Saturday, 04 July 2009
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As The Gossip Started, I Wondered If They Were Right...
So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now, and I think he is the most wonderful person in the world. Now when it comes to guys, I usually go for the cute, geeky type; I'm not one to judge someone based on appearances. I'm attracted to my boyfriend and I love him to death, but many others don't seem to understand why. From the moment we started going out, people were making rude comments, like, "He's a nerd, lame, dork, fag, ugly..." and the list goes on and on. Now I never thought these things about him...ever, but as soon as the gossip started, I started to wonder if maybe they were right. And as all these negative opinions kept progressing, it started to bother me more and more. I started to feel almost embarrassed of him because of all the negative attention we were attracting. It made me feel terrible, as you can guess.
So I am starting to think that maybe I have a problem with caring too much what others think. Maybe there is this subconscious want to be accepted by everyone. But don't tell me, I already know it's ridiculous, I just don't know how to ignore it. So you tell me, do you think I want to fit in too much, or do you think that deep down I am embarrassed of him? ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT!
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- From: Complete_ChaosGRAFIXX@xanga
- Name: Lauren
- About Me: graphics that i find. not from xanga. feel free to take what you want. just please credit me if you take something. if you forget, no big deal. no worries. i won't comment you saying you stole my stuff like some other sites. enjoy!
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Comments (25)
"He's a nerd, lame, dork, fag, ugly..." There is nothing wrong with these type of people. I think that your group of friends doesn't like or respect nerds or geeks.
Maybe you could broaden your horizon on selecting friends. This could help because friends comes and goes. As long as your BF respects you, treat you well, and love you, it doesn't matter what your friends think.
When people say those things, respond with what you love about him- he makes you laugh, he's always honest, completely trustworthy, he stands up for you, he's original and interesting, he's romantic, he gives the best hugs, he loves you more than anything... etc etc and so forth. At the very least, it'll remind you of what you love about him, and maybe once they see how happy you are together they'll realize they're not getting the whole picture by judging on appearances. My boyfriend doesn't look like Brad Pitt, but all my girlfriends are jealous because they see what a great relationship we have.
Maybe you can reevaluate who you spend your time with. That kind of talk from "friends" is horrid. If it was said by random strangers or people you don't really know well, then ignore them. Only care about what YOU think. :)
That picture kind of creeps me out...
erms if your friends were the ones to say this, thne you need to get better friends. friends support each other in their choices of relationship. unless he's a bad person
I think you need to be around people are more mature. I mean, these so-called "friends" are they THAT much better than your bf? And how important to you to date someone that fits a certain criteria?
What other people think about me and the guy I'm dating does matter to me. I'd rather them think that we look good together and wouldn't label my boyfriend in such a negative way but if they do, I wouldn't be feeling embarassed about the fact they think that way if I LOVED him and if I knew he's the right guy for me. So the question is whether or not you're CONFIDENT about what you feel toward him and how much your decisions are influenced by the opinions of others. If you realize what these "friends" are saying about your bf means more than how good of a bf he is for you, you need to re-evaluate yourself and your relationships: with your bf and your friends. Until then this is going to bother you until a) you make friends with nicer people or b) you date someone they approve and/or think is attractive.
It dosent matter what others say, if you love him and care about him thats all that matters.
all you have to worry about is if he makes you happy.
you are with him for a reason...don't forget the reasons why you like/love him and got with him.
i mean unless he does something to ruin the relationship, cheats, abuse you ro whatnot, I don't see why you shouldnt give him a chance. Is he going to be the person you are going to marry? probably not. maybe he will be. But if you still like him and have feelings for him don't let your friends affect you.
you may fall out of like/love with him, but do it on your own terms and not because of what others say.
maybe your friends are just jealous and make them realize that they're just mad they cant find someone as great as him to love and cherish. that maybe when they have someone great they can talk shit about your boyfriend. you have to stand up for him and don't let their negativity influence you. if you truly loved him, you wouldn't let what people say change your view of him.
If he isn't a bad person at all & if you love him, then nothing else should matter, quite frankly.
i've never been one to believe in gossip or be the one to pass it, my best advice is go to the source of the gossip.
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - I agree... if you truly loved your boyfriend, then all the negativity would not change your view about him. You're the one dating him. It doesn't matter what they think. Maybe you are a bit self-conscious. :/
People used to tell me that my boyfriend was stupid and that I was making a mistake when I chose to date him. But I realized that I'd rather be with him than be with friends who put me down. You yourself mentioned that he is the most wonderful person in the world. Don't give that up because of the negative comments you are getting.
stay with the nerd. i've dated every kind of guy, (athletic, goths, nerds..etc) and a mix between goths and nerds are the best. (and for some reason nerds are awesome in bed). if he is a great guy, and you are attracted to him, its pretty shallow to leave him because of gossip. just remind yourself of all his good qualities. my fiance is a metal head/ nerd...and i love him
I agree with above commenters. If these people are saying these things to you about your boyfriend then you need new friends. I wouldn't put up with anyone saying anything like that about my man.
Your friends are jerks.
I understand the feeling, to a degree. The first guy I "dated" in high school, sometimes my friends would make little jokes to me about him. I tried to brush them off, but I started feeling really embarrassed. He was a bit on the nerdy side, and there was nothing wrong with that. But at that age I was pretty inexperienced and so these things affected me easily. Don't let the same thing happen to you.
Your friends are entitled to feel as they so choose, but when they say that about him in front of you, they're not just disrespecting him and your relationship, they're disrespecting you as their friend. It's none of their business who you date and they can be replaced if they're going to step beyond their boundaries as your friends. He treats you well and is wonderful; who cares what they think? Maybe broadening your horizons a bit and having some other friends besides them will be beneficial for you, especially if they're people who don't already have some sort of connection with your boyfriend. I think what it is is that they've known him from school or wherever and they're going with based on what the rest of the majority of the masses said.
I used to be hated by the majority of my high school class and that was because of what others told them about me. They didn't really know anything about me personally to be so critical of me like that, at least justifiably; they were just going by hearsay.
honestly if he makes you happy keep him forget what others have to say
really what matters at the end of the day is what you think and if you can sleep with your choices at night
what any one else says or thinks does not matter
your life live it your way
this happened to me
and i broke up with him over it..and it was something i regretted right after i did it
we eventually got back together..and we've made it to 4 months and are very happy and the friends have learned to just respect that we're together
If you fell for him before people started saying things, then you're not really embarrassed by him at core.
Trust your heart. I understand the underlying need to be accepted by others, but think about what would really make you happy. Because when people try to tell you what's right for you, they're usually wrong. Chances are they don't know your guy the same way you do.
Let what they say go in one ear and out the other. Don't try to make them understand what you see him, because they won't get it. Someday they'll see that he's a great guy, and a great boyfriend, like you know he is.
<3
last time i checked, relationships were between two people, not two people and whoever would like to throw their opinion in.
that's what i'd say to each and every one of my "friends" who were not respectful enough to realize i was happy with someone who may be different than what they'd pick out in a guy.
Well, since you love him, there must be certain qualities in him that you admire. And there must be times that he makes you feel comfortable with him. Hang on to these thoughts... Try to hold on the feelings of these moment.. and memorize them....
Next time when you feel you have to "comply" to how the rest of the world looks at you... try to recall those inner and important feelings u memorized how you feel about your boyfriend.... It would probably make you feel better.
Your mind tells you everything is allright, and when you are with him... your heart to. But like all others you just feel the urge you want to be accepted. Once you've started to accept your bf is a part of your life, you will think different about how to make "you" accepted by others. Or maybe u would stop caring about that aspect. :)
I truly hope this works for you. Things work out for me this way. I just never know how it works on others :). I guess u can always give it a try, right?
YOU are embarrassed.
you should be.
don't let things like that mess with your head.
i feel sorry for the poor guy.
he's the "victim" in this case.
I have the same problem as you. Like you, I tend to like the geeky, cute guys as oposed to the hot, buff guys. In my experiance they are nicer. I know what your saying, when I first starated dating my boyfriend people would ask me why i chose him and that hes too nerdy and his hair is to long. But I've come to realize they dont know him like I do so they have no right to judge them.
Im guessing hes nice to you or you wouldnt still be dating him so while your friends are important and making a good impression is important, you don't need to listen to the negative things they say about him.
Good luck, and I hope that helped some.
If my boyfriend went by what everyone said about me then he would have never swept me off my feet and gotten to know the real me. People are simply judging by appearances and it saddens me that people are causing so much drama about it. Why do they even care? Maybe there is something he did before you met him that affirms why people are so disgusted by him. All I know is that if your true friends see that you love him and that he is a great guy they will at least be happy for you.
If he really makes you happy, stay with him.
If he makes you really sad and you like him for the wrong reasons, well...yea
I am a guy and i for one know that if i wasnt making my gf happy then i wouldnt really be happy myself...