Tuesday, 23 June 2009

• Abusive Relationships Are Like An Ice Cream Sundae...

  One thing I tend to do is to think in big pictures.  When people are being grossed out by a specific event, I marvel at how it relates and contributes to the rest of society. 
  
  For example, let's look at the classic ice cream sundae.  Even when I was a kid, I never understood the point of those colorful sprinkles that everybody always put on their sundae.  Sure they were colorful.  Sure it made your dessert extra pretty.  However, looking at the bigger picture; no matter how many sprinkles you put on that sundae, the sundae won't get any tastier, it won't get any less fattening, and you will still regret eating it afterward.
  
  In short, it's still a sundae.  Yum!
  

  
  

  
  

  Likewise, relationships are basically just like a sundae.  The good ones are good.  The bad ones are bad.  With me so far?
  
  All right, now let's just focus on a bad sundae.  Like a really really bad sundae.  I'm talking about the kind made with a rottenly bruised banana covered in ice cream made from week-old-expired milk topped with a brown syrup that is supposedly chocolate (but you know better). 
  
  How do you think a sundae like that would taste like?  Bad?  Try reeeaaally bad.
  
  However, considering you just put down six bucks for this damn thing (yeah, you just got ripped off), you intend to finish this pile of sugary crappiness.  So, in order to get past the foul tastes of this delicate dessert, you attempt to smother it with other condiments hoping that these additions will cover up any and all rottenness.  However, in the end, no matter how much syrup you pile on it, there is always that strong taint of *gag.* 
  
  Essentially, not matter how many sprinkles you sprinkle onto the shit sundae, it's still going to be a shit sundae.  Easy concept right?
  
  So, what do desserts and dating have to do with each other?  Well, Datingish will usually have at least one "Should I stay or should I go" question from a reader.  Most of the time scenarios vary from one another.  Should I dump my jerk of a boyfriend?  Should I date someone who's a bit overweight?  Should I stay with Paris Hilton?  (No.  Yes.  Only if you haven’t made a sex tape with her).  However, despite their differences, all these questions can easily resolved by asking just one simple question:

  Are you trying to cover up your shitty sundae with sprinkles? 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  See, what happens in a lot of relationships, especially the bad and/or abusive ones, people will rationalize.  They will tell themselves things like, “She’s always rude and inconsiderate, but the sex is great,” or, “Oh sure he’s a complete jerk-off most of the time, but he does have his moments.”  These people are constantly trying to convince themselves that they aren’t one of those people stuck in a bad relationship, that they aren’t being abused.  However, what’s happening here is exactly what’s happening with the shitty sundae; they’re trying to sugar coat it under a mound of condiments.  What many people in this situation don’t realize is that no matter how many times you polish a piece of shit, it’s still a piece of shit. 
  

  So, if you have even the slightest hesitation about your relationship, just ask yourself those simple questions.  Am I eating a shitty sundae?  Am I using too many sprinkles?  If you answered yes, if you are able to realize that what you are doing isn't rationalizing but rather making up poor excuses for a shit sundae relationship, then dump his/her ass and buy yourself an ice cream cake. Or an eclair.  They don’t need any condiments to taste good.
  

   

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