Miss Walrus
Last week
I wrote a post here about this guy I've been seeing recently. I've known him (er, well, I've known his name anyway) since elementary school, but never actually hung out with him throughout all our twelve years in basic education together.
Despite that, I knew right away that we would probably click (thank you, "Interests" section of Facebook!). We both love hip hop, music festivals and tend to learn toward the left in our political views. One problem? I'm an extremely private person and I found that boy was well, not. He thought it was totally acceptable to text multiple times a day and try to discuss somewhat "intimate" issues early on.
I was a little shocked & confused by the kind of responses I got here at Datingish when I wrote about this little issue. Apparently, I was the fool in the situation. Sure, the guy texted a little incessantly and admitted that he "really cared about me" after our like, fourth date - but you guys were cool with it, even if I wasn't.
So, I decided to stick with it and continue to chill with said dude. However, I was still a little worried that I might wake up one morning to see his uninvited white Cobalt parked outside my house or something equally creepy.
But - to my shock - after a few more nights out with the guy, a weird little thing started to happen.
I kinda started to well, LIKE him. You know that feeling you get when you're sitting with someone having an intimate conversation & then you just want them to shut up so you can kiss them? Yeah. That happened.
Ever since that beautiful little moment, I haven't so much minded when he texts me, or calls and asks to hang out, or tells me he thinks I'm "awesome." I actually kinda enjoying the attention. I'm a huge fan of The Notebook, so I'm starting to equate my sitch with the way that Noah and Allie got together (which basically involved Noah attempting suicide and then continuing to stalk Allie so that she would agree to date him). Romantic, kinda, right?
So this got me thinking - not only do I want to extend my deepest appreciation to you lovely Datingish readers for your sound and realistic advice - I also want to hear YOUR stories. There seem to be so many ridiculous "rules" when it comes to dating. People aren't
supposed to come on too strong, or admit their feelings too fast, or do a million other things that are deemed somewhat socially unacceptable.
But have you guys ever been with someone - or been the someone - who "broke" the rules? Did you ever "just give someone a chance" and had it actually work out?
Comments (24)
Unfortunately for me, the boys that broke the rules never worked out. But I usually give someone a chance if they seem genuine. I usually fall for the guy after getting to know them. It's hard for me to "fall" for someone w/o getting to know them on a deeper level. Sometimes I'm surprised with the outcome, I've found a charming guy under that bad boy image and vice versa. But Good Luck!
My bf and I have only one rule in dating:
1) No cheating!
Whatever you do, dont cheat.
Here's a story, from me: I haven't believed in long-distance relationships since I was like...17? When it comes to meeting people online, something developing, I've been the one to say "sure, you can meet, it's no worse than a bar, but you have to be THERE for something real."
I'm the guy who's said that love takes a lot of time, and always questioned the idea of something real developing in a short amount of time. (Specifically, I'd always said "love can't happen for a least a few months..." based on my own experience. Granted, it's kinda shutdown when I admit that my grandpa knew it was love the day he met my grandma...and they were married over 50 years before she died...but still. I've always said "it can't happen. It doesn't happen.")
I met somebody...she's...something else. In a good way. In every good way, it seems. But...it's shutting me down, and all my arguments, one after the other.
It's long-distance. I don't know what to do about that, because I KNOW that makes it difficult, but I think we're both willing to make it work, see what happens.
I met her online. (There goes hypocrisy statement #2). I was reluctant to letting any romantic ideas grow as a result of this. (I have a lot of online friends, and I'm okay with that. But ever since I got burned by it about 7 years ago, I've restricted any romantic inclinations to girls I could walk around with, hold their hands, kiss them, etc. [So yes, it scares me a bit. Such as...what if I got burned again? But I'm coming to terms. It's not logical, but it makes sense, in its own way]).
...and, there have just been so many things. Conversations we've had. Late nights talking to eachother (phone, mind you. I love her voice).
...I know what love is. The last time I was in love, I was with the person for a couple years...we were engaged...and things couldn't work out, but it was real. Just wasn't "that" love. So...I think I know what I'm saying when I say: I'm falling in love with this girl that I met.
She's broken through my shell in a way that nobody has...she...gets me.
I'm breaking almost all of my "rules," but it seems to be working out.
Yes. That's how I fell in love with my boyfriend, lol. He really liked me, but I didn't like him. But when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I said 'yes'. A lot of my friends thought I was an idiot to accept him as my boyfriend, but I really liked him as a friend. I remember talking to him on the phone, as he waited for my answer. I was closing the blinds, and I happened to look up into the sky. I think I was talking to God and asking Him what I should do. "Will I regret it in the future if I say no?" and I realized I would, so I told him 'yes, I'll be your girlfriend.' And I gradually fell in love with him. I didn't regret it then, nor do I regret it now, three years later. (:
I'm glad you gave him a chance. As for the rules, I don't know. There weren't really any rules that anybody followed in my school district. I suppose each couple defines their own rules as they date. Good luck ^^
Um. I don't believe a person can fall in love with you in one night when it was his first time calling to talk to you. That's a rule breaker right there but my husband broke it. We knew each other per say, a few months, online and he happened to call me. We argue at first because we didn't agree with a lot of things that each other said but at the end of the night, sparks flew and fireworks exploded. He said those three little words and every since then, wa-la! Six years and we're here.
sweet post! i never gave guys chance beyond early aquaintence stage even if i liked them. the boyfriend i have now breaks rules, because of his humor and its cute. As long as they're genuine and honest its okay. It started he came out one very rainy night to hang out with me and i sent him home with Nothing upon ten minutes arriving. I felt horrible and that's when i cared about him though i didnt know him well and thought he was repulsive, not yet with trust developed. had not that happened, that rainy night, i would have ignored him like all the others. I told him i didnt like him in the beginning and he was surprised because i would talk to him every night about nothing. Who's the winner now, 'cause i ended up falling for him. hes a sweetheart contrary to his "player-like" charm. I'd perfer the guy be honest with intentions innocent or not than not saying anything and pretending to be well mannered and modest, unless, that's what they really are, which is borring lol
Wow, that's awesome! The first good datingish post in a long time. :D
I've never met a guy online- I met a few friends online though... just not guys.. well, I did meet two by texting them.. I'm not sure if that counts? lol
I "broke the rules" so to speak when I started dating a friend of mine a few weeks after being broken up with by my previous boyfriend. Dating rules would call that a no-no and relegate it to no more than a "rebound" relationship-- but despite that, he's kind of great for me, we've been together over a year now, and I'm still thrilled to be with him. Guess that goes to show no "rule" is absolute.
well, I married my "fuck buddy". Long story short, I heard that he (my husband) was well endowed, and I wanted to find out. I didn't want to be a one night stand girl with him because I liked him as well, I just thought we would have a little fling throughout the summer. Well, we met in March, were together by May, Engaged in September and married the following June. We kissed and made out on the first "date", he told me he loved me (before I told him!!!) about a month into it, told me he was falling in love with me a few weeks after that and waalaa!!! We were married. We just celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary and our 4 year relationship anniversary. I'm totally head over heels in love with this guy and we didn't follow ANY rules... lol. I'm glad it all worked out for you!
@ghostwriter13@xanga - I broke up with my ex about 3 weeks before I got with my husband. I break that rule too. =)
AHHH I love this post! :) I'm even putting off to sleep to answer it. and as a nursing student, sleep is the most precious commodity.
someone that broke the rules: my current boyfriend. :) he broke every rule, at least of mine. first of all, he contacted me via facebk- we weren't friends. (well, we were friends on facebk b/c I contacted him first roughly 3/4 years ago, but we weren't friends in real life- which has always been a rule of mine. Must be friends with the guy first- that's what makes such long-lasting relationships.)
so then, I never go on dates, right? I had NEVER been on a first date. friends first, so the relationship had always kind of...evolved. I went on a first date, accidentally got drunk (should really stay away from more than 1 glass of wine) and stopped talking because I was slurring my words. most hilarious (internally) 1st date ever.
THEN, I go back to his house, and he kisses me! I was totally uncomfortable! I never kiss on a first date! that's another one of my rules! never mind that I'd never been on a date before...I always knew I was the kind of girl- classy (maybe prudish), elegant (maybe a little uptight) who doesn't kiss on the first date. and here this guy was. just...not even ASKING me.
Soo, I end up being vague for the next few days via texts (ah, technology). Then he comes over, and somehow, we end up making out. THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE. I was like, so freaked out. and he ended up STAYING OVER. nothing happened, I just couldn't figure out a way to say, "Please leave" without sounding rude. so it was awkward. I actually laid in bed until 11:00 am so that he would leave. I found that HILARIOUSLY irritating, hahaha.
so by now, I was like, look. I'm not clicking with this guy. he's not the life of the party (another rule). so I call him, 'cause despite my inability to ask guys to leave I really am not a wallflower. I just come out with it: "Look, I am not in the best place to talk to you right now,a nd I really think we should just stay friends."
...INSTEAD of listening to me he says, "Look. I really like you. I'm sorry if you think we moved too fast, I'm just really attracted to you. and I don't want to go away, and I don't want to lose you as a friend."
Jill says: Hey, go away
Andrew says: no
so he DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN to me! LOL by now this guy would be toast. but by the end of this conversation (which happened at 2 am fyi b/c I laid awake in bed trying to get the balls to call him) I was laughing as I hung up the phone. then I stopped laughing, and was like, wtf...what just happened. I started this phone call to end the relationship.
since then (that was 4 months ago) I've realized just how wrong, soo wrong, I was, lol. he's the greatest guy I've ever dated. the nicest guy I've ever loved, that's for damn sure, and even though I dated a guy for 3 years, this guy is already more considerate in a day than most people are in a year without being a pushover. he's interested in music, politics, loves bob dylan, phish, taylor swift, lil wayne, economics. when I'm with him there's like always this weird current of background feeling running behind us. I think of it as love. and I'm really, really glad that this guy broke alllll the rules.
LOL so long!! sorry :)
My boyfriend and I...well, I knew of him since sixth grade! Haha, he swears he doesn't remember me, but that's okay. He was only in one of my classes, and it was a mixed-grade class (he's a year ahead of me), so yeah.
We're both in college now (after being friends in high school), and he just ended up in my only art class, which was also a night class. We started flirting big time, but I wasn't over my ex-boyfriend at the time, so I kinda put him on hold. It was unfortunate because I thought I still wanted to be with Mr. Wrong when Mr. Oh-so-great was right in front of me.
He put up with my bullshit and me psyching myself out, and now we've been dating for nearly a year. Awesome stuff, especially when I wanted to just drop him at one point (for a day!) before I really started dating him.
i'm actually going through something similar to this also and i think i'm giving him a chance even though it's something that i don't always go for because of "rules" that i have when i'm in a relationship or about to start one. i'm finding that the more time i spend with him, the more i like him and even though there are somethings that i didn't like it at first, i'm starting to let those go. you can't control who you like and what you like in a person. sometimes i feel like my feelings for someone else has a mind of its own.
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - awww.. that's a pretty story :)
well.. he made me break the rules I had for myself.. too bad he didn't care enough to give it a try. but oh well, things like these are just like trial-and-error.. you'll never know what's right until you have stumbled on a couple of mistakes..
and to hell with the rules. just do what you have to do. best of luck! :)
I gave it a chance because I was tired of fighting love for so many years before. It didn't work out. I'm glad yours did though!
@cherrie_heart03@xanga - lol aw thanks (:
my friends were trying to set me up w/ someone. i wasn't sure at first, but then i said okay (he was -is- really cute) so, i went for it and guess wat? i started to like him. after only a couple of emails he had told said friends he already felt like we "clicked", or something like that. when she told me this...i flipped. one of my last relationships went a little too fast, head-over-heels too fast. i didn't get to know him enough beforehand. that's what i'm trying to do with this guy, but i just...kinda want to be with him, but i feel like it's going a little too fast. even though we're playing 20 questions now (my idea-it's a good way to start things), i'm not sure what to do.
Hahah ... yesss..... it was really cute how he overstepped dating rules in the beginning. It normalized eventually (when we became a steady couple), but it was fun. It made it interesting and exciting and, sometimes, it was a little annoying. But it's nice to have a change of pace every now and then!
i dont have a rule breaker in my case but a boy who doesn't follow ANY of the said "game rules" (and i hate the 'dating game' but that's how we set protocols of accepted behavior and etc eh?) and it's quite confusing/frustrating but i like him and i'm HOPING it works out. lol
anyways, i'm glad it worked out for you. But your guy didn't break any rules, you just have to accept that not everyone follows the MASS CONFORMED protocol.... :)
My husband and I kissed on the first date, admitted that we loved each other 4 weeks into the relationship, and got engaged 8 weeks in. So we broke every 'rule' in the book. And you know what? We couldn't be happier than we are today. Every person and relationship is different.
I'm glad to hear that things have worked out for you! When people post advice on here, we rarely get any follow-up on whether or not our advice worked, so it was nice to see this. I wish you the best of luck in the future with your beau!
Congratulations and I wish you alot of happiest with your relationship.
I randomly called my best friend/co-worker's best friend on July 15, 2007. I spent a few minutes on her phone flirting with this complete stranger then invited him to come pick us up from work. He was dazed and confused as he was a dork that had never encoutered this behavior before, I had never done such a thing before either. He actually showed up with his cousin to make the group hangout into an impromptu double-date. We met at 10:30PM then he started to try to make conversation, and I, creeped out by the consequences of my actions tried to distance myself from him futilely because he continued to pursue me the more I tried to avoid him. We all hung out in his backyard, mostly in his pool where he and I later started to make out. For the first time in my life I got home at 2AM to freaked out strict parents who were moments away from calling the cops. Neither of us had ever encountered any of the above mentioned situations before and we would have probably thought lowly of others who had this situation. That was before that day. On July 15, 2009 we will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary of dating each other. It was the right person, at the right time. It felt like fate and our unorthodox first phone conversation was just the beginning to our awesome relationship. We broke almost every "rule" there was to courtship. Now all that's left is marriage, kids, and growing old together...hopefully.
I always read those things about what not to do on a first date, and I realize me and my boyfriend did them a lot on our first couple dates and we're happy as can be now. :)
One example is I texted and was kind of playing with my phone a lot on our first date. (Mostly playing with my phone) I was just nervous, and it was the only distraction I had! It ended up being a conversation starter for a couple things (and I got his number, which I didn't have before.. yay!), so it's not as bad as those guidebooks make it seem. And we also went to see a movie on both our first and second dates... (which some people say doesnt' give a lot of time to talk) But sat REALLY close at the first movie and at the second movie, I think the dark theater gave him the guts to hold my hand. :)
I also texted him right away instead of calling or waiting three days. It was right after our first date, to tell him I had a good time. He didn't text back until the next morning, but we texted throughout the day, and it lead to good/interesting/flirty topics. So screw the waiting three days rule, and the call, don't text rule! I think we were both pretty shy, and texting was a lot easier than trying to have a phone convo.