Monday, 22 June 2009
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He Fears Change; I Crave It
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and six months. We have been living together for three years and eleven months. We have a wonderful trusting, monogamous relationship; we are best friends, we have a business together and even joint bank accounts. We are, except for the paperwork, practically married. Now, being a woman, I need that piece of paper and that pretty little ceremony, and a nice long engagement so things are not crazy. My boyfriend knows he wants to marry me; he knows I am the "one". He does not care about being "stuck" with one woman or the rest of his life, and he hates the single game crap. But he is afraid of change; he is holding back because he likes things the way they are. If we start stereotyping, I am not a typical woman. I have a sense of humor (a dark one at that), I have a very healthy appetite for sex, I like sports, and I am a gamer. I am not the kind of woman who screws men over, I am not a liar. I am not the kind of woman to push guys (or people for that matter) into doing what they do not want to do; I believe in loving people for who they are, not for who you can make them into and I hate every single story about women doing those very things. I know who I am will not change as soon as I say "I do".
He is 27 and I am 24; we have been together through all of our growing up changes and if anything, we get along better. I have tried every way I know to help my boyfriend understand that life will not be something new and foreign if we were to get married. I won't become a bitch, I don't ever want to get divorced so I won't try to take him for everything he has (this happened to a friend, and he hears lots of stories), and if we ever do get divorced I won't make it some crazy battle. If it came down to it I would even sign a prenuptial saying just that. And I am not some crazy girl who bugs him daily about marriage.
So guys, I am confused - why, if it's what you want, do you not just get it over with? Am I saying things wrong? What can I say to help him understand everything I am saying? I want him to do things when he's ready, but to me, life changes every day. Change is a part of life, you can't fear it or you won't get anywhere.
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About the Author
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- From: walking_a_long_lonely_road@xanga
- Name: Jennifer (Jen)
- Location: United States
- About Me: I come here to sort my thoughts out. No rhyme or reason to my posts. Just a way of thinking out loud and getting things out so I can live happily.
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Comments (13)
You should totally propose to him. That'd be awesome.
Makes sense. Life is amazing now, a change could possibly make it suck. My parents always told me men are more willing to marry if they don't get all the benefits of marriage before committing.
Even if he doesn't have a valid reason [in your view], he has a reason nonetheless to hesitate and that's enough. Marriage is about both of you and if he's not ready, then you guys as a pair are not ready for marriage.
" I have a sense of humor (a dark one at that), I have a very healthy appetite for sex, I like sports, and I am a gamer. I am not the kind of woman who screws men over, I am not a liar. I am not the kind of woman to push guys (or people for that matter) into doing what they do not want to do; I believe in loving people for who they are, not for who you can make them into and I hate every single story about women doing those very things. I know who I am will not change as soon as I say "I do". "
MARRY ME! Just give him a little more time and talk to him again
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Definitely agreed.
i think for men, they'll never be ready for change until the all their guy friends are also in the same boat. i dated a guy who i thought would never get married but the instant he found out that his best friend was getting married, he decided it was time to get married also. there's not much you can do but if you love him, he will come around one day.
@mewithoutu77@xanga - Ditto. Monkey see monkey do.
I say at least talk to him about it in a calm discussion. Which I see you have no problem with.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - i agree.
You kinda sound like me, no joke. Except well, more mature?
Anyways... I don't think you should bring it up every day. Just like, once and a while, you know? And maybe he'll come around. Most men do. =P
he is comfortable with his life with u right now. he's just afraid things might get sucky after marriage, for whatever reasons it may be. give him some more time, you both are still young anyway. getting married is a huge step, although u might think u guys r practically married and happy.
I hope he asks you to marry him soon. Tell him you want kids =).
Ask him if he's willing to talk about it. He might not even be clear about what he's feeling on the subject.
Seems like he's not ready to take that step just yet. Means you guys aren't ready as a couple to be man and wife. You could totally propose to him. But if you're old-fashioned then just tell him you're ready to be married and you know he's the one and you'll be waiting for him to be ready to take you as his wife.