Sunday, 21 June 2009
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He Betrayed My Trust
My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past three months. We were seeing each other for three months before we became official. We also had a really strong friendship in the last year or so before we got together. When we first started going out, we had our minor fights but they was always easy to fix. When he has places to go, he tells me who he's going with and where he's going. Sometimes I'll joke with him and say "Oh come on. I trust you! Why you telling me that you're going out with her for lunch? I know you guys are good friends." He usually replies with "I just want you to know so you know what's going on." I thought that was sweet because he cared enough to share whats happening with his life.
Two weeks ago, it was our anniversary (three months) and he'd already told me ahead of time that he was going to a birthday dinner with his guy friends. **Note that I don't expect to celebrate every month but he said that is the way he likes to do it** I said that was fine, I'd stay home and he could enjoy himself. He left my house around 8 p.m and kissed me goodbye. Told me he'd be done around 1 a.m. since he was a little exhausted to be staying out late. My girl friend called me around 11:30 and asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her that he went to a birthday party and she said "oh, is he going to the Toga party afterward?" I was caught off guard and replied with "huh!?!?! no he's at a dinner and probably going clubbing." She kinda mumbled something about one of their (her bf and my boyfriend) mutual friends was having a party. Fast forward couple days later, we were all at his friend's house and they bought up the party. He talked about it like I knew and I just shrugged it off.
Last weekend, we went out to an event his friend hosted. He went and talked to everyone while he gave me his back. Never decided to introduce me to anyone, which made me feel like he was just ashamed. When we got back home, I bought up the topic on how I don't like to be ignored. Mind you, he never once introduced me to any of his friends. All the people we usually hang out with, I was friends with them long before we got together. When the talk became a fight, I told him how I was upset he never told me about the toga party ahead of time. He replied with "I never knew about it, and I didn't plan on going. For f**k's sake, I didn't have have a toga. I had to borrow my friend's shirt and cut it up. The birthday boy was there, just because there weren't pictures of him, doesn't mean he didn't go." I didn't trust him. The way he said it, the way he replied just doesn't seem right. The girl that hosted it was a good friend of his. How can he not know when the whole group of our friends did?
I found his email opened on my computer one day. Saw everything that he said to his friend. How he got his shirt all cut up and ready and how they were going to drop by the dinner to wish happy birthday then leave. He planned everything and told everyone to get a shirt ready and put it in the car to change. He knew and he lied. I feel really betrayed. I know there was a post recently called "Who Cares Who Your SO Texts or Emails?". I didn't trust him and I was right. I feel like he's being two-faced to me. He acts and says all these things, but turns around and tells a completely different story with his friends. I'm not dumb, don't try to play me like a fool. Even if you are, do it with other people i don't associate with.
What do I do? Do I give up and just try to find someone else without stressing about it? Or do I confront him but not tell him how I found out?
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- From: msLycious@xanga
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Comments (42)
If your last paragraph before the question you practically said it all
he's two-faced.
drop him
Break up with him and make out with all his friends.
I think not being introduced is very bad etiquette. And being disrespected is grounds for a break up. A relationship is built on respect and if I dont feel that it is reciprocated, then good bye.
Issues!
Unless you really see a future with this guy, id say dump him. im sure you dont have the time to deal with childish games.It depends. Is he worth your time? If so, you can try and work it out. But if you know you can do better, dump him.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - yes.
horrible man.
one lie leads to another wich leads to another wich leads to bigger and bigger lies cant spell sry squash him dont let him make you look like a fool
umm just break up with him?! duh!
If you feel he can't be trusted, then leave him. :\
Kick him in his junk and run.
full of lies, dump him!
same problem....
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Seconded.
Or, you could just suggest that you would like to be told in advance about parties because you could care less. THEN! He'd be more willing to tell you when he goes out and you don't have to look like a nosy girlfriend. General suggestions = win.
In other news....
DAMN. YOU GUYS ARE MEAN.
@BimBo_HiPPo@xanga - i totally agree.
Run awaaaaaaaaaaay.
If you can't trust him now, you probably won't be able to later, so it's better to go ahead and let go. Find someone who can't wait to show you to his friends.
o_O Yikes, he's being rude. I think you should tell him how you feel. >.> And if he doesn't do anything about it (and is still lying) ... maybe you should rethink your relationship with him.
jump off before the train crashes and burns and takes you with it
and what is with people and their monthly 'anni'versaries? no such thing.
you need to confront him about that e-mail.
and tell him HE left it up on YOUR computer, its not even like you broke into it or anything.
and he's got some explaining to do or he's goneeeee...
I don't think it matters too much how you found out (as long as you haven't been keeping a keylogger on all his computers or something), and I think it's valid if you tell him it doesn't matter how or who you found it out from (add the who so he's less able to think up exactly how you did it), and that it doesn't change the fact that he lied to you big time. It might be cause for a break up, but I think it matters a lot whether or not he honestly feels really really bad about it and really wants to fix things. Otherwise, leave. Someone who's not willing to change bad behavior that's hurting their SO doesn't deserve him/her.
and the not introducing you part while he chatted away with all his friends just sounds plain douchey.
>>I feel like he's being two-faced to me.>> This alone should be a signal for you to move on to another guy. The ex was like that. He would say one thing to our group of friends and another to me. The day I found out he had to left CA for NY for his work, our relationship died. He told me he wasn't going to take the job on the East Coast and then he turns around and took it. I didn't even know til the last day. He also would keep me away from his family and friends.
From that day on, I vowed to never deal with this again.
Your approach is wayyy twisted. So if you "confront him and not tell him how you found out", don't you think that would make you a liar too? Plus, I just don't understand why you would ask a group of people you don't even know to make a personal decision for you. Honestly, what do you think you should do? What do you want to do? You have to decide whether he's worth more of your time or not.
confront him and break it off