Thursday, 25 June 2009
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Why We Are Waiting to Have Sex
My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties, and we've known each other for a decade. We've been dating exclusively for much of that decade, and we've yet to have sex. My friends are aghast - "how could you wait SO LONG and NOT?!?" they wonder. They ask, "Why not? What is WRONG with you?" I'm sure they secretly think there's something wrong with our relationship, or that one of us is a prude. And that's fine, people generally react that way when they discover this fact about me. It has nothing to do with behind-closed-doors relationship woes, religion or some aversion to sex. Let me tell you, dear readers, the reasons that he and I are both still virgins: 1. We are both fully mentally and physically satisfied. Just because we're not technically having sex doesn't mean we aren't enjoying each other's bodies and our own or being intimate in a myriad of other physical and emotional ways. (When you don't have sex with the person you love for 8 years, you come up with some really, really fun and enjoyable alternatives.)
2. We have an incredibly solid foundation of friendship and trust and devotion. We actively choose NOT to have sex when things get hot and intense and hard to control...because we both know that now is not the time for us to have a pregnancy. Even if we were using several forms of birth control, we are still staunch advocates of the "abstinence is the only 100% effective method to prevent pregnancy" line.
3. A pregnancy right now would ruin our relationship, and a few minutes of delight are not worth that. We are both comfortable with our decision and while we do reevaluate, we come to the same conclusion: what we're doing now has a 0% chance of unexpectedly altering our futures.
4. We are not financially ready to have children. We have student loans and car payments and rent to take care of. We still want to travel, unencumbered. We want a house. We want so many things - just one defective condom could shatter all of the things we're working toward together. Basically, we are too selfish to invest in a child right now. We are still investing in ourselves.
While I am certainly not about to tell anyone else how to do their thing, this is how we do ours. (Or how we don't do it.)
What do you think? Would you wait years to knock boots with your significant other? Why or why not?
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About the Author
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- From: anasazi018@xanga
- About Me: There's very few outside factors involved. It's not your typical 'Give the people what they want' or 'Yeah, we're here to play rock'n'roll for you and party all day' or any of that bullshit. This is fuckin' our shit, and we wanna do what's right for us, what we feel good about. If you like it, you're invited along. If you don't, well, there's the door. --Lars Ulrich
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Comments (347)
So by "waiting to have sex", you really mean "no insertion"? Because I can get behind that - I hate kids as much as the next sane person.
So you're not having sex because you fear of having children?
I'm all for saving yourself for when you're ready/married/in love/old enough, whatever the reason. But you're staying abstinant purely because you don't want kids. I find that a little comical.
Some people don't read the WHOLE post - they just see one thing they don't agree with and pounce on it. I'm sorry, Original Poster!
Wow...
That's a very thought out answer. I think that your reasons are great and completely understandable. You are lucky to have found someone who shares your ideas.
People gasp when they find out you slept with (insert number of people here) but they also gasp when they find out you are still a virgin. I mean, can't it ever be right?
Do what you feel is best with your partner and you.
Absolutely. I'm about the same age as you and have never had sex. My longest relationship was a year and a half, and I was engaged. Still a virgin! Props to you both for being sensible romantics ;)
i don't think it's comical at all. i think not wanting to get pregnant is the best reason to not have sex. people who do everything but penetration and call themselves holier-than-thou "virgins" on a technically annoy the hell out of me. refraining from a certain act for fear of pregnancy - that's practical.
That's cool, as long as you're aren't one of those arrogant small-minded religious people who looks down on people have sex.
I think this is basically two reasons. 1 and 2-4 (which all seem to be "we don't want an unexpected pregnancy"). Which is all fine and good. I just don't know why it had to be stretched out for three different points when they all have the same basic idea.
I'm far from being a virgin, but I'm seriously considering embracing abstinence just to avoid children until I'm at a point in my life where it wouldn't be catastrophic. I find that after having sex, I'm staring at the calendar until I get my period, and I'm freaked out the entire time. So really, I try to keep the sex-having to right before my period so I'm not panicking for nearly as long.
They're sound, solid reasons and as you're both happy and satisfied, props to you!
It must be hellishly difficult to stop in the heat of the moment though...
I guess that makes sense. I'd never do it though.
holy shit. props to you.
use a dildo for me if i was in that position.
Hmmmm, i wonder what youre doing?!?!?!!?!?! I find this interesting, because if there is no insertion but still oral sex is occurring, I wouldn't say you're a virgin..but to each their own.
I say just do it, the first time is kinda a let down anyway.
But I'm glad you're not a christian freak ;)
I respect people who decide to remain abstinent .
I don't find anything wrong with it (:
Although I'm no longer a virgin, I've decided that I would not have sex until marriage.
I think it's stupid for people to say, "Isn't it a little too late for that?"
It's your body; do what you want with it (:
you my dear are a technical virgin.
I think that is so amazing-To be able to be in a relationship that long without the stress of sex. This past week alone I found out a friend (who's only 17 years old) got pregnant and my other friend (19) is currently taking a test to see if she is positive. It's a big risk to take and they've barely lived their lives. Even that new MTV show '16 and Pregnant'. It's ridiculous at the amount of kids that are making that mistake and not thinking. I think it's awesome that you guys can past that and find other ways to be satisfied.
Never mind about the sex part, I wish I had a guy who would be willing to be with me that long. My longest relationship was two months and before that a week. Out of the two, both times the guy ended it with me. Majorly because of distance but to have something like that is so freaking awesome and you are so lucky. Whatever you guys been doing that keeps your relationship alive for this long, keep it up. I mean if it's worked for this long, why changed it? Kudos to you.
understandable and agreeable. If I had the chance, I would do the same. I always had the thought of, i am not financially stable enough to even take care of myself (even though i pay for rent, cars, phone, etc.) so how would i a child.
Good for you! Lovely as they are, children are a burden (emotionally, physically, financially, etc.) so avoiding them at all costs when you know you're not ready for them is a very smart idea. And self control for 8 years?! props to you!
I'm 18 and I too am virgin although for a mix of religious as well as personal reasons and having had a significant other for a while, it's definitely been difficult. however as you you said, a few minutes isn't worth it. Stay strong =D
And FYI cswilik@xanga -not all christians are "freaks". Just like all non-belivers aren't jerks.
So you are not having sex so you won't get pregnant which means you are not getting married till you are ready to have a baby.
PS: you will always have Rent/mortgage and car payments to make (even if you don't have a car loan).
I think if it works for you, that's good. but I'm not really sure that I could do that esp if the only reason was that I didn't want a children. I think by the time I was in a relationship in my 20s with someone for most of a decade, I'd be ready for a kid. again, though, I'm glad it works for yall. :)
"a children"...christ I'm exhausted.
Good for you guys for sticking to your ideals and not letting peer pressure get to you. As far as I could tell from the post, you're both happy without any problems. I dislike when people try to make your business their business. It's like why do they care about that so much? I see it as you guys are having fun and you're not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal so do whatever you want. It should be nobody's business.
That's great! I agree with you very much =]
<3
i quite enjoyed reading this :)
The only reason it sounds like use arent having sex is beacuse of children. We live in a age of contraception (sorry about spelling) and ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, an we have been 'together' shall we say an the form i use is very effective. Im 21 an not had a child or a scare. i dont want children eather, but perhaps if you wanted to take it further, have a chat, find out how to prevent this happening but also being able to take things further. If you wanted to of course :) I just say that cos it sounds like children is the only thing stopping you.
@hOpeL3sS_dR3aM3r@xanga - There's no reason you can't wait. It's probably a much more difficult decision to wait after you've already done it, unless the first time was terrible. Be proud of yourself for making a hard choice, and forget the people that make fun of it.