I've always been a one-man kinda woman. My first relationship lasted six years and the one after that lasted another year. I never minded being "so-and-so's girlfriend" or doing things as a couple. In fact, I liked it. A lot.
But now I've got myself in a pretty sticky situation: I'm a girlfriend and I definitely DON'T want to be.
How do I know this for sure?
Because I did the unthinkable - something I never did in all my seven years as a girlfriend. I cheated on my new boy.
But first, let me explain the situation.
I had been off-and-on with a guy (someone I'd been friends with throughout the seven years; I was always someone else's girl) for the past year. Things never really got serious because he lived a little too far away and although we connected physically, I still felt mostly "friendly" feelings toward him emotionally.
Until about two months ago when things really started to heat up for us. I moved to my parent's house for the summer and so, since we were a lot closer in proximity, we hung out a lot more often. He started to call me his "girlfriend" and I started to really feel myself falling for him - even though I knew that realistically, because of some extraneous circumstances, it probably couldn't work long-term.
Nevertheless, I felt myself falling for him really hard. But, as I'm usually a fairly logical person, I listened to my head over my heart and broke it off with him. In hindsight, I realize that I was just terrified to fall in love again. He took it in stride and left me alone for a few weeks. And, conveniently enough, new boy toy stepped onto the platform of my life at the same time and (probably because I was hurting) filled the hole I felt in my heart.
Fast forward to this weekend.
...I've been official with the new guy for about three weeks. But every time I'm with him, I imagine guy #1. I know my heart already belongs to someone else. So when that someone else started to call and text me again - asking if we could talk - I decided to listen to my heart.
Needless to say, our "conversation" went a little too far and we ended up sleeping together.
But what's worse is that I don't really feel guilty. I feel like now I know what I want - and even though my head tells me it probably isn't the best idea - I don't really care anymore. He asked me to be with him again and although I couldn't officially say yes, I know I want to.
Problem is, I don't know what to do about guy #2. He's absolutely crazy about me (perhaps a little too much so) and I don't want to hurt him. But I feel like I need to do what's right for me.
So I'm turning to you wise Datingish readers - how do I go about handling this situation?
Comments (67)
I think you need guy 3. You like drama.
honestly, three weeks isn't that long, so what does it matter? just say it's not working out. you could tell him or not about what you did ... but me, i'd rather not know, i think. but do what you think is best. however, personally... this boy #1 might make you happy... but what's the point of being with someone when it's not going to work out ?
@C_UNIT42@xanga - word. nice and to the point there bud.
Break it off with 2. Explain yourself fully with that. He deserves that much.
You will be branded a slew of things for the indiscretion, if he's average man.. marked simply as an infidel (forsaking all the other colorful terms, with that), if he's anything like me. It can't be avoided but the point is to learn that people aren't toys and they aren't cement. It's irresponsible to use them as fillers or comfort food.. because they become casualties when they learn they're not the main dish. It's also irresponsible to yourself to fill gaps that only time and rehabilitation through moving forward on your own can fill. You catch onto that, after so many times of just-after-a-real-lost-love encounters.
Erring is human, though. Remember this, as you'll need to forgive yourself for this one honest mistake that you uniquely realize it was (within your own jurisdiction and not that of others.. not the immediate and predominantly antagonistic vox populi, in particular)... in order to give your all to the path down which you have changed to be bound. Nothing short of that will be demanded of you, if there's truly a lot to conquer.
THEN, assuming your heart is a little more sure about man 1... tear up the road and go for that. There is no such thing as indomitable circumstance or things that can't be worked out, adapted, changed to make it work. You were given a brain and all the tools around it so you could be adaptable in your pursuit of happiness.. not so you can flow with the current of ease and convenience and accept the best of where that takes you.
I say abandon all inhibitions and chase what you feel strongly for now.. because, just like your realization that comes now that you've harmed someone in between, sometime waaayyy down the line.. maybe not till the end of your life..., you're gonna be fulfilled over the thought one more time solely because you did.. or...you'd live that same moment in regret... if you never did.
:).
if your heart tells you to be with this other guy i think it's best that you break things off with your new boy no matter how deeply in love he is with you because you clearly do not the feel the same towards him as he does you. the whole situation will just get out of hand if you let things linger on as they are now.
Tell the truth. Anything after that is up to you.
@azntync90@xanga - She did listen to her heart. That's how she ended up sleeping with the other guy :/
Breaking up with him will be much easier to take than cheating on him.
Maybe you should abstain from relationships. Heal a little bit and figure out what you want.
sit both of em down and tell them that yer a big ho, and then leave the country and become a nun.
You shouldn't be with someone if you're not feeling it. Obviously it's clear that your interest is for guy # 1. It'll suck for guy # 2 but lying to him will suck even more and even more so if he eventually finds out. Follow your heart and do what you think is right, for you. It's your life, not someone elses.
How would you want it handled if the guy you were dating and loved cheated on you? Think about that, then handle it that way.
@Cearce@xanga - LOL! <3
I think you should tell both guys. Tell Guy #2 you cheated, which should most likely lessen that over-infatuation you're weary of, and then once that's over with tell guy #1 about it and how you feel. Then, see where the wind takes it.
yup, its definitely best for you to break up with new boytoy. you gotta be true to yourself. and even if you feel selfish, remember that the longer u stay with boytoy - ur only lying to him too. he thinks ur crazy about him, but ur not. so its just a fake relationship when u think about it. as far as u urself, if u have to take some time off, then so be it. and if u wanna jump bak to boy #1 then so be it too. u really just gotta sit and assess the situation. good luck!
Hey there,
I think you should stay with guy #2 because he cares for you a lot. Guy # 1 as you said may not last very long. You shouldn't have let yourself get attached to guy #1, that was a mistake. It's bad that you don't care that you slept with guy #1 while you're in a relationship with guy #2. What right do you have to hurt someone like that? If you suddenly felt like its ok to cheat then its like you don't care at all about guy#2, so why write this post at all? Why don't you just continue beling selfish and cheat with whoever you feel like it?
I think you should break up with the new boy. Clearly you developed feelings with the old ones over time from "friendly" to clearly intimate. People on here are going to give you shit on the whole cheating thing, which i don't agree with cheating at all, but you're obviously confused on what to do if it came to the point about writing about it. Get rid of the new one, and go for the old one. Even though it will be awkward, you should show the resepct to the new one on telling him that you cheated, or that you still have feelings for your ex. Yeah it's hard, but you owe it to him. Good luck.
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - i agree. i am currently going through a similar situation (i didnt cheat, but the feelings are the same). Through everything, you want to make sure that you are happy in the end. Someone will always get hurt in situations like these, but you still need to do what has to be done.