Sunday, 21 June 2009
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I'm Gay And I Like A Bi Guy!
Okay, so I'm a 19-year-old gay guy and the guy I like is a 29-year-old bi guy...we have so much fun talking on the phone or hanging out...anything really...but he tells me he doesn't want a relationship and I don't know why.He hasn't been with a guy in four years but says he thinks I'm really hot and doesn't wanna hurt me by having sex with me 'cause he knows I would want a relationship, so I said okay...then the next day he's leading me on again, making me feel so good about how I'm so funny and a great person I am. But by the end of the night he tells me "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on again" like he's doing this on purpose or something, I don't know. He says he thinks we should not talk for a couple days and I told him I don't understand him, but whatever, that's fine because I was pissed.
He said "I'm soooo sorry, I won't lead you on...I just need time to figure out what I want" and how he never thought he would meet such a good person and so on, how I'm too good to be hurt and he won't hurt me.
So it sounds like he's liking me but scared of a relationship, I don't know. Please help.
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (25)
Sounds like you got it right.
If he's worth it to you, wait it out... but not too much. You don't want to wait five years for this guy..
Maybe he's ten years older than you and you're too immature. Or he's married.
Yeah, give him some space and wait for a while, but try to find someone else whist waiting, you could find someone better and he may not even want a relationship.
Hope everything works out. :]
Space would be good for a little while, until he figures out what he wants. The relationship ending badly (if you guys have one) could result in a loss of a friendship as well, and that is always rough-
sounds like hes just scared to have a relationship with a guy :\
He kind of sounds like he's being a douche. Not to say that he IS a douche, but that he's acting like one in this situation. Who does he think he is expectin you to put up with him?
On the other hand... I have no room to talk. The guy I'm *sort of* dating pretty much does the same thing to me. He's just afraid of commitment which I'm cool with so I put up with him, but that's beside the point.
I guess I'm not being very helpful *shrug*
i think that he actually does like you, and he's just trying to get attention. deep down i think he does like you. just step back for a little bit, and see if he can straighten things out, but if he can't and he keeps doing this, you need to talk to him and tell him to stop. i wish you luck!
maybe he's in an ambiguous state right now; either he's on a break with someone else or just got out of a relationship recently, and doesn't want to jump back into a relationship with someone who is younger and dare I say...innocent?
but if that's the case, you guys shouldn't hang out since the attraction for each other is obvious and he'll keep "accidentally" lead you on.
Maybe he's just nervous because you're young...
Welcome to the female world...we get it too....and we are just as confused when guys to that to us.
Sounds like he has some commitment/trust issues.
I'd try to date someone closer to your age. He's clearly breaking the XKCD-creepy-age law of dating.
It sounds like he is genuinely confused right now as to what he wants. Wait a few days like he wants, then get in contact with him again. Try to find out why he doesn't want a relationship, it seems to be the key to everything.
hes probably afraid of holding the responsibility.
Sounds like he keeps bouncing back and forth. Maybe keep your distance for awhile.
He obviously is struggling with something, so the best thing you could do would be to let him figure it out. Until you're sure he's serious, take his compliments lightly. Give him time and things will become clear.
Hmm.. I dont know what to say about it hun. Honestly... I just went through the same thing with someone... Hopefully it turns out better for you then it did for me hunnie. <3
maybe he has commitment issues
well regardless, you have twice as much competition out there than we do haha. good luck with that.
Mm well I think he could be either a fairly smart douche, or just a guy with doubts.
Just wondering since it's somewhat on topic - do gay guys almost always have anal sex the same way straight couples almost always have had regular sex, or is it more like an option, like blowjobs?
What's with the title? It's somewhat irrelevant to the actual problem.
Anyway, I've dealt with a guy who really liked me but didn't want a relationship. We ended up getting too close and it bothered me so much that he didn't want to date me, that he ended things and later went back to his ex-girlfriend. The douchebag...anyway, I advise you to leave the guy alone and wait. Getting involved with someone who doesn't want to commit isn't really a good idea.
Let me tell you of my experiences. Remember, this is just my experience, not saying it always turns out like this, but if I were you, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Easier said than done, I know. My experience (I've had 2 exactly like what you describe) is that he will drop you like you never existed as soon as Miss. Right comes along. And it doesn't matter what stage the relationship between you 2 is at. I don't know one single bi man who has ended up with a guy. Not ONE. (I'm sure it does exist, but of all the peeps I know, not one.) He's probably no idiot and knows that living the gay life is DIFFICULT! It is much easier to go the str8 route, and who among us can blame them? I feel your pain bro, move on. This is not the one for you.
Maybe it's the age thing. Maybe it's that eventually he wants to settle down and get married, and unfortunately, in this country, he currently won't be able to do that with a guy. Maybe he's still figuring out his sexuality. Maybe it's something completely different.
It sounds, though, that he just wants to be your friend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
@InTheThin@xanga - I know this doesn't speak for all gay guys, but I have a gay friend who has been sexual with a number of guys over the years but has never had anal sex.
He's not worth the hassle. Someone new will come along, someone better.
Let him deal with it on his own. It sux that you're pissed but he needs time to think if he wants to be in a relationship with you or another guy.