Now I was blown away when one of my exes told me this. We had been dating over a month and we still hadn't slept together. Personally, I'm not one to jump into that kind of stuff because I want a guy to actually like me for me (call me old-fashioned). Well, the day finally came when we did the deed. After all was said and done, he actually told me he respected me for not having jumped in bed with him sooner. I then hypothetically asked him, well, what if we did do it sooner? He told me he would have definitely looked at me in a different light.
That really made my day. It's nice to know guys take that sort of thing in account. I always wondered, but now I know it does play a role in the amount of respect guys give you.
To me, it seems guys respect girls more when they wait. Unless the both of you solely base your relationship on sex, I guess this doesn't apply. In this case, I'm talking about a couple who wants to further their relationship.
What do you think about not getting down on the first night (or first few weeks)? Is being respected important to you? Is it just all about having a good ol' time?
Comments (40)
I'm with you.
I think being respected is part of a good and healthy relationship.
I waited a year to have sex the first time in my relationship.
My second relationship, I think it was like...3-5 months?
It's good. I like waiting.
I agree with you. Waiting shows you that he isn't around just for the sex.
xo
um lets see respected caring relationship involving waiting for sex, or non respected in a relationship based soley on lust and sex......ill go with number one please
I would never get down with him.. unless we're married =D
But I do respect that about people, waiting a few nights before doin it.
Respect > Good ol' time. Respecting yourself and showing it goes a long way.. and your bf/current "partner" will definitely respect that about you.
I don't lose respect for a girl if she has sex. It takes something a bit more malicious than getting yer shag on to lose my respect. But if someone wants to wait, hey, nothing wrong with that.
I totally agree, in principle. That said, my boyfriend and I didn't wait. We didn't have full-out sex, but...that's private! Anyway, in retrospect, I do wish we'd waited.
On the other hand, we've been together 3 and 1/2 years now, and we're very committed and serious about our future together. So just because you don't wait doesn't necessarily mean the guy won't love you for you. =)
What ever happen to people waiting a year? I would really like to know the person before I sleep with them.
yeah. im one to wait too. & he told me im def worth the wait :]
I just can't believe that we now consider waiting for more than a month to have sex as a major accomplishment.
This is dumb.
not necessary; respect is being acceptance to one's choices, views, and feelings... if you have a different view about something, he's going to accept that and he's not going to try to change your view. maybe the guys actually didn't mind waiting if they were told about it; but who knows...
and it's funny how sometimes females try to change us if they think we're not good enough... suggesting is a bit different than controlling; controlling is: you can't do this, you can't do that, you shouldn't do this... where as suggesting is: would you please do this... at least with suggesting, you're giving them a choice..
also, i think with respect, one shouldn't be making important decision alone base on one's selfishness.. instead, one should talk it over with one's significant other and the decision should be made as a couple...
but yeah, i do agree with you on how waiting shows that he's not in just for the sex... but that really depends on the individual itself... it really depends on how they were brought up... and what their standards (code of law) are...
I agree with some of your points, but I think a month is still too soon. But I'm glad you did what you thought was right.
I would definitely agree. :)
Except a month...is considered waiting? xD I mean I guess if you knew the guy for quite some time (say 1+ years) and yall wait a month...that's very understandable and can be deemed "waiting". But a month? LOL. That's just my opinion.
i dont personally consider a month waiting, but kudos to you if you do.
me and one of my best friends lost our virginities in the same weekend,
mine was after a 7+month relationship, hers was after a 2-3 week relationship...
my other friends were judging her negatively for it and even calling her a whore who was wasting her virginity one someone she barely even knew yet, but they were happy for me and asking me why i didn't do it sooner.
but hey, whatever floats your boat. im old fashioned.
I don't think this should be a basis for how much people respect each other. I mean..honestly? Does it really make a girl so much classier if she waits three months to do him instead of one?
Not that I'm saying this to defend myself - I waited about three years with the guy. I just don't think we should look down on others for their different lifestyles, as long as they're responsible.
I'm with some of the commenters above--a month? Since when is that a long time?
That said, waiting ftw! I'm waiting til I get married.
im going to wait until i get married so i guess I'll get more respect than YOU!
just kidding... i don't think it's really fair to say "guys don't respect you as much if you sleep with them sooner than I do."
first of all, you're giving yourself praise that in my opinion, is unwarranted. No offense, your decisions are yours to make, but I don't really view waiting a month as that much more amazing than waiting a week, or a day. If you had said a YEAR, then maybe it would be something.
second, your ex-boyfriend does not speak for every male. Some guys will respect you more for waiting; some will respect you less; some won't care; some will wish you had waited longer.
also, no worries, my dear, I would NEVER call YOU old-fashioned... *snort*
I think it's true. A lot of my guy friends had expressed similiar opinions to your ex's in the past. Of course they'd like it if the girls put out early but the respect is not there and it makes them think that the girls are too easy. I'm sure not all males feel the same though. I myself have been with my bf for more than 15 months but am waiting for marriage.
most guys wont take you seriously if you give it up too fast. if you slept with him so easily whos to say that you didnt do it with 50 other guys before him? he might hook up with you but when he wants a serious relationship most guys wanna settle down with a "wifey type" not a girl that every guy in town has had.
@kawasaki_saiyan@xanga - "one shouldn't be making important decision alone base on one's selfishness.. "
Are you inferring that a girl's decision to wait for sex is selfish? I hope not. There is no rule or law in relationships that says someone must put out. That made me chuckle a little.
@awholenewbeginning@xanga - i meant making decisions like having a baby, buying a house, getting a job in a different city, the list goes on...