First off, I'm not in any way searching for pity. I am just talking about my situation.
I've been blessed with a handful or two of really good friends. And at one point, all of us were single and were loving it. We didn't pursue dating anyone anytime soon. We just hung out, watched movies, went bowling, even did some really corny but fun stuff cause we made it fun like board games, etc....we did whatever. But then slowly, everyone started finding a significant other. Now, they all are "taken". I am truly happy for them. Finding that special someone isn't easy at all. And me? Well, do you know the point where you both kind of acknowledge that you like each other? Yeah...that is the closest I've ever come to dating someone. And I found out that I was just one of the guys she had around her finger so I said, forget that crap... all of it!
No problem.
Many years later, here I am... twenty-six years old and still single. And it wasn't until recently that I started to hate it. It really sucks being the only person out of a group of friends that isn't seeing anyone. It is a horrible feeling. Nine times out of ten, no one wants to hang out or go and "paint the town red" because everyone's with significant others. Don't get me wrong, we all are still friends, it's just that the couples want to be alone or something. And half of the time it is "Oh I can't. I am going to ____'s grandmother's house for dinner" or "I'm at the movies with so-and-so." That's all fine and dandy, but when you hardly ever see them again, it kind of makes you feel like you were cut out and replaced. You get to feeling...what's the word...not really left out, but more so, detached from them. I don't know.
It is like they upgraded for a better kind of friend.
It's almost like I have been demoted to an "I can't talk now, but I know you'll be there when I need you, which isn't now, so I'll talk to you then" friend.
So what the blazes am I supposed to do now? Find a girlfriend? That would be nice but it's not like I can go to a store and get one! Not to sound weird (although I know I already am considering my age and me never having a GF but oh well) but quite frankly, I don't think I'm mature enough to date. Seriously.
I mean who the heck is gonna want to put up with a 26-year-old, ADHD "kid" ? So, find some single friends? Well that would mean I'm solely looking for a friend 'cause mine are all busy...I don't know if that is cool. So I'm kind of in a rut. This is sort of depressing...but I guess that's just life.
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Comments (35)
Well, if you continue thinking that nobody would want to date a "twenty-six year old ADHD "kid"" then of course you're not going to find anyone.
Your friends are busy and you don't think you're mature enough for dating.
What options does that leave?
There you go.
I'm in a similar predicament, though not as severe. It sucks when your friends get paired off and you never see them as much anymore. There's not really much you can do to "make them come back", per se. Just remember that they still love you, but want to spend time with their SO's. It's normal.
I don't want to lay down stereotypes or anything, but I've always thought it was easier for guys in the dating scene. You guys pretty much have the "right" to ask a girl out, and if she rejects you, that's okay. Whereas, if a girl got rejected, that's downright humiliating.
I'm a bit younger than you, but I don't feel mature enough to date either! So, don't rush it, the time will definitely come for you, and I'm sure she'll be a lucky girl! Good luck! =)
Find someone in the same boat as you. Simple as that.
I'm in that sort of position now and I've also found someone who is like me where all his friends have had someone but not him so I'm attempting to work something out with him, but we shall see.
you don't want my pity sympathy and it looks like you've self analyzed your situation nicely, so I don't need to give any common sense advice. you show understanding for your friends and know that you are not mature enough to date unlike some ver immature and clueless daters with so much common sense drama. why is this sane blog on datigish
lol
I feel that with my friends even though I'm taken too.
When our friends get bfs or gfs, all their time goes to them and they turn into strangers. Sad, but common.
We're in the exact same boat. However, I prefer being single. Relationships scare me :/
I know exactly how that felt when I was single. I still feel it sometimes now that I'm taken and all.
Glad to see some one spoke out. I too am in this boat, 29 and soon to be 30 - never so much as had a date. I have hung out with paired up friends and seen them drift away. This is definately not fair to you. You did not want the friendship to degrade from lack of interest from the other side. Your pal just swapped you for someone that is (hopefully) of the opposite sex, puts out and they have a future with. All that said, why can't they make time for you still? They can and could, if You had a SO would things be ok and you all could do activities you used to? Unlikely because people are not interested in what used to be fun. Been there done that as goes the addage. Look into the term loveshy, it could help.... I would truely reccomend a monestary... After 30 it is pretty much my destiny to take care of my folks, help my teenage neivces and nephews out and adult brother and sister, atleast until my folks are no longer here, then I commit to god. Relationships are skills learned early on, arguably even in elementary school. No GF by now, you may as well make friends that are aliken to you, whom also have no interest / potential to end up married. Or you could get a lady off the internet... anastasia russian bride agency worked for cousin and she has worked out well supprizingly.... In the end, we feel your pain.... Others say you need to find some one, others pitty you, and you are unaware why they feel so bad for you... They likely should not. If you ever feel peturbed over these circumstances....... may I suggest reading the poem INVICTUS by William Ernest Henley.... It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishments the scrolls. I am tha master of my fate....... I am the captain of my soul..
Cheers and good luck all.
Wait til your friends break up and you'll get your friend back.
I'm in the same boat as you and sometimes it's really depressing.
take up hobbies like masturbation and chess.
Remember the feeling can be reversed too! Most of my friends don't have SO's and so they may not want to or think to invite me out to something a little wild (nothing bad) because I have someone else. Of course, I still see how your situation is worse but I think the easiest thing to do is to talk to your friends and tell them how much you miss them. If it keeps up tell them if something happens in that relationship then when it ends you won't be there because friendship requires effort year-round, not when they're ready.
@jf639@xanga - agree
put yourself out there. rejection will happen. it will hurt. but that's okay. as long as you're accepting of yourself. 26 is not that old, lol. there's tons more cougars out there, if you wanna not feel old. also, start working on being happy with yourself. you're not an 'adhd kid'. you sound like a good guy who at the very least has not a negative way of expressing emotions (I would also say who also does not have poor punctuation/grammar but I'm not sure if this post was cleaned up before it was posted here). Either way: just do it.
Also, I work really hard to prevent this situation with my girls b/c when I dated a guy for 3 years and I let him become my world- in the "off" times when we weren't dating, I had no one to turn to but him. I'm pretty sure that extended the relationship by at least a year. Now, even though I'm dating someone wonderful long-term, friday night is reserved for my girls. :) Always.
@jf639@xanga - I completely agree. :)
honestly. you should be happy for them. and even though you feel like they neglect you, then try talking to them. and set soem days off for you guys only to chill.
lol. enjoy the time u have alone.. pick up a hobby.. the situation does suck.. plan out things that u and ur friends can do together.. like friday or saturday night out w/ ur friends.. they probably need it too.
Oh, I feel you that on that. It seems like all my friends are taken too, and because of that, I never see them. For most of them, it seems like all they ever want to do is hang out with their significant others, and screw everyone else. It's sort of like that feeling you get when your parents start dating after being single for a while.
And if you don't want to date anyone, you shouldn't feel like you have to. I remember being so frustrated with all my friends being busy with their SOs that, at one point, I was like, "Maybe I should get a boyfriend just so I'll have someone to talk to." And as for thinking no one would go for you, that's not true. With everyone's differing tastes, you're bound to be attractive to some people. Anyone can get a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's just about having the right attitude. You should be more positive about yourself and you'll attract all kinds of people, both as friends and potential girlfriends.
Erm. Yeah. I'm 19 and I'm right there.
At this point, I'm okay with being single, and I'm not really looking, either. But the lack of friends is starting to get to me. Facebook, of all things, is rapidly becoming my new best friend. -_-
However, I've at least got my brothers and their friends to hang with. And I keep telling myself...they'll break up. Then I'll have my friends back. Even if it's just for a little while.
If you're actually not mature enough to date, the solution is simple... become more mature. Grow up. Volunteering is great for this. Essentially maturity comes from caring for others more than yourself, so find some way to do that. It can be dangerous, however, to feel like you have to meet some kind of standard before you can get in a relationship. Relationships themselves will mature you as well. I say, find somewhere to volunteer, deliberately find things you can do to bless others, and look for girls to ask out. Have a goal. Pursue it. Be a man. You can do it!
Dude, I've been single all my life and I'm only starting to appreciate the freedom of it.
Don't get me wrong I understand where you're coming from. My friends have started to pair off, and there are only 3 of us left. Uh-oh, shock horror!! haha
But seriously, enjoy it. You can do what the hell you want without being attached to someone.
No-one to nag you to do things, to wear certain things, to go somewhere, no-one to get in your face all the time ... the list goes on.
Go travelling, go do something where you can meet new friends, do what the hell you desire!
World's your oyster, right?
P.S. I totally would like a boyfriend right now. But that's cos I've got the whole summer to waste away =P and well I guess I'm just waiting for the right person. A person worth investing my time in.
maybe you can just get up and do something about it rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and being depressed.
sorry if that sounds harsh
i was always the odd one out too. seemed like everyone else had someone except me. but i found someone after a very LONG time. so stay positive. put yourself out there.
Well certainly I wouldn't want to date a "kid." I'm looking for a grown man.
If you have a negative outlook on things, why bother trying? I know it can be depressing when you're alone--I've been single for a long time. You just need to enjoy your life. They say love sneaks up on you when you're not looking, so in the meantime don't wish and hope so much and just try to be happy as a single guy.
@jf639@xanga - Agree.
I am tired of looking for my significant other also. I waited for a few years, I pursued for a few years, now I am still single and I don't know why. I am hitting 21st soon and I never had a date in my life. I am not a bad looking person or super fat so I really don't know why. But I think you just have wait.
Aww crud, that's me too. Male 26? single. I realized the same thing when I was hanging out often with a couple good friends who are together. I noticed, wtf? I'm totally a third wheel here. Plus some other good friends are with someone else and they are just preoccupied with each other.
Well, you (we/all of us) gotta do something about it. First, throw out the feeling that you aren't "mature enough to date". Does that mean you only want to have fun and get laid at the moment? Or you feel like you won't be interesting enough and be able to talk it up with a girl (preferably this one). Or something else.
It's hard to do, but you need to get outta your funk and try to get out and meet more people. Whenever your friends have events like birthdays or shindigs, you gotta go to them. Pull them aside and ask them to introduce you to their friends. Screw being awkward. I think we put excuses like "I'm not ready, not mature, I don't feel like it..., I'm too busy, tired, a loner, too cool." to rationalize that we're just scared of taking the next step and trying to make some sort of commitment. Screw that, people like us will just get left behind. I don't want to turn into one of those 50 year old creepers who tries to get into the panties of fresh meat hotties (and sometimes successfully). Ugh.
So it is time to start drawing a line in the sand. It is time to grow up from the "mommy and daddy" (coupled) friends and turn into equals or get left behind.
it is pretty depressing cause that phase is coming onto me now.... it sucks having to be single and be around friends who are not single. Just think it this way, You don't have to feel that way by putting yourself in that position. If it means making new friends who are also single then go for it! Your old friends are moving on without you so you should consider moving on without them too.