I've always been a one-man kinda woman. My first relationship lasted six years and the one after that lasted another year. I never minded being "so-and-so's girlfriend" or doing things as a couple. In fact, I liked it. A lot.
But now I've got myself in a pretty sticky situation: I'm a girlfriend and I definitely DON'T want to be.
How do I know this for sure?
Because I did the unthinkable - something I never did in all my seven years as a girlfriend. I cheated on my new boy.
But first, let me explain the situation.
I had been off-and-on with a guy (someone I'd been friends with throughout the seven years; I was always someone else's girl) for the past year. Things never really got serious because he lived a little too far away and although we connected physically, I still felt mostly "friendly" feelings toward him emotionally.
Until about two months ago when things really started to heat up for us. I moved to my parent's house for the summer and so, since we were a lot closer in proximity, we hung out a lot more often. He started to call me his "girlfriend" and I started to really feel myself falling for him - even though I knew that realistically, because of some extraneous circumstances, it probably couldn't work long-term.
Nevertheless, I felt myself falling for him really hard. But, as I'm usually a fairly logical person, I listened to my head over my heart and broke it off with him. In hindsight, I realize that I was just terrified to fall in love again. He took it in stride and left me alone for a few weeks. And, conveniently enough, new boy toy stepped onto the platform of my life at the same time and (probably because I was hurting) filled the hole I felt in my heart.
Fast forward to this weekend.
...I've been official with the new guy for about three weeks. But every time I'm with him, I imagine guy #1. I know my heart already belongs to someone else. So when that someone else started to call and text me again - asking if we could talk - I decided to listen to my heart.
Needless to say, our "conversation" went a little too far and we ended up sleeping together.
But what's worse is that I don't really feel guilty. I feel like now I know what I want - and even though my head tells me it probably isn't the best idea - I don't really care anymore. He asked me to be with him again and although I couldn't officially say yes, I know I want to.
Problem is, I don't know what to do about guy #2. He's absolutely crazy about me (perhaps a little too much so) and I don't want to hurt him. But I feel like I need to do what's right for me.
So I'm turning to you wise Datingish readers - how do I go about handling this situation?
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Comments (67)
Suck it up and tell the guy; and then break it off with him. You're going to take massive flak for this; and rightfully so. There's never an excuse for cheating. EVER. By the very act of cheating, you made it quite clear you have no real interest in the guy you're with. So stop pissing about on the internet, and do what you should've done instead of posting here.
Just don't live to regret.
Ask yourself,
is it love or lust?If you're planning to stay with the one that's crazy for you, tell him. Actually, tell him either way. It's better than being a cold hearted liar.
i would break it off with your current boyfriend, give yourself some time to clear your head, and talk about being serious and making things work with the guy you can't stop thinking about. it might be hard, but like you said, you have to do what's right for you. and leading him on and cheating on him is worse when you want to be with someone else isn't good for the relationship at all.
does the guy you slept with know that you have a boyfriend? If not, tell him.
I think you need to tell your current boyfriend and break it off with him. Not telling him this will hurt him worse in the long run. If you like the other guy more than your boyfriend, it is a DUH to leave your boyfriend. Don't try to keep a relationship going where you don't have as much love for him than that other guy.
Tell both of the guys right away. Though you don't feel guilty, it will probably make a big mess of things if you don't tell guy #2. It isn't fair to keep him in a relationship when you have feelings for somebody else.
get ovur it & get on with yer lyfe
What you're doing isn't fair to either of them. From a third-person point of view, I'd say that you should start by breaking it off with your current boyfriend. If he's so into you after only 3 weeks, you may not like what he turns into in a few months.
Then after that point, give yourself some time to clarify what you really want. Enjoy the single life for a little while, and if your other guy truly has feelings for you, he'll understand. When your mind has cleared and your life begins to feel a little simpler, decide where you want to go with your other guy. It'll take some time and healing, but I think that's the best way for you to go.
And don't pay any attention to the harsh comments some of these people are leaving -- they probably only feel that way because they themselves have been cheated on.
Live in the moment, because that's all you have. Tell your current boyfriend you're just not feeling it anymore. It's not his fault it's just the way things are working out right now. And go for the guy you want. Even if it doesn't work out. at least you will know instead of wondering all the time.
. . . because we should take advice from the xangans most of which
who're high schoolers most of which who're pandering to tv and cute
xangans most of which who're pandering to high schoolers
If you want to be a good person consider what's best for him and do it. Obtain feedback.
You're already hurting him by cheating and staying with him out of pity won't help either one of you. Be honest with Guy #2, tell him you cheated [that ought to lessen his infatuation with you], and break it off if you want to be with Guy #1.
@Schristian@xanga - well said.
Do you even have to ask? Be with who you want to be with and let the other guy go. Don't stay in it because you pity him. Ultimately, you'll only have to answer to yourself, so do what makes your heart happy.
@Cearce@xanga - Is that supposed to make any sense? And most Xangans are not high schoolers. And even if they were, that doesn't mean that good advice can't come from people of younger ages.
I think you should do what's fair for the two guys, first. Make sure they both know what you've done, and then let them decide what will happen. Of course, if Guy 2 is still infatuated with you, I don't believe staying with him would benefit either of you in the long term. Hopefully, after everything has been said and done, you and Guy 1 will be happy. But be wary of the fact that the whole cheating scenario could come back as argument-ammo.
@Camouflaged_by_night@xanga - scroll up and quiet up
As said already, by cheating you have already shown a lack of interest in guy #2. Weather or not you break it off is irrelevant in my eyes, but either way you should tell both guys about what you've done and how you feel about it. You should tell them both the SAME story, but don't have them in the same area together because then it'll just turn into a fight over manhood. If you do break it off do not go to guy #1 right away. Give yourself some time. And you should at least tell guy 2 that you're contemplating breaking it off for HIS own good. Explain to him how you cheating is not his fault, most importantly, and tell him how breaking it off, if you choose to do so, will benefit each of you.
I'm not sure I explained this right, but I hope it helps at least.
i cheated before and it fucks up everything. the person i love most wont take me back. are you sure this is what you want? you can never go back
no one deserves to be cheated on
i fucked up...
@mindyeat@xanga - I feel ya
@milubbles@xanga - Truth!!!
live life with no regrets.
stop listening to your head and start listening to your heart.
Uhh----simple. Break it off with # 2?
if you love guy number one thats all good. the problem is that if you were with guy number 2 when you hooked up with guy number one, you're a slut. fuck sluts. you suck.
@C_UNIT42@xanga - agreed.
@Schristian@xanga - here here.
break it off with the current one. it's the best way. and well if the guy#1 makes you happy, then go with him. do what makes you happy, because in life in order to be happy, we have to be a little selfish