Mslycious wrote a comment letting us know what happened since her
BF's toga party debacle:
"Thanks everyone for your comment. I really appreciate it. At first, before i posted it on Datingish for advice, I was thinking exactly the same thing - dump him. I've been in some bad relationships before, and i've always given all of them second chances so i thought i'll take this one for a second chance.
Iluvgillian is right.. Guys hate it when girls snoop. I was too afraid to tell him that i snooped so instead i bought it up to him saying that i rather him not lie to me because we have mutual friends at the party and I know what happened and what didnt. Our talk ended up to be 3 hours with nothing really solved.
On top of that, my friends have been sending me emails with this picture that was posted on his facebook. It was him and the girl (host of the party) sharing a cupcake cheek to cheek. I ended up bringing that up too. I told him that I'm cool with him having girlfriends and i'm cool with him going out with a bunch of guys. Although I'm not cool with the whole closeness with another girl, especially one that i never got introduced to even when she's suppose to be your close friend.
I understand that we've been only going out for 3 months, but we known each other for awhile and before we got into this relationship, we both had to think long and hard. Our best friends are both dating each other, therefore we're kind of putting them in between and also the friendship on the line. Also, even though its only 3 months, I didnt want to continue on something that i wasnt happy about but yet I wasnt sure that it was just probably early in the relationship that he's treating me this way.
For our 3 hour talk, i poured out everything on how i feel in the past couple of weeks. He just sat there and listen, once in awhile, a nod. In the end, he apologized for lying, saying he wasnt sure why he did it but he did. He apologized for not introducing me to his friends and also about the picture (which he said he didnt think it was a big deal cuz i should know he's a laid back guy). In my response, I knew he was a laid back guy, but now that he's not single anymore, there is more than one person's feeling to be caring about. If it was the other way around, I would think twice before I decided to get a little "close" with my male friends just because I dont want to make him think/feel in a different way.
In the end, he said he'll be a better boyfriend (heard it before) and that I should let him know those things right away instead of hiding it so I dont drop it like a bomb on him. Given credit for him saying that, I am sticking around to see if he'll change but my guards are up now.
Once again, thank you Datingish members for all your comments/help. I decided to go with the confrontation first before dropping him. Seems that he didnt fight back and said he'll try to make things better because he wants it to work just as much as I do, i've decided to try once more. No time limit but definitely more cautious."
Comments (12)
People on here are always so quick to say "dump him!" when I can guarentee they wouldn't do the same thing.
Good luck, and for your sake i hope he keeps his word.
@brittbritt__x@xanga - haha that's my beef with most people on here. Immediately when the girl posts one little problem they all jump in with "Dump him!" "Kick him to the curb!"
First off, they don't realize it really isn't as simple as "Oh boo hoo I don't know what to do so I'll just eliminate him from my life." and second off they know they wouldn't do the same shit.
They're all talk but they don't have the cajones to back it up.
@MangoWOW@xanga - Yeah what ever happened to talking things through? I feel bad for the men out there being constantly dumped because they went out with their guy friends hahaha. sad...
(: good luck. I'm glad you were able to talk it out with him.
give u props for talking and confronting to him instead of hiding it and waiting for him to make the next wrong move. A lot of girls just hide their feelings and implode. We guys sometimes just are dumb and don't see that coming... and goes, wtheck? when everything collides.
I remember MANY MANY people responded to your original post with advice and feedback but I must say the fact that my name was mentioned is truly an honor ^.^ I personally don't see myself as a relationship guru but for some reason I've been told my advice works. At any rate I'm glad you agreed with me not to snoop coz had he found out it would've been disaster right there. Trust should always be preserved because without trust the relationship is meaningless.
Guys are slow sometimes and unless women tell us we've hurt them or we've neglected them well sometimes we don't know that. I'm glad you told him how you felt about the picture because if I were him and you didn't tell me I seriously wouldn't have thought it to be a big deal. You should definitely keep your guard up but at the same time you need to preserve the trust between you two and just make sure not to snoop but make it clear that you will trust him but if he abuses that trust then it is game over. If a guy heard that and he IS serious about you he'd know what to and what not to do even if you're not around him. If he can do that then you've got a keeper ^.^.Yay!
Good luck, maybe things will go better this time because he didnt fight back, who knows =)
that's good to hear. and remember to keep communication open
I really would have dumped him. From experience, I can say that this kind of stuff doesn't usually change and even if it wasn't a deal breaker this time, it'll probably come up again. If he was dishonest about something so minuscule this time, it's probably a good predictor of the future. I'm not trying to be mean or a mood killer - but it's just what I've learned.
Good luck to you though, I really do hope it works out for you.
Thank you for your service and kindness, it was much appreciated. In addition to my gratitude, I would like to share with you the death of the King of Pop. Peter King is not going to be winning himself any new fans anytime soon. The people elected to serve in our government should uphold a certain standard of behavior, including statements they make, and Peter King, member of the U.S. House of Representatives from New York State, is lacking tact, to say the least. He recently said, about the death of Michael Jackson, that he was a "pervert, a child molester, and a pedophile" and that we shouldn't be devoting "this much coverage" to the biggest pop star of all time, eclipsing only the Beatles in popularity. Peter King should know better as a Congressman, and should get around to doing a little credit repair with the public.
@Yoselin - He was. Get over it.
Try next time to start your own blog instead of hi-jacking someone else's!
@msLycious@xanga. I admire your trust in him. I am one of the people who said get rid of him, and if it were me, I would follow through and get rid of him, but I am a flawed individual when it comes to relationships.
To his credit, he did sit there and have a 3 hour conversation with you. But I've known guys who would do that out of guilt. Still it's only 3 months, so maybe it's just crossed wires.
Good Luck.