Well I've been dating my boyfriend since my junior year in high school and it's going on two years. Like, don't get me wrong - he is amazing, and there's no doubt that I love him. It just seems like lately he's changed, like he isn't as romantic or whatever as much and it seems like he knows that he has me so he doesn't have to try anymore. And on more than a couple occasions (okay, like almost every day) I feel like his mother, like I cook for him, clean, everything and I feel like he just knows it's coming and doesn't expect anything else. And I'm only 17, he's 19.
But that is not my problem because I have become so accustomed to it by now it's like second nature, though I hate doing it. Recently during my senior year I got out of my super shy shell and started talking to more people. In return, I have made some really good guy friends, and they know all about my boyfriend situation. So how do these boys help me out with it? They turn on their charm, I don't know if either by accident or not, and yes, I start to see myself fall under their love charm. I'm not proud of it but I have even kissed (no more than that) three of these boys within the past six months.And exactly after each time I came home and felt terrible...although I kept it from my SO because I would never hear the end of it, and to be honest I don't plan on telling him either. I've been cheated on in the past and I feel I would have been better off if my past SOs didn't tell me.
But last night one of my best guy friends came over to hang like we always do. We were having fun and then suddenly the casual joke turned into him grabbing me and kissing me, and this boy is not only my best guy friend but we've told each other that if not for my boyfriend we'd probably be going out because there is something there. But last night was amazing, nothing else happened but kissing but it was like no one else mattered to both of us. The night was ours for the taking.
What makes it even worse than what I did was that I didn't feel horrible about it. I got home and could not stop thinking about it all night and not once was I, like, I shouldn't have done it. I just think that, I dunno, my SO isn't that much into me anymore and than I take out that forgotten love from him and get it from other people if that makes any sense.
Once again, I repeat, I am not proud but I dunno, I feel terrible and I dunno what I should do because I would be devastated if me and my boyfriend broke up, but on the other hand, I feel kind of tied down with him and need some space and I'm so lost and just feel terrible for continuing to do it to him and he has absolutely no idea.
Please be as honest as you can - you won't hurt my feelings.
Comments (98)
Honestly? You're a lesbian.
Yes, cheating is bad. Leave out the kissing, when you tell someone the only reason you are not with them is because of your involvement with another you have already cheated. If you can't be honest with your current boy friend then you and your relationship is in dire straights. Grow up...
Why are you with a guy that you can't be loyal and honest to? Honestly? Yes, you're a lousy person. You've gone behind his back, cheated on him NUMEROUS TIMES, and won't tell him; but you'll stay in a relationship with him? Something about that is seriously screwed up.
It sounds like you have some serious personal issues to get looked at. If you can't treat your monogamous relationship with respect, then leave it. There's never an excuse for cheating; and your behaviour is simply juvenile. As RunningMan42@xanga said: Grow up.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - lol I love your replies.
To the poster... just go out with the other guy if you don't think the other relationship is going well. You're 17... you're young. Have fun. Don't be stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
I'm not going to lie, you've done this all wrong. I think you and your boyfriend need to call it quits ASAP. That's why he hasn't been as romantic and trying as hard and that's why you feel so upset that you've been kissing several other guys. Time to quit while you're behind. And don't count on your best guy friend to be into going out with you after. You never know if he just likes you because he can't have you.
Just cut your losses and leave your boyfriend. It doesn't seem you would be THAT devestated over breaking up with him if you aren't the least bit guilty about kissing someone else.
why haven't you broken up with your sucky boyfriend already?
date one of your new guy friends with the amazing kissing skills ^_^
Really, these guys don't seem like they're that great of friends if they're all grabbing you and making out with you...but whatever.
If you're not happy in your relationship, talk to him. If he doesn't want to improve, leave. It makes no sense for you to stay with him while you've cheated on him repeatedly. It is understandable that you're not happy with how he treats you, but that doesn't justify your cheating. Get out of the relationship so you can do whatever you want.
Honestly? This is ridiculous.
You "love" your boyfriend because you're 17. It's not going to last forever, and it's really not going to now that you've cheated. And, I'm not talking about the kissing part.
The minute you can see yourself with someone else is the minute your relationship is over. Why string your current boyfriend along when you are making out with other dudes and telling them that you'd rather be with them?
You want to act all grown up by being in serious relationships [probably] having sex and throwing the "L" word around, then ACTUALLY be an adult and end it with your boyfriend. So what if he isn't "in to you," because you VERY clearly aren't "into" him either.
I think you need to talk to your boyfriend. He obviously doesn't know what you're thinking or feeling at all. You can't expect him to change for the better on his own without first telling him about what he's doing wrong that you don't like. Right now from the info that you gave, it sounds like you're just using his "shortcomings" as excuses for you to do what you want with other boys. You're bored and want more freedom, and it's understandable, BUT you should at least tell your boyfriend and talk to him about it to sort out something that leave both of you satisfied instead of going behind his back and cheating on him - making YOU the bad person if the relationship ends.
look, you're only 17. people change. and it looks like you've changed without your boyfriend. do him a favor- dump him. because you've already moved on without him. now you need to let him know. if you care for him or respect him at all, I'm serious- tell him and dump him. it sounds like you already have a lot of options waiting for you anyways, and he deserves someone who will actually be his. esp since it sounds like you don't have that much fun with your actual boyfriend anyways.
@elliecopter@xanga - Agreed.
I don't think you're a terrible person. It seems like you want your freedom right now, and at 17, that's natural. (well, I think it's natural for anyone in a relationship that doesn't satisfy them). You're not married to this other guy. True, being in a relationship with him means you shouldn't be kissing other guys, but since you aren't married to him, you can break up with him without consulting a lawyer or anything fancy.
You are not doing yourself or your boyfriend a favor by staying in a relationship you clearly do not want to be in. Break up with him, and then what you do with other guys won't matter.
I think your boyfriend and you have fallen into that "comfortable" stage, if you know what I mean. Now that he "has" you, he doesn't feel like he needs to pursue you anymore. I felt that same feeling, too. And sometimes, I feel as if my boyfriend is like one of the toddlers I watch at work lol.
You should talk to your boyfriend about it. Maybe he honestly doesn't know. There's no point staying in a relationship when you obviously have feelings for other boys. :/
Well I'll be honest as you asked
You've been cheated on before and your going to go and cheat yourself? After you know how it made you feel?
To me that is terrible. Either get out of the relationship, since it sounds like its over already, and pursue another interest, or don't, and stay loyal to the person you are claiming to love.
You say don't doubt that you love him, but how can't a person when you've kissed 3 other guys.
What happens when the best friend comes over again? Or next time you hang out with these other guy friends?
What's the point of being in the relationship at this point...?
You sound like you're in a position of familiarity and are reaching for something new and exciting.End the relationship and figure out what it is you want. Otherwise you'll just be stringing along the other guy until he finds out.
Finding out your gf is cheating on you, to me, is a horrible feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone
yeah you're terrible. good job communicating your thoughts to your boyfriend by running around kissing other boys. that will surely fix anything with this person that you "love".
@coldfaceblush@xanga - agreed
i say you're too young to tie yourself down to something yet
maybe try talking to your SO, if you really care about him that much, and see if you can have an open relationship for a while; allowing you to experience things that are only able to happen once.
i dont think you seem happy, and if you're not, you should either break up with him or at least go on a break :) x
Break up with the poor guy. When i cheated on my boyfriend i told him and he ofcourse broke up with me. I have been trying for the last month to get him back. Lying gets you no where, leave him and if you want to date the other guy. You just dont want to leave cause your scared of change but leading on a guy like this is evil.
Your aren't a terrible person even though a bunch of harsh people on here say you are, you are only 17. Everyone makes mistakes. Break up with him and make it right. everyone else on this site.SHOW MORE COMPASSION. GOD everyone on xanga is an asshole
you should have a break. figure out who you want when you're on a break maybe? and no i don't think you're a terrible person. :)
btw my ex used to be like this too, only worse. he make it seem like once he got me, he don't have to do anything more and i hardly get to meet him because he always has his own stupid reasons. so i broke up with him, despite feeling really really sad. but it was a good break, because i feel like i got back my freedom.
honestly? Talk things out with your boyfriend. have you even tell him how you're feeling? I know how it feels to be in your position [sort of] and well if you don't try to work things out with your boyfriend, and stay away from those other guys, then you will regret it like hell. trust me. just try and make the effort to work things out
straight up i think the solution is pretty obvious.....break up with the current SO and try it out with the new one.
First off your reason for staying with ur current SO is kind of stupid...like you just dont want to break up with him? like i understand you two have been together for a while but...i mean if you're obviously liking someone else and thinking about someone else. its time to end it. no point it staying in something that makes you unhappy.
This basically describes my last relationship. He eventually stopped trying to make me happy because he felt like everything was in a good place, but I was miserable. I turned into his mother and he only wanted me for sexual things after a while.
Over a long span of time, I ended up falling for one of our mutual friends, and I hated myself for it. The guilt made me cry almost every single night. In the end, I broke up with the guy that I had been with for 16 months and ended up dating the person that was actually making me happy.
I haven't regretted it yet. I'm so much happier now, and I realize that I deserve to be happy in the relationship; not just for me to be there so someone can say they have a girlfriend.
break up with ur current bf. its not fair to him. would u want him going behind ur back and kissing other girls?? yeah, think about that. the truth will set u free, girl. good luck!!