Miss Walrus
Things have been going - dare I say it - absolutely swimmingly with my new boy toy. We adore each other's friends, love to do a lot of the same things & there's some definite sexual chemistry building. Whew!
There's only one little tiny glitch in our budding romance:It has an expiration date.
Now, I'm not really one to make
overly dramatic plans for the future. I know & understand that even the most concrete of plans definitely can - and do - change.
But for now, my plan involves returning to school in the fall to finish my English degree (which is 2 1/2 hours away from my man's own campus) - and then moving away from the home state for a job.
This is obviously a fantastic plan for me. However, my boy has known his whole life that he would eventually be handed his uncle's company on a silver platter. Problem? That company is based in our little hometown.
Although it's definitely way too early to even be seriously considering making future plans, I can't help but wonder if the relationship is even worth pursuing when we both know that in a measly year we are most likely destined to part ways?
How are you supposed to deal when you start to fall for someone who you know you will have to break up with in a short period of time? What do you do when the relationship has an expiration date before it even starts?
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Comments (26)
make it work...? if you like the guy enough, and he likes you, then nothing should really pose so large a problem that the two of you HAVE to break up.
@chayswag@xanga - Yah, agreed.
Go with the flow. Just because you think something will happen, doesn't mean it actually will.
I'm so sick of these idealistic and short replies on Xanga that offer little to no advice of any use to anyone.
Everything isn't that simple and easy that "if you like him/her/he-she then you should liek totally make time for them, fer sure!" And while I'd like to be as optimistic as some of these Xanga-ers, an hour away is nothing that you can't overcome, but hours and hours and hours away, out of state, for work; now you're getting into flavor country. Welcome to the world of making incredibly painful decisions.
So here's the questions:
Do you see yourself marrying this person?
Is this job you're moving for a permanent thing?
Would you be able to give that up without being resentful if it meant you could stay with this guy?
Would you be comforted in the fact that he had a job/company to run, even if it meant long hours so that he could support you both?
Would you be resentful of the fact that in that case he's not home as often?
And I could go on and on, but those are realistic questions you have to ask yourself. Is this relationship worth pursuing if it's going so swimmingly? In real life you may have to make sacrifices for something you really want, and you can't bitch about it later (well, you can, but no one will care because it's assumed that you thought long and hard about the decision and considered all of the ramifications)
Enjoy it, and then decide if it should continue or not when you get to your "expiration date."
eat quickly
that, or get a job at his company. you may never achieve your lifelong ambition, but at least you will have raunchy office sex
okay I'm kidding, but if eggs can be preserved so can your relationship
If you plan to get into these "short term" relationships with your boy toys, I think you should of separated your emotion from your physical pleasure you get from it. Before you got in, you knew you had an expiration date, so pretty much.. you set yourself up for this.
When you really think about it and want to pursue it, two and a half hours is nothing. If you two do want to make it work and try it, it could work. Make time for each other. Plan to see each other as often as you two can between your busy schedule. At the end, if it don't work out, hey, at least both of you gave it a try. You won't have to wonder about all those "what if" questions lingering at the back of your head.
But before you even think ahead of yourself, talk to your boy toy and see if he feels the same way.
I find this entry silly and these are the reasons why I find it silly.
1. If you deem him a "boy toy" why are you thinking long-term in the first place? The terminology indicates that you're not thinking of him as a serious boyfriend potential, thus him being a "toy" states that he's just temporary, doesn't it?
2. Life does not give you warnings or notices about what it'll throw in your direction in a month, never mind in a year. How can you be so certain that it'll end in a year because of these "obstacles" you see before you?
And I know it's easy to think about a long-term plan when things are going well but come on, you have a WHOLE year to spend with someone that makes you happy and there aren't any problems, but here you are contemplating whether or not THAT is good enough to keep going because it's DOOMED! Do you know how silly it is to be thinking this way??? This is probably why so many guys (in general) say women MAKE drama for themselves... I'm a planner, I get this urge to plan way ahead so I can prepare myself (emotionally or whatever) but you're happy, you're content in being this relationship with someone you deem "boy toy" (and that slang is completely inappropriate if you think about him seriously) and yet you want to call it quits because there's a time frame? Don't you think you might come to regret it if you end it before that time has come? Why do you want to rush THE END when things are going swimmingly as it is?
I think you should make plans you can gurantee; for instance, 2 weeks ahead, perhaps a month at best. And enjoy the flow of things, have fun and don't think too far. That's how it always creates more problems even before they even begin. O_o
I had this situation. I couldn't take the pressure. We ended it before the expiration date.
Wasn't there just a post about almost this exact same topic?
Yeah, it's called a long-distance relationship. See previous blog in datingish. Then there would be no such thing as an expiration date. =P
I agree with a couple of the people above me. If it's something that serious then if you leave him and his company and your hometown then you're always going to wonder what-if. My husband and I were faced with this dilemma. I was moving to my hometown (2 & 1/2 hours away) and he was in college up here. We were madly in love and there was just something different about our relationship. He decided to quit school and come with me. We have been married for 3 years now and we can't be happier. Things will play out how they are supposed to... if you let them.
If you and him become serious, I would try to make it work. My boyfriend is staying with me for the summer, but he lives in Europe. We make it work, but long distance isn't for everyone.
Long distance relationship, or don't even start the relationship. Same problem I'm having right now, what I'm trying to do is see how things go but... it just sucks knowing there's an "expiration" date to me and this guy, like you, we get along so well and like doing the same things as eachother. He's amazing, but he's going to leave in 2-3 months. **Sigh.
When the time comes, you'll both come to a decision. Until then, just enjoy him. :)
having the same problem right now -_-
Wasn't this posted before already?
Anyway, I've done the expiration date thing. Its a dumb concept. Why start a relationship when you're planning to end it? That's what I've learned.
It sucks to be in this sort of relationship... trust me. I've tried four times to have a relationship knowing I'm moving 989miles away in August. I was all up for going with the flow and enjoying the remaining time. All those relationships fell through because either we didn't work out or _he_ didn't want to fall for me and then end it with a broken heart. You have to talk to him and see what he wants out of the relationship and ask yourself what you want. Maybe you just don't want to be alone.
@AdrianRamirez@xanga -  I agree. This isn't the Notebook people. This is life. What he said. If your career is more important- go for that. At the end of the day- that will be what pays the bills and gives you fulfillment in life. As harsh as this sounds- there are a billion other men in the world. No need to throw away your career for one.Â
even if i know it's not going to last, i try to live for the moment so i'd take a chance even if i know that it's not gonna last.
I spent my last three weeks at college with someone I could have fallen in love with, given time, and I don't regret a moment of it.
I believe in spending as much time as you are given with people you think are worth that time, no matter what.
you said plans could change. and they will, you know what if you guys have that connection and what not it's totally worth pursuing it. whatever happens happen, things come & go but you'll never know if you don't try. sometimes at the end there might be certain scrafices, but it might be something worth it. Just got to let it flow.
I'm in the same situation as you are.
i know what you mean.
live in the moment. don't base your life around being with him, but don't be so quick to leave him either. if it's really worth pursuing in the long run, you guys will both make compromises.
This personally wouldn't be a problem for me... cause I was away from my lover for four years he lived 26 hours away from me... and we managed. Just depends on how much you want it. And we are in love so I guess the "notebook" is possible within reason. Pacience is key though.
who says LDR don't work. All you need is some confidence and effort