Living in East LA, you get that problem sometimes. It's estimated that 20 to 30 percent of East LA residents are illegal immigrants. East LA is 96% Latino, and when you meet someone at a party or at the club or at the kick back it's kind of hard to approach the subject.
Several times I've met a woman and felt wonderful about the prospects until several dates later I find out about her legal status. For a semi-sensitive man like myself who has always clung to the romantic notion that money and legal status should not matter when true love is involved, I've been plagued by treacherous thoughts of her true intentions.
I do not wish to portray women as conniving or cruel or manipulative, so please bear with me in the following. I've seen friends of mine get trapped, meaning that women have had their child for child support purposes or in an attempt to keep them tied to themselves. At the same time I've also been lied to concerning the children of women whom I've dated, mainly the fact that they lied and said they didn't have any. There's also the part where three women have offered me money to marry them, using me as a stepping stone to their own, and their families' citizenship.
Like bow legged women, I've been warned by my elders and friends to stay out of relationships with illegal immigrants as there is not way to tell if she wants you or your legal status, or money. Like Kanye West's warning against gold diggers I've been told that it's just not a good idea, especially since I have something very few other people in my neighborhood have (a very lucrative job and a college education).
I want to dispel the notion from my mind, but can find no positive comments from my close associates. Everyone says it's a bad idea. The power ratio is skewed in a grotesque manner. If I were ever to hit her, she wouldn't go to the cops because she would be afraid about the consequences. If she ever left me, I could have her and members of her family deported. If she pissed me off or attempted to become independent, I could get her fired from her job by threatening her place of employment. (not that I would do any of those things). Find yourself a citizen, they tell me. But when 1 out of 4 falls into the excluded category, you're tossing a lot of women aside.
Do you think citizenship or residency matter in a relationship?
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Comments (42)
not really, unless they're trying to use you..
what, is there like one place you can go to to party?? I find itreally hard to believe that every option is an 'illegal'. I think this subject is a sensitive one for me, coming from a family of spanish immigrants- LEGAL ones.
@caminjammers@xanga - I don't think he's sure whether or not he's being used, which is the problem.
we order food from a place down the road sometimes... the owner's wife was illegal and got caught. she was sent back to her country...
just be careful.
@kassieisradxO@xanga - ahhh ok. well i was just answering the question. you like who you like, or love. and if they happen to be illegal what can you do?
And here I was hoping you were talking about jail bait. Aw well.
I think citizenship or residency does matter to a certain degree. You can't always be sure someone who is illegal wants you or wants some sort of benefit from being with you. This is a really hard subject though. I know people who have married someone who is illegal, and things turned out fine. Then there are other people I know who married someone who is illegal and got screwed over.
Each circumstance is different. Whatever happens, just make sure you know what the consequences might be.
@caminjammers@xanga - lol yeah I understand. I didn't mean to sound obnoxious or anything haha.
I'd like to say it doesn't matter, but in an imperfect world and in this society, I'm guessing it does.
@kassieisradxO@xanga - oh you didn't haha, i'm not offended or anything. and yeah i'm gonna say it matters in the bigger picture, but i guess in my twisted optimistic "it could always be worse" mind set i don't think it's horrific. i see a ton of problems with the illegals/citizenship issue and this is just kinda low on the list, in my opinion. i do agree with you though.
i have strong objections to illegal immigration, but i'm trying to filter that bias for this question.
first off, it's really commendable that you noticed the power disparity. that causes a lot of problems in relationships regardless of the source of "power" - finances, age, education, etc.
not knowing is tough, but in any relationship there is some uncertainty about the other person's intentions. that is why you date until you are sure. just don't marry anyone in a hurry! and dooon't have babies until you're sure; that's how you get "trapped." imo, if those guys chose to have kids with those women, they weren't trapped, they just made poor choices.
its not worth it if it isn't true love
@King_of_The_Night@xanga - Haha, I thought the same thing.
yeah, my boyfriend is actually illegal but we haven't married because it's risky to mix business into emotional affairs.
@methodElevated@xanga - werd
Only time will tell.
Never mine it ,right ?
If they're illegal, then there really is no future in the relationship, hence it's not worth it. Plus, you'll always feel like the only reason why they're with you is for the fast-track to a Green Card. When that poisonous thought gets planted, it's only a matter of time before the relationship ends.
Your friends are right: steer well clear of them.
You just have to be very wary of their intentions. Keep in mind, just because they're illegal it doesn't mean they want to use you. There is such thing as true love despite certain circumstances. I echo some of the previous commenters; don't jump the gun. Don't rush. Take your time and really get to know the girl and her motives.
no not really.
Definitely. They are after all literally running away from the government; it'd be such a huge hassle that if I wasn't seriously committed to an illegal, I would stop myself from becoming intimate with him.
@Southeast_Beauty@xanga - Word.
Can't judge one for all, buddy.
The question you have to ask yourself is if you trust the lady you're dating and her family and see if their intentions are for you to marry and take care of their girl.
I would say lying to you right from the get-go is a strong sign for you to move on...
i'd say it doesn't matter. only time when tell in the relationship.
haha. my boyfriend's sister tried to get him to marry a friend hers, because she was illegal. she offered him 5,000 dollars and a brand new truck. he said no, of course.
xo
Sounds like you've got a really good chance of exploiting her. Take your time to make her psychologically chained to your existence. That way she won't want to leave you.