Recently I broke up with a guy who basically swept me off my feet. I do not want to get into too many details, but the breakup was not pretty. We both cried together and then attempted the "friendship" route. It isn't working out so well!
He has turned into an absolute jerk in many areas. A few days back he got a new girlfriend. I knew, but I decided to ask him anyways and see if he would tell me. He wouldn't answer. Instead, he danced around the subject and said I was "all up in his business" and that I could "think whatever I wanted to think," that I was "just paranoid". The next morning, at seven a.m., he texted me to tell me that he does indeed have a new girl!
I wasn't ready for that, since we broke up only two weeks ago, so I told him that I needed to cut ties for a while. I need space to heal! But he immediately got defensive and said he was just going to delete me from everything and we'd never talk again, period.
Apparently I was supposed to go running after him. Instead I told him I'd just delete him too.
Ten minutes later, he was begging me to stay and saying he would never find another friend like me. He should have thought of that when he broke up with me! But of course I tried to stay. We had a fight later on that same day and he told me I was more important than his girlfriend, and all sorts of other things like that. It tore me up to hear because once more, I have to wonder,
if I am all these things then why did you leave me?So we got past that and were okay for two days, and then out of nowhere last night, he called me up to ask me if I was talking to his best friend. I replied yes, that we were talking on messenger and that I was asking about his camping trip. He informed me that he felt like there was something going on between me and his best friend.
THEN when I got mad, he told me to "watch my tone" and tries to say that he wasn't making any accusations. Well, that sounds like one to me!
He got on some tirade after that where he was, like, "I don't know why we even try to get along. You'll find another savior to make you feel like you're worth something" and just kept going on, acting like he was going to cut ties again. And the only thing I could think of is how I graduated high school two years ago and I left this sort of crap there when I did. HE dumped ME, yet HE still gets jealous if someone hits on me. HE still says that sort of crap. And I'm pretty sure HE will try to save our "friendship" again this time, not me, because I'm tired of it. I did absolutely nothing wrong tonight. I am STILL not sure why he exploded on me the way he did.
So here it is, guys. When is enough enough?
Comments (43)
Just let it go. There's no sense in hanging on hoping something will change. It won't. He'll probably tell you how important you are and that he still loves you, etc etc. But it's not worth it. I don't know why people do that, anyway. It's like it's a way to make you hold on to them. They want you, but they don't all at the same time.
As hard as it may be to do - cut it off. Maybe in a few months when feelings fade ya'll can be friends again.
Whatever you and your ex have right now doesn't sound very healthy to me. He seems a little insecure and unstable. Maybe he broke up with you because he was afraid, due to his insecurity, that you were going to beat him to the punch. I don't know. You never really said why you guys broke up. In any case, I think you deserve better than to be treated this way. Either give each other some space or cut off all ties altogether. Preferably, the latter. That's just my two cents. Good luck.
He's probably not over you and you're not over him
Give each other some time..I've seen this happen to couples more times than I can count, and even with me once or twice. For the first few months after two people break-up, they're relationship is like 2 squirrels in a laundry machine...They try to reach out for each other but things get screwy, they hit heads and get separated over and over again...in the end they both come out feeling beat up.
Honestly, I'd say the best thing to do for both of you would be to mutually cut off ties with one another for 6 months or so and try to be friends again when your emotions have calmed down.
It's time to move on and skip the drama. Good Luck!
i am actually going through the same thing at the moment. So i know how it goes. You just got to cut ties and move on and later down the road be friends but right away you need time to heal. That is what i am working on right now is the healing process cause i was engaged and he broke up with me, told me he didnt want to be with anyone right now and wanted to live alone and get his life straightened out but two days after we broke up he told me there was someone else he has been seeing and hanging out with for a few weeks.
This guy's a dick.
Funny thing is.. as I read this it is like I am reading something in my own life!
My ex and I were together for 3 glorious (and not so glorious) years. He decided he didn't want what I had to offer, that he wanted something more.
We tried the friends thing, but didn't work out to good.
I recently found out that he started to see someone (and yes it hurts) but all the time he would still talk to me.
I started to talk to his best friend (and it was just talking). My ex flipped out (on both me and his best friend). Basically it's like he doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. Needless to say he started to accuse me of "sleeping" with his best friend (and no I haven't).
Finally I just realized that enough was enough. How come he was allowed to "move on" with his life and I was stuck just staring after him? So I cut all ties. I changed my number, deleted my accounts that he knew about. I have to say it was beautiful.
Sure, it hurts the first couple of days, but in the end you will appreciate it.
and I still talk to his best friend, currently talking (not trying for anything more) but some part of me thinks that he wants something more (and a part of me wants it too).
I don't know if I will ever be friends with my ex, but all I know is now I am in a much better place.
(long story really short : CUT ALL TIES)
when u start describing him like that
you already know you gota let go
don't cut all ties. noone's worthy of me or you having to go through all the effort to delete all our accounts that we've made to connect with our other friends.
but while I say don't cut all ties, you also need to learn to move on at the same time. be mean to him and be ready to dispose of him anytime. play on the fact that he obviously still kind of has a thing for you (hello the whole begging you to stay part).
basically, don't talk to him unless he approaches you, and when you do, do it with minimal enthusiasm. move on with your own life, its fine to date whoever you want, but it's also fine to stay single and heal. whichever way, just show him what he's missed out on, and when he realises and wants to get back with you, you can decide what you want to do from there.
i was in this situation before, my bf broke up with me but he got mad when i went out with another guy. we both were not over each other yet actually. we texted angry messages, i did that coz i just wanted to stay in contact with him even though we needed to fight, and then kept quite for 2 weeks. after that we realized how much we missed each other and we got back together again. that was months ago, we're still together now, happier than ever. so maybe, if u still love him, ask him whether he still love you and if both of u still love each other, try to get back together and start from new. after all he did mention u're more important than his current gf. talk with him face to face and ask him if he still loves u. try to avoid texting.
i dont know bout u but i cant be just friends with my bf. i just cant see him in front of me with another girl on his lap. its like, stay together or avoid each other. but thats me.
U guys still have feelings for each other and right now the best thing to do is just get away from each other. the breakup is still fresh and trying to be friends right now isnt going to work, Some can do it but most cant and to me it seems like you guys cant handle being friends. For me if i was in this situation i think i would be so pissed off that he got someone so fast i would just cut ties with him and let him know it nicely that way he wont think im being rude in any kind of way.
Either he already had this girl for awhile or he moved on quick to try and get over u because he was so hurt because of the breakup, even tho he did the break up it doesnt mean he isnt hurt about it, sorry u have to go thru all of this. i wish u the best of luck with everything =)
this already sounds more than enough!
It was enough the very first moment he started acting like a jerk. No matter what, there's no excuse for acting like a jerk - which he is doing. He broke up with you, whomever hits on you is no longer his business. If you get a boyfriend, it would not be his business. He has no right whatsoever to throw a girly hissy fit when a guy hits on you, considering he's got a new girlfriend entirely.
Enough is enough right about now, ten times over.
Kick that douchebag to the curb. He overstepped his boundary when he decided to be a jerk the first time. He's insecure and wants to make sure that he's better off than you are, not the other way around.
Seriously, it sounds like it's enough already. Just cut the ties and move on.
Sweetie, I think his "girlfriend" is really the key to move on. Maybe he doesn't feel anything with her as he claims ~ but I think a guy's action speaks louder than his words. If he loves you, he won't leave you and he would be by your side. He left the person he love for someone he likes. It's stupid but it happens. I think he is clinging on to you because he doesn't want to lose you in terms of him always having you back then when you are in a relationship. In harsh words, he wants you to be that back up girl that if his new girlfriend and you don't work out, he can always come back to you and he thinks you will welcome him with open arms.
I'm honestly not a relationship expert... I'm just an imperfect person who is going through the exact same thing as you. Yeah, it hurts very much knowing that he could being so happy with his new girlfriend. He left me and in less than 24 hours - he is with a new girl. He called me and told me that he loves me. He keeps saying that his girlfriend won't know and he doesn't want to hurt her by breaking up with her. It's all bs... If the guy loves you then he will not hurt you. I know my guy for nearly 5 years but we dated recently. I know that he can always come to me when he has problems and he is very open with me. But... I'm choosing to be selfish right now. I don't want to be unhappy. I don't want to be hurt again. So the route I chose was pretty extreme - I cut ties with him. I deeply care for him but I rather him not know so that he can be more faithful to his new girlfriend. And honestly... I will still say I love him. Think about yourself sweetie... be selfish for yourself. Held your head up high... you're better than this. You're a beautiful soul that deserves someone who doesn't just SAY he loves you but SHOW you. Good luck with everything and I will keep you in my prayers tonight...
sounds like the kid needs to grow up.
Enough is enough. Sounds like he wants to have a thumb in both pies. He wants to see other people, but doesn't want you to. That's dumb. Don't let him dictate anything in your life.
He ended things with you and that's something he can't undo; he can't have it both ways! Cut ties, man, cut ties.
@testubebaby@xanga - that would be my plan of attack as well.
Stop talking to him, and do what you planned to do. Just try to move on.
You sound exactly like my friend. He treats her like shit and she broke up with him as a result. Yet, he always hounds her to get back together with him and gets extremely angry whenever she tries to move on with her life. She's learned that he won't settle for "just friends", but that doesn't stop her from trying to be just friends with him. That situation is a real mess, but yours sounds TOO damn similar to my friend's.
Okay babe, having watched this same shit unfold, here's the real skinny:
A: There was no new girlfriend. If there is, he wouldn't have much of a problem telling you who she is at the least, especially if you're just friends. If he's not telling you, it's somebody close to you, or there is nobody there and it's a ploy to make you jealous or to hurt you in a way that makes you nostalgic for him. It seemed to work when you got hurt and was being very inquisitive about who the new girlfriend is.
B: His plan fell apart though and this ploy becomes obvious right into plain-view when you agreed to move on and sever ties with him. Notice how he runs right back to you whenever you attempt to cut off ties with him. He blatantly acknowledges that he'll never find anybody like you out of hopes that the two of you will make amends. has this girlfriend of his ever come up again? Has the girlfriend said anything about this at all? And why is it that you never get to meet this girlfriend? If you are as done with him as it sounds like, then you should have no problems meeting her. It sounds like you two weren't going to be making it out as friends, so he wants to take another shot at being a lover.
C: You were talking to his best friend. Ok, that does sound like it would have some ideals and thoughts...IF YOU TWO WERE LOVERS! But, as you two are clearly not dating, he is A: Free game and B: your friend as well as his who you have the right to talk to. Him speaking out at you the way he did sounds like a betrayed lover. Friends don't usually care about who a friend speaks to (unless the guy or girl is clearly bad news), so for him to lash out at you like that sounds like a jealous boyfriend. Don't fall victim to reverse-emotional abuse, a case in which you get played as the villain and him the innocent. He's wrong and you both know it.
This question really becomes: "Will I let my nostalgia and my fond memories of him cloud my better judgment?" The sad thing is, yes, you will. Most people who learn from their history learn that it repeats itself. People in love or those who don't get it after the second time it's happened will have to learn the hard way by getting hurt again, even after we all advise you. You probably will end up running back to him again and again because you both have been friends and lovers for some time. I've seen women run back to guys who don't deserve them because "We know things about each other." or "He's not always like this" or "He explained it to me and I was the one being wrong" or "He didn't mean to do that" or "There are two sides to every story" or "We had sex and we can trust each other on those levels". Yeah, look, regardless of the past, right is right and wrong is wrong. If this shit is going to keep up, you may have to sever ties with him completely or risk watching him fuck up your future relationships.
Opinion: Take some time off to cool the emotional flow. If shit like this persists, get rid of him, friend and all. It's not worth it to you to get your shit hurt and wrecked for some jerk-off. Study reverse-emotional abuse and you'll understand what I mean.
He's being a doucebag. Let him go...it's getting pretty toxic.
a quote from a wise one:
"I’ve never understood the reasoning for someone to “move on” from a relationship. It’s not like you are really going to “move on”, you are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that person every second of every minute of everyday until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see that person again, with someone who isn’t you, and then you have to remind yourself again."
accept it, but also use your brain. he's a jerk, you deserve better. end of story.