Miss GorillaIt is no secret that finding a decent roommate in Manhattan is risky business. As for mine, I'd like to think that I lucked out. We have created the perfect little home on the Upper East Side, complete with our cat Wendy providing hours of entertainment.
However, despite how happy I am living with my best friend, my boyfriend and I recently reached a point where we thought it might be a good idea to move in together. He is nearly five years older than me, and has no qualms whatsoever about us not being ready. However, although I do think that we'd get along well and maintain a relatively comfortable lifestyle, I also worry that maybe I'm just not at the right stage in my life to make such a big decision. I debated this topic with myself for hours, even looking around a bit and talking to my parents to get their oh so wise insight.
Most of the people in my life thought that after only a year of being together, it was way too soon to take such a big step. I took this into consideration and resigned my current lease for another twelve months with my friend.
Now my boyfriend and I are continuing our normal routine of late nights and sleepovers, but how long before this isn't financially or emotionally practical anymore? How do you know when it is a good time to take the plunge and become roomies?
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Comments (38)
When you decide to, duh. It's your decision.
I'm about to move in with my boyfriend after only a little over a month.
If you can get along well enough, why not?
Some people say it's a bad idea to do it ever but it's different for everyone. I'd say if you feel comfortable enough with it, it's fine. But as much as you care for him and trust him, be guarded about your finances. If the relationship goes south, that's where you suffer for co-habitating.
@CarlyMarx@xanga - I can't believe for a second that that will end well. But that's just my two cents.
Only you can know that for sure. Sounds like you weren't exactly ready to move in with him just yet, which is fine. When you're ready, completely, you'll know.
my bf and i moved in together after 3 months.
we're both at a stage in our lives where we know that this feels right.
Personally, I wouldn't move in with somebody unless I was engaged to them or knew that we definitely wanted to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. I wouldn't want to invest that much time, money and energy into a relationship that might not actually go anywhere. I also wouldn't want to live with a guy, be miserable but feel obligated to marry him because we've been living together for five years and have combined assets, etc.
I also wouldn't move in with somebody unless we had dated for at least two or three years. I don't know, it's just not a commitment that I take lightly.
LOL, my ex is living with his girlfriend right now and he's only been with her for like 3 or 4 months, not even half a year.
i would wait at least 2yrs or so before moving in together and knowing there's a solid future. if you move in together too early in the relationship, it's just a disaster waiting to happen only because you are still getting to know one another and it can either make the relationship great or break up the relationship.
I'm curious about this too, although I have a lease that goes until next May so it won't be happening any time soon, by then we'll have been together by almost a year and a half, and I wonder if it'll be the right time, but I guess it's not something I have to worry about yet. I just don't really know what time frame is normal, but at the same time I figure we'll both know when it's right.
This is your choice, so if you feel as though both of you are actually ready for this- then do it! I know I wouldn't do it just because my mom has wisely told me that you really don't get to "know" more of a guy unless you've been dating him for 2 years (minus the sex, of course :-9). <- Of course, that's not "necesarily true eitther, but I believe it's a good guideline
DO it quickly before break up ....
If you want marriage then I would never live with them prior to getting married, however if you don't care, go for it!
I think about a year is reasonable, but it's really up to you and your comfort zone. If you're at all uncomfortable, move in with him temporarily and keep your lease up on your own place in case you need an out. You're already paying rent there so it doesn't cost you anything extra, and if it doesn't work then it's easy for you to go back to. You can keep it up until you feel sure that moving in together will work.
I think 2 years sounds about right... Though if circumstances were different or pressing, maybe after about a year... Definitely not less than that. Any less than a year, and you still risk being in that very honeymoon-ish stage where you never disagree about anything... You have to be comfortable enough with each other to talk about things you don't agree on, or things that bug you, without making a huge deal about it. Basically, you have to learn to argue with your SO effectively (not as in always win, as in arguing without blowing up into a fight) before you can move in together.
Only you can know for sure. But you shouldn't move in together if you know for a fact he's not THE ONE. Breaking up and moving out is a bytch!
man i wish i could move in with the person i love <3
There is no such thing as knowing each other long enough or not long enough. You do it when you feel it is the right time. Just like you don't need to wait at least two years of knowing one another to get engaged or married. I moved in with my husband just a little over two months after I met him, married him just six months after I met him and there has never been a question in my mind or his that what we did was rushing it. In fact, we felt like waiting was just a waste of time since we felt so strongly about each other and felt like being together was so right. Waiting another year or two or five would just be that: waiting. I dated someone for nearly 4 years and it never felt right. So, there is no standard right amount of time.
Me and my girlfriend moved in together as friends needing a roommate, then a couple weeks later it became a relationship. We have been together ever since and are still happy. So it depends on the people there is no written "waiting period" in which you have to follow, just follow your heart.
we were friends/coworkers for only a couple months before the move in.
my bf and i moved in together after 6 months. it just felt right. nobody else can tell you that feeling but yourself. we have been living together almost a yr and everything seems to be going just fine. you will know when you are ready.
I would say when you feel ready. When I first started seeing my husband (over five years ago) he basically started moving in within the first week. It was a slow kind of process that was finished by the end of our first year together. It was very subtle and happened without either of us really acknowledging the fact that it was happening or that he was doing it.
One random day, we both kind of realized that he had a key, that most of his crap had found its way into my closet and dresser, and he hadn't slept, ate, or showered at his place in well over two months.
yes, when you both feel you guys are ready for it is a good way to decide, but i think literal time does play an important part. i'd say a year at least of dating before moving in w/someone, but that's just me.
All depends on you two. My SO and I have lived together twice now; first time was about 6 months into the relationship for about 8 months, the second was from 20 months and is the current arrangement. Some people do better living together, others get overwhelmed and end up needing space. Only you two can know when its right for your relationship to take that next step.
My boyfriend and I moved in together after five months of dating. We thought that it was an important part of our "relationship". We personally feel that unless you live with someone and see them at their best and their worst, you don't really know who they truly are. We never really argued before we moved in but when we did and we saw the "little habits" that we each have, we realized that, you really do have to work at a relationship in order for it to be successful. We have been together two years since moving in and we are happy, fine and quite honestly, although the initial plunge is shocking, you do get used to it fairly quickly and it is nice to know that when you are both home at night...you're home.
don't do it, keep your space - you'll last longer
hahahaha financial practicality.