Miss Rhino
Tacos are a deadly weapon. As a peace-offering, you can do no better than making me tacos. Truly undeniable. Especially at 4 a.m.
I recently mentioned the one who
"butt-dialed" me. Well he did it again, but this time it was no slip of the butt cheek. We hung out all night until the aforementioned 4 a.m. taco-fest, and it was great. And I think the tacos were an aphrodisiac because all of a sudden we were talking about "us" again. I explained to him that I was done with messing around. I was looking for commitment. He too said he was a one-girl kind of guy and, apparently, I had always been that girl for him. In the past we had both used and abused each other. I can't deny that. But now it looked like we were on the same page for once. Everything was out on the table and maybe this time things would work out for us.
Hesitation set in the next day when I reflected on our conversation, not really sure where we had left things but sure that this was not as simple as it had seemed at 4 a.m. I talked to my friends about it, and we were all in agreement. He and I needed to be friends for a while until I was sure that he was completely moved on from his last relationship and that we were exactly what each other wanted. We would be friends, and strictly friends, until that happened.
My rational thinking didn't go over well with him. Although he agreed that we should be friends, he spun it all on me. He said that we could be friends until I was no longer conflicted about my feelings for him.
He was right in a way. I knew that now wasn't the right time for us, but whenever we hung out I couldn't imagine not being with him. He suggested that we "consistently hook up and see where things go". But that sounded like a disaster to me.
A typical head vs. heart situation.
I know that in my case, I should listen to what my head is telling me. He just broke up with his girlfriend, he's hurt me before, I need to give this time if it's going to work out. But I started wondering, when does the heart ever win in these situations? Have you ever thrown caution to the wind and followed your heart and had things work out? Logic has never steered me wrong, but then again, perhaps I've missed out on possible relationships because I was playing it safe. In a head vs. heart battle, which one should I bet on?
Comments (22)
Problem with following your heart: it tends to lead you away from reality. When you're so caught up in a dream that you neglect to see reality, your heart can easily be broken.
The heart is a wild and dangerous thing- like an animal trying to thrash it's way out of a trap, it may just end up hurting itself even more unless you restrain it long enough give reason & aid. Best advice: recognize that following one without the other will always lead you astray- you weren't born with both for no reason- USE both.
Both. But be careful. Don't let him hurt you.
Thanks for this post - I was recently seeing more redeeming qualities than are strictly healthy for me to be staring at in one of my exes, and this reminded me that I've got to move on. Definitely no hooking up until you're sure that there's some commitment.
Yes, please be careful. No hooking up until you know for sure what you want. It sounds like he only wants one thing... but just don't rush into anything so you can be sure of his true intentions.
Sounds like you both need time to calm down and reflect on yourselves. Perhaps, at the moment you are finding comfort in each other and it's causing you to feel this way. Just don't rush into things and give yourself time to sort this out. You are obviously trying to listen to both your head and your heart and that's why you haven't decided yet. Give yourself time, so that you may choose wisely.
Stay friends for like...two months. You'll get to see if that nasty side is still there or not.
Honestly......you only write this because you already made your decision and you are trying to get someone to agree with you so that the decision you make feels justified. Meaning, you want to be smart and use your head and not get back together right now...but you are going to get back together with him now because that's what your heart and soul wants. and you want to believe that it's going to work out because at the moment he is saying all the right things. Tell me if i'm wrong.
The heart wants what it wants...and the heart wants it now. it could go either way......but your best bet is to wait a little while before making any big decisions. no need to rush. This is coming from a person who, after 8 years, is finally back together with her first boyfriend and things are still going great 2 years later. Sometimes it takes time to figure things out, but if you really have feelings for each other, than it will be worth the wait.
How were the tacos?
"We should consistently hook up"....wtf. Lmao. I do agree with someone above when they said that you've probably already made your decision you're just looking for confirmation. And that's okay. Do what YOU think is right.
The last time I listened to my heart, it got me into a big mess and left me feeling hurt in the end.
The line that raises an immediate red flag is this one: He suggested that we "consistently hook up and see where things go". But that sounded like a disaster to me.
Youyourself have recognized this, so you already know the answer, like @trustme@xanga said.
Sounds to me like the guy friend wants a "back-up plan" - aka YOU - while he still plays the field looking for someone better.
Head or heart, I think this is one guy you don't want to get romantically involved with. Stick with being friends - platonic friends - ONLY and lets see how long he sticks around. My money is on, not long at all.
Love is all about making hard, yet sensible choices. Let him make the sensible choice first - by proving to you that he really is a one-girl, one-you type of MAN first before you make the decision as to whether or not you want to be with him.
Good luck.
Mmmm, tacos.
On a serious note... BE CAREFUL. Don't make a move until you've thought it over ten times and completely sure of it.
There are times when it's good to follow your heart, but generally it's better to follow your head, especially when it comes to an ex. I know that following my head has done me VERY well in the past. My first boyfriend and I have dated twice. And he has tried to get back with me a third time. I followed my heart in allowing the second time around, and it was great, but I made sure to keep my head about it and bailed when it was obvious things wouldn't work out. Thus why he's still an ex. Always follow your head first and your heart only if you have a safety net.
Yes, I have done the whole thing of throwing caution aside and doing exactly what my heart told me despite all signs of logic. The thing is, my logic was agreeing despite how illogical the situation was. It was the one and only time I had ever done that. And it worked out perfectly. But trust me, if there is any conflict at all it is better to be safe than sorry.
I'm throwing caution to the wind tonight, actually. I've found that my head keeps me safe (or at least well-guarded and well-supported) in most of the situations I wind up in (both bad and good)--but my heart dictates a few. Namely, the ex-boyfriend that I'm still in love with and still hang out with/spend time with occasionally. I've dealt with the heartbreak and slow aching of that situation for over a year now, have finally moved to a point recently where I can be happy, independent, and still retain contact with him... and yet, I made the decision a long time ago to not give up on his friendship. That decision has stuck with me, so my heart has control over it.
I think if you allow your heart to reign over certain things, you can make it work for you: so long as you give it careful consideration and resign yourself to dealing with whatever comes as a consequence--once again, both good and bad. As long as a person is aptly prepared, he or she can handle just about anything. And if you feel like you can't handle a situation, it will probably only take some time and trial/error to figure it out.
One thing I will add, though. In my case... this is the guy I've cared about more than practically anyone in my entire life. So be careful and decisive when you let your heart do what it wants. Best of luck :)
There's downsides to both. If you follow your heart consistently all the time, you're running the potential of getting hurt a lot. However, if you listen to your heart consistently all the time, you're running the potential of missing out on someone who is genuinely interested in you and will treat you right and possibly the one you would decide you want to spend the rest of your life with in the future. So it's a tough call. It's so tough I don't know that I feel qualified to give an estimated guess on it.
Head.
Use your head..and your stomach..
Tacos rule.
-Kunoichi
i dated a guy briefly last year, but even after the relationship ended, i couldn't let him go. I left him alone for a few months until we ran into each other at the start of summer. he got my number again since he had broken his old phone, and he contacted me various times over the summer and was always the one to initiate as i refused to, because i wanted him to WANT to talk to me. we hung out a few times, and there was clearly flirting going on, but nothing amounted from it. at the end of the summer,, before he was supposed to leave for boot camp, and ultimately out of my life, i wrote him a letter confessing how i felt. he wrote back, saying he didn't know if he liked me or anyone and just wanted to get through boot. a few weeks later, i found he hadn't left yet because he asked if he could write to me while he was away. mixed signals all over the place. of course i agreed, and we wrote a bit while he was gone.
when he came back at the end of last year, i texted him and invited him to a party, and then claimed i was "too drunk" to drive and "oh darn, can you stay here tonight and i'll take you home tomorrow?" this happened a few times, and he never seemed upset about it at all. i was crazy about him, but listened to my head and realized the most i would get would be a hook-up, and he'd probably leave and that'd be it. better than nothing i guess. but instead of just letting him go like i had that summer, i put myself out there, confessed to him facfe-to-face how i felt. he said it was too early for him to say those things; i didn't care. i needed to know that he knew how i felt.
almost 7 months later, here we are. he broke my heart last year but we connect in a way neither of us has ever felt. we've even discussed the future and have concluded that we would both be more than happy to be together until the end. if i hadn't put myself out there, and taken a chance, we never would be together now. in love. planning our futures.
so listen to your heart, but bring your brain with you. everything happens for a reason, and if something is meant to happen it will. i've been hurt and broken before, using this same logic, but if i hadn't, i wouldn't be where i was now. and i'd gladly do it all again because i know where i am now.
I'm not quite sure I follow. So he wants to "hook up" [booty call?] until YOU are sure you want to be committed to him?
I think when you guys "hook up" it's a legit DATE; dinner, talk, wooing, whatever, instead of "let's hang out at my place and I'll make us tacos" thing. Because you have reasons to support your hesitation in getting back with him again, I think you should listen to your intution and head rather than heart this time. Following your heart (more times than not) end up in some emotional distress or worse, a disaster. You've been in that state with him before, no need to repeat cycle until you're scarred for life, eh?
In this case, I think you should stand your ground and be clear. You don't want to end up a rebound post his break up and you certainly don't want him to hurt you again. Take care of yourself and make precautions so that you don't end up abused and you don't abuse him. And if he keeps trying to "spinning" the story to his advantages, put your foot down and be clear about where you're coming from. Emotions are funy when they get in the way of rational reason; you know this, and in the moment of things, things are simpler than they are. So in conclusion, think with your head and hold your ground. Don't let him whip a good theory to you because he's going to look after HIS interest first, so should you! :)
Girls always read too much into stuff :-/ Why can't tacos be tacos?
"Consistently hook-up?!" I have never heard such a thinly veiled offering for a booty call situation in my life. Don't do it. Demand better for yourself.