Have you ever lost a friend to a relationship? In the past, I have watched friends come and go after meeting a significant other. Slowly but surely, you are forgotten. Plans are dropped, calls are missed, and eventually your so-called friend is completely blowing you off. Now, as much as I resent this, I'll admit that I'm somewhat guilty of it too.
During the "honeymoon" period of a new relationship, I'm no better. I always make a sacred promise to myself, vowing to remain a loyal and dedicated friend no matter how hard I fall. However, it never seems to work out quite like that. More often than not, I find myself doing exactly what it is that I hate: giving my friends the run-around. At this stage, I'll do absolutely anything to be with my boyfriend of the moment. In the more serious relationships, I drift away and then fall into a routine. I remain distant. I disappoint the friends who have always relied on me in the past.
What do you think about this? How involved are you in your relationships? Do you neglect the other things in your life to be with that person?
Comments (21)
Honeymoon phase? Definitely... its about controlling it
When I was dating my husband, my close friends were still my close friends. I never neglected them because I was with someone. But then again, my relationship was long distance so... But then again, when I was dating someone local, it was still the same. Mm.
i stop initiating things to hang out as much
but if they ask i'll go and hang out
does that count?
I actually just wrote about this exact same thing, and submitted it to datingish. guess I wasn't cool enough.
http://chicken1672.datingish.com/704945215/losing-friends-to-sos/
I think it's pretty normal, and I think that a lot of people are guilty of it. It's also understandable. You're in the honeymoon stage and happen to think your SO is the best thing since sliced bread, it'll blow over. Just gotta try to hold onto your friendships in the meantime because they're important to you also.
I don't think I've ever really done that before. Eh..
My boyfriend is my best friend, had been for 4 years prior. So it makes sense that we hang out a lot. The reason why I don't see my other friends is that I graduated college about 6 months ago, and my best female friend is still in college, busy with 2 jobs and classes and such. My other best female friend is in hiatus from her severe bipolar disorder. And the rest is my guy friends, whom I don't see often anyway. They graduated, busy with their professional lives. And I live 5 hours away from my family so I don't see them much. So in my eyes, it boils down to scheduling conflicts or distance. I'll do something with them if they want, but I won't initiate it because they usually cancel last-minute anyway. I don't want to tolerate that anymore.
This reminds me of this blog that I wrote.
when I started dating my boyfriend... I was in a wheelchair for a week, needed crutches for a month... so he was always there helping me out. At that time, I started neglecting my friends. BUT! Afterwards... I knew that I couldn't be doing that because I needed to go and change the way I was being- and now I'm close to my friends AND my boyfriend
I'm happy this way.
I never outright neglect my friends when I'm with someone. In fact, I make it somewhat clear to the guy I'm with that my friends are highly important to me and they can't be replaced.
In the beginning.. I'm really loveydovey and all that cute stuff, but I never neglect my friends. I've had it done to me before, so I always make sure to have some days for just my girls or some days for just my guys.
i can't say that i haven't neglected my friends when i was in my honeymoon stage with my past bfs, but sometimes all you want to do is spend time with the person that the object of your affection.
Boys come and go but friends last forever - just remember that.
Oh I think that time shoudl be allowed to neglect your friends to a certain degree. It's unfair to ask them to put you first during that time....and when it happens to you, you want the same understanding.
I think its about knowing who the boss of you is. It's like school too. You have to have balance to have fun with your friends and study for those classes. I think everything in life is best with moderation. So I try to balance my time with my friends and boyfriend and other aspects in my life.
I've been guilty of this with my last ex but not with any of my other exes... weird enough, most of my friends ALSO disappear when they're in their honeymoon stage and we (the rest of the group) tend to overlook this because we've ALL done it at one point or another. But if they keep that MIA act after two or three months, we write them out because there are other ways to keep in touch than see other people; email, text, msn whatever right? lol I try to keep contacts with my close friends as much as possible because they've been with me BEFORE my any of these guys and they're like FAMILY to me. :)
I understand that people go through this but I really don't have a problem with it. I never start ditching my friends. When I make plans I stick with them, and if I have a boyfriend I dont mind inviting him along.
i used to have this problem. i handle this by going out with my friends and at the same time my bf goes out with his friends. so after that my bf and i can spend time together without feeling guilty of leaving our friends behind.
i think i share my time pretty fairly. it is somewhat long distance, and there are times when i'm like, not today guys, im up with him, or vices versa; but a LOT of the time, its stuff everyone is invited to anyway. so. w/e. everyone is usually pretty understanding, i dont think i'm a douche about it.
Well my "Honeymoon phase" was when my guy was overseas so I defiantly was with my friends a great bunch...
In most of my relationships I tend to find a good balance I would like to think. If one Friday was spent with my boyfriend, I would try to spend Saturday or the next Friday with one of my girl friends.
I lost my high school best friend to her boyfriend after I set them up on a blind date. A lot of things contributed to that. My first boyfriend had just dumped. I was nineteen and devastated. She began to blow me off for him and I became jealous and resentful. It's almost ten years later, and they just got married in December. I was not invited to the wedding. We tried to get our friendship back a number of times over the years, but it just didn't work.
i think within me and my friends, if anything like that happens, we all can jump right back in where we left kind of. so there hasn;t been a big problem, but i am guilty of it