Monday, 29 June 2009
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The Definition of Clingy: A Texting Faux Pas
My boyfriend is a great guy. So great, I've written about him before here on Datingish. But our relationship has been long-distance for nearly two months now, and I'm really starting to feel it.At first things were fine; we texted for about half an hour when we woke up in the morning. Not much conversation during the day as we were both busy, and about an hour to an hour and a half before bed each night. All texting. He says he hates his phone voice, and we've only spoken on the phone maybe three times.
Lately, there is no morning conversation at all. Still nothing during the day. And instead of our nightly conversations, it's more of a, "How was your day? That's good. I'm going to bed. Good night. I love you." At first I figured he was just busy and/or tired as he works the graveyard shift. But it wasn't for just one or two nights. It's been about a week. I mentioned it to him last night, and he accused me of being desperately clingy. I told him all I needed was a decent conversation once a day, I wasn't asking for phone calls every few hours. He agreed to try to communicate more. It got late, he went to bed.
Today, he tried texting me like I asked. It was brief and slightly awkward. An obviously forced conversation. Upon noticing it, I told him that I'd talk to him later: to relieve him of his obvious resistance toward me. About half an hour later, I got a text from him. Although it obviously wasn't for me: "I don't like really clingy girls, and she is really clingy right now. It is driving me nuts to be honest."
I responded simply with, "Good to know, babe."
He texted apologizing, saying that he's sorry and that his friend asked and he was "just telling her" although it is how he actually feels. I was short with him. I told him, "it's fine. I'll give you space." He responded with how he'd call me when he gets home tonight so we can talk about it. He loves me, he's an ass, he understands if I hate him... yadda yadda. Pretty much no further conversation since.
1) I don't hate him.
2) I'm not mad either. I'm hurt.
3) Am I being clingy? I could be totally oblivious to it, but I really need someone to smack me in the face and tell me if I genuinely am.Have you been the victim of a texting faux pas? What was your reaction? The end result?
Any further questions, feel free to message me.
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About the Author
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- From: surferchick4990@xanga
- Name: Amy
- About Me: "If you want something, go get it. Period." -The Pursuit of Happyness. I'm Amy, I'm 19, and I genuinely love life. Give me sunshine, warm weather, and my country music and I'm a happy girl. =)
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Comments (114)
i don't think wanting conversation is clingy.
if you wanted him to talk to you constantly all day that COULD be considered clingy maybe.
but all you are wanting is communication. which is the basis of a good healthy relationship.
Clingy would be you expecting him to make time for you at any given time, no matter what he's doing. Clingy would be you trying to get him to talk to you at every hour of the day. Clingy would be wanting his full attention as much as humanly possible.
You are certainly not being clingy. You would like to talk to him more, because he's slacking off. What you two were doing for that period of time at the beginning was a "minimum" kind of thing when it comes to spending time together. You expected a minimum of what, an hour and a half a day? That's not so bad, considering some people are together 6+ hours a day.
You're saying, "Hey, I miss you. Let's talk more." and he's translating that to something bad. Sounds like a problem on his end that needs to be addressed because uh, you aren't doing anything wrong.
well at first this seemed like a simple fix.. but that text message seemed kinda fucked up. if it's been 2 months, and he's calling you a clingy girl and talking about how he doesn't like it, to this said friend of his, i think that's low and sort of pathetic. i mean, if he's really that tired of it that quick, he's either looking for a way out, or just has a really low tolerance for you. i don't think you're being clingy. i do kinda think things may be changing for him or something, cept he wanted to call and talk about it so that's good.
i've never got a "faux pas" text message, but i wouldn't of been as nonchalant as you, so props for that. anyways, good luck.
I don't think you are being clingy, it's your right as the girlfriend to hear from him daily, not just hi and bye especially since it's a long distance relationship. He's not putting in the effort and it's not fair for you at all. I never had that problem though, my ex and I would text constantly even if we weren't away from each other. It depends on everyone though but if he doesn't like talking on the phone and isn't texting..then it's not much of a relationship is it. Maybe just stop talking to him for a while and see how he reacts, maybe it's a sign the relationship isn't strong enough to last the distance. Only you can figure it out but definitely I do'nt think you're being clingy AT ALL.
yes. i was texting my ex and recieved a "damn, i wish this bitch would shut the fuck up" message.
ha. he's my ex for a reason.
I wouldn't blame either one of you. It's the LDR making you guys crazy. Remember that!
Conversation and communication is vital to a relationship. It is not unrealistic for you to want a conversation a day.
As for his "accidental" text, I've "accidentally" sent things to people more than once. And the fact that he was sending that to another woman means he's developing a relationship with another girl, one which is close enough for him to complain about his girlfriend.
I'd think twice about putting yourself out there for him. Then again, I'm cynical at the moment. Maybe I'd feel differently tomorrow.
You're not clingy! It is perfectly reasonable to want to have a conversation with your boyfriend! The fact that he won't talk on the phone is weird (to me, anyway) so I already think it's a compromise having to text for hours what could be said in 5 minutes. Sounds like you can do better.
I don't think you're being clingy.
I'm the total opposite. Guys accuse me of not texting them/neglecting them. haha
all u need is a bf-gf conversation instead of a friend-to-friend conversation like "how was ur day?". nope, i dont think u're being clingy.
he's actually lucky u're not making a big deal of not calling you all day...
Maybe he's run out of things to text you about? Are you texting him or just waiting for him to send you a text? My boyfriend works out of town 2 weeks a month and sometimes we will text non-stop all day while other times the only text I get is a "good night babe, I love you"
I understand we are both busy and don't ever expect more than that because sometimes I also don't have time to text him so a simple good night text is plenty.
Relationships like this aren't going to be happy ones. Trust me. Find someone who is as dedicated and clingy and needy as you are, and you'll be amazed at how happy you are.
Gosh. So sorry that's happening to you, but I'm a firm believer in knowing when it's time to move on. The whole texting thing seems to help prolong relationships that should, in reality, be ending. It's just so easy to txt down a few words not realizing that the other person is "holding on" to them, reading into them, making them more meaningful than they are. You're not clingy. If his feelings were building, communication more likely would be increasing, not waning. He'd be dying to hear your voice just as much as you want to hear his. So in the end, this is a long way of saying, let it go. If he doesn't want it to end, you will know. If he's become noncomittal, you'll know that too. - double hugs, even though you seem to be a tough chick that can handle it.
I dont think ur being clingy.he is ur bf..it shudnt be like..'i am overstepping' esp if u want to talk to him and all.sure people have their off days.but since he said the whole 'clingy' thing..he's being whatever.
I say..ignore him for a few days.and see how many times he calls u or txts u ..or if he will jst give up after a while.jst saying..
I don't think you're being clingy at all. All you're asking for is some contact, which is expected in a relationship? He's being pretty immature. A few texts a day is definitely not clingy. I think something is changing on his end...talk to him about it.
you are definitely not being clingy. being clingy would mean texting him 24/7 and making calls to him at almost every hour just to see what he's doing. you want a good conversation in the morning and a good one at night; thats all you ask and i don't think thats clingy at all. every relationship anyone has been in wants that and will always want that. the long distant relationship isn't helping since what you are asking for is what most people with long distant relationships usually can't get across until they actually meet and have that human interaction. having actual decent conversations would require telephone calls since that is the most human interaction you can recieve from each other. ( i think its kind of fishy in my opinion that he doesn't want to actually call you. i know i hate my voice on the phone too - i sound like a three year old with a stuffy nose - but if i was in a long distant relationship, i would sacrifice letting someone hear my awful voice to be able to communicate properly with my boyfriend) my friend went through a long distant relationship and it started off that way. in the end, she was starting to seriously worry and then become clingy like she promised herself she never wouldn't be. she called at every hour and would text him if she didn't get back an immediate response. needless to say, they ended their relationship. just listen to what he has to say on the phone and communicate/talk with him about how you feel. talking and honesty usually help in a relationship and if he doesn't understand and doesn't feel the need to seek change, then thats when you know that you two were not meant to be.
Long distance is hard. You two basically move in different worlds now, so you don't have any new shared experiences to talk about. He's definitely overreacting, but probably because he feels like he doesn't have anything to say, and resents you for trying to wring something interesting out of him when he's at a loss. You shouldn't condemn him for his "forced" conversation -- I mean, give the poor boy some credit for at least trying after you asked him to.
You should definitely try to talk to him outside of texts, though. Nothing like hearing somebody's voice, phone-warped or no.
you're not clingy. he's just an ass. he deserves a slap on the face
Not at ALL clingy! God I wish V wanted to talk like that ugh
You're not clingy. He has issues he needs to sort out T_T
Clingy? No. But I don't think it's smart to have all communication over texting. Just my opinion, though.
i don't think you're being clingy. but sometimes it feels like guys and girls are from two completely different worlds ;\
wow just talk online, saves money and is a lot easier to type
No, that's not clingy. You're being reasonable.
maybe i missed the point, but when did communication stop being important in a relationship? to me, it's the most important part of the relationship next to sex. i guess that makes me a needy person because i want to hear that person's voice and have a conversation with them even if it's just breathing, at least i know he's alive.