Monday, 22 June 2009
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My Ex Is Engaged to A Girl He's Dated Four Months
I am not here to read responses about how jealous I am that my ex is now engaged and that I wish it was me...because I am so glad it was NOT me. If he were to propose to me only after 4 months or so, I would say hell to the no. You just barely got to know the person. Six months is the halfway point of deciding whether or not to continue in the relationship if you pass the one month mark; at least that's my pace. I was hanging out with another guy, Tom, non-exclusively for four months, and realized at that point, I was not interested in him as more than a friend...and we weren't even exclusive.
I am not here to read that it's none of my business or that I do care what he does and that I plan on sabotaging whatever, because personally, I don't care that he is with her. I haven't spoken to my ex, Derek, at all since he's been going out with that new girl.
I had to write what I mean by my post because in a couple of my other posts, people were bashing me with completely wrong assumptions...basically when it all comes down to it, I really am not jealous so I don't need people telling me that I'm jealous when I'm not. I would just like a response to the question that my post is asking instead of reading how my post is so pathetic blah blah blah. I hope that's not so hard to answer a simple question. I've read a lot of responses lately to a lot of posts and people don't seem to answer the questions lately except get all cocky saying how pathetic this Datingish post is, etc...and yet they called the writer of that post pathetic, lol.
Anyway, I still hang out with some of his friends, and he knows but doesn't care. In fact, last week, one of his friends, Casey and I were looking for something to do and Derek suggested we could go to his other friend Ryan's since he was leaving Ry's at that point...basically he really doesn't care that I hang out with his friends, and I'm not hanging out with his friends to spite him either. They eventually became my own friends, too.
I am here to ask...after only going out with someone for four or five months, Derek has proposed to his girlfriend - in your opinion, do you think that is a bit too quick?
They moved in together after two months, and two months later he proposed.
Derek's brother, Mike, has been going out with his girl Christy for at least 3 or 4 years and they aren't even engaged. Casey and I were discussing the other day who we thought would get married first and Casey thought it would be Mike. I wonder who he thinks now, ha.
Personally, I don't think Derek knows what he's doing. After one month into my and his relationship two years ago, he told me he loved me and the broke up with me two weeks later. I knew that wasn't love obviously, but I think he's highly infatuated right now with that girl because she's the tall blondie he's been looking for.
I'm not going to tell him that he shouldn't marry her so quickly; in fact, I am not going to speak to him at all, and if I do happen to speak to him, I'll give him my best regards.
Do you know of any couples who have gone out for only a short amount of time and then they got married? If so, did their marriage last?
What do you think of this relationship? I don't see what the rush is. They both haven't even finished college. Everyone I know of, besides him who just gotten engaged, have been going out with each other for at least a year or two, not four or five months.
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Comments (81)
My EX proposed to his new girlfriend less than a year (or just a year) after they started dating. Within this time she also had a kid (not his)... Needless to say, I doubt it'll work. I doubt it would work even if the kid wasn't involved. You just don't know someone well enough after that amount of time to get engaged and say you're going to spend your life together. It requires a lot of time and effort to get that far. And- anyways- if youre so in love why wouldnt you want to wait to make sure the relationship has a solid foundation so it really works? I understand your frustrations and I probably would just say "congratulations" and let him figure it out on his own.
My cousin got married to his wife after knowing her for less than 2 months. They have had a tough time but have remained together for almost 5 years now. It's pretty amazing, actually.
I've heard it said that when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to start doing so as soon as possible. I don't know how much I believe that, though, as you should be at least a little bit practical about getting married.
This post seems to have an alternate motive. If you're going to make a rant about the commenters, you might want to make a separate post about it without the guise. I can't take it seriously now.
If you can show me in the Bible where there's a rule that said, "Thou shalt not marry until after 6 mo. of dating w/o break-ups," then I'd say they were wrong for it. But I think every relationship has different routes to the altar.
I do however think that they are too young. At their age, they might grow apart. I was one person in college, and then another person ENTIRELY after being in the "real world" for some months. I think it's different with older couples though. Like if you're 50, you don't need much time to decide. But as a young 20-year old, your brain doesn't even totally finish developing until age 25. You don't even know yourself totally yet.
It doesn't matter whether or not you're jealous. What matters is if they are ready for marriage at that age. Sure, people from other countries may marry at age 15, but that's because they're not spoiled like Americans. There parents prepare them for marriage as young children; we Americans tend to have these extended childhoods... lol
wasn't there a post on datingish about this website where people sell their wedding rings from failed engagements/marriages?
bookmark it and link him there when it doesn't work out haha
on the other hand, it could totally work out - you never know
I think thats bullshit, but let them realise how stupid they are being by themselves. Trust me, it will happen when they get sick of each other.
My cousin got engaged to this slutty women after knowing her for 6 months. (not even dateing for 6 months.. just how long he knew her for, and she cheated on her last boyfriend with him. wow surprisee.). Now, he has ditched his entire family for a women who will probably take everything he has when it blows over.
Also, I went camping with them last year, and the stupid bitch almost lost the ring he hasn't even paid for in a washroom after her shower. Some lady found it and gave it back to her.
I was happy for them until he decided to block my family out of his life because she didn't like 1 person. Now, I could care less if they both got run over by cars. You don't do that to your family over someone you just met.
I think that nobody else can say what is the right amount of time to be together before moving in together, getting engaged/married. Some people know right away that the person they are with is the right one for them to take these steps with, however quickly.
I have always looked at it this way, you can only judge the pace of your own relationships, if you and your partner are happy at that pace nobody else has the right to say anything, no matter how fast or slow you go. Because while some people move too quickly in our minds, some move too slowly too. Think about friends and family that you know that have been together awhile, and you wonder when or if they will ever move in together, get engaged/married, because to you they SHOULD be at those stages by now.
I have known several people that got married very quickly, most are still together, I would say it close to 70% that moved quickly that are still together, but the trick was sticking it out and working through the hard times, just like with any other marriage.
@methodElevated@xanga - I agree. People are going to comment based on their opinion. That's how blogs go. If you want to post your blog entry to xanga, you might want to be prepared for the consequences of disagreeing views, or telling you what you don't want to hear.
I agree it is kinda quick, but every person and relationship is different. Some get engaged after a few months, others a few years. Just all depends.
It depends on the people involved and the relationship, really. Years ago I would have said that your ex was insane--but that was before I started dating my now husband. We were together only 2 months before he proposed. Granted, we had been acquainted for 10 years before that, but still. We just clicked like that and we knew. We recently celebrated our first anniversary, and though I admit that our marriage is still way too new to say that everything had a 'happy ending,' it sure has worked out so far!
I met my husband and got engaged three weeks later. Three months later we were married.
That was 27 years ago.When it's right, it's right.I've had this happen to me as well--I was in love with the guy, we'd been broken up for about 3 years, he hadn't really dated since me. Then he went on match.com and got engaged to a girl within 3 months of meeting her. Ugggh...and I found out that he gave her his grandmother's antique diamond ring--how can you give a FAMILY HEIRLOOM to someone you hardly know! Grrr....
I'm married now and I'm very happy, so I believe you aren't jealous--I wasn't either. But it's still unnerving. And yes, these marriages can last, though not all of them will.
You're not jealous--it just hurts a little because someone you were with for awhile wasn't happy with you, then they find someone they think makes them happy and it's so quick. It feels as if your relationship was meaningless in comparison.
My ex dated someone for only 2 or three months and then was engaged to him... After over a year together and almost a year of engagement, they broke up because... well... the guy she was engaged to thought he was a dog... hmmm.... This just goes to show how well you actually know a person after 2, 3, 4 months, huh?
My old roommate's parents got engaged after meeting & getting to know each other for only 3 weeks (he was in the Navy & had to leave for x amount of time). After 25+ years & 3 kids, they're still happily married.
I don't think you have a right to judge when the right time is for THEIR relationship. Obviously they both feel they're ready if he proposed & she said yes. & who knows? It's only an engagement; they may stay engaged for years before they get married. Or maybe not. Point is, let them work it out.
I personally would not get engaged after only a couple of months, but I acknowledge that every relationship progresses at its own pace. If it doesn't work out for your ex & his girl, thank god for divorce.
my ex-fiance and I together for 3.5 years when he left me for a girl he had just met and a year later they were married and had a kid together. I doubt it will last considering we were together a lot longer and he couldn't make us work. plus neither of them have more than a high school education and both work crappy jobs. the only thing they have going for them is my ex's mom babies him and has given him her old house that his grandpa technically owns and i'm sure she does a bunch of other stuff for them.
well, it may or may not work, but sometimes you just know. As cliche as that sounds, it's true, and maybe thats what happened with them. Don't judge.
my parents got married after 3 months of knowing each other/dating. They have been married for now 22 years and with 2 kids including me and still together :) so all i can say is depends on when the couple think its right whether it be weeks, months or years.
@ISpeakLife@xanga - I don't see why the Bible having a statement about a timeframe for engagement would make the slightest difference. Also, people often live into their 80's now. You don't think fifteen years of childhood is just a bit short considering the lengthening life expectancy?
It's fine if people disagree with me, I'd just rather they left out their "cocky attitudes" while disagreeing. That's all what I meant by my forewarnings. Is it so hard for someone to disagree and yet be civil at the same time is what I'm getting at.
To those who have been civil thanks!
I don't think it's right to ask us. We know nothing about the nature of their relationship, how close they truly are, how much they trust each other, etc. Without knowing that, who are we to judge whether or not it's too soon for them? Your question depends on their relationship, not on "how many months is considered too long or too short". Each relationship is different.
I guess I left out that they only met back in February and started going out only 3 days or a week after knowing each other.
Basically when they first started going out, they didn't know a thing about each other.
Personally, I think it's too soon. But we don't know about their situation. Maybe they are really head over heels in love and want to get married. That's their decision.
maybe his love for her is extremely different than the "love" he felt towards you. he might actually love the girl, in which case it's a very good thing that you plan on leaving him alone.
"I am not here to read that it's none of my business" & "What do you think of this relationship?" seem to contradict themselves. i'm not going to condemn you here, but it certainly does sound like you have an ulterior motive/some sort of jealousy-esque feelings toward the whole thing.
@prettyboy78@xanga - I agree with his comment entirely.
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for ten months and since month number two, we were already talking about getting married.
Mind you, we are both college graduate, have our own careers, dated a few people before we met each other and we both felt that instant connection.
So four months, if he felt that instant connection....that 'whatcha-ma-call-it' feeling that 'she's the one'....then four months is just enough time for him. Will it last? That's up to them.
I don't think you care so much about your question as you care about ranting in disguise. Clearly, you're jealous. Clearly, his timetables are none of your business. As far as I'm concerned, each person is different. What may work for you may not work for him.
And next time, don't try to place free-speech disclaimers in your post. That does two things: (1) encourage people to ignore the disclaimers, and (2) suggest you have an ulterior motive as you have already advanced to the point of trying to cover for them via disclaimers.
But hey, what do I know... I'm just an avatar, surfing the Xangawebs...