Wednesday, 01 July 2009

  • What Else Is Out There?

    Him: I don't want this to be the end....but don't you ever wonder what else is out there?
    Me: I'm happy with you. I don't have reason to go elsewhere.
    Me: If you've decided that you want to experience the "what else is out there," please do me the favor of just letting me go now.
    Him    : No..I have not decided anything like that. I just think sometimes. I just don't want to be too committed to one person yet...there is no reason to be...that's all I was saying

    [an excerpt of an argument between me and my boyfriend. See my previous posts for details.]

    My boyfriend has had far less experience with relationships than I have. In high school, I very rarely did not have a boyfriend or some male suitor.  I know what a good relationship is, as well as a bad one.  What is needed to make it work, what is asking too much.  But somehow I've suddenly fallen into an area I'm unfamiliar with.  He says he's wondering what else is out there.  I've been "out there," and I know that my guy is by far as good as they come. However, he hasn't had that experience to know if I am what he wants and if our relationship is one that works for him.  We've been together 10 months. He's like my other half. I honestly was near positive that in five years I'd be walking down the aisle toward him. Now I'm questioning everything.

    1) Do I break up with him, and let him go experience what he needs to?  "If it's meant to be, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours to keep?"
    2) Do I just hang in there and let him make that decision on his own?

    I've talked to him since this conversation, and he's said that he doesn't care what else is out there, it doesn't matter, because he loves me and wants to be with me.  I am so torn. I've never been so seriously considering breaking up with him. Help!

    As always, message me if you want more info!

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Comments (34)

  • ShelDrake@xanga

    this sounds very similar to the situation I'm in, except I'm your boyfriend, in this case. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

    I decided to make my own decision and break it off, for now. But that's what I thought was right.
    Just gotta do what your heart tells you.
  • charmssabrina@xanga

    I think you should let him go cause its difficult to stay with an insecurity whatever the guy say to make it up

    its gonna remain in your head that he wanted to see what was out there

    sad but true anyways since you so truly love him have a heart-to-heart with him and ask him to make up his mind once and for all 
  • tguastella

    I'm in this situation with my boyfriend of 4 years. He said he needs time to just live HIS life and make his own choices before fully being a couple forever. We decided to split for a while, but if it's meant to be it will happen.
  • KasumiCelesta@xanga

    It sounds like your problem is already solved. He said "he doesn't care about what else is out there." So to keep worrying about it is pointless.

    If he happens to reconsider, have a calm discussion with him about it and let him go if he's made up his mind.
  • Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga

    He is having an inner conflict. I think you should be supportive of him and stay with him and let him know you still love him and you are even committed enough to possibly marry him someday. If he gets scared about that, then he can run out on you and it'll be all his decision. If he stays, you can be secure in his loyalty.
  • ROCKtheB0ATx@xanga

    hmm... tough question. he says that he doesn't care what else is out there, but you don't want him to feel like he's trapped in a relationship. i think you should give it a couple more weeks or months and see how things go. this may just be another bump in the road. it may be a dead end. but either way, i hope things work out for the both of you.
  • miss_prettyinpink@xanga

    You're 19. There are so many years ahead of you. Things change when you get older too. Don't stress too much right now and enjoy your time together. 
  • pillowpixies@xanga

    Well, if you trust him then you'll believe him when he says that he cares too much about you to want to risk your relationship. Maybe he saw that you were hurt by that. Ultimately, if you believe what he says, then there is no reason to worry.

    If I were you i'd take his word for it. Stop worrying, wait and see how things go. Maybe it was only a one time thought; those do occur. Is your boyfriend the type who would go and cheat on you to find out what else is out there? If you say no, then you have nothing to worry about.

    If the conversation comes up again, discuss it calmly and thoroughly, as someone else has already suggested.
  • Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga

    Everyone thinks about what else is out there. It's the grass-is-greener mentality. Your bf was honest enough, and cares about you enough, to be open about his feelings of restlessness. Should you dump him because you think that's what'd be "good for him"? NO. That's like checking to make sure he's eating his veggies like a good boy. From all apparent indications, he's a man of his own -- he'll do what's "good" for him.

    Remind him why he's a lucky bastard to be with you. Do something spontaneous, fun, silly, whatever -- maybe at 10 months he's just feeling restless, because your relationship has become more and more comfortable and less like the rose-tinted "honeymoon" period.
  • xourlastendeavorx@xanga

    I'm not a fan of these talks they always have seemed to have been a sign of something missing for the other person. Either way, what else is out there? I feel like thats an insult. 
  • a_single_raindrop@xanga

    Just wait it out. He says he wants to be with you, so trust him. But be prepared for a change of heart (*knocks on wood*)

  • FreeeVerse@xanga

    @Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga - Agreed with the "grass-is-greener" mentality.
  • blufrogz37@xanga

    @ROCKtheB0ATx@xanga - <--- I agree with what She said. I'd give it more time.

    It's something he's thinking about, but that could just be because your guy doesn't have the same accumulated experience with relationships that you have had. Either way things will shake out, good luck!
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    He made his decision to stay because he loves and wants to be with you.  For now, ride it out and see how it goes.  You can plan everything with the one you thought will be your everything but life has its own surprises for you.
  • xo_picklesmith_ox@xanga

    I think he truly cares about you. He's got a lot more to still experience and you  have to understand that.  I think you should stay with him and enjoy the time you have, but let him know that when he feels its time for him to move on he needs to let you know. You both have a lot more of life to experience, and thats ok if you go through some of it without each other. If its meant to be, it will be. You'll find your way back to one another. But for now stay with him, see how it goes. Let him decide when he needs to move and when the time comes just accept it.
  • SurveysThatTakeupUrBOREDUM@xanga

    I went or was going through the same situation. my guy seemed confused one minute and the next he wanted to be with me. i brought it up to him and he got mad and didnt want to talk about it. he said that he wanted new experiences before  but now he dosent care.


    idk sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens [which sucks!] but thats life i guess and if they dont want to be with you anymore than i guess you cant force them....=\
  • ViciousGrin63@xanga

    Do the second one.
  • xSayakax@xanga

    Curiosity killed the cat!  I'm 21 and have been dating my FIRST bf for more than a year now.  I've always believe that fate brought 2 people together and I never wanted to date around to "pick the best apple from the bunch."  I'm in no position to judge your relationship with your bf, but is there a reason why he suddenly brought up the subject?  Perhaps, it was a "moment of stupidity" and he realized what he said, so he's taking it back.  I know it must bother you a lot, but is this really a reason to break up with him?  You said you love him and currently, he loves you, so what you want to do is work on your relationship.  If there's an obstacle, overcome it together.

    I believe that if you truly love him, then hang in there and maybe it was just his moment of stupidity talking.  Waiting sux, but it's better than just giving up.  Good luck!
  • justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga

    Just let him decide. Sometimes people just say things like that, thinking stupidly out loud, but that doesn't necessarily means he wants to leave. Just let him decide, don't be the one to ruin it if you think it's a good thing.
  • UnopenedSuitcases@xanga

    i think that the whole quote about if you love someone, you let it go, and if it comes back, then it was meant to be thing. is true. and it holds true here. I mean sometimes people just can't help but feel curious. I' may have the experience that i have, but I'm still in your boyfriends position. it's like knowing, while you have something good here, a part of you wants to be able to say, "you've lived" and that you've spread your wings wide enough so that you wanna make sure you dont miss out.

  • Camouflaged_by_night@xanga

    If you want to be with him, then stay with him. I've been on the end where I feel like there's more out there, and I left my SO. Though I didn't date anyone else, all I found was that not being with that person left a hole in me only he could fill. And I was blessed enough to be taken back. If you want to stay with him, do what you can to make him feel the same way. But ultimately, it's up to him. Don't break up with him because of how HE feels; that's his choice to make. You follow how YOU feel.
  • hellstar0604@xanga

    i read some of the other comments and i dont know what to say. my boyfriend of six years are on the same frequency and we know when we just need a break from each other. of course at the end of the break we usually find that we cant survive without the each making it only a break and not a break up.

    my suggestion to you is maybe he just needs a break. let him loose for a bit, and maybe he'll come back. just hope that it's not too late if you're really in love with him...
  • kissypoo416@xanga

    the same thing happened to my brother. his g/f (at the time) gave him that line - and it was heart wrenching for him (of course, there were other reasons that surfaced). it really depends how much you love this guy. if you know he is THE ONE, then i would just stick it out. currently, my brother has dated two girls since - and is with his current gf for over a year. i'm sure they're gonna get married. idk about his ex tho. so, you can take the risk and maybe a couple guys later find the one, or just stick with ur current bf. 
  • MizconstruedJa@xanga

    I have no good advice, but it does sound like you really love him if you are willing to lose him so he can discover happiness... whether it's with someone else or truly with you.
  • kor_girl@xanga

    I don't think he understands how good he has got it until he meets people enough to have enough experience and judgment on how truly GOOD it is with you. But then I wonder... how long have you guys dated?


    I think you guys should have a break. If he's having these inklings of "what else is out there? what if...? is this it?" thoughts, then he needs to work it out. Either he needs to have many moments of self reflection OR he goes out and dates other girls to discover that not all women are good to him as you.


    To his question of: "what else is out there?" your best answer could be: "other people." And if he's curious about that now, he's bound to think about actualizing that thought with experience. It's playing with fire essentially because if anything physical comes about or he grows attachment to someone emotionally, then you'd be screwed. But at least whatever doubts he's having, you'd know what's going on, right? But if you just go ahead and stay with him, until he crumbles on you and say "I want to test what is out there" later, I think that would suck even more. If he's wondering about that, I don't think he's feeling too confident in who he is, nevermind who he wants to be with, and such a matter should be dealt with now when it's out in the open, instead of being muddled over because it could be a very hard thing for you later. hope this helped??

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