Tuesday, 23 June 2009
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My BF Doesn't Believe in Love
I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and he has never said "I love you". I said it to him six months into our relationship and I got a "thank you". I talked to him about it and he explained to me that he just doesn't know what "love" is and doesn't believe in it. I think that his family background is the main factor behind his belief, but even so, most of my friends say it's weird for someone to be in a relationship and not believe in love. They say that I should break up with him because I deserve someone who will have no problem expressing how much he loves me. Only one person out of everyone I talked to said that I'm being irrational about the whole situation and that I should "chill out".
His reasoning is that my boyfriend treats me well, so actions should speak louder than words; after all, "that is better than being with someone who says 'I love you' and doesn't mean it". I understand both perspectives, but this has been bothering me a lot lately. I don't want to walk away from this relationship, but we're both in our early twenties, so, as much as it hurts me to think about it, maybe there is another girl out there who he would not hesitate to express his love for.Do you think that saying "I love you" should be a huge deal in a relationship, or do actions speak louder than words?
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- From: tubbz87@xanga
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Comments (109)
Well, if you can make that work for you, that's fine. But how would you feel being with a guy forever who never says it? I think you MIGHT be missing out..
Make sure to keep a conversation going about that in your relationship.
Well, I don't believe in love so I definitely won't say that you should leave him for that...
I think that for someone who doesn't believe in love, the feelings for someone you care about are still as strong as those of someone who do believe in "love".
Do you really honestly believe that he doesn't care about you in the way that someone who really "loved" you, would? If so, then yeah... you might want to consider leaving him. Otherwise, I don't see why you'd need to do so.
It's not the I love you's that matter... it's the fact that he doesn't believe in love. He doesn't have to say I love you, but it seems confusing to be with someone if they don't love you. I don't understand this too much. I don't really know how to help you.
Uhm,
whoever doesn't believe in love should shut the fuck up and are stupid.
Then what the hell do you fêEl? "I can't explain my feelings.." maybe because you fucking love them. Tards.
anyways, 2 damn years..and u haven't heard it? and i thought i was trippen when my ex stopped saying babe and hun
Would it change the way he acts towards you and shows his affection for you if he said "I love you"? Probably not. His feelings for you are clearly very real seeing as you have been in a relationship for over two years. Just because he doesn't say it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel just as strongly towards you as you do to him, he just has a different way of communicating it.
Would you end a relationship because your boyfriend didn't believe in the same God that you did? What if he didn't believe in soulmates? Or anything else you feel strongly about? If what you want in a relationship is for your boyfriend to say he loves you, then you won't find it in him. But if you love him like you say you do, I don't see why it should make much of a difference.
Just my opinion. Talk to him about it, about why he doesn't believe? Good luck =]
I'd agree that actions speak louder than words but an inability or unwillingness to say "I love you" sends off alarms in my mind. If he truly doesn't believe in love that's not healthy.
I don't know how anyone can be in a relationship and not be in love... =/
Actions do speak louder than words and his actions are for you to judge. However, I understand how you feel. Sometimes you just want to hear those words for security or just because you wanna hear it. I see why you are uncertain where this relationship is going.
However, if your BF says he doesn't believe in love, how is he able to stay with you for 2.5 years? Perhaps, love is just hard for him to define. People feel love in different ways and only the person feeling those feelings know what they are. If your BF cares about you, treats you well and puts you as his first priority, then I think it should matter more than the words "I love you." If this really bothers you, try talking to your bf about your thoughts and feelings. Talking is part of building a relationship.
(If you feel insecure b/c you are thinking of marriage and you see no future with this guy, then maybe you should reconsider. But know that everything is for you to decide. If I were you, I would sit down and have a serious talk with him.)
Um... love is a proven feeling, as is hate and sadness. How can he "not believe in it"? That's like not believing in air. Love isn't some magical fantasy idea, it's a word used to describe the feeling of tender, passionate affection for another person.
Dump him for being stupid, wow.
Yes, actions do speak louder than words. You can just say something but you don't really mean it and the reason why you said it in the first place was 'cause you know that's exactly what the other person want to hear.
But it would be nice to hear the three magical words (I LOVE YOU) every now and then.
Love doesn't have time barriers. You were ready to say it after 6 months, he hasn't been ready to say it at all. Everyone falls in love in different ways, and time is no exception. it could take someone a week, a month, or years to find that they love someone. But for you, I really think you should take a step back and think about what your needs are in the relationship. If you feel like the lack of 'i love you' in the relationship is hurting your connection, then you have to do something about it. If you feel satisfied with knowing that he cares for you (he obviously does if you've been together for 2 and a half years), then lets his actions still carry on and still speak for him. Best of luck hun, remember to do whats best for you
I have an incredibly hard time saying "I love you" too since my family situation kind of ruined those words. Anyway, just because he has a hard time saying it, you shouldn't automatically assume that he doesn't love you. Actions indeed do speak louder than words.
actions > words. at least he's being honest with you. "i love you" gets flung around too haphazardly sometimes.
I'd rather a person didn't believe in sexuality (I do =) )than a person who couldn't say love.
That confuses me. D: To not believe in love, but be in a relationship?
But actions do speak louder than words. It'd be nice to hear "I love you" every once in awhile though.
He doesn't sound that he is IN love. He may be fond of you and love you in his own ways but he doesn't sound too romantic to me.
My boyfriend has a difficult time expressing his feelings for me too. I never had any problem with that until we broke up and then got back together half a year later...he's only said it twice to me since, but somehow it bothers me, because now I don't know whether he's serious about me or not even though he *is* nice to me.
There is a difference between not believing in love and not knowing how to express it though. I think you should do some thinking, if he does not believe in love, the future doesn't look too bright for you guys...but if he just doesn't know how to express it? Then yeah, action definitely speaks stronger than words...in that case, try to be more considerate.
he's crazy. i was once him, until someone made me believe and it made me not afraid of love anymore. "I love you" is a huge deal in a relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and if someone doesn't believe in love, faith, or hope, what do THEY believe in then? The only thing wrong about any of those things is not having them at all.
He could simply not understanding that how he treats you is love...
Loving someone takes a lot more than just words...
And if he is being nice to you... I think the action speaks a lot louder~
Take cares and good luck~
i guess maybe he's just not the "i love you every second" kinda guy. as long as his actions show that he loves you, you know that he's actually in love with you, its just that he doesnt say it. maybe u shud watch romantic movies together.
Love is an action, not a word.
Perhaps in time, he'll start to believe in love being with you. I myself abandoned my belief in love but i'm learning to be more open to it now in the case I may one day feel it. Perhaps that's the case with him.
He doesn't have to say "i love you" every day.. but im the type of person that would want him to say it once in a while.
some people just have to hear it, though. i'm one of those people. i used to get really annoyed with my ex when he talked about wanting to make love to me but wasn't sure if he wanted to say i love you. we ended... but we didn't go out as long as you. i can't believe he hasn't said it though after all this time. i'd go crazy.
i think you should tell him how important it is to you..
So...what exactly will change if he actually says "I love you?"
I wouldn't say you should walk away, but you should definitely talk to him. What is his goal/expectation from the relationship if he's not looking for love?