*clears throat*
Hello, my name is Elizabeth, and I'm commitment phobic.
no seriously though,
We see our friends and families struggling and hurting at the hands of the ones that have the closest claim to them. The ones that are supposed to be guarding their hearts instead of using their proximity to cut the deepest.
And lets face it, that's what happens.
This problem is long lines of bitter relationships and humans being humans and us being such COWARDS that we can't stand up for ourselves, the ones we love, and everything else we claim to believe in.
Be honest- what do you believe in?
That the government can save the world, one tax policy at a time (no please don't comment on that i was just being sarcastic)? Animal rights? Saving the environment?
But isn't love something worth believing in??
Isn't it THE something worth believing in??
Sometimes I feel like even though every single person you asked would answer with a firm 'yes!' their lives would scream 'noooooo' as they dove for cover.
I'm scared to death. I'm a coward unmatched on this sorry planet of ours.
I'm afraid of making myself vulnerable to someone.
I'm terrified of giving my life,
my hopes,
and my dreams into the hands of someone else.
I'm...
phobic.
I have this thing with trust. It scares the living daylights out of me. I literally can't do a trust-fall. What if they drop me? I mean...
they're.
only.
human.
But I'm human too.
I guess I'm more afraid of ending up like the rest of them.
I'm afraid of losing faith.
I know so many people that have split or even 'live'(more like 'endure') until a ripe old age upset with their spouse, their friends, and themselves for letting them make the biggest mistake of their lives.
But maybe it wasn't a mistake?
What if they were truly in love back then?
The problem is not that they don't/didn't love each other. The problem is that they let go.
I live in the hope that you're just as scared as I.
I live in the hope that you won't let go.
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Comments (26)
lets be honest here you are gonna get hurt
in fact it is a part of the whole love thing
it happens but if you dont let that happen how can you ever find the good one the one that is right for you like you aer for them
From one commitment-phobe to another ... I hear you. Completely. And I wish I knew how to fix it.
Trust is like faith - it's something not all of us are blessed with, and even the ones who are it's often in degrees.
How old are you, by the way?
By your profile picture, you don't look that old so I just wonder if it's something you might grow into, or if it's just a case of meeting the right guy.
Cliched? Undoutbedly so, but it could be one explanation.
Sure, there's a whole stream of downsides but you're neglecting the other side, the upsides and the numerous number of positives that come along with it as well: sometimes just having someone to share the triumphs, the joys, the pleasantries, the thunderstorms, the sunrises is what makes it so rewarding and makes life worth living.
Don't count it out just yet.
The beginning made me laugh my ass off.
I have to admit (shallowly) that the layout of this post made me not want to read it. The intermittent indentation and the
unnecessary
carriage returns made me cringe. My brain can't wrap itself around things that look like this.
Quite honestly, I believe you'll probably grow out of this stage at some point or another, but time won't be the limiting factor. It'll be experience.
I feel the exact same way, Elizabeth; and I recently lost a truly great guy because of it. I wish I knew what to say to help us both, but I don't. I can only hope that one of us figures it out before we miss out entirely.
I think that you've never been to the end of yourself. (and i also think that you will find this reply cryptic and frustrating.)
Nice post.
Wow go figure lol, but seriously i don't see it as being something unusual there's alot of people that feel the same way you do, but i think its like mangonese said its an experience thing. Maybe right now it seems hard to commit cuz you might not see the value of what you'd be losing, or it maybe some other valid reason but you cant bottle yourself up cuz you think you might end up hurt. Its true you make yourself vulneable and run the risk of getting hurt but thats what life is all about, its not always a bad thing. You can learn from other peoples mistakes, however you shouldnt compare yourself with how other peoples relationships have turned out cuz not everyone is the same. I hope all goes well for you i really do, its sad to see people end up alone cuz of their fear of commitment
-s4nt1
There's gonna be some pain and things that will happen that will test your belief in love. In the end, however, I think you'll find all of that was worth it. It will definitely make you appreciate love a whole lot more when you find it.
hello, my name is Agatha. And I am commitment phobic.
I can only ever open up to another person when they open up to me first. One of my best male friends is the same way. We're like the same person sometimes, in terms of the way we think. It took us a long time to finally be able to be open to each other, but now it's really easy and totally worth it.
You have to trust the person and I feel like it should be equal.
"I guess I'm more afraid of ending up like the rest of them."
Well, what is it exactly that makes you different to begin with?
I know exactly what you mean, I am so so afraid to be vulnerable. I think that is what hinders me from being close to people.
I used to be scared of being committed in a serious relationship; I've been lied to, cheated on, and my heart was broken when I least expected it. And every time, I was terrified when I met someone I REALLY liked but was in fear that he might break me like others have in the past. But then I realized, in the relationships I've held back and not invest 100% of me, it didn't have a chance in hell of working out. How could it when I wasn't committed with my all?
I don't know how old you are and I don't know if you have ever met someone that you wanted to come alive for but when you do, even in the midst of all those fears, you will take the plunge. And when you do, you'll probably be battling with your brain and heart for reasons NOT to be in that relationship, you'll still be okay (a little crazed I'm sure for the most part) because you'll come to understand that if you live in FEAR of something, you will never live like you were meant to, whether that is being in a loving relationship where you're putting ALL of you (your dreams, hopes and love), career you've wanted or a life you imagined...Because you'd be afraid of failure or never seeing it through for the worry that it won't work out.
How can you live in fear of being in a relationship (all life is series of relationships if you think about it) that deters you from fully exploring your limitations, boundaries and potential? Don't short change yourself, I'm sure it'll happen one day, and it'll be scary but once you get through it, it'll be worth every agonizing patterns of reasoning with yourself and moments of paranoia, thus you becoming a bigger person than you've ever imagined. G'luck
I had commitment phobia too until i lost someone i really cared about because of my insecurities. i'm not saying that i'm not scared, i'm hella scared to let someone hurt me but i have realized that i would rather be in love and then get hurt rather than never giving it a try.
To be honest, I'm scared to trust anyone at all. It's not just commitments. It's the idea of letting someone get close. I can't even trust my friends fully. I always have a back-up plan, even if it's just to get my butt home and sit there alone. The one time I trust a friend to help me with something it was that I had gone to the library to get some books I needed. However, at the time I was not allowed to carry anything heavy, doctor's orders, so in order to get home I needed someone to be with me to help me carry. My friend was supposed to walk me there, but then changed their mind and said they'd meet me there. So I got there and waited to make sure they were coming. They said they were for sure coming to get me, so I checked out the books. I ended up sitting there for two hours because I couldn't leave the library without my stuff, but I couldn't carry my stuff cuz it was too heavy and my friend never showed up. It wasn't the fact he didn't show up. It was the fact that he said that him coming to get me was a matter of fact. He guarenteed it. If he had said there was a chance he couldn't come it would've been fine because I could have just checked out half of the books and gotten the rest on another day. But he took advantage of the fact I trusted him. Well, he's not my friend anymore. He's gotten gradually worse since then and I won't put up with it. I don't mind doing a trust fall. But I'm covering myself in pillows. Back-up plan. Yeah.
There is only one person I've been able to break this trust barrier with. He hasn't let me down yet.
I completely agree :/
it just seems to difficult for me to give myself away, to anyone period. for me it's my family too, obviously it's a different type of commitment but it all ends up the same. while a significant other i couldn't trust mostly due to my self-esteem issues.
The guy I really loved was a commitment-phobe and I had dealt with several guys like that before. I liked them a lot and this really crushed me. Maybe it's just too easy for me to love, etc. but when my bf broke up with me because of his commitment phobia, I couldn't keep it together at all. It's a bad thing for both ends. And it rubs off on you. I've since met so many other nice guys...but the experience of getting my hopes up then having them dashed all over every single time just killed it for me. Now I'm in the same situation, for entirely different reasons than the guys that caused it, and I hate it.
We just have to be strong and let others teach us how to open up again. I can feel it happening but it's still hard. :3
That was beautifully written.
It took many years for me to trust at all. And a solid year to recover from finally making the effort and having my heart broken as a result.
But the break healed, and my heart is stronger, strong enough that I can trust without being unhealthily vulnerable and strong enough that if someone breaks my trust I don't just retreat into a shell of solitude.
The fear of suffering does not get to make my decisions for me.
Don't be afraid to live life to the fullest. This means the joy of being in love and the pain of a breakup. If you don't want to get hurt, be more picky. Don't just follow your heart but also your head. Always listen to your head over your heart because sometime love is blind. If you doubt anything in a relationship always for your head. Even though you have a crush on someone it does not the person is right for you. Dealing with a breakup takes time, and only time can heal your heart. It looks like you have plenty of time to experience this (from your pic). Just remember to take things slow when you decide to open your heart to someone.
dont hang on for the sake of hanging on - that's.. the worst.
Hey there,
I am also terrified of commitment. I think its a risk worth taking because you get to raise a family and have someone to spend time with. Love waning or being completely burned out at some point after the commitment is inevitable because of human nature, like you said. But, i guess living for the kids is one good reason. Also, when people get older, they get uglier and their chances of finding someone is slim. Its true, there's no escape after that commitment and if unhappy and try to leave, its like your good reputation is like so over because how could you leave the kids and the person you are committed to!? But, yeah, kids, if you want to procreate and have a nice normal social life, a commitment is the only way to go. Hopefully, it will be ok!
Even i'm a commitment phobic and i totally understand what you are saying.It's rather sad,wish i could figure some way out of it.
Somehow, I understand everything you say. And I completely relate. "I live in the hope that you won't let go."
<3