Miss Rhino
A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "You're cute. Wanna get out of here?" Meanwhile the guy who drove the girl to the bar and is currently holding her jacket and purse sighs and resigns himself to another night alone.
This is a dramatization of the events happening in my friend's life right now. Let me introduce you to the cast. The girl is Becky. She is free-spirited, slightly wild and has never has the best decision-making process when it comes to men but has everyone's best interests at heart. She met the bartender. He is over ten years her senior, is slightly balding with pointy ears and has a 7-year-old son. Becky is hopelessly in love/lust with him. They have been seeing/sleeping with each other for a while now and, from what she tells me, it is amazingly mind-blowing. Even through all of the immediately recognizable obstacles in front of dating a guy like him, Becky is inexplicably drawn to him. More so than any guy she has ever dated. Only problem is, whenever she goes to see him at the bar he is flirting with other girls. Granted that does come along with the profession. Big tips stem from big smiles, right? Needless to say, this bothers Becky immensely. As it rightfully should.
When she first told me of her plight, my advice was to bring around another man and flirt right back in his face. Two can play at that game, however childish it might be. But Becky was already two steps ahead of me. She has also been seeing another guy. He is caring and sensitive and means well, everything that the bartender is not. He has already professed his love for Becky and desire to be her boyfriend one day. Becky knew that her heart just wasn't in it, but she continued to bring him out with her to the bar in order to provoke some emotion from her wayward lover. One thing led to another and Becky caved to the sweet boy's advances. Flattery sometimes does get you places, in this case, into someone's pants. Now she's in deeper than she could have ever imagined.
As we talked about it, Becky recognized what she was doing. She was using her chivalrous suitor to fill what her heart needs emotionally, but what she doesn't feel for him physically she sees in the bartender and uses him to complete her physical needs. Her heart was trying to satisfy both the emotional and the physical parts of love. But in the most unhealthy way possible - with two separate men.
Is it possible to have either one or the other? If she sticks with the bartender, she will never be emotionally satisfied. But she can't ignore her heart when it's telling her that he is the one she wants. The flirting is harmless and perhaps it just takes him longer to open up. But if she succumbs to the other guy, her heart will be in good hands but it will never be completely full and open with him. And that is simply unfair.
My best advice to Becky is to ditch them both and hold out for the whole package. But we all know that is easier said than done. She feels something for both of them, but knows she can't have her cake and eat it too. Which one should she pursue and which one should she let go?
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Comments (19)
Let them both go. What she's doing to those two guys isn't fair - she's basically using them. She should cut ties with both of them before she gets hurt, or hurts one or both of them.
I agree with you! Dump them both and find the whole thing.
I assume everyone's going to say "dump them both," which is exactly what she should do.
Wow this is a very tough situation, but I don't think it's right for her to be seeing two guys. I have a similar problem, but I only have the "bartender" side of it down. A friend of mine also told me to stop this charade and not settle for anything more than the whole package.
It's better to have a whole package than two men with a confused heart.
Downright! Dump them both!
I'd agree with you. This isn't a case of one or the other. She shouldn't settle.
You're right. She should stop.
She should stop & dump both of those guys.
dump them both but if it was necessary to choose one, tell her to go with the nice guy.
it's hard to stop when one has something the other doesn't have. i can relate to becky because that always happens to me. only thing to do is never settle for anything if you're not completely satisfied.
The whole package is out there for her...I know if I was in either guy's positions I wouldn't like what she was doing to me (us). So yeah, you can't go on with a polygamous relationship...too many people want true commitment.
Becky should heed your advice and find both qualities in one guy. Because if she continues doing things her way...everybody is going to get hurt. And playing around with two guys is just going to mess with her head and heart, really bad.
she shouldn't date until she knows what she wants in a man and stick to her desired 'package' than go flip flopping in between the two. dumping the two guys is one thing... does she even know what type of guy she's attracting and is attracted to? the two might be different and I don't think she has accepted that yet.
PLUS she seems to be ruled by her lust than wanting to hold out for the right guy who is the packaged deal. I feel sorry for the sensitive guy.............. he probably thought his tactics of being a sweet guy has FINALLY gotten the girl. O_o
You're right, but if she has to pick one or the other. It depend on how old she is and is she ready to settle down? If she is young and has time on her side, go out and have fun with the bartender. If she ready to settle down, pick the nice guy.
@kor_girl@xanga - Agree with you totally. Cos I had been thru like what Becky is experiencing. And the lust seems to rule... But had finally put it down and settle with my sensitive caring guy. As that is more impt in the long run.
Becky will soon be expire and toss aside by that bartender....
ditch both and wait for the person that can fill both
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She should dump both of them. She's using both of them to fulfill her own needs and that is not fair to either one of them.
HI everyone, I'm Becky! I've made some decisions in my life and here it goes: the bartender is an asshole but his sex is awesome (I'm talking quadruple orgasms in one sack sesh) so I really want him, but I recognize his flaws as a human-- but trust me people, I'm not hurting him, he's fucked over 200 girls & I doubt he'd think twice if I never entered his life again. And since I decided I deserve more than just great sex, I've chosen to give the nice guy a chance (and we've been working on his sex). And of course I don't want to hurt him- but we aren't exclusive, so if the bartender ever hits me up, I can't make any promises...