Miss Walrus
So I have this friend (really) who is involved in a situation that I think a lot of us have been through before. She met a new guy who she absolutely adores. She says he has a great personality and they mesh (er, "vibe" was her word I think) really well. They get along with each other's friends and families, they have similar views on core topics like religion and you know, life and... they both want serious relationships.
Sounds perfect, right?
Well, Mama always warned me: When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
They connect emotionally, sure. They can talk about everything from the superficial to the super deep. But there's one tiny issue: She just isn't feelin' him physically.
Not that she doesn't find him physically attractive (he is - I've seen photos!), but there's something just "off" about the way they interact physically. She says he feels "stiff" and things just don't seem to "flow."
Now she's considering the options. She could continue to hang out with him because they obviously get along flawlessly (which is truly hard to find) and pray that she starts to feel some sparks - or she can break it off with him & search for another dude who will make her heart flutter & her blood "flow."
What do you do if everything else is perfect...but you just can't "get it together" physically?
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Comments (28)
Give it a few more tries. If it doesn't work out after that, I guess he'll end up in the friend zone.
It sounds like she connects more with him as a close friend. Just because someone is 'perfect for you' on paper doesn't mean that you're meant to be. However, she needs to talk to him about this first and ask him if he's noticed the same thing. That way they can figure it out together and decide whether to continue the romantic relationship or just be friends.
i made the mistake of hanging around waiting on the spark and i ended up almost cheating on him with another guy that i have such a huge spark with that its a wildfire when me and him are together
you have to do whats best for you but be careful of waiting for a spark in the guy your seeing and finding it in someone else.
Try it a few more times, if the physical connection doesn't happen, then he's just a close friend.
It just sounds like he either cannot get comfortable around her, hes insecure, or he does not have a lot of experience. If he is not comfortable he might be nervous and so he can't just soften up and relax a bit. If hes insecure that could lead to a whole lot of answers, and if he doesn't have much experience but she really likes him, she should wait it out.
But shes not going to find out what the problem is until she can try to bring it up as nicely as possible.
<3 Ashen
There's no need to completely leave each others lives if there's no physical connection.
What's wrong with just being good friends? Close friends, too.
They're hard to come by, and once you find someone like that, don't let go!
I'd say just wait it out and see what happens. I think a not-so-great physical connection can be worked with, given the perfect emotional connection. Just give it time.
have a conversation about it while remaining polite saying what you do and don't like and then watch Lily Allen's video for "Not Fair" together if he isn't getting the picture.
sounds like a good friend type of person and nothing wrong with that.
wow...im in the same exact situation....i think it has to do with insecurity and no experience as someone mentioned above...b/c the guy i know only had one girlfriend and as far as i know they had no physical intimacy..hmmm...still...i understand how your friend feels...its weird and you do want someone to be able to hold you, at least, if hes not ready for more...hmm...it sucks =(
They should work on a friendship. If there's not a spark now they won't be able to force one either. I learned that the hard way...thankfully I gained a very good friend.
Start off with being friends first. See how it goes and if she initiate any sparks. If not, it don't hurt to gain another good friend.
Just because you connect with someone emotionally don't mean you have to be with him.
In such cases, I've shuffled the guy to the FRIEND category. I was seeing this guy B for a while who was super intuned with me. We got along instantly and we always had fun. However, in spite of his good looks and charms, I wasn't really physically into him. I knew other women thought he was cute and all that, but me? not a bleep in my radar.... We did try, there was a failed attempt at a 'romantic kiss' but it didn't register to me AT ALL and unfortunately it was a single-sided satisfaction. O_o now he knows we're just friends and when we hang out, it's about the same except I don't have to worry about his intentions when we hug hello and goodbye. :)
anyways, long story short... you can have a friend who is also a soulmate. That isn't easy to find either! lol
if the physical aspect is just part of the way he was born and is unchangeable (without surgery) then she will have to either accept it or reject it...although on other hand, people usually don't know how much they value something until it is gone. but if it is something like being comfortable or experienced, these are things that can be worked on.
that's a tough question, but as long as she's not ugly then I can deal with it if she is perfect otherwise...hey, I am not perfect neither, ya know?
hmm. this kinda happened to me. it didn't exactly end well. he felt like he was just led on, but i just didn't feel it. we're still friends now, after he got over me though.
Some people are just meant to be friends.
alcohol!
maybe it just needs time?
end it
just try it more
If a couple can connect emotionally, there shouldn't be any reason they can't discuss the subject of sex. If she isn't feeling it then wouldn't it be best in her part to give him a hint? I know that guys get butt hurt when girls criticize for their performance in bed and all but I also do believe that a girl would know herself better than any man or a man who watched porn. lol If I were in that situation, I'd most likely try to work on it. but hey, I'm not afraid to crush people's feelings..xP
Can't they just be friends....?
Some people are just not meant to go beyond that. It's lack of chemistry, romantically speaking, and I think that's all there is to it.
I mean, I have a guy friend who is honestly one of my, if not the, closest friend I have. We get along amazingly and we love each other!...like a brother and sister. No romantic connection.
But you never, ever, in my opinion, try and force something that's not there.
Uhm, I just got out of a thing like that.
I felt so bad for breaking it off too. I mean, it seems like such a shallow reason to not be together, but uhm, yeah, it wasn't working out like that.
It's not just a looks thing; I don't know how to explain it. It just wasn't there, I guess. There's nothing you can do about it.
yeah idk maybe he is just a little nervous or something? inexperienced? idk i think she should give a few more goes and see if he loosens up to her
At best she can end up with a hot close friend. Tell her to give it her all then if that doesn't work he can just be a friend.
sex is something you can work on. jeez give the guy a chance ...