Monday, 29 June 2009
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The Definition of Clingy: A Texting Faux Pas
My boyfriend is a great guy. So great, I've written about him before here on Datingish. But our relationship has been long-distance for nearly two months now, and I'm really starting to feel it.At first things were fine; we texted for about half an hour when we woke up in the morning. Not much conversation during the day as we were both busy, and about an hour to an hour and a half before bed each night. All texting. He says he hates his phone voice, and we've only spoken on the phone maybe three times.
Lately, there is no morning conversation at all. Still nothing during the day. And instead of our nightly conversations, it's more of a, "How was your day? That's good. I'm going to bed. Good night. I love you." At first I figured he was just busy and/or tired as he works the graveyard shift. But it wasn't for just one or two nights. It's been about a week. I mentioned it to him last night, and he accused me of being desperately clingy. I told him all I needed was a decent conversation once a day, I wasn't asking for phone calls every few hours. He agreed to try to communicate more. It got late, he went to bed.
Today, he tried texting me like I asked. It was brief and slightly awkward. An obviously forced conversation. Upon noticing it, I told him that I'd talk to him later: to relieve him of his obvious resistance toward me. About half an hour later, I got a text from him. Although it obviously wasn't for me: "I don't like really clingy girls, and she is really clingy right now. It is driving me nuts to be honest."
I responded simply with, "Good to know, babe."
He texted apologizing, saying that he's sorry and that his friend asked and he was "just telling her" although it is how he actually feels. I was short with him. I told him, "it's fine. I'll give you space." He responded with how he'd call me when he gets home tonight so we can talk about it. He loves me, he's an ass, he understands if I hate him... yadda yadda. Pretty much no further conversation since.
1) I don't hate him.
2) I'm not mad either. I'm hurt.
3) Am I being clingy? I could be totally oblivious to it, but I really need someone to smack me in the face and tell me if I genuinely am.Have you been the victim of a texting faux pas? What was your reaction? The end result?
Any further questions, feel free to message me.
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About the Author
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- From: surferchick4990@xanga
- Name: Amy
- About Me: "If you want something, go get it. Period." -The Pursuit of Happyness. I'm Amy, I'm 19, and I genuinely love life. Give me sunshine, warm weather, and my country music and I'm a happy girl. =)
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Comments (114)
First of all, he doesn't like talking on the phone?? That sounds like a load of crap to me. If you are in a long distance relationship those telephone calls are a vital part of keeping the communication open. I know this from my own experience. My husband is in Iraq for the second time and our phone calls are what helps us stay in contact with each others' lives. Secondly, It is not clingy to want to have a good conversation with the person you're supposed to care about most. And to accidentally receive a text from him that is dogging you out to another girl is beyond reproach in my opinion. I'm angry for you hun...you should be too=( That is just so wrong in so many ways...
@whisperitloudly@xanga - Exactly what I was going to say...
haha i kind of had a similar problem like this with my girlfriend.
to give some back story, we're old high school friends, but we got together this past winter break (we both just finished our first year at university -- and she transferred into where i am for next fall. not for me, but because UVa has a program she wants to major in that VTech doesnt... etc). anyway, our entire relationship after week 1 was/is basically long distance, because as soon as school ended for me I went to France for vacation; and as soon as I got back, she went to nebraska.
for me, i slowly sifted out of regular conversation with her. on my own accord. i cant place a reason, because i still care about her very much, but i think i was just tired of the long distance thing. totally paradoxical because i still wanted/want this relatonship, but i was tired of trying after 4 months? idk.
but now it seems like things have patched up. i call her about once a week and we text each other often enough. i know its not as much as she wants, but hey we're both happy now i think. and its giving me this "space" that i guess i subconsciously wanted... again, another paradox.
just give him time. maybe he'll smarten up. or, if not, do what my girlfriend did... and maybe send him an email calling him out on it.
that is definitely not clingly.
i had a long distance relationship with someone for about a year.
i don't think a decent conversation once a day or every other day is too much to ask for.
afterall, conversation is all you have when it is long distance.
A conversation a day isn't too much.
I'm lucky when it comes to the texting faux pas...the most I've gotten is a "what up" from my ex that was meant to go to his best friend.
That's so not clingly.
I've wondered a lot of times during my last relationship if I was being clingly when I wanted to talk to him once a day. His calls had started to drop in frequency. I thought to myself, "Alright, he's been busy with work. He's tired." But then the texts started to become lesser as well. It got to a point where he just didn't bother to reply my texts at all. And we're not even long distance.
I received someone else's IM once. It was back in college, and my ex was trying to IM my roommate about how he was going to practically kidnap me and commit me to a psych hospital.
I don't think you're being clingy, but I've been in your shoes before and the guy thought I was being clingy too. I guess we just have different ideas of clingy than they do *shrug*
I personally hate talking on phones, though, so I can understand that aversion. However, I don't think you're clingy by most reasonable standards. One conversation a day for an intimate relationship isn't bad.
that isn't clingy at all. you miss him, you want to talk to him. that's completely normal. this actually made me sad because i'm going away to college and my boyfriend is staying home. i hope we don't end up barely talking :[
You are not being clingly at all. you never fucking taslk to the guy he should understand you miss him. what an ass hole
duh! he is a boy. he's mad at you for being clingy? he is probably scared of the commitment you two are making to be physically apart but stay together. he is probably inventing reasons to break up with you because he can't take the responsibility that is your relationship.
its deffinatly not clingly. all girls want to be loved by someone & its espically hard if your in a long distance relationship. ONE conversation a day is not much to ask for & he should be happy your not ignoring him completely.
He thinks YOU'RE clingy?
Hah. Good thing he's not dating ME!
LDR are rough :(
I think the bigger issue here is that he was telling this to a girl. Guys only complain about their girlfriends to other girls if they are interested in the other girl. I say you get out.
No, you are not being clingy. But understand that there are a lot of times when you just have nothing to talk about. If you make yourself talk every time you end up repeating yourself and then the guy stops listening which makes him out to be a jerk when really he just doesn't know if you're talking about something new and interesting or something where you're just talking for the sake of conversation. The truth is that he's showing he cares about you at all by texting you even that little bit every day. Sometimes my bf calls just to check up on me, especially when I'm sick or something. I give him a few small updates, but nothing big. I ask him if there's anything new and if there is he tells me. But sometimes there's really just nothing to say. So I straight up tell him, "There's nothing to talk about, so I'm gonna go. I still miss you, but if we're going to NOT talk I'd rather do it in person." Then we say we love eachother and say goodbye and hang up. Yes, it's okay to want conversation, but understand that it's hard to get it. He doesn't really think you're clingy, he just doesn't know what other word to use. He really feels that you're asking too much of him by asking him to talk when there's nothing to talk about, boxing him into an awkward situation where he's probably scared that he'll accidentally say something stupid to piss you off.
P.S. This is all just theory. I have no possible way of knowing for sure what is going on in his head. However, I hope this gives you a bit of insight to perhaps better understand why the conversations are shortening.
Doesn't sound like you're being clingy at all. And that was a pretty low way for you to find out, whether he meant for you to or not.
long distance is really hard, your arent the only one going through this.. my boyfriend and i used to constantly text back in forth for the first 3 months of the long distance relationship... i totally agree with the needing conversation. Â Im not sure that not talking to him is the best idea, ive ended up playing the whole "i'll only talk to you when you want to talk to me" and its gotten to the point where we both arnt talking at all... now that were both in the same area, conversations still seem forced and awkward and im pretty sure its going to end soon. Â I wish that i could have saved myself the heartache and broken up when i first realized that he wasnt as into me as i was into him... a relationship should have both parties wanting to be with the other, not just one.
i agree with beautyinbeautyout and partially with lostnbroken... if you stop texting him and he makes no effort to try to keep in touch or see how your doing, or if your conversations stay awkward and forced, you might just want to cut your losses and move on...
@Non_Cherie@xanga - LOL funny
o and i dont think ur being clingy.
from my point of view, you're not being clingy at all.Â
If texting is your only means of communication, then by all means you should want to talk to him and have more than a few texts a day. It would be different if you two texted nonstop all hours of the day, but the fact of the matter is you're not asking for much. Communication is the foundation of ANY relationship, especially an LDR. I feel your burden, I really do. LDR's are hard and texting, as much as I'm against it, is a huge part of being able to keep in touch and just be able to talk to each other. Seeing as you can't always be at a computer and you can't always use up your minutes, especially if he won't talk on the phone regardless, he should at least be understanding to just texting you and make a better effort to talk to you and make it work.
You're not clingy. He's just found a new girlfriend...
JUST KIDDING. However, long distance relationships don't work out for a reason. Especially if communication is one of the main factors in STAYING in a relationship.
Then again, I've never been in a relationship, what do I know? ;D
-Kunoichi
@Mangonese@xanga - Agreed.
By the way, not to boast [merely to share my experience] , but my boyfriend lives across the state, and now he's studying in Japan, so our nightly phone conversations have been reduced to bi-weekly Skype conversations. The first two months of this irregularity bothered me a little, especially since he rarely sends me messages online anymore, but I've grown totally used to it. It just means the two times I get to "see" him via Skype every week are much more looked forward to, and we have more to talk about. We still care about each other all the same, if not more.
You can last a day without talking to him. Fret not.
You're not being clingy at all. And I would be hurt too. It seems like he's not putting 100% effort into this relationship, and it's just not a high priority for him. :(
Hey, I've got a good idea. How about show him this post with all the comments here? ;)