Wednesday, 17 June 2009
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I'm The Other Woman
As I was sitting here tonight listening to him beg me to get out of the house and come see him, I decided to let my story out. I am seeing a married man and have been, off-and-on, for almost three years now. It's a long, complicated story, so I will use this first entry to start from the beginning. I know plenty of you will look down on me for this, and I'm sure I'll get a lot of negative feedback, but I am honestly not a bad person. I just fell in love with the wrong man.I was a young and naive seventeen-year-old when I met him, and he was twenty-four. He was a police officer here in our town, but I'd never met him until then. He was rapping with a guy (yes, he was a white rapping cop...what a combination! lol) that I had gone to high school with and they sent me a friend request from their music page on MySpace. I added it and started getting messages asking me to come to their CD release party. I thought it was just the guy I knew from school sending the messages, so I agreed to go. I was working at a fast food restaurant at the time and he, let's call him "Mike," came in while he was on duty the day of the CD release party and asked me if I was coming. When I looked at him with an odd look on my face, he told me that he had been the one sending me the messages asking me to come, not the guy I had thought it was.
I knew a few people who were going to the party and a friend of mine agreed to go with me so, sure enough, I went. The whole time we were there, Mike was standing around where I was and was talking to me. My friend kept telling me that she thought he was interested in me from the way he acted, but I just figured he was out of my league. When I got home that night, he sent me and IM on MySpace basically telling me that he was interested in me. We exchanged numbers and he ended up calling me the next day while he was at work. He asked me to ride out to the park and talk to him so I did.
It wasn't long after that 'til I was going to town just about every night when he was at work and seeing him and we were constantly texting each other. I never had any clue that he wasn't single until a couple of other people started telling me he had a girlfriend. By the time I found out he was living with another girl, I had already fallen for him...big time.
I know I should've stopped seeing him when I found out he was living with her, but by that point I was already pretty much in love with him. I know it would've been best for me to just let him go, but I didn't want to deal with the pain...even though I'm still dealing with it knowing that he's spending the majority of his time with her. I later found out that he was marrying her, but I still didn't want to let him go. There were several different times that we went for a while where we didn't talk to or see each other, but it never fails...we always end up together again.
I'm almost twenty-one years old now...he's twenty-seven. He's married, but he stills gets out and stays out the majority of the night seeing me. I saw him twice last week. He's called me six times tonight, wanting me to come see him, but I couldn't get out of the house because I'm watching my little sister. He was even willing to show up at my house which is unusual for him.
I'm in love with him...I can't help it. I know it's a terrible situation to be living in, but I don't want to let go. -sigh- I'm too weak for my own good.
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About the Author
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- From: ShesGotYou@xanga
- Name: ShesGotYou
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Comments (59)
Awwwww, that's a sad situation. This kinda made me cry a little, although I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to help you with. I guess just look at this and decide how awesome it would be if your husband cheated on you. If you married this guy, I'd be aware of that. If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.
If you are interested in a future with someone, this isn't the guy.
If you're happy with just being in love, then you weigh your options.
You HAVE to be real with yourself. Leave him. He's just using you. Do you want him to be in control of you? No. LEAVE HIM NOW. Seriously. Your life is not going to get any better if you're going to be attatched to him- and he has a wife!
What would you feel if you were the wife and HE was secretly sneaking out seeing another girl? He's not for you. He doesn't deserve being with his wife either, unless going out with other girls is fine with her.
Don't think about you now. Think about his wife. Yes, his wife.
She's being lied to and used by him. Actually, both of you are. But you know ahead of time. That should tell you something.
If he really liked, cared, loved you.. he would be with you and not her.
What kind of love is this?
You've fallen hard for him but have you lost your self respect? Your dignity? Dreading it will only hurt you more in the long run and it will be harder to let go. End it now. It'll hurt but in time, it'll heal and you'll thank yourself for it.
It's sad that both of you have to sneak around behind everyone's back to be with each other. Don't you want to be with someone who you can show off with pride and glory amongst your families and friends then hide in this shit hole?
But then again, you chose it when you already know what to do. Karma is a bitch, honey. Sometimes the hardest thing is to do the right thing but someone's gotta do it, right? I hope so, in this case, anyways.
Well, are you happy?
If you are, then fine. Personally, I would take in consideration his wife's feelings and leave for her sake... but you don't actually have to do that. It would be nicer, yes. However, you aren't obligated to do it. So if you're happy, then...as I said, fine.
If you're not happy, leave ASAP because I doubt that the situation will change for the better anytime soon. You're 21. Stop wasting your time. It's one thing to love him, but I hope you love yourself too. To me, it seems as if he loves her more than you. He married her after all. He's with her most of the time too (or so you said). Are you really happy with that? Once again, if the answer is no... leave.
How would you feel if you were his wife and had no idea what was going on? Don't you think she's going to be devastated if she finds out? How much worse do you think she'll feel if she knew that you knew?
There's no future with him. He was with you before he was married, yet got married anyway. Don't you think if he loved you, he'd have married you instead?
Let him go. Stop allowing him to hurt his wife with you.
"Too weak for my own good" is exactly right. I've been in a semi-relationship with a married man (thought they were getting divorced because she was cheating on him, but I guess HE was too weak for his own good as well) before, and all I can say is that it drags you down and it's hard to get rid of it, but it's better when it's over. You can't have him. He's proven that to you. He's just keeping his foot in the door because he has his cake and eats it too...
It doesn't matter what other people say about you--you're not going to listen and continue to see him, aren't you? You are, after all, too weak for your own good.
But as the others said, DO think about how his wife must feel, or how she's going to feel when she finds out her husband has been cheating on her. If you think you'd hurt badly from losing him, think how much pain she would be going through.
leave, you can do it. sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
Duse he straight up lied to you, never telling you he had another women. He obviously values her more to a certain extent if he is MARRYING her.
jeezshoua@xanga- agree wholeheartedly.
This guy is NOT the guy for you. This guy sounds like a major douche bag... why in the WORLD would you continue seeing him? I know you're in love... but no matter what happens this situation will not end up being a good one. Get out now please!
Oh wow. I'm sorry for all the...yelling and preaching. I've been in a situation like this, only shorter time period, and they weren't married. I know it sucks, a lot. I ended up just staying friends with the person. I couldn't just leave completely, never to speak again, but the guilt was KILLING me. Hopefully you can find a happy medium. Or at least the lesser of two evils...whichever you decide that is...with him, or without him. And honestly, he is more in the wrong than you are. This isn't your fault, don't blame yourself.
I really hope this doesn't end too horribly for you. I'll be thinking of you.
Yeah do yourself a favor take a few pictures and then send him to his wife.
All you people that thinks that is mean trust me, she should know. Speaking from experience.
I am not saying this so that you can break them up and have him for yourself, I am saying it because it is the right thing to do. This guy is a fucking douche and no self respecting woman should want to be with him.
If you cannot send her pictures I hope she goes on Xanga and reads your post and figures out that her husband is the "white, rapping, cheating cop". And what does that tell you about his job? You think a man who cheats and lies to his wife would make a good cop?
it's not about you being weak, it's about you continuing to mess up someone else's marriage and someone else's life. sure, you feel like your life is messed up too, but imagine how SHE'D feel?? she doesn't even know the full story. it goes beyond weak. it's just plain selfish.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. That's an awful thing that before you knew he wasn't single you had fallen for him. I can see how that would be a difficult thing to escape. But dear, you deserve better than this. He may see you, he may have called you six times one night, but you don't have him. He doesn't go to bed with you every night, and he doesn't go to bed thinking of you. He may be your last thought as you go to sleep, but you aren't his. I know that is harsh, and I know you are in love, but you deserve to be in love with someone who loves you back, who thinks of you and only you when they wake up in the morning and when they fall asleep at night. You deserve someone who will be there when you're crying and who will be there to share your most accomplished moments. You aren't going to get this from him. He isn't there for you, even if you think he is. You are worth having a whole person, someone who thinks of you and only you. You deserve better and you deserve to be better!
Do you not think you deserve better than that?
Everyone else needs to remember that HE is the one messing up his marriage, NOT you! I just wrote about this very topic. http://whisperitloudly.xanga.com/704630258/cheating---the-other-woman/ . {{hugs}}
@jeezshoua@xanga - exactly. If he lies to his wife and breaks the vows he said to her, why do you think you'll be any different? Love does not seek to satisfy itself, but to meet the needs of the one who is loved. The only person this guy loves is himself.
I know it's hard, because it's not your fault you're in love with him, but you have to leave. It may be the most difficult thing you'll ever have to do, but I know you are strong enough to do it.
You say you aren't a bad person, and overall you may not be, but in this situation you are! I don't know you, so can't judge anything about you but what you say here, but the fact that you are involved with a married man is wrong! If you have any self-respect you would leave him alone until he leaves his wife, and since it has been 3 years that probably won't happen. You should think about what you (and him) are doing to his wife (and kids if he has any).
I have been cheated on in the past, and been approached by others to cheat and honestly thought about because I was unhappy, but I don't want to be that person.
For all of your life, you will always be a cheater, even though you were the other woman, as sad as your situation is, it's hard for most people to have sympathy for you, and many, if not all woman will not ever trust you, or not fully trust you around their men.
You should have stopped seeing him the MOMENT you found out you were the other woman, even though you are in love with him, and if you always knew, that's worse.
hey does anyone have a gun? this girl needs to be shot. what was the point of this post?
@atmaster@xanga - the point is.. you're gay.
in all honesty.. circumstances suck. people can point fingers and blame you.. but it really isn't your fault. if you love him, you love him. but you're just going to have to find someone else.. and move on.. do things to get your mind off of him. it's never going to work.. and IF it came down to it.. and he left his wife for you, do you think he'll stay faithful to you? i don't believe in those bs sayings 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.. people can change.. however, it doesn't seem like he would. better to hurt now than later. move on.
I just have one curious question:
Were you invited to their wedding?
Other than that, I have no advice though I doubt you'll take any *sigh*
@jeezshoua@xanga - I agree 100%.
@jeezshoua@xanga - I second this.