Miss Walrus
I want to pose an interesting question to you Datingish readers: If a man has multiple women in his family, is he more likely to understand - and accept - your more "girly" interests?
All right, let me explain where this is coming from. I've been with quite a few guys in the past who absolutely hated a lot of things about me. Okay, maybe not about ME, per se, but a lot of them definitely hated some of my interests. They hated that I would stay up till 3 a.m. watching Sex & the City, hated that I liked red wine (Really!) and hated that I would try to sneak at least one B. Spears song onto each mixed CD and/or iTunes playlist I created.
And it wasn't just that they disliked these things about me - they also ridiculed me for them and made me feel bad about liking things that I deemed quintessentially "girly."
Now, because I'm so used to my SO making me feel bad about my girly interests, I have grown accustomed to hiding them. For example: My new beau was over the other day and when he went to the b-room, I flipped through the channels on my TV and saw a glimpse of Miss Carrie Bradshaw's mug puffing on a cig. I kept it on for a few seconds and when I heard footsteps, I tried to get up in time to flip back to SportsCenter or whatever we'd been watching before. However, he caught me in the act and asked what I had been watching. When I meekly replied, "Sex & the City," he just laughed. "You can keep watching if you want," he said. Whoa.
Another example: I keep a workout diary. I write down everything I eat & all the exercise I do each day so that I can look back on it in the future in c ase I want to remember. New beau found this "food diary," and when I scrambled to grab it from him, he simply said "Hunny, I have sisters. I've seen it all."
Then it hit me: Maybe new beau isn't just a super nice, understanding guy (which he is), but maybe his acceptance of my interests - things that other guys deemed as my "flaws" - really stems from the fact that in his family, females outnumber males. He has two sisters & his mom - so really, he and Pops are in the minority.
Obviously upbringing plays a significant role in how a person turns out. But can growing up around females teach a male a lot more about them than anything else? Does seeing females as humans - like sisters - teach a male to view them as more than sex objects & instead as living, breathing human beings with interests & opinions?
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Comments (66)
I won't go into details....but yes it does.
Sometimes, but only sometimes.
Now that you mention it, it seems that way. Just because a guy doesn't grow up with female influences doesn't mean he won't still be a caring, understanding gentlemen who is respectful of your interests. (Although MANY times they don't, unfortuneately). My boyfriend grew up with three brothers, dad and mom. So his mom was the only female in a house of males. Somehow he is the kindest, more sensitive, sweet and caring gentleman I have ever met, and is different from even the friends he grew up with who see women as objects. He's the committed and "wants to be married" someday type, who believes marriage is the ultimate expression of love, that he is the protector and provider, with equal emotional interdependence. Either it's rare, a miracle, or else his mama did something right. ♥
Sometimes... he could just turn out to be gay.
From the guys I have been around with more female influence, it does.
If guys think the fact that you're a girl and have girl interests being a 'flaw' then they are assholes.
But back to the point. With my experience, guys who've grown up close to the women in his family tend to be more respectful to women. But there are always exceptions.
I think so.
This is something I've never thought about...but I think you may be right.
For me, it has for done so without a doubt.
wow, this is something that you'd think would be obvious, but i've never thought about it!
very cool, i'll keep that in mind. haha
Not necessarily. My mother was the only woman in the house. And tons of women tell me how "sweet" and understanding I am.
However, as a truck driver, my father was rarely home and my mother's teachings definitely got through.
well, I didn't grow up with a dad, so the only one I had to teach me was mom. I grew up around some of the men in the family, but they were never a major influence. That partly helped me see the best in women, instead of the male ideology of what a woman is. In that way, I was able to change and better appreciate all that women are. :)
defiinitely true. plus if they're close wiht their mom. haha that will help with understanding us women
It can, but it doesn't have to. My ex grew up with two sisters and a mother (as well as brothers and a father) and had female friends, but he still just didn't get it when I was upset that a surgery I had to have might leave a scar on my face. He took it as "proof" that I was overly obsessed with my appearance. I'd take a guy who grew up with all brothers and only a male parent and treated me well over someone with sisters who acted like that.
But I think that having siblings of the opposite gender can help people of both genders understand each other. Having a brother and having male bandmates and male friends definitely has helped me feel more comfortable around men and more accepting of male quirks.
I think so! My boyfriend now is close to his mom and has a younger sister and he is definitely accepting of my weird girly things I do... what a relief!
Sometimes. I find that my interests in girly things actually turns off most women. Perhaps you've been hurt enough times by the men who demean your girly interests and have learned to accept men who will accept you, and for that I applaud, but that generally doesn't apply in most cases. In most cases, women would not consider men who appreciate their "girly" interests as proper treatment - men are supposed to be "manly" and appreciate "manly" things, not help them pick out a skirt they'll look cute in or sit around watching chick flicks with them.
Just calling it like I see it, anyway.
I believe so.
yeahh it can...I def have had guy friends who've had all sisters and they are way understanding and caring. they know what we're going through and understand that there is more to us...I mean they grew up around it. But I also think this is the case for any boy who grewup with a sister....I dont think that the boy has to be outnumbered. Well i guess to be more specific a boy who grew up loving and caring about his sister.
But then my ex bf had all brothers and he was really intouch with his feminine side as well...he was really sweet and a genuinely nice guy. So, I think it has to do ALOT with the relationship between son and mother. Like the saying goes
A man who knows how to treat his mother will know how to treat his woman.
I would say that it definitely contributes to it... If it's true for males growing up around females, it could also be true for females growing up around males. For example, I grew up surrounded by guys, because of my dad and my two brothers. And everything my older brother did, I emulated. And it helped me better understand guy habits and mannerisms (etc.), which helped me get along better with guys and become friends with them.
no, not necessarily. i know guys that are understanding but have 1 brother and a dad and a mom. however* they are pretty close to their moms. my bf is very close to his mother and he is very understanding w/ me watching s&tc and listening to girly pop as well as my need to keep up with make up and exercise, etc. :) lucky you found a sweet and understanding guy. i think it does help for a guy to relate to his mom or even his sisters. i hope my brother (who's with my dad, the minorities in the family - theres me, my 2 sisters, & my mom) ends up being understanding and sweet as well :)
@kieri126@xanga - reminds me of my ex lol
it certainly can! but it has its advantages and disadvantages.
in short.
* for women. we (the males) can become more understanding and empathizing and thus the male/female differences and miscommunications diminishes some. we may be raised to be more gentleman like and more aware of "what a girl really needs." certainly we are more aware and in tune with whats important to you.
however.
*we are still male. our bodies are made to hunt, our minds are made to hunt. if anything, being raised by/around predominately women and girls could make us the more efficent hunter.
and lastly, deep psychologicalness aside.
*are you really ready for such guys? as a child of divorce raised by his mother, i've found that i commonly get two responses about myself from women. either they love me to death or they're so baffled by my increased sensitivity that they run away in the opposite direction.
hmm, maybe i'll submit an article on this.
it would make sense, but for some reason, in my past relationships, it's quite the opposite.
my first boyfriend was a dick. he lived in a house with his mom and younger sister.
my second boyfriend was sweet, but he started to change and we broke up. he lived with his two brothers, mom and dad.
my current boyfriend lives with his brother, mom and dad and he's the sweetest guy i've ever been with.
the relationship that lived with all women was the asshole while the other two were/are really sweet
my boyfriend has 2 sisters & mom as well and I feel that he is actually quite inconsiderate toward the "girly" side of me, even though his sisters are super girly and whatnot...but I'm a tomboy so that side of me doesn't show too often I guess. whatever.
At times, I guess.