but there is a decent chance. When I'm at a club, I at least want to meet some guy to dance with. And he'd better ask for my number at the end of the night, even if I don't want to give it, he'd better ask.4) It isn't weird if you intend to approach women. It isn't attractive to have your male friends cheering you on in the background. It shows real interest and confidence if a guy can approach me, with his buddies no where around.5) Confidence means I don't want to see your insecurities, at least not until we're in a commited relationship. You need to be cool, assertive. I just don't want to see a fumbling mess. I want someone who seems liek the trust themselves and their own abilities with women. If you don't think you're good with women, why should I want you with me? And yes, you need to make the first move. End of story. It doens't matter how nervous you are, you must. I'm a feminist, but a guy better at least have the balls to kiss me first.
6) Depends on the girl you want. A girl who wants sex wants a guy with moves. A girl who wants more really just wants to see a charming personality. The type of girl you're looking for probably wants the type of guy you are.
7) It is better to ask a girl out in private. You can get her number in public, but making plans has less pressure and is just easier on your own.
1. If you're down for random girls, then you can find them anywhere but I feel that most of the time you're going to meet a girl through a friend at random places (parties, school, work, mall, outdoor activities, events) because it's just hard to approach a complete stranger and have a conversation unless you have something in common.
2. I think most girls don't really expect to get hit on unless they know that they're attractive. Attractive girls expect to get hit on and will most often think those guys are creepers and will instantly reject them.
3. Yes they really do go to clubs to dance. I've been rejected too many times to know this and that's why there really isn't any point to go clubbing anymore. It's a waste of money and a waste of time. In my opinion, clubs are meant for just hanging out with friends and branching out your networks. And also, you wouldn't want to date a club rat anyways.
4. I think that you should show up to bars/clubs with at least one friend. Unless you have some serious one-man game, I think a wingman would help a lot. One-man game works if you're in the right environment (shopping/events/park/bars* - sometimes though). Having a wingman to just boost the conversation or just to even guide you through the process helps a lot. I've been a wingman for a few of my friends by just helping with the flow of conversation and then they'll lock down on whoever they're interested in. You just need to try different things out and see what works and what doesn't.
5. Confidence is being yourself and not worrying about what other people think of you. It's that invisible aura that surrounds you when you first walk in that door. Just think of it as being comfortable with yourself. You don't let others influence who you are or how you think.
6. It depends on what you're looking for in the first place. Some girls like the crazy/fun factor type. Some girls like the guys who are more down to earth and chill. But honestly, if you have to change yourself to attract some girl you like, then she's not worth going for in the first place. The girl should like you for who you are, not the person that you're trying to become.
7. It really doesn't matter, although asking her out when she's alone is ideal. That way she doesn't feel any pressure from her friends or the people around her to accept/reject you. Sometimes if you ask a girl out randomly when she's not expecting it, she might overreact and say things she doesn't really mean but since you're the guy, timing has to be perfect.
Honestly though, you can't really look for a girl. Girls come when you least expect it, at least from my experience anyways.
Break all of the rules!
@tavatava@xanga - second that! :p
Hey! Hope this helps a little..
Places1) I'd say places like the library or the cafe at a bookstore. Also, bowling alleys like someone else said.. supermarkets... movie theaters.. really anywhere.
2) Do women go to other places expecting to get hit on?
I don't think we expect it, but it's not unwelcome if it happens. (So long as you're not a creeper.. so put that vibe on the downlow haha.. just kidding. I doubt you're a creep)
3) Do women really go to clubs just to dance?
Depends on the girl. Some want to meet guys, some want to hang out with their friends. Some want both.
4) Is it weird for a guy to show up alone at places like clubs and bars?
Women QuestionsThis I can't help you on. I'd say grab a wingman though.
5) When you say you like confident guys what does that exactly mean? Confidence is sexy because it makes a girl think that you'll take care of her. A guy who is confident in himself (but not too cocky, mind you) will be confident in the relationship. Be chivalrous.
6) Do women look for excitement and coolness-factor before they go for substance and character? No. Be exciting, be spontaneous, but substance and character are the prime pieces.
7) Do I have to ask girls out when people aren't around, or when her friends aren't around? Whenever you feel the time is right, do it. Usually it's better when her friend's aren't around so that she can gush about you later and tell her friends how great you are.
Hope I helped... sort of! Good luck & I look forward to hearing about the rest!
-Zanna