Wednesday, 17 June 2009
-
Quit Playing Games
Have you ever been in a relationship that was just based on games? Like he won't text you unless you text first, or if you don't text him for a while, he texts you just to make sure you still care. Have you ever been in a relationship where it is just a constant mindfuck? As in he says "I love you" then a second later, he turns around and acts cold. What is this about?! Whenever I am in a relationship, I hate playing games. I like to be as honest as possible - I am talking about being honest with feelings.Yes, I know, you should be honest in all aspects in a relationship...but sometimes things happen. I am not making excuses for what I did but this is not what this blog is about. I am basically his tool; I go around and do shit for him and when there is nothing left for me to give, he will have sex with me in the "heat" of the moment then not communicate with me for the next few days. Everyone tells me I should move on and let him go and I don't deserve this kind of pain, but I feel that I am putting myself through this pain so I can earn forgiveness. I feel so stupid and used every day I am not with him, then when I am with him, I feel like I have another chance and totally forgive him for being an ass.
I really want to stop playing games - it is killing me. But I deserve it; my sister says that I must hate myself because I keep on going back to him. I have to agree with her - I don't really care that much about what happens to me or if my feelings get hurt. I know that when I get my car back on Tuesday he will call me and we will bust more missions and make more money...probably have sex...sleep...get smoked out, eat, go home and I won't see him for a few days... and REPEAT. I wish I had the strength to pull away, but I am a weak person.
I wish he would just hit me instead of mindfucking me. Like "shut up bitch I'm trying to talk", at least he would be honest then and I would hate him for hitting me. But I probably wouldn't since I would just say again that I deserve it. There is something about this guy that makes me crazy. I can't really handle it anymore. But I know that I can't stay away. So no matter what I do, I lose; i stay with him and my mind slowly goes numb and insane and I am so inane to him he wouldn't notice a difference in my behavior. I leave him and I miss him every day he is not next to me, and plead for him mentally. Do I want him to notice? Yes, of course I do. I want him to ask me what is wrong, and then cuddle me to death. This guy makes me the cuddly type, and I usually hate to cuddle.
I fucked up. I passed my expiration date of trying to get him back. One more week? Just chill on him? Yes, I will go for one more week, and then I will just be his friend. Or disappear completely and move to Canada and have a llama farm. Yay llamas.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mindyeat@xanga
- About Me: I feel like I am a stable person. I fall in lolve easily. I need to keep both my eyes and heart closed.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 4 Views: 0 3804 Comments: 0 99 View all posts by mindyeat@xanga
Comments (28)
Huh, I was just going to blog about this but you beat me to it.
MY BOYFRIEND has not kissed me willingly for days. He tells me he loves me, he pays for my meals, he's not arguing with me, but he WON'T kiss me. He won't text me back. He comes up with a billion excuses why he can't, and comes up with reasons not to call me.
Mind you, this isn't a beginning of a relationship... I've been with him about 3/4 a year and it was great nearly the whole time. I don't get it.I asked why, he said he'd tell me later in person because it's easier. Guess who won't talk to me tonight when he's off and available to come over and discuss this??
Childish.
I have a 9 month curse though. Guess what month it is??? :(
I hope you learn to love yourself, girl. 'sall I can say.
Games suck. But to be honest, I don't think it'll stop until he decides he's done with you. If you've stayed this long, you won't leave til he forces you to.
Yeah games suck but yeah you need to give yourself some credit girl and find yourself someone who appreciates you:)
You'll probably end up killing him.
Yay llamas!
This reminds me of the song, "Hot N Cold," by Katie Perry.
Before you can be with anyone, you need to love yourself. Work on your self esteem and self confidence. Never depend on anyone to make you happy. At the end of the day, you're all you've got.
Respect yourself. Love yourself. Know your self worth.
I can't say much more than that.
I was or know of this guy who would always be hot and cold with me. One day it was all good. We were happy. The next, I didn't know who he was. He would throw hurtful words at me. Curse at me. The day after that, he wanted space. The next, he missed and loved me. I left. Why? He needed help and I can't be his tested barbie whenever he felt like throwing me around. I was better than that and so are you.
I dont think we have llama farms :P
Don't ever be dependent on someone else for your happiness. Know whats good for you in life and stick to that. Find something else to focus on. Its not worth the trouble of figuring out whats going on in his head all the time.
@goofball4@xanga - I agree with what you said about being dependent on someone else for happiness.
I hope you find a good place with men who actually don't use you just for the "games". Too bad there are lots of men and women who do those things :(
I broke away from this, though it wasn't quite as self-destructive as your situation. It's very dull and I regret every second for giving it up, but I know it's healthier this way.
Please, leave. This isn't good for you. He's using you.
You deserve so much better. I promise, you will find someone out there that won't 'mindfuck' you.
However. If you stay with him, know this. I'm dating this guy, right now. I'm in love with him, he's in love with me. We dated a year ago, around the same time. It was kind of like the relationship you're describing, if not as bad. Eventually, we broke apart, and we went through a really rough time, trying to be friends, dating other people, and such. You can't rely on someone so much. He was my lifeline, and I was his, during the first relationship. It screwed us both up.
You have to learn to stand on your own, before you should be with anyone else. Because, in the end, it will just hurt more than it ever should.
i think you just need to learn to love yourself first... i don't know what you did in the past, but most likely you don't deserve what you're putting yourself through
I know how you feel. I've been there a couple of times myself, but thankfully I got myself out of it.
For one thing, you need to learn how to value yourself and not depend on others for happiness. Leave the relationship and focus on yourself for a while. I'm sure that somewhere down the line, you'll meet someone who won't hurt you and play mind games.
Best of luck. :)
Get some counseling. Seriously. You have codependent issues ... and you know what? NO ONE is "good," no one "deserves" to have a good life. So maybe you DO "deserve" to have this guy "mindfuck" you. BUT SO WHAT? No one deserves anything. But the point I am trying to make is this: even if you don't "deserve" it, it DOES NOT MATTER, and you need to GET OUT of that abusive relationship, and GET INTO a better life. With your ways of thinking I truly believe you can only fix this with counseling, and honestly a move might not hurt either (but keep in mind, your baggage will follow you wherever you go - moving won't take away your mentality.) Go get some help, get healthier, and THEN you will find a healthier person to be with. Like attracts like - and you're attracting scum, so go out and learn how to be a better person. IT CAN BE DONE (I'm living proof.) Go out ... stop crying about it ... and do it. You can ... now choose to.
If you feel like you can't leave him maybe instead of focusing on that and all the bad things you are thinking, especially about yourself, you could instead seek help from a therapist to work on you. I was with a guy like that for 6 years on and off. It started in 7th grade so I of course was very deep into it and it took quite a lot for me to get out of it and realize that it wasn't my fault and that I was worth more. I'm entering my senior year of college as a psych major and sometimes I can't help but wonder how I was so "stupid" to stay with him, but when you're in the moment things are so much different then when you look back. So just try to focus on you and whats best for you.
Before you get your car back and start driving to him, you might want to pick up some self-esteem along the way, then make a U-turn and go back home.
I'm tired of hearing people say they're "weak" and then don't do a single thing about it, and continue to let themselves be emotionally hurt, abused, etc. You're absolutely right in that you deserve what you're getting., First off, you're grown enough to be in a relationship; second, because you're grown you have a will of your own; and third, you're completely aware of what's going on and deliberately make the same mistakes over and over. Don't you think it's a waste of time?
You need to regain your independence. I've seen so many girls who throw themselves entirely into a relationship to the point where they are no longer the "girlfriend" but rather the "slave"... and it seems you're heading down the same path. Please, have some dignity. Whatever you did, you do NOT deserve this... for there is no justified reason for a person to be constantly thrown around as he does with you. For if you haven't noticed, he's treating you more as an object rather than an individual, adamant and unintelligent rather than live and emotional.
Find someone who'll treat you with respect regardless of whatever mistakes you make.
Or rather, more simply, find someone who will LOVE you... because this is definitely not it.
i know what you mean. it sucks but you don't have to play those kind of games with him if you don't want to. my perception of men like that is that they're either just immature or they've been hurt before and they just don't want to get hurt again.
This is pretty intense. Sometimes, you think you'll go crazy without someone and that you need them. I used to think like that about someone. Then I had enough of all of the little games and fights we had. So I broke up with him, blocked all contact for a month, then I realized I had just told myself I needed him.
It's a mind thing. The only thing we need is to be able to take care of ourselves. You need to learn to love yourself in order to get the right kind of love from someone. You deserve better. You deserve to love yourself. There is someone out there who will love you, every day, not just when he wants something. He will be there through everything. He will cuddle you when you're sad. He'll rub your back when you cry.
Don't get stuck with some dead end. You seriously don't need him. You need yourself.
Unfortunately, the more you come back to him, the more you affirm him that his game works. And maybe his game does actually work. If you stay away from him for a long time, you'll get over him. Don't even bother being his friend.
What I have right now is a complete mindfuck. We're not even together, but he always says we will be but he never calls/texts/talks to me unless someone else invites me to his house. He actually asked me to come over this week but all his friends were there and we didn't really hang out.
I'm going to have to wait after my birthday to see how this works out. These two and a half weeks are going to fucking kill me.
Btw, stop being "weak". You can very well stop these games.
You said yourself that he makes you unhappy - that in itself is enough reason to get out. I think you know you have to get rid of this guy, but it will take support from your friends and family for you to do it.
Even if you're not officially "with" this guy, it's still a breakup in your head and those can be really hard. I had a really hard time breaking up with my ex, and I cried myself to sleep every night for 2 weeks but it had to be done and the best thing is, it gets better with time. Even if you go back to him eventually (which is what I did - then broke up with him again 2 weeks later) you will gain the strength to leave him for good eventually.
You deserve someone who makes you feel on top of the world and if he's not going to do that then he doesn't deserve a wonderful girl like you.
I know how you feel.
Yay llamas.
omg girl.
thats horrible! you cant allow yourself to be treated like that.
you cheated... so what? your bf isn't perfect either, so why are you the one punishing yourself for your mistakes? i cheated to on a boy i really care a lot about, more than once. so i understand where you're coming from. and he was angry for a while and needed his space and all that, which is understandable.
but if had he started treating me like crap after that... no way would I want to be in that relationship!
end it. maybe try being single for a while, or maybe if you find someone focus on being FAITHFUL in that relationship. and maybe sometime later on this guy will forgive you and you'll know how to be faithful, and things will be okay.