This happens to me a lot. I just didn't realize what it was until now. A good guy friend of mine is obsessed with me, and it's really starting to creep me out.
We met about five months ago at school. We had the same class, and something about him just struck me. He was smart, funny, and was into a lot of the same stuff I was. We'd see each other around school and in class, and we slowly began to progress past the jokes and onto deeper topics. About three weeks or so ago, we'd started to bond very deeply. One day, very unexpectedly, he asked me out. The problem was, I was on-again with my boyfriend, who I love like no other. I just couldn't tell him that, for reasons beyond my control (and trust me, they're legit reasons). Plus, I didn't have any feelings for him. So I told him that I just needed a friend right now, and we needed to get to know each other a lot more. He agreed, and that was that. Until we exchanged numbers.
That was when he began to get a bit attached. He called me the first day he got my number. Not unusual, right? Then he went from calling me once a day, to calling me roughly four times a day, and getting upset if I didn't call him back. I'm the type of girl who sometimes doesn't get back to you until the next day, because I'm quite busy. Now, he calls me obsessively about six or seven times a day, gets very upset if I don't call him back, and is constantly talking to my best friend about me and how much he wants to go out with me. He hugs me as if I was his, and treats me like I'm his girlfriend, even when both me and my best friend have told him that I just need a friend. I want him to chill and just be my friend, but he's been hurt badly by girls in the past, and I don't want to be responsible for breaking his heart, or lose him.
What do you do about guys like this? How can I get him to stop obsessing over me, without hurting him or losing him?
Comments (28)
straight up telling him that he is going too far on the situation and if he does not stop you can't even be friends with him no more...
Just tell him that you're not interested in him in that way. If he gets too crazy... tell him that you'll have to stop talking to him. It's "simple", but not easy.
tell him not to call you for a few weeks, he'll get the hint.
drop the bastard. hes a douche trying to hard.
If he acts like you two are a couple, he could be ...
A stalker, Intimacy seeker: The intimacy seeker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long sought-after soul mate, and they were meant to be together. Also, they may have the delusion that the victim is in love with them--usually called erotomania. They may interpret any kind of response from the victim as encouragement, even negative responses. This stalker may write letters, send gifts, or call their victim. They may believe the victim owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking them, and is very resistant to changing their beliefs. The intimacy seeker has an inflated sense of entitlement, and if they recognize they are being rejected, this stalker may become threatening, or may try to harm the victim in some way, sometimes using violence. (In this way, they may become a rejected stalker, see above.) This stalker may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. After the rejected stalker, the intimacy seeker is the most persistent type of stalker. They are usually unresponsive to legal sanctions, viewing them as challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the victim.
Took this from... www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/TypesofStalkers.html
Tell him straight up that you're not interested in him. Sometimes you need to sacrifice and not talk to him for a month or two to let him take a break before you guys resume a friendship. He needs to get over you first.
@Lisa_x09@xanga - I think you just scared the wits out of her. LOL
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - At least she knows what to expect if he is a delusional stalker... My friend has one, and they're not fun...
@Lisa_x09@xanga - hilarious! but i agree with most everyone that you need to be a little harsh here... you can't have the best of both worlds where no one gets hurt, and things work out exactly like you want since the two situations in question are in direct opposition to each other.
@Lisa_x09@xanga - lol; hilarious
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - lol; i had the same thought
try asking: "would you please stop acting that way towards me; i just want to be friends, nothing more.." whether it works or not, i don't know... why don't you give it a try and let me know.. would are probably a lot better than could... but the sooner you let him know, the less likely it'll hurt..
Damn somebody needs to pick up a hobbie. LOL
I don't know what is going on with him mkay, but YOU need to sit him down and look him in the eye and tell him the truth. Not about the dude, but if you aren't in to him then you aren't! So then it can be about him, because if he gets that, then yhou're good, and if he doesn't and then keeps this shit up, he's a stalker. Then, change your numbers fast. Even if a boyfriend that's too many times to call,or maybe especially in a boyfriend, but if he wants a will and grace relationship then he needs to act like it and quit trying to be your boyfriend. It seems like it is really tough for you to square it off with him, the total truth. try it. it might set you free in more ways then one.
break his heart
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga -
blunt, i like that.
tell him your not interested in him, you don't want anything more then a friend and he needs to accept that.
if he can't well, don't answer the phone, block his number....have someone kick his ass....
Unfortunately, I think the only thing that you can do is to lose him, but I think it'll be easier said then done.
Or, what you could do is tell him that you've changed your number, and give him the number for the rejection hotline. THEN he might get the hint.
I'm sorry you have to go through this...I"m sure you get it a lot. :(
You can't really prevent him from getting hurt...he's setting himself up for heartbreak. I don't know why you can't tell him that you have a boyfriend already, but you need to make it clear to him that you're not available, and that he needs to stop what he's doing. What good is he as a friend if he won't respect your wish for space?
I guess you can just tell him in a polite way that you are busy and he can just contact you some other time. Maybe that'd work
you have to be honest with him, you have tell him the truth or you're going to lose a friend anyway.
breaking hearts has never looked so cool..............
and you wonder why he's been hurt badly by girls in the past...
hahaha just kidding. keep up with not calling him back enough times or with enough eagerness and he'll get the message. boys are slow, but eventually they'll get it. don't know if this guy will try anything to sabotage your relationship with the bf though - you've been warned!
Hit 'im over the head with a frying pan. That always works for me.
But seriously - it's not your responsibility to "not hurt him", if that means accepting unacceptable behaviour. Just tell him you don't like how often he calls you, and ask if he could please call you less often? As in, maybe once or twice a YEAR? :D And if he can't figure out how often is comfortable, just tell him to stop calling - you'll just see him in person.
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - at least you didn't keep your feelings bottled up, even if she didn't feel the same. Good for you in maintaining your dignity too =]
It would be good to change your phone number and stop giving it out. Tell him you're blessed to have him as a friend only.
If he's like that when you're not even dating, imagine what he would be like if you were! I think you're doing the right thing by taking a step back and not getting involved with this guy.
I know you don't want to be the one to break his heart, but his feelings are not your responsibility. In the end, it's worse to string him along (even if it's not intentional) and it will be even harder to let him down as he gets more involved. He sees the fact that you're not giving him the red light as a green light to get involved.
In your situation I would stop answering more than one call from him a day. He can get as upset as he wants but that is his choice and doesn't reflect on you. Tell him why you're doing it if you want, but don't give in. You need to give this guy boundaries and be very clear when he's crossing them.