Miss Walrus
Falling in love is truly amazing. Finding a long term relationship is probably one of the best things in life, next to pesto pasta & dark chocolate, anyway.
Lately, though, I've been pondering the fact that it actually takes
a lot of things being "right" for the foundation of long term relationship to take root.
For example, I think both partners need to feel "ready" for a commitment. Normally, if one or the other is "on the rebound," things will end sour. That, or one of the partners might carry over the emotions from their past relationship into their new one (been there, done that!).
I also think people kinda have to be in the right "time" in their lives. Sometimes, one of us is just well, not "into" love when we meet someone who might actually be perfect for us - in another place or time in our lives.
Maybe I'm only saying this because I'm at a pretty awkward time in my life for a relationship (i.e, living in my parent's house for the summer before returning to school for one year - & then graduating & moving out of the Midwest). What do you think? Are there any particular factors you believe have to be "right" for a relationship to work out?
Recommend
Comments (29)
No; I think if the right person came along, it would become the right time.
My boyfriend and I met at the right time... and even though it didn't seem as though things wouldn't work.... it worked out :)
I think timing is VERY important. Using myself as an example, my boyfriend and I had many chances to get together in the past, but if we had, it wouldn't have turned out as great as our relationship is now. The start of our relationship was based entirely on coincidences.
I always thought that there had to be a right time for everything. I was a planning addict. Before I started college, I had it all planned out: no boyfriend, focus on school, graduate in three years, masters, and sometime in there, relationship. Maybe.
Then I met my future husband the summer OF college. Right before the September starting time. It was the worst possible time to fall in love, and neither of us was ready for it. It was a rollercoaster ride, let me tell you! Not of fights, but of tough decisions. We ended up far apart for a while before he made the decision to pack up and move to be with me.
Now we've been married almost a year. We live in my parents' empty summer home and both work/study. It's still hard. It's still "not the right time". But we're moving forward!
Needless to say, I've kinda scrapped the planning mentality. I now preach that love will sneak up on you whether you are ready or not. Sometimes when you're most ready is when you're least likely to find it. Sometimes when you do find the big "It", somehow it gets lost. Who knows why? I like to think that it's God and His fantastic plan for us little people. The end result is what's best for us. All the bumps and bruises (the carried over emotions, the fear of commitment, the bad decisions) are just getting us ready to enjoy the final big "It" when it comes.
I sure hope my marriage is that big "It". No matter what, I'm going to work hard and enjoy every minute I can with my husband... Que Sera, right?
I think certain things have to be "right". I'm not real sure if EVERYTHING was right when my husband and I met, but they became right shortly after.
@cd867@xanga - beautifully put... :) I like it!
timing and commitment are very important; but the biggest thing isn't whether you're ready for commitment or whether the time in your life is the right time.
it's more that you just have to want a relationship. being in a long term relationship, the two people have to want it - otherwise it just won't work. because nobody works for something they don't want.
@the_hidden_angel@revelife - Thanks! I speak from experience. When I met my husband, he was going to graduate college soon and move away. He didn't want a relationship and neither did I. We both wanted to just have fun until he left, which was only a few months. Now we've been married for over two years! It's funny; we were both in a position in our lives where we dated each other because neither of us wanted anything from it, and it became the right time because we were the right people.
i know exactly what you mean right now. can't really go into details though...
I think that it has to be the right time mentally, not necessarily with situations that you are currently in. If you just got out of a relationship, you might not be ready for love right away.
I'm having this problem. It's like we met earlier than we were supposed to.
I have a feeling I'm gunna meet "the one" at the wrong time, and we'll hate each other before ever loving each other.. haha.
i think timing is everything.
I met my bf my freshman year of college, we were close friends for the 4 years I was in college (3 years for him)...right at my last semester we started to date, and I think the timing worked out perfectly. The year before he graduated and got a job in the same city that we attended college, and was working there while I had my last semester, and now we both feel free to let whatever happen in our lives, happen. No college to worry about, just jobs. And we're not too far in life to do the things we've always wanted to do either (no kids, pets, etc. to worry about). It's a great thing.
to me love is all about timing because if it's not the right time, it's not gonna work. kinda sucks because you never know when the time is right, it kinda sneaks up on you.
I think foundational morals have to be similar; is he religious? does he believe in marriage, family and children? if he a committment pheobe or one-woman kind of man? that sort of a thing... Hobbies, likes/dislikes, whatever can be compromised and people are open to trying new things usually, but when the foundational morals/values are disjointed from the start, it's not going to work out.
Oh yeah, TIMING is also important; is he ready for a relationship? does he want one? that sort of a thing too.... I've been in situations where I've met someone, was interested but too much time has passed between us and it never actually lifted off. After a while, I've lost interest and the things I look for in a man has changed while he's coming around with another round of interest in my direction. THAT so doesn't work.... O_o
time, place, age, money, etc. Arguably, things could happen because of fate or could be luck.
No luck for me at the moment D: lol
@kor_girl@xanga - I do agree on these foundational morals. I believe most people retain a certain set of morals for their whole lives and they can really impact a relationship. Having hobbies together doesn't hurt either lol.
yes...patient
When a Woman Smells Best
The scent of a woman is more attractive at certain times of the month,
suggests a new study that had men sniffing women's armpit odor.
Dating Tips: Menstruation and Sexuality
Tips On How To Get Ex Boyfriend Back
i met my ex at what i considered to be the wrong time in his life. i spent months wishing i had met him when he had gotten over his commitment phobia and was ready for a real relationship and we lived closer together.
however, while i was dating him i became really good friends with another guy. after things ended with my ex, i ended up dating this really good friend, who 4 months ago became my boyfriend and the first man i have fallen in love with (and it's mutual, and so far we are extremely happy). obviously, part of me wishes i hadn't bothered with the ex, since he wasn't worth my time at all. but it gave me an opportunity to get to know my boyfriend very well as a friend, and so i know what a good person he is and what his character is, and i think that has provided a good foundation for a long term relationship (hopefully, so far it seems like it will be).
I think not only does the timing have to be right like everyone said but the other person needs to be patient and understanding about what could happen in the future. I think people should be able to openly talk about the future and I think if a person has a plan that it must match their partners. Personally I think its timing, maturity, and a person ability to communicate that make a relationship become more than just a typical relationship. When a person knows they have met the one they know and everything falls into place. That doesnt mean that its not hard to keep your relationship alive and growing because it is. I think people just dont see it as work anymore when you know you are with the one you love.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Ugh, yeah...same here.
You have to have the same fundamental values. You have to both want and be willing to commit to each other. And I also think your goals in life have to be somewhat aligned. Ex: I was once asked out by a guy who whose goal in life is to move to a continent I have NO desire to live on. That would have become a problem...
@goofball4@xanga - I definitely have to agree. So many times, we end up loving the right person, but at the wrong time.