Saturday, 20 June 2009
-
An Unrevealed Past Relationship...
My question for all you readers out there is this:Should anything you find out about your significant other's past, no matter how it comes to your attention, affect your relationship with him or her now, in the present?
It's a broad question. Yes, it depends on what EXACTLY you find out about him or her. Of course, if he/she had cheated on someone before, then that's something you have to watch out for. But can you just give me a general answer?
Well here's a little bit about me; I'm a young college student in love. One weird/crazy thing about me is that I like being a guy's "first" - [ex. love, kiss, girlfriend, etc.] And what I'd never had to deal with in relationships, is a past ex-girlfriend.
Naturally, people can understand each other's relationship point of views when knowing what kind of relationships they've had in the past. However, when it came down to my past relationships, my boyfriend didn't want to hear any of it. He told me to never mention them or anything we've done, because he simply didn't want to know. Which I thought was weird, because each guy significantly changed my aspects in love and relationships; I thought he would just want to know how I grew into a more mature lady and now somehow know what I'm looking for in a relationship.
I also like to change guys. Not drastically. I like the whole, changing a bad boy into a good one, or improving a guy's confidence, or family life, etc. Become somewhat significant in that guy's life.
Anyways, I used to be a crazy jealous girlfriend. I was so protective and well, crazy that my ex-boyfriend couldn't handle it so we broke it off, etc. But with time passing by, I was able to learn how to cope and become less jealous and more calm when it came to my current boyfriend, who I love a lot.
Going back to where I mentioned that my boyfriend doesn't want to hear anything about my past relationships, I am the complete opposite, or so I have discovered myself. I want to know everything. Starting from the beginning until the end. But he, being him, only gives me brief information. So, after learning these little things, I want to get the whole picture and I go around searching for stuff to give me a better idea of what happened. And my skills of obsession and jealousy and discontent of not knowing, or the feeling of wanting to know, but no one's giving me any answers, helped me find a bunch of stuff. Do I feel guilty? No. Do I regret it? Not really.
I just found out about enough though, that I can probably end my escapade. All I'm left with is wondering, "What if..."'s...
So even though I found some stuff that happened in 2007, should I let that affect me in 2009? And by affect, I mean, should it make me sad, happy, angry?
Should I confront my SO about this matter, letting him know what I found out?
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)


Recommend


Comments (20)
"I also like to change guys"... BRRRR
I don't think you should let it affect you unless it's something really big (like he killed somebody or something o_O haha jk) ... but if it is nagging you, then you can talk to him about it, and hopefully it'll reassure you some more.
Well, I mean, you said it yourself. 2007 isn't 2009. And besides, yall weren't together at that time and although you should know about his past, I don't think you should let it affect you.
I want to hear the juicy gossip....jk.
It depends on what it is really, if it concerns you or if it is something in his character that he can't change then yeah you should worry about it, but if it is not then I say let it go unless you want to go through the whole ordeal of explaining how you found out and then have to explain to him about your crazy, jealous, protective ways.
My girlfriend has changed me dramatically, for the better of course, and I appreciate that and her very much for it.
Wanting to know is perfectly normal. But the best thing to do is keep it to yourself. Now you know, so relax because you know. Confronting him about it will only create a conflict, and he'll question you and might even get mad because you went behind his back to find things out. So don't worry about it :] the past is the past.
It shouldnt affect you. Don't let the past ruin the future- well unless his past was waay better than what he is now.
i say don't. if he's ready, he'll tell you. if he's not, then just let it go you know?
it's not really a big deal, unless your thing for being a guys first whatever.. is really that big of an issue. if it's such a big issue that dating someone hinges on that as one of the qualifications.
The fact of the situation is that he's with you right now. The "what if?"s you're concerned about either did happen or didn't happen, but they led him to you, so does it matter?
If he doesn't want to talk about it, then he may not be confortable with his past, or he may just want to enjoy his present and leave the past (good or bad) behind. You should let him.
I thought you USED to be a crazy, jealous girlfriend. Look at that verb, girl. Past tense! Ignore those devilish "What ifs" on your shoulder. Just be happy that you have a great guy and a prosperous relationship with him.
i don't think you should confront him. by confronting him, he'll either choose to understand you - or choose to feel like you don't trust him. you are probably wondering why he choose not to share this with you...? maybe because he's afraid of being judge by you. Keep it to yourself until you need to use it.
Every relationship is different, so don't let things that happened in the past with different people carry over to your relationship with him today. He's a different person, and a different boyfriend, with you than he was with anyone else.
At this point, the only thing I could find out about my SO that would make me stop and think would be to learn that he's lied to me or purposely withheld information with the intention of keeping it from me. Even those things aren't necessarily a big deal; I have learned a few pieces of new information about him along the way that made me go, "Wait a minute, this is new. I thought you said something else before...? So which one is it?" However, none of it was regarding anything significant and I didn't feel uncomfortable by anything I learned, just confused about how I hadn't known about it before, because I could have sworn I had asked him and gotten a different answer.
In other words, don't let what you learn (or dig up!) influence your relationship with him, unless you discover that he's been dishonest with you and it makes you uncomfortable.
you like to change guys....?
thats scary.
I don't think there's a point of bringing old things from two years ago up again. what happen happened and you can't change that. as long as you are happy with the guy, it's all good you know? until you have something to suspect, then you should talk to him about it.
you still sound crazy. goodluck.
you shouldn't be in a relationship where you want to "change guys" but be with them for who they are......moving on....
anyways, im also guilty for wanting to know about the past relationships of my current sig others (or interests in general). how their past relationships were, sometimes reflect on their personal character or view points in the present, and I think it's important that both parties are aware of how and where they've "come" from. but then again, most guys don't want to know about his new gf's exbf or history of it. if the girl talks about it, he won't shut her up too often but at the same time, he won't offer you inputs about his own relationships.
I've done this to my ex and I've been trying to curve my curiosity for my new interest. I mean, it'll come out at one point or another.....so don't think too much of it. I think if it's as bad as he has been known to be a cheater or a liar (or both) and he hasn't said anything about that, I'd worry a bit. But such things reveal themselves in time...
Hi Good morning to you from India!
up here!)
Actually the past of a man or a woman should remain just that --dead and gone--unless it is criminal or a flaw in character.Everyone may have his/her wild oats.Why exhume the corpses?
(I was an exception since I grew
Luv Sadaboy
Jealousy, changing boyfriends, wanting to know EVERYTHING about a guy = psycho!
I can relate to this so much... wanting to know about the past, wanting to be first and not second... I too was always curious. If I had a question, I'd pry for the answer. However, from what I've learned, it's really no use going through the past. I only got sad and it got to the point where it felt like I was ruining my own relationship because of it.
Just let it go. Don't let it bother you. You don't just destroy yourself, but the relationship as well.
Normal
0
false
false
false
MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Обычная таблица";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ansi-language:#0400;
mso-fareast-language:#0400;
mso-bidi-language:#0400;}
I should say I’m a bit tired of free dating agencies
with many pretty smiling faces of young European girls whom you can never
reach. Yes, you can send a million of letters but you’ll never know a person in
that way. To my mind that’s much better to chat online. A friend of mine has
given me a link to meeting42.com. That’s also an online dating service but for
a nominal charge members get a possibility to chat online, receive notices when
new letters come or new members are registered and it’s possible to keep a
diary or a blog there. On the site they also have a lot of interesting articles
about psychology of love and marriage which can be very helpful for those who
are eager to find a life partner and to get married. I really like it! uk dating singles