Miss Walrus
I know they call it the "dating game" for a reason, but is tricking a man into being with you really acceptable?
Apparently, Margaret Kent, author of
How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, thinks so.
In her book, Kent discusses several ways you can nab your dream lover – and keep him.
Her main piece of advice? Do the listening, not the talking. Basically, in the 12 short chapters of Kent's book, she teaches women that in order for a man to fall in love with you, you must not reveal any of yourself to your partner, but rather encourage him to share every little deep and juicy detail with you. This will inevitably make him fall in love with you (or at least, your superb listening skills).
Although there is other advice woven throughout the book, the main point seems to be to shut your mouth if you want someone to love you. How absolutely ridiculous is that? In this day and age, do people really believe that women should be silent and passive and let the man have total emotional control over the relationship?
I don't know about you all, but I'd rather have someone fall in love with me – the real me – rather than just the fact that I cater to his ego. What do you think about this idea?
Comments (62)
I agree. What stupid advice.
I agree with you. And it's silly to say all men love the same thing. Some are shy, and I'm sure they'd appreciate a little conversation.
I snorted at this - who is Margaret Kent kidding? I think balance is the key ... I actually *tend* to become silent when I'm nervous (i.e. on a first date) but that doesn't usually go over well. People *want* to get to know others and that only comes through communication - so how could you expect to continue a relationship if you reveal nothing about yourself or perhaps present a differing view than who you really are in person? Sure, you should be attentive and listen well - but that doesn't call for being a sphinx.
I don't completely agree with the book. I think everyone needs to be listeners and actually LISTEN to the person (which I hope is easy, esp if you're attracted to them)- but I think that is for both guys and girls. Give each other the space to talk, ya know?
not the "women must be silent". haha. But maybe that author thought that the "mysteriousness" of the silent woman will entice a guy? I don't know.
That's pretty dumb.
I think if you hold all his emotional "secrets", if you will. You have more emotional power over him. I think that's what she means. Although I don't agree with her, I do see her point. Women share everything with men, and thus feel closer. Whereas men don't often do the same with women. If he feels emotionally attached to you, at least more so than he would otherwise, he's more inclined to have a tie to you... or aka.. love.
But that's just my opinion. I don't believe you should just shut the fuck up, but I can see her point.
Well I haven't read the whole book but maybe she was just trying to tell us to shut up once in a while? It's pretty common to think of women as the loud mouthed ones who talk constantly. Aren't there always articles about how men need to listen to women? I think it's good advice to remember that the men want to talk too.
But then again I didn't read the book. And if she really is telling us to become silent servants then yea, total bullshit.
nothing lasts without communication from both of the people involved.
@xNicolax@xanga - That's the impression I took from what she was saying... you know, after I was slightly appalled by the surface statement "shut up and you will be loved." ha.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that someone thinks this plan is a good idea or that people are willing to buy a book in order to find this information out. Unfortunately there are a number of women I know who seem to think that being the one under a man's authority is an acceptable way to go about relationships and life.
ugh. i don't like the idea of manipulation in any relationship.
communication should be a two way traffic, no?
Well no one really wants to listen to a chick talk but I mean I guess if yer gunna yap you can show some cleav :3
I know for sure this will not work with me...I am already quiet enough as it is, if the girl doesn't talk then there will just be complete silence. I dont want that...
I do not want to hear you talk non-stop and I can not for the life of me keep my mouth shut!
I guess I'll never find my true-lover.
D';
hahaha!
@Kevin_is_a_pirate@xanga - HAHAHAHAHA
I think this is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard... unless I'm misunderstanding the message.
If the message is: shut up once and a while and listen, then I approve. However, this post made the book seem like women should just be silent. But then, the relationship would be completely one sided. I understand blabbing your whole life story on the first date is a no-no, but I think its a no-no on both sides, men and women...
If this is about the mystery of him wanting to know more about you...then ok, sure, keep your mouth shut and just tell him a few things, make him want to know more! don't just listen to what he has to say. ask each other questions. What the hell happened to communication????
God damn. I'm sorry, but every post I read today seems to piss me off
"I'd rather have someone fall in love with me – the real me – rather than just the fact that I cater to his ego."
I agree 100% with this part ^^ Couldn't have said it better myself.
sounds archaic.
ugh.... okay, this book doesn't work all the time and whenever such things come out, it gets super media attention and testimonials from all over the place to justify and validate its existence.
A man would not share the juiciest part of himself if you don't talk. Most men find it difficult to have a conversation when the girl is mute and usually, new people don't automatically jump into a comfortable silence stage until later when two have talked enough to understand what each can handle in terms of boundaries, topics of discussion and etc. From personal experience, men find women who articulate and express themselves CLEARLY far easier to deal with than women who remain passive and store things inside so he has to decode her every movement and speech. Plus, if her "mysteriousness" goes on for too long, he's not even going to bother. Too much work they say...
Anyways, for a time that finds communication an important element in a relationship (as ever!) i find this book really backwards.
Screw the book!
weird. o.o
Hmm... I can see why it could work for some people. Would never work for me though. I have a serious problem (disease? disability?...) - I simply can not shut my mouth before something sarcastic or semi-abusive comes out of it. To my own surprise, men almost never get offended by it. It's like verbal abuse turns into aphrodisiac somehow.
But I can see how some men could actually follow this advice... It would make the world a better place. Sigh.
I think the talking and listening should be equal, but I believe that the more he opens up to you, the more he'll fall in love with you. men want someone they can talk to.
oh wow. that's a dumb advice. yes we need to listen, but we also need to talk.