Tuesday, 30 June 2009

• You Can Make an LDR Work

  Seeing that I'm in a LDR, it seemed appropriate that my first real blog be about this. Over my days spent reading Datingish when I first got into a relationship with my current boyfriend, I felt like I needed a lot of help on how to cope and deal with it and what exactly I could do to make it easier on the both of us. Because, as those of you who've been through LDRs, it is extremely difficult to not crack and break things off when in this kind of situation, especially if you're dealing with a REALLY long distance (we're talking CA and Afghanistan/Iraq) one. And when I was reading and searching, I couldn't really find much. I did find a few posts, and they were extremely helpful, so I felt like it's my turn to give back and help all you LDR people out there, or even those who may be seeing one for themselves in the future.
  
  1. Talk constantly. The best way to really communicate with your SO is through webchat or ichat. It really makes the whole load of it a lot easier to deal with, especially if you're looking at not seeing him or her for a brutally long person of time. By webchatting like that, you're getting almost the whole effect. You can talk and see each other at the same time. I know with me, it helps a lot just to hear his voice and be able to hear the small cracks, sniffles, and any other small detail that lets me know what exactly he's experiencing and feeling and thinking. But if you can't do that, just talking every day helps.
  
  Whether it be over the phone or IM or even messages on Facebook or MySpace or whatever networking site you use, from my experience, just knowing he's taking time out of his day to let me know how he's doing and that he's thinking about me makes a world of difference. And it works both ways. Your SO may never say anything directly, but when you can't be with each other, his knowing that he's on your mind really does make his day and time apart from you that much easier. Overall, just constantly communicate as much as you can. If you're not talking, that's when things will fall apart.
  
  2. If possible, exchange gifts with each other during the times you do see each other. I'm not talking flowers or chocolate or sports tickets, I'm talking clothing and items with sentimental value. Give each other something that will remind you of each other. Photo albums are great for this, or something that smells like you. Whether you believe it or not, your natural scent is a huge turn on for your SO. And for you military men and women, think about maybe giving your dog tags to your sweetheart. I keep my boyfriend's with me at all times, and those I love the most along with an old ring he had because they're what stay closest to my heart, literally. I keep them on a chain, and they're a constant reminder of someone who means the world to me. Just knowing that he's there with me in spirit makes it all so much more bearable. Clothing is great in that aspect too. Anything that will remind your SO of you, they'll want. It really does mean a lot, on both ends.
  
  3. Be honest and always express yourself. When you're in an LDR, you learn to be open and tell each other EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. In a long distance relationship, you're easily much more susceptible to things ending because of something small. You need to be open and tell each other what you're thinking whenever you talk, as you do in any relationship. But I stress it with LDRs. You don't get to see each other; you don't get to talk to each other at all hours of the day. It's extremely important to tell each other when something is bothering you and get it fixed before it escalates and becomes something that you can't fix because of the long distance. Or if you think you're starting to develop feelings for someone else or start talking to someone who's new and interesting, tell the other immediately or as soon as possible. You don't want to be leading someone on or leave them in the dark like that, especially when he or she is far away. Those are the kinds of things that end relationships, because it can seem like you're hiding even the smallest of things. Be straight forward and don't beat around the bush, too.
  
  4. Be reassuring. Aside from constantly communicating, I really stress this. It's easy and simple to start thinking that you're not loved or your SO doesn't care or isn't thinking about you. Make sure you're telling each other how you feel on a day to day bas   is. I'm not saying it needs to be every other thing you say, but just dropping a nice little text saying you miss him or her/love him or her/were thinking about him or her/etc. helps the feeling of not feeling along. It's nice to be reminded that you're SO who's far away still loves you and still feels strongly about you, as if you were there next to him/her. Because a lot of times, that's all you need to keep you going another day.
  
  5. Take your time away from each other a little at a time. Looking at how long you're going to be away from each other as a whole does NOT help. It makes it seem longer than it really is and (I hate to be cliche) like an eternity. Take things a day at a time, or even a week at a time. Don't look at it as how many days you've been apart, but each day as another day closer to when you get to run into each others arms again and look into each other's eyes. Time will pass by much faster that way and before you know it, your time period of being away from each other is up. In general, don't dwell on the negatives of things. Remember, things are only as bad as you make them.
  
  A lot can be added to that list, but I've come to find that those five things are what make LDR  s easier to handle. It doesn't make them easy in general, but it does make them bearable and seem like a lot less of a burden.

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