Wednesday, 24 June 2009
-
When Does Jealousy Go Too Far In A Relationship?
Before I'd ever begun my first ever relationship, I wasn't the jealous type or anything that I am now. It makes me very annoyed and drained to think that I am like this and I want to just stop. Here's the thing: My BF and I are in our first ever relationship, we have been together for two and a half years now. And I seem to have gotten a little jealous the past few years. I never thought of myself as insecure or jealous or whatever, but whenever I seem to get around him or in a relationship I seem to show these traits. (Even though it's only my first relationship, I could still be like this in my other ones to come)
So I'm very protective over my BF; we usually text each other all day and at the end of the day I ask how his day went and who he hung out with (nothing too crazy, right?) Well recently we had a disagreement where he was mad because my mom doesn't like him and I might move, etc. So he begins to tell me that I better talk to my mom and try and make things work because, "so many girls talk to him and he can go and easily find someone," which really pissed me off - I mean who says that to their BF that they wanted to supposedly marry and love so much? Later on he said he was just trying to piss me off so I would get the point that I should talk to my mom.
But it really made me jealous because I mean, he told me he doesn't even talk to girls and yet last night he starts saying all these girls stare at him and think he's cute and flirt with him and shit, and I'm like wtf?, where did this come from? He never told me THAT. I just got super jealous and insecure because it's, like, "okay? why are you telling me this?" I just thought he thought he was better than me or something because, why can't I go out and find other people? People look at me, people talk to me, people flirt? I mean maybe I took it the wrong way, but he didn't have to say that he has "so many girls waiting for him".
But later I figured maybe it's okay because it's not like he has done anything wrong; I mean he could go get with those girls and I could go get with guys...but we don't. We're also long-distance....not super far, just about 45 minutes away.....
Have you ever had a problem with jealousy in your relationship? If so, did it ever get resolved? And, do you think I might have overreacted over the situation?
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 3 185 Views: 9617 640130 Comments: 276 13197 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (34)
I bet he couldn't get another girl if he tried.
You both sound very young.
It does sound very immature.
someone sounds like an immature little meanie !
I don't have a jealousy issue. But I have seen relationships where the guy/girl tells their SO to stop talking to the opposite gender. I think it's stupid and a bit immature (except in some cases where it's totally understandable).
I think you both have some growing up to do, actually. Ya'll sound young. You'll grow out of it.
Jealousy happens in ALL relationships. Both of you do sound very young though...and 45 mins isn't really "long distance." Anyway, back to your question. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he doesn't get jealous, but I do. We both realize that it's because he feels extremely secure in this relationship because I tell him EVERYTHING, whereas he lied to me a few times and so I don't completely trust him. So...do you think it's a trust issue between you and your boyfriend?
This seems very trivial and petty, no offense. Is this really a big deal? He tried to make you jealous and it worked.
P.S. Whoa that eye is freaky!
Its part of how we act when driven by emotion instead of our logic, I find it better to admit to your partner that you're jealous and that you know you shouldn't be since you don't have any right to control who your girl/boy friend can be friends with or act around their friends. But by saying that you can't help but be jealous but you understand your girl/boy friend's point of view he/she will most likely atleast attempt to compromise since you're not being forceful or over reacting
I really like that picture.
So...you're not jealous that he could be talking to other girls...you're jealous that guys *aren't* talking to you? That seems a little bass ackwards to me. In this situation, I don't think jealousy is quite the right emotion to be feeling.
If I were you I would explain to him that while you're in a relationship you shouldn't threaten your partner with all the people you *could* go and be with. Because that's what he's doing, is threatening you. I wouldn't deal with it.
i have to say this is a bit childish. tell him his attempts to rile you up were really ill-considered, and ask him to stop. as far as the jealousy goes, give him the benefit of the doubt until he gives you further reason to mistrust him (i.e., more of "i'm so hot," "i could be flirting," etc.) drop him if he's still being petty.
@charm2030: I wholeheartedly agree with you. Everyone experiences jealousy at some point in the relationship. I'm having a similiar problem in that I tell my boyfriend everything while he's the type that keeps most things to himself so it seems like he's hiding things...sigh
Be glad that you only live 45 minutes away from your bf...there are about 2500 miles separating my boyfriend and me. =( But I agree with the other posters that your bf acted very immaturely.
i just broke up with mine after two years. his ex came into the picture wen she started dating my brother a couple of months age. She ws over my house every day and would be all over him (my boyfreind). I finally found out that he was hanging out with her behind my back. I went to text my mom and check in and i told him he had a message. He was like read it and tell me wat it says. " R u coming back for her?". I asked him wat it was about and i finally got out of him that he was hanging out with her alone. They had lost they're virginity together. He got mad at me for being upset about it. I broke off after he didnt talk to me for a week. He wouldnt awnser his phone and he wouldnt call.
Ugh...he needs to grow up. Next time he says something like that, just tell him, "Okay fine, if you have so many girls waiting for you, you can take one of them because I'm done with you." Then see how he reacts. You don't necessarily have to mean it, but if he says "okay" I would question how he really feels about you.
I think you're doing the exact thing that someone mentioned in a previous post about putting sprinkles in a sh!t sundae...don't try to make things sound better by thinking it's YOUR problem by getting jealous and insecure, and that "he didn't do anything wrong." While you shouldn't let yourself get jealous, you also shouldn't accept his douchebag behavior. A good boyfriend wouldn't stoop so low just to get his way.
My BF is the very insecure type...unfortunately. See, I work full-time and I don't stay around my phone 24/7. Sometimes, I get caught up in meetings so I can't respond to his text. We haven't been dating long, 4months going on five. I had my fair share of dating guys and this is the second time I've ever been with someone who was so insecure. It literally got to a point where if I didn't respond his texts for 5mins, he would ask me, where i've been, who i was with, and what i did. Uncalled for...really..Eventually I was fed up with his bs and told him to lay off. That I could find someone who'll at least have the decency to trust me. (Truth is, anyone can find someone better.) After that, my BF got the point and laid off the insecurity bs. I've been recently getting disturbing things from his past but hey, I don't question it. Its his past and I trust him.
What you're going through, just sounds like, he needs to grow up. If anything, I'd say something along the lines of, "ok, go find someone else. I will, too" Whether you mean it or not, he shouldn't have said anything as far as that "just to piss you off." That isn't something a responsible or supportive couple would do.
ha well not to sound like b#tch but if my boyfriend threatened me and said ooh well i can just go & get with other girls.....my responce would be like ok good go have fun because we're done...and i mean that honestly because my boyfriend is super duper jealous of any guy that walks down the street soo it would just tick me off to see him act like that or any guy for that matter, that is downright disrespectful that he said that to and i were you i'd ask for an apology
You sound very young. BUT regardless of your age, if your partner is making comments like "so many girls talk to him and he can go and easily find someone," to make you do what he wants, you don't need someone like that. Perhaps being with him is not good for you. Those little things aren't healthy for anyone's mental state. Yes talking to your mother is important but that kind of threat should never be used by him against you.
Insecurity is a bitch.
i'm not the jealous type but i've been in a relationship with a guy who was, he didn't want me to have any guy friends and if they were my ex, they remained my ex, but he could have any girl friends even if it was an ex. i hated the fact that i was in this kind of relationship because i felt like i was always tied down or being controlled. it's not a good feeling and it makes you so paranoid. in my opinion, a relationship works best when they're some separate time away from each other. everyone needs their space sometimes.
Jealousy is bad. If you get a bf that is jealous, dump him.
it saves you a bunch of wasted time.
btw, I met a girl once who had a really jealous bf, he shared myspace passwords and facebook passwords with her just to spy on her.
Sounds pretty immature.
I've only ever been jealous of my boyfriend calling some picture of a girl "ridiculously hot". I was insanely jealous, and insecure about that. Seeing as he had rarely called me hot, or cute, etc and the fact that I looked nothing like her. After me explaining myself after freaking out [stupid hormones] he realized it was wrong.
If your boyfriend cannot realize what he said was wrong and hurtful, I would have to think he is kind of stupid.
That scares the crap out of me!!
That was all I came to say, haha.
And also I want to say that relationships get a lot more complicated as you get older, and smaller things like this don't mean as much. =)
he is manipulative and controlling... i think it's rubbing off on you too. never compromise your future plans because of a threat.
if it's meant to be, you will stay together, don't force it to happen.
yes..part of your story is same like mine...but in my first relationship, i am not jealousy...after my first failed[which he proved to me by having another gf]...i always get jealous and felt insecure now....=[