Friday, 03 July 2009
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You Can't Be a Bisexual Woman if You Only Want Men.
I'm sure I've written a variation of this post at some point in the fairly recent past, but I'm far too lazy to be scrolling through entries trying to locate the original post. Besides. If I have, it was probably privatized in response to another bout of family-drama, so let's pretend what I'm about to say here today is new and uncharted territory for me, shall we?
There's A Difference Between "Man, She's An Attractive Woman" and "Good God, I Want To Tear Her Clothes Off and Fuck Her Brains Out."Admittedly, it's a mouthful of a sub-title for this section of my post, but Goddammit, it's true. Moreso than men, women are all dainty lines and sloping curves; from the standpoint of pure aesthetics, women are attractive. As women, we're also more likely to recognize attractive members of our same gender than men are -- it's far more socially acceptable for me to find Angelina Jolie absolutely gorgeous than it would be for a man to gush about Johnny Depp's disarming grin. Whatever the reasons for it, women have a tendency to evaluate the attractiveness of their peers in a far more open and vocal way than men.
That being said, I think young women these days grip rather instinctually - and somewhat pathetically - to the rather trendy idea that finding another woman attractive automatically means they're bisexual. That somehow "Hey, she's pretty" equates to a deeper sexual attraction that can only be described as equal to (or maybe even greater than) whatever attraction they feel towards members of the opposite sex. That "She's got gorgeous eyes" suddenly means a desire to sexually experience the woman in question..
However, attraction (or finding someone attractive) is fundamentally different than sexual attraction (or finding someone sexually attractive). There is a vast difference between the desire to have sex with say, Eliza Dushku, and merely wanting to have those characteristics we find attractive in her.
You Don't Want to Have Sex with Her; You Just Want to BE Her. Sticking with the Eliza Dushku example (because good Lord, I really do want that woman to undress me with her teeth), I've come to the conclusion that young women are far more likely to admit to attraction than jealousy. In coveting say, Eliza's tiny waist, ample hips and dark eyes, they redefine the jealous/envious desire to be everything they find attractive about this other woman as, instead, a desire to have her.
Because boys are far more likely to find bisexuality attractive in a woman, and nobody likes a jealous bitch.
But the fact of the matter is, a lot of these 'bisexual' girls would turn tail and run at the first inklings of a true bisexual experience. Pour vodka down their throats, set them in front of a crowd of doting men, and they'll play tonsil hockey until they pass out, skirts up around their waists. But put those same two girls in a private room together - give them a chance to privately, soberly and honestly explore their sexual orientation - and a vast majority of these girls would run back to their boyfriends, eager to reassert their staunchly heterosexual tendencies.
They don't lie awake at night fantasizing about the subtle curve of breast to hip, the smell of shampoo in long dark hair, or the click of red heels against tile. They don't flirt with other women. They don't, when they find themselves single and on the lookout for potential relationships, even consider spending the night in the arms of a pretty woman. They just don't. Their fantasies, however twisted and kinky they might be otherwise, consist of heterosexual sex -- the good ol' peg-in-hole, as my ex used to call it. When describing their perfect mate, it's always "A man who..."; when picturing their future, it's always husband, wife, and biological children.
And It's Kind of Insulting to the People Who Really ARE Bi.While you're busy prancing around in your short skirts, purring to any man who'll listen that you'd be up for a threesome because you're bisexual, there are women (and men) who genuinely spend their lives sorting out whatever conflicting sexual feelings they have. Men and women who watch your attention-whoring, ignorant grabs for attention, and want to kill you for being so stupid. Goddammit, I read some of your posts and pulses, listen to your arrogant speeches, and -- cough. Right, misplaced rage.
The fact of the matter is, we know those formative years are hard on a girl. Those of us who've lived through it, we realize high school (and even college) is largely a desperate grab for attention, the misguided idea that holding on to the latest trend will somehow make life better. We realize that faux-bisexuality is just the latest of a long series of peer pressure-induced identity crises.
But it doesn't make you any less of a liar. It doesn't make you any less ignorant. And it certainly doesn't make you bisexual.
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- From: Kestryl@xanga
- Name: Kestryl
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- About Me: i'm slightly alcoholic, more than slightly psychotic, and desperately (over) emotional. still interested?
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Comments (149)
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - I'm a bisexual transsexual, and I just want to know where the fuck you are coming from with this comment, and why I'm held in contempt.
@Kestryl@xanga - Ah, Kes, do me. ;)
Yeah I never understood why some girls say they're bi, but clearly all they want is a man by their sides.
Haha I wrote a post about this and thankfully I got mostly positive feedback but I did have one crazy lady who told me I was spreading the rumor that bisexuality does not exist (which wasnt my point at all).
I'm tired of this bi/gay trend and I can't wait till it falls out. It's an insult to those who are actually trying to come out to their friends and family.
i totally agree!!
@xthread@xanga - lol
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - You're seriously just going to respond to my comment with "lol"? Really?
I find women attractive and I have had sex with one (in private, of course, and multiple times), but I would hesitate to define myself as bisexual. I only form strong emotional connections with men, and while that has no bearing on the sex aspect of sexuality, it definitely makes a relationship with a woman impossible. On account of this, I don't actually pursue women; despite my attraction to them, I don't identify with the feeling.
I've had a very hard time with my sexuality being a bisexual girl with a homophobic mother
ive been confronted and called a fake before because i haven't dated any girls, im still in my first relationship ever btw
and it also bothers my boyfriend quite a bit, because he's worried that i will want to leave him for a woman. Its not something i would, or could every strive to be for the " cool factor"
i hate trends
I've dated males and females and had strong feelings for both; thus I do identify as bisexual. To be honest, though, right now it doesn't matter because my current relationship is with a male. I don't understand why it appeals to men. I would think it would be..like your girlfriend hanging out with guys and you feeling slightly strange about it..only the slightly strange feeling comes about whether she hangs out with males OR females.
Bisexuality as a trend is stupid. I don't broadcast my sexuality to everyone I meet because it isn't necessary. The girls that make out with other girls at parties or are just "curious" because they think an actress is OMGZ SO GORGEOUZZ are not biesxual.
well i don't claim to be bisexual. i know that i can have sexual feelings towards women (and have in the past), i just don't see myself long-term dating a woman. what does that make me? sexuality isn't so easily defined, it is a broad scale...
Ugh, I hate those girls that try to attract guys in bars by pretending to be bisexual. It gives men the idea that lesbians and bisexual women are easy and trampy. As girls maybe these attention seeking women were never given any attention by their fathers, and therefore act it out in their adulthood. I have loved both sexes so I know that bisexuality is true because I have lived it. I don't care if anyone thinks my bisexuality is "trendy" or "hot," I just know that I like who I like regardless of gender.
Yes, like all young adults there will be some bisexual girls that get around but we all should not be judged by their behavior. I am 26 and I can count on one hand the number of people I have been with sexually. @Gerald_Washington@xanga, I would have to say that you are ignorant. Get more experience before you can judge an entire group of people. Mature people that is, not little ghetto girls.
i am totally with you - though i think you got a bit angry-venty at the end. I get sick of people thinking that I am in a college induced lesbian phase or worse, that I am just one of those drunk kiss-my-bff-for-show girls. how many times have I been asked at the bar to kiss for show by a drunk guy, once even asked if someone could take a picture with us like it was gonna be his claim to pimpdome.
although i also agree with an earlier comment about maybe this is thier transition into being comfortable with their sexuality. my first girl action did not go well, and I made out with plenty of friends before I was for sure that my lust was more than just admiring a pretty figure and nice rack
though i do admire my girlfriends rack. beautiful! ;)
I dislike how girls pretend to be Bi-sexual. It's annoying.
I think I'm bi, but I cannot explore it seeing as I'm with my boyfriend. But I've had actual crushes and so on, on real girls.
I think sometimes bisexuality gets easily confused with being close friends. I have girl friends that I hold hands with and crack jokes about fooling around with, but I would never actually do that. I am just comfortable enough with them to kid around. Some people have asked if I'm bi but I know I am not.
As a freshmen, I met some seniors who would comment on women "oh she's beautiful" stuff like that. I became comfortable acknowledging the beauty in other women without being jealous. Catherine Zeta Jones for instance, I find her to be the most beautiful woman in the world BUT I do not confuse that with wanting to be sexual with her. I don't.
In all honesty, I find the whole idea of sex with another woman disgusting, but that's just me. Anyway, as for the girls who claim to be bi but only are seen with men, I have met those girls and that's exactly what they are, girls. They are attention seekers (for the most part) and want men who fantasize about stuff like that to be with them. It's sad that they do that because I believe that people can be bisexual and by throwing around the word it kinda of blurs its meaning. I think when drinking gets involved, it somehow becomes "cool" to makeout with someone of the same sex in a drunken haze. I don't understand that but *shrug*
@xthread@xanga - some people are to immature to handle others life choices. I support you though =)
I think I'm bi, as well. I've had actual crushes and whatnot on other girls, but I've never actually been in a relationship w/ one. And I've dated (and has loved) a few guys so.. I guess you could say, for the time being, that I'm just bi-curious?
I've had variation of this post with my buddiest many, many, times. Especially if they point out to a 'hot' girl they see and ask provocative questions to see if I'm shrink back and change topic. No, if I see an attractive girl, I'd say: "she's hot, she's cute, she's 'whatever'" because I'm not afraid of pointing out attractive women on the street or in a movie. Megan Fox, she's hot... Elisha Dushku, also a hot example. Would I want to take her out to dinner, make a move on her and see how far I can get with her? Nope. But the moment I utter the words: "I think she's super hot" the guys get excited and start throwing questions of 3 some possibility in my direction. Why does attraction automatically lead to possible sexual conquests?!! So narrowminded....
Anyways, awesome post. I'm so sick of girls making a pass at me because their boyfriends are horndogs and enjoy girl on girl drama. Ugh, it's all done for shock value and I refuse to let someone else be entertained at my expense.
I consider myself bisexual, however I also feel it is fluid. There are times I fantasize about a sexy women, I even dream of them... but I also prefer relationships with the opposite sex. One of my first sexual experiences was with another girl. Not only my first experience either... I have had a few experiences with women through out my life. I still desire sex with women, but I ALSO enjoy sex with men.
I'm not sure "exactly" what you're trying to get at here. Are you saying that if a women claims to be bisexual, but will only "date" men then she is NOT bisexual?
There are times when being with my boyfriend and we'll both spot the same hot girl, then discuss it. I do find women sexy and sexually desirable.
Maybe I'm a little confused on what your point is here? I do understand that if a women tells some one she is bisexual, but will not go through with the sexual act, that does not define her has bisexual. I agree with that. However like I stated, I feel that bisexuality has many aspects to it. It is not always constant. Just like everyone has different perspectives, this applies as well.
being a bisexual myself, this made me so happy to read. there's such a difference between the two drunk girls who make out with one another as boys hoot and whistle and, say, the eight-year-old girl growing more and more frustrated because she can't figure out why she's developed a crush on her best (female) friend. great post.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. it's rather laughable.
i'd also like to add that bisexual women are NOT ugly.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - gay men have male minds in male bodies and lesbians have female minds in female bodies. what one's preference is for the gender of one's partner has nothing to do with one's own mindset about one's own gender. transsexuals have either male minds in female bodies or female minds in male bodies: it is not a sexual preference (rather, it is a state of being).Â
maybe this is too complicated for you to understand?@Gerald_Washington@xanga:Â http://transsexual.org/aprimer.html
you made a lot fo good points ; i dont consider myself bi, but i am attracted to (certain) girls and would loove to have them in my bed. I think "Hippy Love" should be considered a sexuality; loving/liking whoever you're attracted to, no matter there gender or whatever.
@Mangonese@xanga - She wasn't discrediting ACTUAL bi-sexual women. She's discrediting people who claim to be bi, but really aren't. There IS a difference between being Bi-sexual, and just thinking someone is attractive. I honestly hate anyone who pretends to be something they obviously aren't. Like men who pretend they're gay, just for attention. Or women who pretend they're bi, just so people will find them more attractive.
I practise religion the same way. My family is Christian, and they do grace before major meals. I do not take part in the practises because I'm not a Christan. It'd be insulting for me to practise something I do not. It's misleading and misrepresenting them.
Sexual orientation and how you present yourself to others is no different.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - You obviously don't understand transgender psychology. It's about making one's outer appearance reflect their inner. Transgenders feel that their outer sex is not who they really are (men are actually women; vice versa). It has nothing to do with you; or anyone else in their lives.