There are too many questions that beget this question.... Never mind how long the relationship has been, the reason for suspicion, the overactive hormones and such and such...
I think the ultimately it boils down to trust. Why on earth would you be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? Anyway, unless there is solid proof dead on your face that your significant other is cheating, you should always give them the benefit of the doubt. Constant speculation (a common exercise in realm of needy girls) ruins relationships.Trusting our significant others to stay good at the sight of a very flirty attractive other person, might be a hard thing to do, as we humans often act on the defensive and at least the normal ones, are risk averse.
However, I think people often forget that they get into relationships because the other person's worth that risk (or the sex is too amazing, you just can't let go). Unless you're ready for the possible failures of the all in gamble, then you're probably better off folding and trying your chances at another person.
As hard as it is to fathom, unless you're married, it's not a crime to have moments of "straying" from what you already have. I'm not promoting cheating, nor do I practice it, but all I'm saying is that it's free game to analyze your options (ie.I would never prohibit my bf from talking to other girls and I do not think flirting is cheating). How do you know that the one you have is the one? Slap them with options, if you're meant to be, no matter what kind of obstacle comes your way, you'll still end up together. I'd never feel at ease if I know someone stayed with me for the sake of pity or because I forced them to. Live not a lie, I say.
If you constantly speculate on your partner cheating, chances are you're psycho or there's reason for the distrust. Either way, break up. Cause a relationship without trust is a fucking joke. If the sex is good, fuck a few more times before you move along to better horizons.
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Comments (20)
Wow.
Yeah a relationship without trust is no relationship...it takes a lot to whittle down all of your girlfriend's trust, and there's pretty much nothing you can do to fix it if it's been a three year process.
Yep! Trust is the key to a relationship. I also believe that if you are meant to be, then you will overcome all obstacles (i.e. all the other potential mates, arguments, etc.) and be together. If you don't trust ur SO, then there's no point in pulling his leg, but if you do trust ur SO, then don't go around acting like a super-jealous maniac. I don't mind my SO having female friends, but flirting with other girls in front of your gf is rude too, so I don't like that. Of course, if your bf knows better and really does love you, then he wouldn't do those things anyways. I don't believe my bf is a possession, but he is my bf and he acts as a bf should (being in an exclusive relationship).
In a realtionship trust is important, but there are other things to take into consideration too (i.e. communication, understanding, faithfulness, love, care, affection, etc). A relationship requires a lot to uphold.
You're very eloquent. I like it.
Xanga should add a "I like this" button for posts like this where you just tell it how it is. So in light of the nonexistant like button...
I like this *click*
i must say i don't know if i would let my boyfriend flirt with other girls. not that i'd have control over it necessarily, but i wouldn't want him to. i'd want the type of guy who loves what he has so much he doesn't feel the need to look around. if you say that poses the possibility of never finding your soul mate, you're wrong. when you're with someone you get to know them for who they are. if things don't work out there, then you know they're not the right one. but you shouldn't have to "look around" while you've already "found someone." that is the purpose of having a bf/gf....you have found someone you want to be with. if you have to keep looking after you're in a relationship, then you should know you haven't found the right relationship at all.
Harsh. but honesty is good too.
I agree and I disagree..first of all,.. if your in a relationship with someone you shouldnt be looking for other people and flirting [i mean i guess sometimes it's inevitable..but still], I dont agree with it. I would not like my bf flirting or wanting other chicks,,i meean he should just break up me than if he wants other people or is 'looking around'. Not cool to me. but yeah i admit i can be a bit psycho over who my bf might be hangin with or whatev, but as long as i know its a friend thing..but i have a reason to speculate because he has lied that he was talking to other girls., and one minute he wants new experiences and the next he wants me. but yeah im in the wrong and it pisses him off cuz i try and investigate. but hey, i want my guy to want just me..and its hard to trust even more when ur in a long distance relationship. =\
I disagree.
If you doubt, there is some foundation. Specially if you are a woman. Intuition does a lot.
Even if your partner didn't physically cheat, emotinal cheating is still cheating.
From my experience: If you *feel* there is something wrong, then there is probably something wrong, even if you have no tangible proof.
i agree. i had a friend who always speculated that her bf was cheating, which he didn't then one day he was so tired of hearing it, he actually did go and cheat on her.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - i think eprops work just the same?
@raiyaya@xanga - Not the same effect! =P
TRUST is one thing, but having my boyfriend flirt with other girls often leads to things beyond just flirtation, especially if such said act misleads and confuses the girls he's flirting with. That would upset me because that's not what you do when you're in a relationship. Looking at someone because he/she is hot, fine... You can't control what you see, but flirting?
Even if I trusted him with 100%, it'd bug the crap out of me if he was flirting with other girls. And I hope it bugs the crap out of him to see me flirt with other guys. It's a mutual respect thing, plus not putting yourself in that situation where it can become DRAMTIC and unneccessarily complicated (3rd parties often makes it so).
I agree with the idea behind this post. The fact is that no matter what kind of relationship you're in, no matter how much you love and trust them, no matter how long you've been together, your SO can always cheat. Since no one can keep watch on their SO 24/7, they should come to grips with the fact that it's possible. That's why trust is so important. You have to believe they're not cheating if there are no signs. Because they could be, but it's useless to think that way. Without any cold, hard proof, you're not going to find out anything. I know I keep repeating it, but it's an important point. Anyone can be cheating. This gives you two options. You can worry all the time about whether they're cheating and run yourself ragged over what's probably nothing, or you can trust the person you're with. I think it's obvious which choice is healthier for the person and the relationship.
Haha!
I like this entry.
I like how you put emphasis on the swearwords and make it sound convincing.
Like you said, no trust = no love.
No. Trust and love are two key components in any relationship. However, when you trust blindly without thinking, that isn't being trusting, that's being a moron. Without hard evidence, you can't prove that he/she is cheating on you, but you also can't prove that he/she isn't. Furthermore, if you can't find hard evidence, you are resorting to basically asking your cheater whether or not they are cheating on you, which in terms of honest responses ranks right up there with an homeless crackhead's explanation of where he got the DVD player.
You are going to doubt. It's healthy to give the benefit of the doubt, but eventually paranoia will build up and wreak havoc on your mindset and possibly your self-esteem. If you think your SO is cheating on you, he/she just might be. Sure, it's healthier to ignore, but it's also foolish to turn a blind eye to something that worries you.
eh, yes trust is a huge thing, but if trust is lost it can be regained. I just think maybe you havent been through really loving someone that gave you a reason to mistrust them. And thats awesome. Im glad for you
I agree with rockmeup@xanga. Flirting is emotional cheating. It hurts just as much as finding your boyfriend ACTUALLY cheating. If a guy is not happy in a relationship and wants to explore different option, by all mean but dont drag a girl along with him. If he thinks the grass is greener on the other side then jump, but dont tie one end on the other side and jump over just in case you dont like it, you can pull yourself back to where you were. Giving that option for your SO, just means there is no such thing as "relationship" between you and your SO. You get into the relationship b/c you think you could spend a lifetime with them or at least a good portion. Also, your sentence of "unless your married ... "straying"." that is a not true. There are many marriage that the other SO went straying. Again, being with your SO before signing those paper is committing yourself to be faithful yet somehow a lot of marriage ends up with affair and what not (hence my parents went through that). In the end, if you suspect cheating then there is something wrong. You know your SO well enough to know when something is not going right.
wow. you're straight up lol
I like this alot.