Tuesday, 23 June 2009
-
Is All Really Fair In Love And War?
Or are there exceptions? I ask because I have a friend who is not exactly GREAT when it comes to treating guys right. Usually I don't care because 1. I don't know the guy, or 2.I think he's kind of a douche and he deserves it anyway. However, recently my friend started talking to/whatevering a guy who is really sweet. He's athletic, smart, and kind. He's also never had sex and has said that he wants to be in love when he does. Unfortunately, she doesn't see all of his great qualities; all she sees is a challenge. She's actually referred to having sex with him as a "conquest" and and has said that he's not even worth her time. He thinks that they're exclusive, but that's so far from the truth it's not even funny. If she wasn't my friend, then it would be easy to decide what to do. However, I feel that as her friend I was privileged to this information. When she told me these things she was expressing her thoughts and everyone needs someone to talk to even if they don't have the greatest things to say. I feel like she's trusting me to keep her secrets and if I don't then I'd be letting her down.
Really, I have no clue what to do right now, so if you have some advice I would really appreciate it.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: stellarstring@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 519 Comments: 0 33 View all posts by stellarstring@xanga
Comments (33)
Just because she's your friend doesn't mean she gets to act like a douche and you HAVE to let her. Tell her she's being an idiot and is acting exactly like those guys she supposedly hates (but dates anyway? am I the only one who sees this tendency of her to LIKE being abused?), and that she should grow up. Don't want to yell at her? Tough love.
Or maybe you just need new friends, yo.
She's not being fair to this guy. Maybe you could start with trying to explain to this chick why what she's doing is so not cool.
Wow. No offense but your friend sounds like a bitch.
I would talk to her about talking to him, or maybe even talk to him.
It's not his fault that she's like this, and he doesnt deserve to be treated like this
You're not being a real friend by letting her treat a fellow human being in such a way.
If you don't blow the whistle who will? Eventually she'll get caught for what shes doing and then she'll be in a whirl of even more trouble. Not only that, from the sound of it, a really decent guy is getting hunted just for sport (and at this point they're on the endangered species list). Confront her about it, jeez people face 'em!
Maybe you should reconsider who you choose to be friends with. Obviously your "friend" has issues with morality, values and so forth. Honestly I would do the right thing and tell the guy. Its because of people like your friend that "innocent" people are pulled into this game and then get burnt, and for what? For liking the "wrong" person. Or you can steal the guy away for yourself and let your friend get a taste of her own medicine. HAHAHA. Sorry, the evil side of me just had to write that. But seriously, tell the poor guy. His virginity deserves more than that; and by "that" I'm referring to your friend.
Just because you're her friend don't mean you have to agree with her every decisions whether they are good or bad. You are there to support her but also give her your (honest) opinions and your take on the situation.
Poor guy.
I hope you knock some sense into your friend. If not for her benefit, for him.
No offense, but what your friend is doing is wrong. Love is not a game. Maybe she finds this guy a challenge, but what "if" she does achieve her goal, what then? In the end, she will only hurt the guy, so what's the good in it. I'm not even sure if she will listen to you or anyone else because she's made up her mind. Your friend is a "mean girl."
How far are you willing to go to help this guy? Or your friend? You can still try to talk sense into her, but if she doesn't listen, then you can talk to that guy or show him the truth. I dislike lying to people, so if your friend is "playing" this guy, then it's only moral to reveal this truth to the guy. I don't know your friend, so I don't know what kind of past or relationships you have with your friend. Or if your friend had always been this way. However, people should have moral values and respect for others; "treat others as you want to be treated." So this is up to you, would you choose to maintain your friendship or help an innocent person?
@xSayakax@xanga - Agreeed.
If they're not exclusive, it shouldn't be that hard to have him run into one of the others with said friend. If it's not your fault...if he were to ask you and you showed deliberate body language to show that you're uncomfortable with the answer you give.
All's fair in love and war, but I'll let you know one thing, if this was a girl and your friend a guy, one of the guys friends would have at least tried to clue the girl up by now.
You could always send him an email - anonomously of course.
This type of stuff is always the easiest to give advice to but the hardest to carry out if you are in the situation. If it were me and it were a very good friend, I would elude to things to the poor guy without actually saying it and I would definitely tell my friend how wrong and hurtful her actions were. Also, if I were in this situation and found my friend's values were so different from my own I would wonder if we should really be friends. If someone treats random people like crap, eventually they will treat you like crap too because they are selfish.
you're her friend so maybe you telling her what it's like on the outside is better than having a total stranger tell her what she's doing wrong. for me, i rather have someone i know tell me the truth about anything i'm doing rather than someone who doesn't know me on bit. it's not right for someone to treat someone like your friend's treating the nice guy. it makes me wonder how people like that can even get a chance with a person like him.
Well, you can't meddle in her relationship. That's not your place. But you should tell her how you feel and that you really like the guy. Just make sure to tell her in the nicest, most tactful way possible.
she told you how she feels...why can't you tell her how you feel?
and umm your friend better hope that there's no such thing as karma...
It's women like her that turn what were nice guys, such as myself, into bitter jerks that don't trust women.
If she sees men as disposible, who's to say that when she has no further use for you that she'll burn you like all these other guys. Are you sure she's really your friend?
punch her in the crouch.
I never think it's fair when someone is intentionally sabotaging another's life. Your friend knows exactly what she's doing, but maybe - just to be optimistic - she doesn't know the extent to which it could hurt him? I think it would be a nice gesture if you talked to your friend about this situation. If it doesn't work, I would seriously consider telling him the truth. The boundaries of keeping privileged information only extends so far, I believe, and sometimes people have to overstep those boundaries. And just because she trusts you with this information doesn't mean she's in the clear to do anything she wants. Good luck! I hope it works out!
she's fucking this guy up and that's really, really sad, for he sounds like a truthfull, honest and cute guy. so you should confront her. i mean, i understand your point about not knowing the other guys or thinking they're deserving douches, but this guy is far from that and you know it. he will end up damaged and i don't think that's worth the fun she has by playing her little game. so, you should tell her you think she's really doing the wrong thing, in your opinion, and should leave him alone. if she doesn't want to be with him, she should set him free and let him find a girl who does appreciate his qualities. goodluck.
Please tell me your "friend" has some redeeming qualities about her, because she sounds like nothing but a disgusting, selfish bitch.
She's being honest with you, wanting you to keep her dirty little secrets, so be a friend and tell her what you think. And while some may argue that it's "not your place" to talk to the guy, if you really care about his wellbeing then a warning or even a hint is okay. If it were me, I'd be happy to help this guy at the cost of my friendship with this devilish girl.
@xSayakax@xanga - I totally agreed with you.
Tell him.Â
Your friend is a douche.
Get a new friend.
Why would you even associate with someone who acts like that?
Doing the right thing does not always mean being loyal. Never compromise your morals for someone else's, especially if it will cause someone else harm. You should do the right thing, and tell your friend to end what she's doing, and tell him what's going on- or you will tell him yourself.
And ask yourself: is this girl really worth the effort it takes to sustain a friendship?
why are you friends with her?
for his sake, i think you should say something but without dropping names in particular. although, do you know him personally or is this some poor guy who trapped himself with a douche of a girl?? If you were dating a guy who behaved like your so-called-friend, wouldn't want someone to tell you what's going on? Plus I think you appreciate his good qualities so maybe you should seize the opportunity! lol
as for your "friend" she's not going to change until she hits rock bottom and has a taste of her own medicine. i hope you're not there with her when she does.
"all's fair when love is war."